


Long Lost

by CanineKitten



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Disregards chapter 700, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time Bottoming, M/M, Post-Canon, Romance, SasuNaru - Freeform, Slow Build, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-08 04:42:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 90,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5483852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanineKitten/pseuds/CanineKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Sasuke wanted Naruto to catch the drift for once and leave him alone, but instead he leaned closer. Maybe Sasuke should have caught on when he saw the determination in Naruto's eyes. Maybe he should have realized that Naruto was about to do something stupid. But he didn’t. So when Naruto kissed him, he was too shocked to even be indignant.”</p><p>In which Naruto and Sasuke skirt around their feelings for each other until they run out of excuses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Old Stone

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter starts right in the middle of a NaruHina scene, but bear with me: it’s there for a reason.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

'Is it too late to come on home

Are all those bridges now old stone

Is it too late to come on home

Can the city forgive, I hear its sad song'

 

_‘Long and lost’_ by Florence + the machine

 

* * *

 

 

Their first time together was a disaster.

Naruto had not been prepared for the lack of desire he felt when he climbed into bed with her. He could kiss her and hold her, run his hands over her skin, over her curved hips, her slim waist…

But he couldn’t… He couldn’t muster up anything beyond that.

She felt so foreign, despite the fact that they had dated for five months. He had held her more times than he could count, and he had felt deep affection for her. He’d kissed her lips and her cheeks and her forehead, and her cute, little nose. He’d ran his fingers through her long, smooth hair and enjoyed the scent of it as it slipped over his fingers. He’d thought he loved her. He did love her, in a sense.

But now that he was hovering over her, looking down at her lightly flushed face and long, lowered lashes, he couldn’t go further. To put it plainly: he couldn’t get it up. He had no idea how to tell her. He didn’t want her to feel undesired, because she was so beautiful. It was his stupid body that didn’t get that. It didn’t get it at all.

“N-Naruto kun?” She whispered, reverting back to using suffixes in her nervousness.

He lowered his head because he wasn’t sure he could look her into the eyes while saying this.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Hinata,” he said. “I don’t know what’s going on with me, it’s… it’s not you, because you’re beautiful and nothing is wrong with you, it’s just… I don’t even know what it is… I don’t know what is going on. I must be defect or something.”

He scooted away from her so that he was no longer leaning awkwardly over her. She wrapped the sheet tightly around herself, hiding her body. He could see that he had hurt her terribly.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, and cradled her face in his hands.

She tried to avoid eye contact. Her cheeks were deep pink, and her eyelashes were wet with unshed tears.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Naruto whispered. “But I didn’t want to pretend either. It’s my fault Hinata. Do you understand that? It’s not you. You could probably have any normal guy out there if you wanted. But I’m not… normal. There’s something wrong with me. I’m so sorry, Hinata. It’s my fault.”

Hinata shook her head and tried to wriggle out of his grip.

“Please, Naruto,” she whispered. “Just… leave.”

 

\-----

 

“You better have a good explanation!”

Sakura was seething and Naruto had no idea why.

“Wait, Sakura…!” He dodged a blow from her dangerously strong fist. “Wait, hold it! What have I done?”

“You don’t even know that!?” If possible, she was getting even angrier. “I had lunch with Hinata today, and suddenly she just started crying into her soup! You have some explaining to do!”

Naruto froze and consequently didn’t dodge the incoming blow. He was hurdled across the street and crashed into a brick wall. Sakura strode over to him and lifted him up by the collar of his shirt.

“I know you can be stupid at times, but there has to be some limits to your stupidity.”

Naruto wasn’t even reacting when she shook him. Sakura seemed to understand that something was not right. She put him back on the ground, and he swayed slightly when she let go of him.

“So?” She inquired. “What did you do?”

“That’s none of your business, Sakura.”

“… Excuse me?!”

“It’s between me an Hinata,” he said, and walked away.

Sakura didn’t come after him.

 

Ten days later it became official: Naruto and Hinata were no longer dating.

 

\------

 

_A year later_

 

“Hey, Sai!”

Sai stopped in the middle of the street and waited for Naruto to catch up with him.

“Hello, Naruto-kun.”

“Have you seen Sakura?” Naruto asked.

“She’s with Sasuke.”

“… Sasuke?”

“Yes… She ran over to his place the same second she heard he was back.”

“He’s _back_?!”

“I’m surprised you didn’t know, Naruto-kun. I thought you two were close.”

He looked so innocent while saying it that Naruto wasn’t sure if he was being ironic or not.

“How long have you known this?”

“Since this morning.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Naruto had leaned forward, pressing his face close to Sai’s. Sai didn’t even flinch.

“I thought you knew.”

Naruto huffed. “Okay, where is he, then?”

“How should I know, Naruto-kun?”

Naruto resisted the urge to facepalm. “Okay, I’ll see you Sai."

He was off before Sai had the time to answer.

He barged into Kakashi’s office without the faintest warning. Kakashi just kept reading his book as though nothing had happened.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I’m a little busy here, Naruto, so I’d appreciate it if you could wait outside.”

“You didn’t tell me Sasuke was back!”

“I’m not obligated to do so.”

“Yes, you are!” Naruto slammed both hands into Kakashi’s desk. “You know I’ve been waiting!”

Kakashi sighed and lowered his book slowly.

“He didn’t want me to tell you, Naruto.”

Naruto’s lips tightened.

Kakashi leaned forward in his chair and pocketed his book.

“He’s made his choices very clear,” Kakashi said. “Maybe you should accept it.”

Naruto crossed his arms.

“Tell me where he lives.”

Kakashi leaned back in his chair with a deep sigh.

“I can’t give out personal information about people, you know that.”

“But you know me!”

“That doesn’t change anything.”

“I just want to see him before he leaves again.”

“I can’t help you, Naruto.”

Naruto barged out of the office and took to the roofs. He stopped in the middle of his headlong sprint when an idea hit him. He sat down and started concentrating on collecting nature energy. Just a few minutes later he was in sage mode. He started searching for Sasuke and Sakura’s chakra’s and found them soon enough.

He sprinted in their direction and just a few minutes later he reached a secluded location with several apartment complexes near a wooden area. It wasn’t a particularly nice place, and the houses were insignificant and kept a simple standard. Outside one of the buildings stood two people Naruto recognized all too well.

Sasuke looked so painfully familiar, and yet so different. He seemed to be a bit thinner, although it was difficult to tell at this distance. His hair looked ruffled, and was a little longer. His clothes looked well worn and bland, and he was wearing a travelling cloak. He must have just arrived.

Sakura was standing in front of him, her fingers twisting nervously in the fabric of her skirt. Just as Naruto noticed this, she seemed to do a conscious effort to stop it, as though she was pretending to more confident than she really was.

It was painful to see her like that, especially when Naruto knew her to be a very confident an at times scary girl. ‘They’re not good for each other,’ he suddenly thought. He’d never liked to think of them together, but for the last few years he’d worried less about it, maybe because he had Hinata. But now… Seeing them together, he just got this bad, disastrous feeling.

He was just about to jump down from the rooftop he’d been lurking on and intervene when Sakura suddenly bowed her head and seemed to shrink in on herself. Her hands were fisted in her skirt like she was about to tear it asunder. She looked shocked and disbelieving and hurt. Sasuke was saying something, shaking his head. Sakura looked like she was about to cry. Suddenly she spun around and ran away. 

Naruto jumped down and marched over to Sasuke.

“What gives?” he said, his voice shaking with feeling. He was clenching his teeth till it was bordering on painful.

Sasuke turned and stared at him, looking just as unaffected as he always did.

“I think that’s my line,” he said, his voice toneless and deep. So fucking deep. Naruto had forgotten how that voice could make his insides squirm.

“Why do you always manage to make Sakura cry no matter if you’re present or not?”

“I just told her the truth,” Sasuke said and turned his back on Naruto. He walked towards the door of the nearest building.

“Hey!” Naruto said. Sasuke didn’t react. Naruto ran after him and stood in front of him. “Why did you tell Kakashi not to tell me when you came back?!”

Sasuke sighed and shook his head.

“What?” Naruto said. He felt like he was missing something important.

“Because of this,” Sasuke said, and sidestepped Naruto.

“What do you mean ‘this’?”

“You’re harassing me, standing on my porch, asking stupid questions.”

That shut Naruto up long enough for Sasuke escaping inside and slamming the door behind him.

“I’m not harassing you!” Naruto yelled at the closed door.

A window to one of the second floor apartments opened and someone threw a shoe at him, yelling at him to shut the fuck up. Naruto skulked away with a pout.

 

\-----

 

He found Sakura in the park nearby, sitting on a swing, her head lowered and eyes fixed on the ground. She wasn't crying anymore.

"Hi..." Naruto said, gently, in case she'd go off on him for seeing her so weakened.

But when she looked up at him, she managed to plaster on a bleak smile.

"Hi," she said. "I just... Got something in my eye..." She rubbed at her swollen eyes and sniffed.

"I.... I saw it, Sakura."

She looked up at him, apprehension mixing with confusion.

"I'm sorry he did that to you," Naruto whispered. "But I honestly don't think he's good for you."

Sakura turned her head away sharply.

"Don't meddle in things you know nothing about," she said, her fists tightening around the chain on the swing.

"I know I shouldn't, but... It hurts me to see you like this. I wish there was something I could do."

Sakura was silent for so long that Naruto started fidgeting.

"Naruto," She said, still not looking at him, her voice strange and difficult to read. "You don't really love me, do you?"

Naruto froze. It literally felt like his insides iced over. He didn't say anything because he didn't know what to say. He didn't know what she meant, what she was trying to say.

She turned to him, her face tear stained, her eyes wet and wide, like a scared animal.

"I've been thinking about it," she said. "About us... The three of us, I mean. About... Our feelings for each other."

Naruto said nothing, didn't even move. Sakura continued.

"I think I've always viewed you as a brother. When we were younger I thought you were annoying and stupid, and you were always in the way between Sasuke and me. But I grew to love you... In a platonic way."

"I love you too," Naruto said.

She smiled softly. "I know."

"But you said..."

"What I meant was that you never loved me romantically."

"How can you say that?!" Now anger was catching up.

Sakura sighed, her expression one of someone talking to a child.

"Because I know you didn't."

Naruto frowned. She seemed so sure about it, but how could she be? She wasn't him, she didn't know his feelings!

"I thought a lot about this," Sakura said, "Before...before the war and everything."

Naruto knew that what she really meant was 'before Sasuke went nuts.'

"And I realized that... Neither of you really loved me." Sakura bowed her head, probably hiding more tears. Naruto hurried over to her and hugged her.

"Don't be stupid," he muttered. "I love you, and so does Sasuke in his own, stupid way. Do you think he would have cared even one little bit about you if he didn't love you at all? Even when he was threatening us on our lives he never killed us, not even when he could have had the chance."

His words didn't exactly calm Sakura.

"B-but he did try to kill me," she sobbed. "If you hadn't saved me, I'd be dead now! And he wouldn't have spared me a second thought!"

Sakura was crying so uncontrollably that Naruto was starting to get worried. He hugged her closer and rubbed her back. When she'd calmed down a little, he tried to find the best words to soothe her.

"He was crazy, Sakura, you know that."

"But he looked right at me," she murmured, "and his eyes were clear. He wasn't himself but... He knew what he was doing. He really wanted to get rid of me."

Sakura started sobbing again.

"And yet," she said through sobs and sniffs. "I still loved him! How stupid is it possible to get? Why does it hurt so much? I just wanted love... Is that too much to ask?"

Naruto didn't know what to say so he just held Sakura tighter. He had no idea she was feeling this way, that her feelings were so strong... So complex. And it hit him that he'd never really tried to understand her. He'd never bothered to look into her feelings and untold thoughts. He hadn't really talked much to her at all. They only ever bickered or moped around thinking about Sasuke...

"I think I understand," Naruto murmured.

Sakura rubbed her wet cheek against his shoulder, making his jacket damp.

"I think you're right," he continued. "I'm... I've never felt the way you describe... Except..." He didn't finish the thought. His heart felt like it had slowed, like it was barely beating anymore.

He took a deep breath, taking control over his emotions again.

Sakura kissed the side of his face and pulled away.

"But it's fine now," she said. "I think I might finally be able to get over him." She put on a brave smile and rubbed away the tear stains from her cheeks.

Naruto was trying to find the right words to say to her, but he came up empty. He wanted to cuss out Sasuke for hurting her, he wanted to tell her everything would be fine, he wanted to say he was sorry for no reason whatsoever, because he knew that nothing of this was his fault.

Sakura petted his cheek.

"I think I could have fallen for you," she said with a crooked, sad smile.

Naruto's eyes widened. He leaned closer but Sakura placed a hand on his shoulder, holding him back.

"But I've been doing far too much thinking lately. I guess my senseless belief in love has taught me something, at least. It isn't always about me or my feelings... Or about you and your feelings. Sometimes I think you don't really know what you feel, Naruto."

Naruto frowned. He had no idea why she thought she knew more about him than he himself did.

"If you want to... I'll-" Sakura placed her hand over his mouth.

"Shush," she said. She petted his cheek.

"Is it because I'm not good enough?" He asked.

Sakura shook her head, her eyes looked like they were about to brim with tears again.

"No,” she whispered. She looked down on her hands. Her fingers curled in on each other. "I'm so sorry I didn't pay attention to you before... If I had, then maybe it could have become something, but it's too late now. We're...different now."

Naruto grabbed her hands. "I'm not different."

She shook her head, but he persisted. "I'm still the same. I'd still give my life for you. I'd give you everything you want..." He stopped when he realized she was crying again.

"Just stop," she muttered. "Don't say more, Naruto, I can't take it."

Naruto didn't understand. He didn't understand why she was crying when he was telling her how much she meant for him, or why she wouldn't listen to him. To him it was so simple.

She put her hands on his shoulders,

"It's my own fault," she said. "Some part of me knew that he would never be mine. But I think that just made me want him more." She squeezed Naruto's shoulders.

"Can you promise me one thing?"

"Anything," Naruto said.

"Then promise me that we'll always be friends."

Naruto was about to protest, but she gave him a hard look. "You promised."

He pouted. "That's not fair."

She shook him lightly. "Promise me that we'll never fuck up. That we'll always gave each other, if nothing else."

Naruto nodded somberly.

"I promise."

 

\------

 

A forceful pounding on his door roused Sasuke from a fitful sleep. It matched the pounding in his head with dreadful accuracy. He groaned and pulled his pillow over his head and stuffed it closer around his ears, but it couldn't keep out the sound.

"Sasuke!" It was Naruto's obnoxious voice.

Sasuke groaned again, in exasperation this time. He might as well get up. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep with this headache. He sat up on the futon that he'd rolled out on the living room floor. The apartment was so tiny that there was no bedroom, just a living area with a small nook for the kitchen and a cupboard of a bathroom. But it was all Kakashi had been able to give him for the moment. He was supposed to be compensated for the loss of his family home, but since he hadn't been in Konoha for two and a half years, nothing had been done yet. Kakashi had promised it would be fixed as soon as possible, but until then Sasuke had to make do with this tiny little place.

He didn't mind either way. To him, this place served its purpose. He rubbed his face, ignoring the surging pain that each tiny movement gave him. His skin felt tight and his eyes felt itchy. His mouth was dry and his tongue felt thick and uncooperative. He went to the bathroom and splashed cold water in his face, and wished he had thought as far as to buying some painkillers.

By the time he went back into the living room he'd forgotten about Naruto. It had been silent for a while, but he hadn't really registered it, which was unsettling enough in itself. The fact that he hadn't heard Naruto entering through the window was downright disgraceful.

He stopped in the doorway to the bathroom, surprised to see Naruto standing by the only table in the room. He sat the empty sake bottle gently down again and gave Sasuke a long, searching look.

Sasuke regained composure swiftly.

"You haven't learned any manners yet, I see."

Naruto shrugged. "The window was open."

"Most people wouldn't take that as an invitation."

"Most people aren't ninja."

Sasuke sighed. "What do you want?"

"Do I need to want anything? I just wished to have a chat..." Naruto looked around as though trying to figure out where to sit. There were no furniture except from the low table and a commode.

"Why don't you ever give up, Naruto?"

Naruto just sat down on the floor and leaned his chin on his hand.

"Because those words are not in my vocabulary."

"Don't start preaching to me," Sasuke warned. "I'm not swayed by your bullshit."

Naruto didn't seem fazed in the least by his words. Well, he had endured worse.

"Aren't you gonna treat me something? I'm your guest and I'm starving."

"If you're really desperate, I think there's some dust in the cupboard."

"Huh... You're worse than me..."

Naruto went ahead and riffled through the kitchen cabinets while Sasuke searched through his belongings for his cigarettes. He lit one and took a puff of smoke.

"You really have nothing but dust in here," Naruto said. Then he stopped in the kitchen doorway. "When did you take up smoking?"

Sasuke could hear that he was trying to sound unaffected, but he failed to pull it off.

"Don't tell me you're gonna become my conscience now that Sakura isn't around."

Naruto frowned.

"You didn't need to chase her off so brutally," he said.

Sasuke shrugged. "She never took the hint." He went over to the window and sat down on the cushioned sill. From here the view of Konoha was...limited. He liked that. The gray, anonymous buildings surrounding him made it feel just like the prison it was.

He didn't get to sit in peace for long before Naruto ambled over and sat down right next to him. Sasuke felt a little annoyed at getting his personal space so brutally invaded, but he did little else but stare out the window with cold indifference.

"Hey," Naruto said. "It's been ages since we did something together."

Sasuke blew out a stream of smoke and cared little that it hit Naruto in the face. "We never did anything together. Voluntarily."

Naruto waved away the smoke. "Whether it was voluntarily or not is not the point. I'm just saying it would be fun to do something together now that you're here..."

"Like what? Go for a picnic? Fight to the death?"

Naruto's lips tightened.

Sasuke turned back out the window and breathed the smoke out into the chilly air.

"Maybe not, then."

"... We could spar."

Sasuke turned to him with a condescending smile curling his lip.

"Without killing each other? I think that's impossible."

Naruto’s clear, honest eyes were openly showing his distress. Sasuke looked away from him abruptly, that feeling of anger and...what was it? Jealousy? He didn't know. It always came up when he was around Naruto. He remembered feeling it before he left Konoha so many years ago, remembered the anger and the...hate that he had directed at Naruto back then. His shoulders relaxed a bit as he realized he wasn't feeling that way anymore. Now it was just... It was different.

He stubbed out his cigarette and breathed out.

"Fine. Let's spar."

Naruto looked shocked for a second before his mouth split into a wide grin. He jumped to his feet. His ridiculous happiness almost made Sasuke want to go back on his words. He sighed softly, wondering why on earth he was exposing himself for this.

 

\------

 

Despite having only one arm, Sasuke was still kicking Naruto's ass in taijutsu.

"You were cheating!" Naruto hollered after rolling in the dust and bolting up like some rabid meerkat.

"Don't insult me," Sasuke said. "I don’t need to cheat to beat you."

Naruto was practically fuming. "I don't get it! You've got just one arm!"

"I haven't exactly been lazing about these last few years."

Naruto huffed and resumed his stance. "Okay, one more time."

Sasuke didn't even give him time to settle his balance. He was over him so fast that Naruto barely would have managed to get out of the way...if that was what he wanted. But he had a different plan. He stood his ground, knowing it would not be what Sasuke would expect.

Naruto regretted his decision when Sasuke's fist connected with his stomach like some fucking iron hammer. But instead of crumbling to his knees, he grabbed Sasuke's arm and held him tight, unsettling his balance. Sasuke stumbled for just a second, but it was enough for Naruto to get one foot between Sasuke's legs and planting his elbow in his face. Sasuke fell and landed on his back, his hand flying up to his bleeding nose. Naruto kneeled and held him down.

"What kind of ninja goes for the face?" Sasuke hissed.

Naruto shrugged. "I won."

"You cheated."

Naruto was about to tell him to stop being a sore looser, when Sasuke suddenly grabbed his shoulder and heaved him down on the ground. Naruto was trying to force enough air into his lungs to yell at him when Sasuke suddenly rolled on top of him, his one, working arm pressing down against his windpipe.

"But if you want to play dirty, then let's play dirty."

Naruto let out a low growl and readied to heave Sasuke off when Sasuke suddenly sat up, right on his chest, his knees locking Naruto's arms in place, and hit Naruto in the face with his knuckles. Naruto saw stars for a second but through the pain he still remembered to fight. He tried to buck Sasuke off, but to no avail. He managed to free his arm, though, and grabbed Sasuke's hand as it came flying at him again. Then he pulled Sasuke to the side and bucked him off, before rolling on top of him.

Sasuke tried to wriggle out of his grip, but with just one arm, which was currently trapped, all he had was his legs, and Naruto was not planning to let him use them. He didn't want to take the chance of trying to roll Sasuke over so he could get him in an arm lock, so instead he just forced Sasuke's legs apart so he could squeeze down between them. Sasuke bucked and twisted, trying to get out of the grip Naruto had on his arm, but Naruto just made sure he was even more tightly secured.

"Is this dirty enough for you?" Naruto said, his voice gravelly.

Sasuke didn't stop tensing underneath him, so Naruto didn't let him go. He wanted to savor this. It had been a long time wish for him to manage to pin Sasuke down in a fight and rub it in his face that he'd lost.

He could feel Sasuke's heart slamming against his ribcage, could feel his breath on his face; fast and labored. He looked down into Sasuke’s eyes, and suddenly it appeared to him how intimate this was. His face was only inches from Sasuke’s.

Sasuke was suddenly very motionless. He was staring at Naruto in a way that left him feeling naked… For a second he worried that Sasuke could actually read his mind. Did he know what Naruto had been thinking? Did he pick up on the flutter in his chest, on the tension in his limbs? Did his open expression betray him once again?

He was unconsciously leaning closer when an inflectionless and oddly pleased sounding voice spoke right next to them.

"I'm not entirely sure if you're fighting or trying to copulate," Sai said.

Naruto flew away from Sasuke like he'd been stung.

"Who the fuck sneaks up on people like that?!" Naruto yelled and pointed at Sai.

"I'm sorry," Sai said. "I thought you were fighting at first."

"We were fighting!" Naruto sputtered.

Sasuke got to his feet as calmly as though he hadn’t even heard Sai, and dusted off his clothes.

"Okay," Sai said. "If you insist."

"I do insist!"

Sasuke just walked away. Naruto looked from him to Sai and back and then to Sai again.

"We weren't..."

Sai put on his weird not-quite smile. "Whatever you say, Naruto."

Naruto groaned and ran after Sasuke.

"He doesn't always know what he's saying," Naruto said when he caught up with Sasuke. "He's a bit socially impaired."

Sasuke didn't say anything. Naruto wondered if he was angry about what had happened. Maybe he thought Sai was right... Maybe he thought Naruto was coming onto him. Naruto swallowed. Maybe he was? That was a scary thought.

As if to prove his masculinity, Naruto suddenly launched out his arm and hit Sasuke's shoulder so hard he staggered. Sasuke glared at him and Naruto grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry, I just... I wasn't coming onto you."

Sasuke just arched an eyebrow.

"I mean," Naruto cleared his throat. "What Sai said... I hope it didn't feel that way to you?"

"Did you feel that way?" Sasuke asked.

That was probably the crucial question.

"Of course not!" Naruto exclaimed. "It was just a spar. Nothing weird about it."

"There you go."

Naruto didn’t say more, and neither did Sasuke. They parted ways without a word.

 

\-----

 

"Is it an unwritten rule that guys have to keep, like... one arms length between them?"

Sakura shrugged. "I don't know about that. In my opinion, men can be ridiculously afraid of intimacy."

"That's exactly what I was thinking too!" Naruto said.

Sakura gave him a strange look over her shoulder, her eyebrow lifted like she was questioning his sanity.

"But," she said. "Boys are boys." Then she continued mixing medication.

Naruto leaned back against the wall. "Do you think it would be weird, you know... To..." He trailed off. Sakura looked up at him, expecting him to continue, but he was lost in thought.

"I heard you and Sasuke had a...fight," she said.

"We didn't fight," Naruto said. "We sparred. Did you hear it from Sai?"

"Yes. He also said that..." She hesitated. Naruto waited for her to continue but she didn't.

"What did he say?"

Sakura shrugged. "Just that you seemed...um...to be having fun."

Naruto wondered if that had been his exact words or if he'd said something a little less modest.

"We were just sparring," he muttered.

"Good," she said. "That's...good."

"Sakura... What did Sasuke say to you?"

The bottle of pills almost slipped out of her hand.

"Oh... Nothing. Just that...you know."

"I mean... Did he tell you to stay away?"

"... Not in so many words."

"That bastard," Naruto growled. "He could at least try to be nice."

"It's fine," Sakura said. "You don't understand, Naruto. When you're being refused, it's better that its final and honest than...than something vague that'll keep you hoping."

Even as she said it, her voice choked.

"...I understand perfectly," Naruto muttered.

Sakura dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve. "I know... Sorry," she said. "Now leave me alone, I need to work."

 

\-----

 

Sasuke woke up feeling sticky and dirty. When he'd gotten back home yesterday, or this morning to be more exact, he'd just crawled into bed and fallen asleep instantly. Even though the sex had been mediocre at best, it still helped satisfy his needs. There was nothing more annoying to him than the uncontrollable carnal cravings that his body forced on him. When he was younger, he'd always managed to control it to some point. It had never taken him over like it had begun to do lately, but he had found ways to deal with it while he traveled alone.

He sat up and ran his fingers through his filtered hair. That hooker had been very fond of tugging his hair. His scalp still felt sore. He tried not to think too much about it. It was not his ideal choice of solution to a problem, and he'd never thought he'd have to revert to it back in Konoha... It felt even more wrong, somehow, to seek out those places in his hometown. But after yesterday... He had no idea what happened yesterday, but after sparring with Naruto... God, he couldn't believe that Naruto, of all people, had turned him on so hard.

Usually, after sparring like that he would have tired himself out so completely he wouldn't have any energy left to get horny. But with Naruto it was the opposite. Finally he'd just given in because he'd learned a long time ago that there was one thing he couldn't control, no matter how much he wanted to, and that was his carnal needs.

Now he didn't feel too good about it, though.

He took a hot shower that nearly scolded him and felt slightly better afterwards. When he went into the living room he had only a towel wrapped around his waist. He staggered when he saw Naruto sitting on the windowsill. Naruto looked up and his eyes got wide as they traveled up his body, lingering on the low-hanging towel. Sasuke suddenly felt very exposed, but he didn't try to hide himself. He just stood there till Naruto met his eyes and watched the mixed emotions swiveling in his blue eyes, mainly dominated by confusion. Sasuke just stared at him, incredulous. He wondered for a second if he'd imagined it...because it couldn't be true. Had Naruto just checked him out?

Naruto stood. He looked panicked.

"I closed the window for a reason," Sasuke said and turned away from Naruto as casually as he possibly could. He ignored the intense wish to put on some clothes and found his pack of cigarettes instead. He didn't feel like making it easy for Naruto. He'd been the one stupid enough to invite himself, after all.

"I...I…" Naruto stammered. "I just… I-I wanted to...”

Sasuke lit a cigarette and puffed it languidly.

"Shit… I just… I have to go..." Naruto sputtered, and then he left out the window as suddenly as he’d arrived.

 

\-----

 

Naruto wasn’t even aware of where he was going until he was outside his own apartment. He let himself in and closed the door before he slammed his head back against it. How the hell could that happen? He'd just had a minor lapse in judgment and suddenly he was checking Sasuke out! He had been so surprised when Sasuke came out of the bathroom... Just seconds before he'd been battling with his worries concerning intimacy, and suddenly Sasuke was standing practically naked before him... It wasn't like he was unused to seeing other guys naked, he went to the bathhouse every so often, it was just that...he wasn't used to seeing Sasuke that way. At least not since they were twelve and they had changed a lot since then... God, Sasuke had changed a lot...

Naruto hit his head against the door again. Stupid, stupid, stupid...

 

\-----

 

It had been a week since Sasuke came to Konoha, and Kakashi had yet to find him a house. Sasuke had a feeling that nothing would happen unless he nagged about it, and he honestly wasn't that worried about it. He'd delivered reports from his travels, since he still was under obligation to Konoha. He had to come back and report every third year. For anyone else, such a report wouldn't be necessary, but given Sasuke's history he had to prove that he was still loyal.

But now that all his reports were delivered, he didn't have much reason to stay in Konoha. Kakashi insisted he should stay until he at least had gotten his new place so that it wouldn't be a problem the next time. Sasuke had grudgingly agreed. He hadn't liked it, but he'd agreed to stay for a few more weeks. What he was supposed to do in the span of those weeks, he had no idea of. He'd taken to planning his next travel, buying maps and exploring them, trying to find out what the best route would be and where he should go first. He had many plans so there wasn't lack of things to do and places to go. If he just could get away from here...

It was getting late and he was sitting in his apartment, by the tiny table, maps and scrolls spread out all around him, when there was a sound from his window. He looked up, expecting a bird or maybe just a gust of air, but he found the window open, and an orange clad shape sitting on the windowsill. It was Naruto, of course, although it was too dark to really see his face. The only light in the room came from the reading lamp by the table.

He hadn't seen Naruto since a week ago. Sasuke still had no idea what had happened that day. Naruto, of all people, had shamelessly checked him out like he was one of those big-breasted girls Naruto seemed to fancy. Apparently, though, that was not what, or at least not the only thing that Naruto fancied.

Naruto walked over to him and stood by the table. He looked grave, which made Sasuke a bit apprehensive.

"I heard you were leaving," Naruto said.

"I suppose you mean you pestered Kakashi into telling you, since I told him specifically not to tell anyone."

"Why so soon?"

Sasuke looked up at Naruto. "Because I want to, and because I can."

Naruto leaned forward over the table. "I knew you were leaving at some point, but I didn’t think you’d be in such a hurry…”

Sasuke returned his attention to his maps. "The only thing that still binds me to Konoha is the reports I have to send in every three years. Other than that I'd rather be as far from this place as possible." He continued drawing lines on one of the maps, and took notes on the side.

Naruto sat down by the table.

"But what about... What about the rest of your life? What about you? Aren't you gonna rest some day? Find someone..."

Naruto stopped talking, and Sasuke realized he felt he'd said too much. He looked up and caught Naruto gazing at him. The second he caught him looking, Naruto looked away.

"You better start controlling your face better if you want to hide anything from me," Sasuke said.

To his surprise Naruto blushed deep red.

"I'm... I don't... I'm not hiding anything."

Sasuke put down his pencil. "Really? So why were you suddenly in such a hurry to get away from me the last time?”

For once, Naruto didn't have a retort.

Sasuke shook his head and picked up his pencil. "If you don't have anything else to say, then please leave."

Naruto didn't move an inch. Instead he placed a hand over the papers on the table, halting Sasuke in his job.

"I want to talk to you," he said.

"Then talk," Sasuke looked from Naruto's hand over his papers to Naruto's face.

Naruto didn't meet his eyes directly, which was unusual.

"I... I was thinking..." Naruto frowned. "I was thinking about before... You know, when you were gone… Well, I was thinking about you a lot, you know? I thought ‘it’s just natural, Sakura’s doing it too’… But Sakura was in love with you. And I…”

Naruto trailed off.

Sasuke turned away from Naruto. "I don't have the time for this."

"Wait... Just wait..." Naruto reached out and grabbed Sasuke's hand before it could close around his pencil again.

Sasuke froze for a second before he pulled away from Naruto's grip.

"What the fuck do you want, Naruto," he said. "Why do you have to bother me all the time? Why can't you just keep the hell out of my life?"

Naruto looked frozen, his eyes wide. For a second Sasuke felt like he could see to the depth of his soul through that open gaze.

"I don't know," Naruto said, surprisingly calm. "I guess I'm just not that smart."

"No. I guess you're not."

Sasuke had meant for it to be his parting words. He'd wanted Naruto to catch the drift for once and leave him alone, but instead he leaned closer. Maybe Sasuke should have caught on when he saw the determination in Naruto's eyes. Maybe he should have realized that Naruto was about to do something stupid. But he didn’t. So when Naruto kissed him, he was too shocked to even be indignant.


	2. Three weeks and three days

_A week earlier_

 

Naruto had been thinking a lot these last few days. He’d started thinking a lot about Sasuke, but not as the Sasuke he knew… Not as the sour faced rival that he always strived to one-up, not as one of the few people he actually trusted with his heart and soul, not as the person that had pushed him harder and made him achieve things he couldn’t have done on his own…

No, he’d started to think of Sasuke as a _body_. God help him. After he’d seen him half-naked and dripping in a tiny towel, that was all he could see whenever he thought about Sasuke. He couldn’t think about anything else but his _body_. And then, if he added his voice to that image… He was shivering.

Holy shit.

He needed to get a hold of himself. This was _Sasuke_ he was thinking about! _Sasuke._ Why? _Why?!_

At one point he’d become so desperately immersed in his own thoughts that he just needed to get away. He needed to talk to someone, and the only person he could think of, the only one he was entirely sure had his back, was Sakura.

 

\------

 

He found her together with Ino and Hinata. They were just exiting a tea-shop. Hinata blushed and bowed her head to hide her face behind her hair.

"H-hello Naruto-kun," she muttered. Then she turned to Ino and Sakura. "I need to go." And then she ran away in the other direction.

Ino glared at Naruto.

"Whatever you did to her," she said. "It must have been pretty damn awful.”

With that she brushed past him, bumping his shoulder.

Naruto stared down on the ground, halfway expecting Sakura to show the same hostility. But she didn't. In stead she walked over to him, grabbed his hands and said, "Whatever happened, I know that it wasn't all your fault. You can be thick headed at times but not cruel."

Naruto could do little else but nod. He leaned forward and was thankful when Sakura didn't ignore his silent request, but wrapped her arms around him and hugged him.

"I need to talk to you," he murmured.

They went back to Sakura's place. Naruto had never been there before. It was a cozy little apartment with frilly curtains and flowers in vases all around the room: in the windowsill, on the table, on the counter... She had moved for herself a year ago, despite her parent’s protests. They wanted her to stay home until she had married, but Sakura had said she was tired of waiting for someone to build her a home.

Thankfully, one could say, because waiting for Sasuke had turned out to be a waste of time.

"This place is so nice," Naruto said, awed. His own sparsely furnished apartment seemed like an empty shell in comparison.

"If you want, you can have some of my frilly curtains," Sakura said with a snicker.

"Very funny," Naruto muttered.

Sakura made them tea, and they sat down on the couch.

Naruto cleared his throat.

“Er… You know…about Hinata…”

“You don’t need to explain to me,” Sakura said. “You’re right, it’s not my place to meddle.”

“I know, but there’s something else I want to tell you about that… You know, when we broke up… It was because I’m not…” Naruto swallowed. “I’mnotsexuallyattractedtoher…”

“Er… What?”

“I’m not, you know…. I couldn’t… I’m…” He paused. "She’s really beautiful… but I'm not attracted to her."

Sakura frowned. "Why? I thought guys liked her kind of...assets."

“Er, well… I'm not attracted to her _feminine_ figure."

He dared a look at Sakura's face. Her eyes were wide and her jaw was slack.

"What... Do you mean... You..." She shook her head. "Are you trying to say what I think you're trying to say?"

Naruto fidgeted.

"But... But… I thought you… You always chased after me… And then you dated Hinata for half a year…”

"I thought I liked girls," Naruto said. "I guess I just... I didn’t know what it meant to _really_ be attracted to someone. I just wanted to be like everybody else for once. But I’ve started to realize that… I might have felt attraction to someone this entire time… I just didn’t know what it was.”

He glanced at Sakura. She looked completely stunned.

“Have you… Have you met someone?”

Naruto shook his head. “No, not exactly…”

“Is it a guy? Are you… are you attracted to a guy?”

Sakura sounded more curious than appalled… Thankfully.

Naruto stammered. “Er… I…”

Sakura scooted closer. “Are you in love with someone?”

Naruto scratched the back of his head. “Er… Love? I don’t know…”

“Are you in love with a _guy_?” Sakura nearly squealed.

Naruto suddenly shot out of his seat. “I’m not… I don’t even know,” he said. “I don’t know.”

Sakura stared up at him. “Sorry…” she said. “I got carried away.”

She looked like she wanted to ask more but she controlled herself.

Naruto scratched his head. “I just wanted to talk to someone about it… since I’m… it’s so _confusing_ …”

Sakura looked sympathetic. “Sit down,” she said and patted the seat next to her.

Naruto slumped down.

To his surprise she wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head down on her shoulder. It was ironic that now that he’d given up on her he got the love and care he’d wanted all along. He realized in a sudden epiphany that he wasn’t sexually attracted to Sakura. He didn’t want to touch her or kiss her… Not like he wanted with…with Sasuke.

He sat up and leaned his head in his hands.

“What is it?” Sakura asked.

“Nothing…”

God, he was so fucking screwed.

 

\-----

 

He’d talked with Sakura for a long while. Not exclusively about his feelings but about her life too, about her job and what she was planning to do in the future and about a kinda good-looking guy she’d met at work. The only thing they both carefully avoided talking about was Sasuke. Sakura always got a bit tense when they brushed the subject, and Naruto got jittery.

When he left her place and made his way home, he felt way better. Not good… He was still confused, but at least he knew he could talk with her about… nearly anything. Anything but the real problem, actually, but it was still much better than nothing.

 

\-----

 

His dreams had started taking their toll on him. He’d dreamt about Sasuke nearly every night lately. Dark, sensuous dreams full of desire and despair. He’d never been much of a dreamer, really. He dreamt, of course, but he usually didn’t remember them well, or they just featured the same things… Cold, vast landscapes, jeering crowds, burning pain… But never before had he experienced these dreams that made him wake up in a sweat, desire coiling thick and insistent in his groin, and the memory of pale, soft skin under his palm so realistic it felt like he’d actually been there with him. But when he woke up he always found that he was alone.

Even Kakashi pointed out that he seemed distracted lately. Maybe that was why he decided to mention that Sasuke was planning to leave soon. Maybe he’d guessed that Naruto was moping because he had something unsaid with Sasuke. It wouldn’t surprise Naruto if Sakura had let something slip to Kakashi in the hopes that he would know what to do.

It had the desired effect, anyway. It kicked Naruto into action. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to Sasuke. He didn’t know for how long he could keep the secret if he was faced with Sasuke again. But he couldn’t just let him leave without talking to him again.

Late in the evening one week after the last time he saw him, Naruto dropped by Sasuke’s place. He didn’t even bother to knock on the door but went straight for the window. For being so against trespassing, Sasuke was making it way too easy for him to enter. He didn’t even lock the window.

He knew the second he arrived that it had been a bad idea. The room was dimly lit, and when Sasuke looked at him his eyes were pitch black and wide… Like in his dreams.

Naruto felt shaky. He dried the palms of his hands on his pants and stalked over to Sasuke. He didn’t even sit down. He just stood there and stared down at him. Sasuke stared back, his face expressionless.

The whole interaction from then on felt like an out-of-body experience. He slipped up time and time again. ‘Why did I ask about settling down?’ ‘Was that too obvious?’ ‘Is he onto me?!’

Those eyes… They were far too intelligent, they were holding too many secrets. Maybe Sasuke knew already, maybe he’d seen through him… And what did it matter anyway? He was leaving again, would be gone for another three years. It wasn’t like Naruto had anything to loose.

Half a second before their lips met, Naruto knew he’d done a big mistake. Sasuke hadn’t seen it coming at all. He apparently wasn’t that magnificent of a mind reader. The kiss was awkward and strange. Naruto wasn’t even sure if it counted as a kiss. It had been so short that he barely remembered how it had felt.

They looked at each other and for once Sasuke’s face wasn’t expressionless. He looked shocked. Disbelieving.

“Er… Sorry,” Naruto said. He felt numb.

Suddenly Sasuke jolted to his feet and strode to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Naruto just stared after him.

He’d never before regretted something as deeply as he regretted kissing Sasuke right then.

 

\------

 

Sasuke was trying his best to take calm breaths.

Holy fucking shit…

He splashed cold water on his face to try and wake himself from the shock. He leaned on the porcelain bowl and stared at his own reflection. His eyes were dark and wide, panicked…

He turned away and focused on calming his heart.

This was getting out of hand. He’d figured Naruto was feeling something for him judging by the way he’d suddenly started giving him looks, but he’d never thought that he’d actually _kiss_ him! What was that fucking moron even thinking?

He probably wasn’t thinking. That was the problem.

He waited for five minutes before he went back out (his legs still felt like jelly). By that time, Naruto was long gone.

 

\-----

 

_A week later_

 

Sasuke tried to focus on the scrolls in front of him, but all he could think about was the days left until he could leave this place. He'd been told that a new house would be ready for him in a short while, and he had agreed to stay in Konoha until he had officially moved in there. Naruto hadn't dropped by since...over a week ago. Sasuke had tried not to think about him at all, but lately he'd snuck into his thoughts regardless of what he himself wanted. Actually, the lack of control he had over his thoughts lately was troubling. Another sign that he needed to get away from Konoha as soon as possible.

He dropped the pencil onto the scrolls and rubbed his eyes. He'd just have to admit defeat. He wouldn't be able to do anymore work tonight. He needed a distraction. He wasn't tempted to drink since after a while, drinking alone just heightened the feeling of loneliness. Unless he was planning to get hammered, which in fact would be preferable now.

He sighed and rubbed his temples. He knew what he actually wanted, what he desperately needed, but now that... After Naruto had... Well, things had changed and he didn't feel like indulging. He just sat there by the table for a while, trying to reason with himself, but it soon became apparent that his body was unwilling to listen to his mind. Making a decision, and knowing he'd surely regret it, he put on his shoes and left the apartment.

 

\-----

 

Naruto was stirring his afternoon cup-ramen with a vacant look on his face. He’d screwed up royally. Not only was the relationship between Sasuke and Sakura shot to hell, now Naruto had managed to ruin that precarious friendship he and Sasuke’d had too. Their entire team was back to square one. Only Sai seemed to still be in good spirit. As he’d said, ‘At least now you know you’ve tried everything.’ Little did he know that Naruto had tried a little too much of everything.

Naruto looked down at his steaming soup with little enthusiasm. He suddenly didn’t feel like eating. With a sigh he grabbed the cup and stood, and then he nearly dropped it in shock. Someone was standing in his living room, had been standing right behind him for gods knew how long. It took him half a second to realize it was just Sasuke.

"Fucking hell, you scared me!” Naruto yelled.

Sasuke strode over to Naruto and stopped uncomfortably close. His face was set in a dark frown. Naruto wanted to back away, but stood his ground. Unconsciously he was holding his noodle cup close to his chest like a shield.

"What the fuck do you want?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto frowned. Uh… Wasn't that supposed to be his line?

But Sasuke didn't seem to be waiting for an answer. He grabbed the front of Naruto's jacket and pulled him even closer. "What is wrong with you? What do you honestly think could become of us? How stupid are you?!”

Naruto wrinkled his nose.

"Are you drunk?" He asked.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "No," he growled, but there was no point in denying it. The stench of alcohol gave him away.

"You are!" Naruto said. "You're drunk off your ass!"

Sasuke's fingers tightened on the lapels of his jacket, pulling Naruto up on his toes.

"Dammit," he groaned. "Let go of me, Sasuke."

"You are so goddamn arrogant," Sasuke hissed.

Naruto let out a bark of laughter. "That’s rich coming from you.” He dropped the noodle cup and grabbed Sasuke's hand. He pried away the fingers and was finally able to reach the ground with his feet again.

But when he thought he could get in a word against Sasuke, he turned the tables again. Naruto deflected the fist that came flying at his face, but just barely.

"What the...!" He ducked away from a kick and tried to roll away, but Sasuke was faster than a drunk person had the right to be. He launched himself onto Naruto's back and pinned him to the floor. Naruto tried to twist around so he could free himself before Sasuke got a hold of his arms, but Sasuke was heavy and he refused to budge.

"Stop it you fucker, you're drunk! Get off me!" Naruto yelled.

Sasuke just grabbed one of his arms and got him into a hammerlock.

"Who he fuck just goes around and kisses people?" Sasuke said.

"I don't know," Naruto growled. "I don’t fucking know, okay?!"

"Why are you so angry? I'm the one with the right to be angry! You screwed up everything on a fucking whim!"

"Maybe if you got off my back, we could talk like adults?!"

Sasuke let out a derisive snort, but he let up on his hold on Naruto and got to his feet. Naruto stood and dusted off himself. He noticed the big stain on the floor from his forgotten ramen and grumbled about it under his breath.

'Thanks a lot, Uchiha fucking Sasuke.'

"You're a dickhead," Naruto said.

Sasuke ignored him in favor for staggering over to the chair by the kitchen table and unceremoniously dropping down on it. He leaned his head on his hand with a groan.

"This is something I'd never thought I'd see," Naruto said. He reached into the cupboard and grabbed a rag, which he threw onto the stain on the floor. "You're so drunk you cant even stand, and yet you still try to beat the living shit out of me."

Naruto went over to the sink and filled a glass with water. Then he went over to Sasuke with it and splashed it in his face. Sasuke swore.

"Why are you here?” Naruto asked.

He sat down on the table because Sasuke was hogging his only chair. Sasuke leaned back in the chair, his bangs wet and plastered to the side of his face. He looked almost sullen.

"You're a pain in the ass," he said.

"I know that," Naruto said. "Is that what you came here to say?"

"I wanted to tell you that I'm fucking mad at you for what you did." Sasuke seemed to have lost a bit of his anger. He frowned. "Why did you do it?" He asked.

Naruto had not expected that question. "Uh... I..." Why was Sasuke watching him so intently? He didn't even blink.

"I'm not sure," Naruto shrugged. "Lapse of judgment. Sexual frustration?"

Sasuke snorted. "You even checked me out." What was that in his eyes? Was it mirth?

Naruto's cheeks started getting a little warm. "I did not," he muttered.

Sasuke stared him down and it was starting to get a bit uncomfortable. Naruto squinted back at him. He really wasn't good at this glaring thing. Sasuke looked away first and Naruto felt a little proud that he'd won a staring contest.

"You're the most stupid person I know," Sasuke said.

"Shut the fuck up," Naruto growled.

Sasuke shook his head and...Was that a smile? "I can't believe you kissed me."

"Don't feel flattered just because someone has dared to kiss your frigid face. It was probably your first time."

Sasuke looked smug rather than angered. "Talking from personal experience? Or... Lack of experience?"

Naruto blushed and turned away. Dammit... Why was Sasuke in such a teasing mood? It must be the alcohol. If he'd known Sasuke became this way when drunk, he'd have found a way to get him hammered earlier. Just a shame he was still clever even while drunk.

"Wait... That's not the first time you've kissed me. No wonder you have such an obsession with me, you've been mooning after me since we were in the academy."

"That was an accident!!" Naruto yelled and pushed Sasuke. They both fell to the floor, Naruto with his hands around Sasuke's throat, Sasuke laughing like he was having the time of his life. It annoyed Naruto, but it also made him a little glad. He didn't mind Sasuke's teasing if it meant he was in a good mood.

His hold on Sasuke must have slacked, because suddenly Sasuke had pushed him down on the floor and rolled over him. Naruto just stared at him in surprise. Sasuke smirked down at him. Was he leaning closer or was that just Naruto's imagination? He must have given something away (his goddamn eyes couldn't hide anything) because Sasuke straightened up and some of the amusement left his expression.

Then he sighed and straightened his robe. He was still using the same as he had during his travels. It was worn and the color had faded to a dark grey. Naruto supposed he still wore it to cover his missing arm.

Sasuke tried to stand, but swayed dangerously. He kneeled with a groan and clutched his stomach.

"Are you feeling sick?" Naruto asked, alarmed. He didn't want puke on his floor. "Go to the bathroom," he said and tried to pull Sasuke to his feet.

"I'm fine," Sasuke said. But then he bent over again and Naruto was not taking no for an answer anymore. He dragged Sasuke to the bathroom and didn't let him leave until he was done vomiting.

"You can stay here," Naruto said when it seemed that Sasuke was well enough to speak.

"I'll go home," Sasuke said, but he didn't move from his position on the bathroom floor. So Naruto just took matters in his own hands and lugged Sasuke to the bedroom. Sasuke protested feebly when Naruto pushed him down on the bed, but a minute later he was fast asleep.

 

\-----

 

Sasuke woke up with the usual drumming headache that accompanied his excessive drinking. He was also so goddamn warm and there was something heavy draped over him. His first thought was that he'd managed to fall asleep next to a hooker. That worried him because he'd never gotten so drunk before that he didn't remember what he'd done.

He elbowed the person next to him and was startled by the familiar tone of the voice when the person groaned. No one had that annoying of a voice even when they were asleep, except Naruto. Sasuke sat up in a rush that didn't go well with his headache, and shoved Naruto so hard that he fell off the edge of the bed: of Naruto's bed. When the hell had he gone to Naruto's place?! He checked his clothes and was relieved to find everything in place. No wonder he'd been feeling like a fucking furnace when he woke up.

Naruto groaned and sat up, rubbing his hair so it looked even more like a birds nest.

"What time is it?" He muttered.

Sasuke scooted to the edge of the bed. He noted that Naruto was wearing a t-shirt and pants. Thank god.

"Too fucking early for this," Sasuke said. He stood and meant to leave, but Naruto grabbed his leg.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Home."

"After I took care of you last night, you're just gonna leave?"

"What do you want, then? A pat on your head?"

"I just thought you could repay the favor by making me breakfast."

"If you want vomit all over your breakfast, then by all means..."

He tried to walk away but Naruto held on. "Just stay for a while. I can make you something."

Sasuke couldn't believe Naruto was nearly begging him to stay.

"I’m not hungry."

"I have tea."

Sasuke shook his head. What he needed right now, was to go home and sleep off his hangover.

"I have to go," he said and pulled out of Naruto's grip.

 

\------

 

Naruto didn’t hear from Sasuke after that. He wondered what it meant that Sasuke came to him when he was drunk… He must have thought a lot about him, and he’d talked about the kiss… He’d been angry but Sasuke was always good at putting on a façade. There had been something about the way he acted that night… Something that made Naruto wonder…

If Sasuke came to him… even if he was drunk… Didn’t that mean something?

Naruto finally braved going to Sasuke’s place in the hopes that they could talk, but when he arrived and looked in through the window (he’d knocked on the door first but got no answer) he noted that the apartment looked very empty. Not only didn't Sasuke seem to be there, but his stuff was gone too. Naruto immediately got worried. Sasuke might just decide to leave with out telling a soul. But if Naruto could stop him before he got too far...

He dashed to the Hokage's office and burst in through the window. Kakashi was sitting behind the desk, looking entirely unaffected when Naruto skidded to a stop in front of him and slammed his palms down on the desk.

"Have Sasuke left?" Naruto asked.

When Kakashi didn't immediately answer, Naruto leaned forth insistently, getting into his personal space.

"Don't do this to me, Kakashi! If he told you not to say anything then that's bullshit and you know it!"

Kakashi's eyes closed in that cheerful way that meant he was smiling.

Naruto was just loading up to another lashing when he heard the clearing of a throat behind him. He turned around slowly. He paled when he realized Sasuke was standing right behind him. He must have been standing there the entire time, and Naruto hadn't even noticed.

"Bastard," he said, but there wasn't the right amount of anger behind it because Naruto was feeling more embarrassed than angry.

Sasuke moved closer to the desk with an exasperated look in Naruto’s direction, and accepted a key from Kakashi.

"Will you find the place on your own?"

Sasuke nodded and bowed politely. Naruto made a face.

"Hey, where are you going?" He said when Sasuke made to leave without saying anything. Sasuke stopped for a second.

"Mind your own business for once, Naruto," he said before he left.

Naruto was left fuming. He didn't remember that Kakashi was right there before he cleared his throat.

"So," he said. "What was that all about?"

"I thought he had left when I saw that his apartment was empty."

"Ah... I started wondering if you'd just lost it."

Kakashi was still smiling at him. Naruto decided that he wouldn't stand there and be ridiculed anymore, so he dashed out the way he came, but he stopped at the windowsill.

"Promise me you'll tell me if he leaves?"

Kakashi sighed. "Why does it matter?" He said. "You can't drag him back anyway. He's a free person."

"I just want to know..."

"... Okay."

 

\-----

 

The new place was ten times bigger than the apartment Sasuke'd been living in so far. It was not even half as grand as his house in the former Uchiha-district, but it was definitely big enough for him. It was situated at the edge of town, a little secluded, with a big back yard and a tall fence for privacy. It was a one-story house with rooms separated by sliding doors, and a modern kitchen.

It looked void and empty with floors coated in dust and cobwebs in every corner. It didn't seem like anyone had lived there for a while. Sasuke merely cleaned out one room and decided he'd start on the rest later... Maybe when he came back one day.

 

\------

 

This time Naruto didn't try to find out where Sasuke had moved.

‘I’ll let him come to me,' he thought. 'If he cares about me, he'll come.'

Three days later, he learned that Sasuke had left.

 

 

 

 


	3. Bird of prey

It had been almost three years. Shikamaru and Temari were officially dating, and so were Ino and Sai. Naruto couldn’t quite get over the fact that Sai had landed Ino. He looked a lot like Sasuke, though, so maybe that was what caught Ino’s interest. It was weird seeing them together, holding hands and kissing… For some reason, Naruto had thought Sai was gay. Maybe because he talked so much about dicks… But at least Sai looked happy and so did Ino.

Sakura was immersing herself in work, and whenever relationships were brought up she claimed that she had to focus on her job. Most of their friends had guessed that Sasuke had rejected her, although she’d never confirmed it.

Naruto had been a little out of it the first few weeks after Sasuke left, but he came around after a while and dove head first into work in stead. Kakashi was more than happy to let him. For a while it had been enough to keep him occupied, and he’d started showing a promising development for becoming a good leader.

 

\-----

 

Naruto had become good at avoiding thinking too much about Sasuke. But as the three-year mark neared and passed, Naruto became more and more troubled. He tried to get some information out of Kakashi, but it soon became apparent that when he said he didn’t know where Sasuke was, he actually didn’t know.

Then one day as Naruto was dropping by the Hokage's office like he often did these days, a hawk arrived. It wouldn't have been unusual if it hadn't been for the fact that most shinobi had started using other means for delivering messages. They wouldn't use a bird unless they for example had been away for a while.

Kakashi immediately sent him away. "Business," he said.

"But I could stay and help," Naruto said.

Kakashi sent him away never the less.

Naruto paced back and forth outside the Hokage tower. He couldn't handle not knowing. Was it Sasuke? And why would he send a message? He should have been back by now. Had something happened?

Naruto wasn't usually worried about Sasuke, especially not during times of peace like these. But he couldn't help but feel that something was off. There was nothing he could do, though, except trying to convince Kakashi to tell him. He would find a way.

 

\-----

 

That evening, Sakura dropped by Ichiraku's ramen only to find Naruto absentmindedly stirring his food. She sat down next to him an ordered miso ramen for herself.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing..." Naruto sighed. "Kakashi got a message today. Delivered by a hawk."

He knew by the way Sakura tensed that she was thinking the same thing as him. But she didn't say anything. Her food arrived, and she ate it slowly.

"It has to be him," Naruto said. "He should have been back already. Something must have happened!"

Sakura stirred her soup. "I'm sure he's fine," she said. "He's careful, and proficient. Nothing short of skilled shinobi could be a threat to him, but in peaceful times it's unlikely that any shinobi would cause difficulties for him. He's not on a mission."

"I know. But it's strange, isn't it?"

"He's probably just informing about a delay. Don't worry about it." Sakura said, her tone signaling the conversation was over. Naruto had noticed that Sakura's feelings for Sasuke still were chilled. She avoided speaking about him, and if she was forced to, she changed the subject as soon as possible.

"I suppose you're right," Naruto said.

He didn't feel like finishing his soup. He sighed. "I'll go home now. I'm tired from filing documents for Kakashi."

Sakura smiled. "Is he still making you do all the dirty work?"

"Yeah, I get the feeling he just doesn't know what to do with me."

"Being Hokage is more about signing documents than anything else, I'm afraid. Everyone else gets to do the fun work."

Naruto sighed. "I guess... I’ll see you around, bye."

"Bye."

 

\------

 

Naruto arrived at the Hokage's office early the next morning, only to run into Shikamaru outside.

"What's up?" Naruto said. "Mission?"

"Yeah, you too?"

"No... I was just checking in."

"Oh, that's strange..." Shikamaru trailed off.

"Why?"

"Because Hokage-sama talked about calling you in."

Naruto perked up. Then he wouldn't be left out of the loop, at least.

He entered the office together with Shikamaru. Kakashi looked at him maybe a second too long, the only hint that he was a little surprised to see Naruto there.

"Shikamaru," Kakashi said. "You got a briefing yesterday. Could you step outside for a second so I can talk to Naruto alone?"

"Sure."

Kakashi waited till the door was closed before he turned to Naruto.

"Did I call you here?"

"... No..."

"Then why are you here?"

"I just wanted to drop by a little earlier, and then I met Shikamaru outside and he said you were planning to call me in for this mission."

Kakashi sighed. "I was thinking about it, yes... But..." He fixed Naruto with a stern look from his one visible eye. "If I allow you to come with on this mission, you must promise me that you won't do anything rash."

"I won't! I have changed a lot since I was sixteen, Kakashi. But you wouldn't know since you never send me out on missions anymore."

"In peaceful times there aren't many missions to send you on."

Kakashi seemed hesitant to give the order.

"I guess you've long ago realized this mission involves Sasuke."

Naruto's heart did a wild somersault. So he'd been right.

"Yes," he said.

"Then you would probably like to know that if you in any way compromise the mission, you'll be putting his life on the line."

Naruto paled. “What’s happened to him?!"

Kakashi leaned forward in his chair and folded his hands on the desktop.

"The message I received was sent a week ago. Sasuke reported that he had come in conflict with the government in Frost Country on his way back to Konoha. Apparently, they're of the understanding that he's still a missing nin and they seem to think that he’s theirs to deal with, so they imprisoned him.”

"What?!... How could they do that? And they didn’t tell us? So if Sasuke hadn't been able to send that message, no one would have known where he was?!"

"That’s correct."

"That's unacceptable!”

"There's nothing we can do about it. It’s foolish to start a war over a former missing nin whom we don't even know for sure is loyal to Konoha. But they can’t deny us unless they want to risk our friendship. Sasuke was pardoned and no one has any right to keep him imprisoned. They know that. So I’m sending a party to talk with them immediately.”  


“Who are you sending?”

“You, Shikamaru and Sakura. I’ll give the command to you, but if Shikamaru tells you to step down I’ll expect you to listen to his advice. He knows more about diplomatic missions than you do.”  


Naruto nodded brusquely. “I’ll do anything you ask me if you just let me go on this mission.”

Kakashi sighed. “I trust you Naruto, but please keep your temper in check. Sasuke’s wellbeing rests in your hands. I hope that he means enough to you to take it easy and be careful.”

 

\-----

 

Sakura was uncharacteristically silent during their travel to Shimogakure. She spoke only when addressed, and even then she kept the talking to a minimum. Naruto guessed that it was because she was worried about Sasuke, but when he tried to console her, she vehemently denied that she was worried. Naruto would almost have believed her if he hadn’t seen the tears in the corner of her eyes.

"I don’t get why he let himself be captured," Naruto said when they camped the first night. “He could have gotten out of there easily.”

“If he had put up a fight, he might have ended up creating animosity between our countries,” Shikamaru said. “When Konoha took him in he swore his allegiance to us. To break it would mean he’d be a missing nin again because he knows Konoha couldn’t side with him. Possibly, that’s what Shimogakure wanted him to do. That way, they’d be rid of him.”

“Why do they even care?!”

“Many countries think it was softhearted of Konoha to pardon him. He helped Akatsuki, and he attacked the Kage Summit… There are a lot of people who won’t let that go, but only the smaller countries can do anything about it since they don’t have an allegiance to the Shinobi Union.”

Naruto sighed. “Will they hurt him?”

“I don’t know… They’ll be treating him as a prisoner… One they think should die, so I don’t think they’re gonna be lenient. But if they hurt him and we found out, they’re responsible for harming a Konoha ninja. I don’t think they want to risk that.”

Sakura briskly threw another piece of wood on the fire.  


“Enough talk. We should rest,” she said. “I’ll take first watch.”

 

\-----

 

They reached Shimogakure around midday, but when they attempted to pass the gates they were stopped.

“We are Konoha ninja, here to pick up one of our men.”  


“Why would we have a Konoha nin here in out city?” The guard said. “I’ve seen everyone who have been coming and going, and there haven’t been any Konoha nin here since the war.”  


“You have Uchiha Sasuke in your custody,” Naruto said coldly. He showed the guard the documents with the Hokage’s seal. “Let us in.”  


The man stepped aside after taking a good look on the seal, and opened the gates.

They made their way to the police house. Again they were stopped at the doors.

“What are ninja doing in our town?” One man said.

“State your purpose!” Another man demanded.

“We’re here to pick up one of our men,” Naruto said. He was nearly gritting his teeth in anger. Why was there an obstacle at every turn?

“We don’t have any ninja here,” the first guard said.

Naruto once again showed them the seal. “If you don’t let me in, you’ll be answering to Konoha.”

The guards hesitated, but they stepped aside and opened the doors. Sakura and Shikamaru waited outside while Naruto were led to the leader of the police department.

“We don’t have the man you seek,” he said after Naruto stated his purpose.

“Then you won’t mind if we search this place.”

“Please, go ahead.”

Naruto was led down a hallway to the cells. He looked inside each and every one of them. Sasuke wasn’t there.

“Is this all the prisoners you have?”

“Yes.”

Sakura and Shikamaru looked alarmed when Naruto came out alone. Naruto shook his head.

“He’s not here.”  


Sakura and Shikamaru exchanged glances.

“Then… They must be keeping him somewhere else,” Sakura said.

“But why would they keep it secret from us?” Naruto said.

Shikamaru looked thoughtful. “Maybe they don’t know.”

He looked around the small town square. “Is there any prisons around here?” He asked one of the guards.

“Only the one at the Ice Hill where the old fortress lies. But it isn’t in use anymore.”  


The three of them exchanged glances.

“Where does the Daimyo reside?” Naruto asked.

The guard looked unwilling to answer, but seemed to think twice about it when he suddenly had the glowering attention of three shinobi.

“He lives at the residence on the Rose Hill.” The guard pointed in the direction of a cluster of buildings on top of a hill in the distance.

“Then we’ll go there.”

 

\------

 

The Daimyo’s guard almost seemed to be expecting them. He opened the gates and led them to the reception hall. The Daimyo was seated on a plush stool at the head of the room, his head bowed as though in meditation.

All three of the Konoha nin bowed, but before they could speak, the Daimyo took the word.

“Konoha nin,” he said. “I guess you’re here looking for your traitor.”

Naruto was two seconds away from blowing a gasket, but he remembered Kakashi’s words and kept his mouth shut. He made a discreet signal for Shikamaru to step forth and speak.

“We have evidence that the government in Frost Country have captured and imprisoned a Konoha citizen.”

The Daimyo snorted. “A citizen, you say? Why was he not in his own country where he _belongs,_ then?”

“He has as much right to move freely between our countries as you and I have. Imprisoning him is a violation of the law.”

“… Very well. I don’t wish to target myself with the wrath of the Fire nation, but I think that the Leaf is making a mistake in pardoning this man.”

The Daimyo looked up at them for the first time since they’d entered the hall.

“After the Fourth Shinobi war, I thought you’d be intelligent enough to see that this Uchiha-clan is a pest. The war started because of some Uchiha ilk that the Fire nation was too softhearted to properly exterminate.”  


“Everyone thought Madara was dead,” Naruto hissed.

Shikamaru signaled for him to calm down. The Daimyo’s eyes shifted to him.

“So… You’re the one who kept pleading for him.”

He signaled for Naruto to step forth. He walked closer, his face set in stone.

“The man you have captured is my friend.” He said. “No matter what things he did in the past, what mistakes he did, he was pardoned by the authorities of my country. You have no right to extract your personal revenge on him.”

The Daimyo sighed. “I have sent out messages to all the great shinobi nations, and no one will side with me on this. As I said, I will not risk any animosity with the fire nation. But I still encourage you to rethink your decision. Many countries are fearful after the war. Although it seems like there are peaceful times ahead now that the four great shinobi nations are allied, one must always be watchful of hidden dangers. And having the last Uchiha walking around among us like he isn’t a threat, when we all know his loyalty is abut as trustworthy as that of a cornered snake, is like waiting for a disaster to happen.”  


“I trust Sasuke with my life,” Naruto said. He met the old mans surprisingly steady gaze without blinking. “I don’t care if you trust me or not, but you should at least pay that much respect to the nation that helped winning the war.”  


They held the stare for a long, long moment. Finally someone cleared their throat.

“Daimyo-sama,” Shikamaru said. “You should at least pay a mind to the fact that Uchiha Sasuke easily could have crushed all of you and this entire town if he felt so inclined. But he let you capture him, and he stayed locked up even though he had few means of connecting anyone from Konoha. Isn’t that a clear sign of his loyalty?”

Naruto felt grateful Shikamaru had spoke up, since he knew that he had little liking for Sasuke.

The Daimyo finally broke their staring contest, and waved one of his men over.

“Lead them to the traitor. I have nothing more to say about this.”

Two guards stepped forth and led the three ninja out of the Daimyo’s mansion, and through the town, towards the fortress on the hill.

“The prison isn’t in use, my ass,” Naruto muttered.

Sakura shushed him. “Be nice until we have him, at least.”

The hill that the fortress was situated on was windy and cold. The gates had long since eroded away, and the wall around the fortress had started crumbling. It was apparent that this place hadn’t been in use for many, many years. The huge iron doors groaned as they were pulled open. The hall inside was pitch black, obscured only by the dust of old stones crumbling from the doorframe.

“Wait here,” Naruto told the others. “Keep watch.”

The guard lit a torch and led him into the bowels of the fortress. The further down they went, the more musty and cold the air got. As they walked through the passages of rows upon rows of prison cells, the only sound that could be heard was the constant dripping of water. All the cells were empty.

“Why the hell did you keep him down here?” Naruto said.

“We didn’t want the innocent to be exposed if he chose to fight us.”

The guard stopped at a crossroad.

“I’ll go no further than this.” He handed the torch and a key to Naruto.

Naruto tore them out of his hands. “If no one dared to check up on him, how do you even know he’s alive?!”

“One person checked up on him daily. A shinobi. No one else is allowed near him.”

Naruto didn’t know if that news calmed him or agitated him more.

“Last cell on the right,” the guard said as Naruto strode briskly down the passage.

As if he needed directions. Apparently, he just needed to look for the only occupied cell. When he reached the last cell on the right, he raised the torch and indeed, there was dark bundle of clothes on the narrow wooden cot.

He unlocked the door and placed the torch in an iron holder on the wall. He hurried over to the shape on the cot and lifted away a flap of faded, black material to reveal Sasuke’s pale but unmarred face.

He nearly cried in relief.  


“Sasuke,” he whispered, his hands fumbling over the rough material of the blanket that was covering Sasuke, unable to fathom that he was really there.

“Three years are so unbelievably long,” he whispered. He wanted to touch Sasuke’s skin, to feel that he was alive, but he felt so jittery, unsure what to do and trying his best to contain his emotions.

Sasuke hadn’t moved yet, hadn’t even opened his eyes.

Naruto searched for his pulse. It was weak, but steady. He was only sleeping. Naruto grabbed Sasuke by the shoulders, hoisting him up so he was sitting, and only then did he become aware of the chains. They clattered against each other when Sasuke was moved.

Naruto pulled the blanket off Sasuke, and pulled the cloak aside. The chains were fastened around his upper arms… And there were kanji on them. Naruto traced them with the pads of his fingers, and felt a gentle but steady pull from them.

“They’re… chakra absorbent…” Sasuke whispered.

Naruto glanced up at Sasuke, who was looking at him from under his eyelashes, barely able to hold his eyes open.

He lifted his hand and collected energy for the rasengan.

“Idiot,” Sasuke said. “That won’t work.”

Right… Chakra absorbent… Damn.

But in that case… Naruto made sure Sasuke could sit upright on his own, before he kneeled down on the floor and concentrated on collecting nature energy. When he finally entered sage mode, he wasted no time grabbing the chains and tearing them apart with every ounce of strength he could measure. They flew apart as easily as though they were made of glass and crashed towards the floor in a million tiny pieces.

Still, though, the bands around Sasuke’s upper arms continued to glow faintly.

“The kanji…” Sasuke said. “You have to…break the…kanji…”

“But… I can’t…”

…He couldn’t break them without hurting Sasuke.

Suddenly, the sound of voices drifted down to them along the passageway. Agitated voices. And then the sound of someone running towards them… Naruto stood in front of Sasuke, not quite sure what to expect. He didn’t really fear any of the guards in this place, because they weren’t shinobi… But if they had gotten past Sakura and Shikamaru…

To his surprise, it was Sakura that appeared in the door, tightly followed by a masked person.

“Naruto, she refused to listen,” Sakura said. “She said she had something important to tell you. She was so adamant that I didn’t dare to not let her in.”

The masked woman stepped forth. Her mask was dark blue with yellow details, and portrayed a bird of pray. The eyes that glared at him through the holes of the mask were as steely as the eyes of an eagle.

She didn’t say anything but just brushed past Naruto and kneeled down next to Sasuke. She whispered something under her breath and performed a series of hand seals. The chains around Sasuke’s upper arms stopped glowing, and then they popped open with a soft click and fell clattering to the floor.

The woman stood and bowed towards Naruto and Sakura.

“My mission here is done. I’ll be taking my leave.”  


Sakura refused to move from the doorway.

“Who are you?” she said. “And what have you done to him?”

The woman bowed again. “I’m a shinobi appointed by the Frost Daimyo. I was told to make sure the missing nin didn’t leave his cell until I got further instructions. As to who I am…” She met Sakura’s steely glare without blinking. “That is not something I can disclose.”

Sakura opened her mouth, but no words escaped. She closed it again and her glare turned even darker.

“He’s not a missing nin,” she snapped. “He’s my comrade. And… my friend.”

The woman’s eyes softened minutely, but her voice was just as clipped.

“I was just doing what I was ordered to do. My personal feelings or opinions don’t matter. But…” She lowered her eyes and her fingers curled into fists. “I can relate since I’m also a missing nin of sorts.”

She took a step closer to Sakura, who grudgingly stepped aside.

“I can assure you that I treated him as nicely as I possibly could. He’ll be fine again with enough rest and food.”

And then she brushed past Sakura and disappeared with only the muted rustle of her cloak.

 

\------

 

Sasuke felt slightly disoriented when he woke up. He’d been in and out of consciousness since Naruto and Sakura found him in the dungeon. He vaguely remembered feeling extremely hot, and then extremely cold: shivering one second, and then sweating the next. He remembered firm, warm hands brushing a cool, wet cloth over his skin, and gentler, nimbler hands encouraging him to drink something bitter.

He remembered the soft murmur of their voices from the times when he drifted between consciousness and sleep. The gentle timber of Naruto’s voice, and Sakura’s calm, sweet tones.

There was a fireplace in his room, he vaguely remembered. He could hear the soft crackling from the fire. He tried to open his eyes, even though it was a struggle to move even that little. There was a window next to the bed. The curtains were drawn back and it was dark outside. He could see a sliver of the moon, and what looked like a person sitting on the roof outside.

He tried to move, but every muscle in his body hurt. Someone rushed to his side.

“You should rest up,” Sakura said, and gently stroked his bangs away from his face.

“Here.”

She was offering him something to drink, but he didn’t feel like taking it. He was pretty sure it was something that’d make him sleep.

“Please,” Sakura said when he refused to accept the cup. “It’ll help you sleep. You need to sleep. It hasn’t even been a day and you’re still weak. You can’t even move.”

Sasuke gave up and accepted the medicine. It took effect immediately, clouding his mind and sending him straight into a dreamless sleep.

 

\------

 

For the first time in a long while, Sasuke drifted out of sleep and was able to make the sound of conversation into something coherent. He was teetering on the edge of oblivion, but the peaceful hum of his comrade’s conversation kept him alert.

“How is he?” Naruto asked.

“Better.”

“It’s been over a day and he hasn’t woken up yet.”

“He was awake for a short while,” Sakura said. “But I gave him something to make him fall asleep again. He shouldn’t be awake if he can’t even move.”

Naruto sighed. “How long do think it will be before we can travel back to Konoha?”

“Maybe a few days… Maybe more. Naruto, it’s okay if you go back to Konoha. He don’t need two people to look after him.”  


“I’ll stay here, Sakura, or else you’ll exhaust yourself.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m staying.”

Sakura sighed. “Fine.”

“Go get yourself something to eat and rest a bit, you’ve been sitting here for almost 24 hours straight.”

There was a rustle as Sakura stood. “Watch over him for me, will you?”

“Of course.”

Sakura left and closed the door after her, and then there was silence. Sasuke was about to drift back to sleep when he felt the bed dip. He felt the warmth from Naruto’s body against his hip. He couldn’t have opened his eyes if he wanted to. He was struggling to stay awake, but it was a loosing battle.

Just as he drifted off into sleep, he felt the gentlest brush of fingers against his hand. The hand remained atop his. Naruto softly hummed a melody, but it was impossible to recognize because it was terribly out of tune.

‘I’m glad he doesn’t sing often,’ was the last thing Sasuke thought before he fell asleep.

 

\------

 

Naruto jolted awake when something hard hit his head.

“Ouch!” he whined and rubbed the back of his head. “What was that for, Sakura!”

“Quit whining and be a little more quiet!” Sakura hissed. “You fell asleep when you were supposed to watch over Sasuke!”

Naruto thought Sakura looked intimidating where she stood in the doorway, hands at her sides and her eyes nearly shooting fire.

He sat up, still rubbing the bump on his head. “I don’t think he’ll die just because I wasn’t watching him while he sleeps. Like you do. Which is creepy, by the way.”  
Sakura crossed her arms.

“Now that I think about it,” Naruto said as he hurried up from his comfortable position next to Sasuke on the double bed. “I need to go…do something. Bye!”

He hurried out the window before Sakura could throw more things at his head, and found his usual perch on the roof.  


He and Sakura were the only ones watching over Sasuke. Shikamaru had left to inform the Hokage immediately after they had rescued Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura had told him he didn’t need to, sine they could easily send a message, but he’d been resolute about doing it in person.

“After all, we don’t know how long it will take before Sasuke can travel again. It would be unnecessary to keep three good ninja here when only one or two is needed.”

Later, Sakura had said that Shikamaru probably felt a little awkward about being with them.

“I mean, he doesn’t get along well with Sasuke. And there’s always bound to be a lot of feelings involved around the three of us.”

She didn’t say more, but Naruto understood: a lot of feelings indeed. He didn’t know any longer who loved whom and who was the third wheel. He didn’t even know if anyone liked anyone anymore, although Sakura still seemed to have feelings for Sasuke…

Naruto sighed and watched his breath condensate in the chilly air. It was getting late and it was dark outside. A light sprinkling of snow had started falling and it left him melancholic. He knew why: it had snowed when he first started going out with Hinata. He packed his cloak tighter around himself and tried to think about something a bit more uplifting. But no matter how much he tried, all he saw was Hinata’s face when he had broken up with her.

After the disaster of their first attempt at having sex, Hinata had still wanted to be together with him. “It’s okay,” she’d said. “As long as you still love me.”

But that wasn’t the problem. He loved her, just as he loved all his friends, but it simply wasn’t enough to keep dating her. If he couldn’t love her in every way, then what was the point? Breaking up with her had been one of the hardest decisions he’d ever had to make. It had broken his heart as much as it had broken her heart, but it would have hurt them more to keep going. He told himself that every day, until the hurt started mending little by little.

He was roused from his reverie when he noticed a figure on a rooftop on the other side of the street. The figure darted away as soon as he noticed it. Naruto hurried after it. He was faster, and caught up to the person easily, but catching him was harder. When Naruto tried to grab him, he darted away so fast it was like he disappeared, and then he suddenly was right over Naruto and delivered a swiping kick that propelled him off the roof. He ricocheted off the wall of the neighboring house, and lounged onto the roof again. The figure was standing there, calmly, waiting. It lowered the hood, revealing a bird of prey-mask.

“It’s you!” Naruto said.

“Indeed,” the woman said.

“What were you doing here? Why are you spying on us?!”

She shrugged. “I wanted to make sure he was okay. I watched over him for a while. Just wanted to make sure you guys are trustworthy.”

“We sure as hell are more trustworthy than you are. You nearly killed him!”

She raised her hands as though in surrender. “I merely followed orders. But there’s another thing I wondered about too,” she said. “Are you by any chance Naruto?”

“How do you know my name?”

“Uchiha said your name several times. I thought you might be close to him.”  


“I’m his friend.”

She cocked her head. “Really?”

Naruto blushed. “What else would I be?”  


“… It’s none of my business, really… But you seem like an honest person. It’s a pity that you’re lying to me.”

Naruto’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

She shrugged and took a few steps away from him. “I might not have any right to be saying this… But he told me, every single time I saw him, that if he died I had to find you and tell you something important.”

“And what was that?”

“He wanted me to tell you that he loves you.”  


Naruto froze.

“He might not be dead,” the woman said. “But I think you should know either way.”

And then she turned and was gone in the vast darkness of the night. It took a second for Naruto to react, to make his body function again after the sudden mental relapse. But when he started searching for her, she was nowhere to be found. She hadn’t left one single trace even though the snow had started covering the roofs. She had just disappeared into nothing: dissipating like smoke.

Naruto stopped on top of the highest roof in the town, looking out over the snow-covered rooftops and the warmly lit windows and lanterns in the streets. Nothing was moving except from the snowflakes falling lazily from an ominously black sky.


	4. In sickness and in...

Sasuke drifted awake to muted talking.

“I promise I won’t fall asleep,” Naruto was whining.

“Shush!” Sakura said.

“Pleeeease? You need to rest,” Naruto goaded her. “You haven’t slept properly since we left on this mission. I’ll take care of him so you can rest safely.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Don’t fall asleep,” Sakura said at last.

“I won’t! Promise!”

“You better be telling the truth.”

“When have I ever let you down?”

“Fine. I’ll try to sleep for a bit. But don’t hesitate to wake me if something happens.”

“Of course not.”

A door closed and then there was some shuffling. Sasuke tried to open his eyes but he felt too lethargic. He drifted off for a while, and when he woke up again the room was silent. He tried to move his head a bit. This time he was able to move a few inches. He opened his eyes only to find Naruto right next to him, asleep and snoring softly. His face was so close to Sasuke’s, he could feel the breaths on his cheek.

If he’d had any strength left in his arm, he would have pushed Naruto away, but as it was he barely had enough strength to move. He laid there for a while, flexing his hand and feet and trying to move little by little. His limbs felt heavy and numb, but he could move them and that was what mattered.

Some of the lingering lethargy seemed to come from the sleeping draught, because he found he could move more easily after a while. He tried to sit up, but that was where his strength left him. He leaned back on the pillow and turned towards Naruto, who was still fast asleep. It was a double bed and there was more than enough room for the both of them, so even though Sasuke was lying closer towards the middle, it didn’t warrant for Naruto to be lying that close.

Sasuke made a weak attempt at shoving him awake. Naruto just batted his hand away, groaned something in his sleep, and then he suddenly reached out and embraced him. Sasuke struggled against his hold but he didn’t have a chance. Naruto’s mouth was now inches from his neck and his breath was fanning out over Sasuke’s skin. Sasuke twisted around, placed a hand on Naruto’s face and pressed the heel of his hand into Naruto’s right eye socket.

Naruto jolted awake, grabbed Sasuke’s hand, and loomed over him with a steely look on his face. It was there for only a second before Naruto realized he wasn’t in danger. He let go of Sasuke immediately and drew back.

He ran one hand through his hair. “Sorry,” he said.

Sasuke leant back on the pillow. He was sweaty and short breathed from just the small exertion of waking Naruto.

“Why are you in my bed?” He said.

“Ah… We only have two rooms,” Naruto said. “Sakura is too polite to use this bed so I have to chase her out so that she can get some sleep.”

…Damn.

“How are you feeling?” Naruto asked. “Do you need anything? Are you in pain? Should I get Sakura?”

“No,” Sasuke said.

Naruto looked unconvinced.

“If you’re hungry or something, I could get you some food…”

Sasuke paused. He supposed food was a good idea… He nodded.

Naruto got up at once and put on his shoes.

“I’ll be right back,” he said.

Ten minutes later he returned with a bowl of broth. He pulled out the IV from Sasuke’s right arm. It hung on the headboard of the bed, a small, translucent bag with liquid.

Sasuke looked at Naruto, hoping to convey his question through just a look. Naruto didn’t disappoint.

“Sakura managed to get it from the local hospital,” he said. “You were very dehydrated…” Naruto trailed off. He focused in stead on putting the bowl of broth on the table next to the bed. He fetched another pillow and helped Sasuke sit up.

Naruto moved closer and held the bowl of broth while Sasuke ate. When Sasuke was done, he felt like he’d been running a marathon.

“You don’t look too well,” Naruto said.

Sasuke didn’t feel too well either. He was short of breath from just sitting upright, and he was starting to feel dizzy and nauseous.

“I need to lie down,” he said, and Naruto helped him remove the pillows and lowered him down on the bed.

“You’re soaked,” Sasuke heard him mutter. “I’ll go get Sakura.”

It was getting increasingly difficult to stay awake and alert. Naruto’s voice sounded like it came from the end of a tunnel.

“I’ll be back in a second.”

Sasuke heard the door close, and then he spiraled down into a restless, suffocating darkness.

 

\------

 

“He’s awake?” Sakura sounded like she was on the verge of panicking. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t want to wake you.”

Sakura was already darting towards the door. Naruto trailed after her to Sasuke’s room.

“God, he’s burning up,” Sakura muttered after having touched Sasuke’s forehead. “But he was lucid?”

“Yeah, he spoke to me and seemed completely fine just five minutes ago.”

“You should have told me with once,” Sakura muttered. She inspected Sasuke’s clothes and came to the same conclusion as Naruto had. “He’s soaked through with sweat.”

She stood and walked towards the door.

“Stay here,” she told Naruto. “I’ll get some cold water and a cloth.”

Naruto sat down on the edge of Sasuke’s bed and wiped his brow with a corner of the sheet. Just a few minutes ago he’d been awake, and now he was unconscious and inhumanly warm. His breathing was labored and his eyes were moving under his eyelids as though he were in the middle of a restless dream.

Sakura returned with a big bowl of water, and a cloth. She placed them on the floor next to the bed, dunked the cloth in the water and placed it on Sasuke’s brow.

“You shouldn’t have let him exert himself,” she said.

“I’m sorry…” Naruto felt guilty. He should have done what Sakura had instructed him to; if Sasuke woke up, give him the sleeping draught. But he just… It hadn’t seemed necessary. He’d seemed fine.

“His body has no reserves because he’s nearly depleted from chakra,” Sakura said. “His immune system is weak and that’s why he’s gotten so sick. All we can do now, is to nurse him back to health, however long that’ll take.”

“I’m sorry,” Naruto said again.

“It’s fine, Naruto. He’ll be fine.”

Naruto met her eyes. She didn’t look reproachful, just tired.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she said. “This would probably have happened anyway.”

She stood and pulled the sheet down to Sasuke’s stomach. The dark shirt he was wearing was sticking to his skin with perspiration.

“We need to get him out of this,” she said. “Do you have any spare clothes?”

Naruto found a shirt and some pants in his travel pack. It was the only change of clothes he had. But when he handed them to Sakura, she took a step away from him.

“I can’t do it,” she said. She looked a bit pale.

“What? But…”

“You’re both boys. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Naruto just gaped.

“But you’re the nurse! You’re the one with experience about this kinda thing!”

Sakura blushed and frowned at the same time. She pushed her hair behind her ear.

“Please, Naruto,” she said, choosing to go for pleading. Damn, she knew it was his weakness. “Think about Sasuke… Do you think he’d like to know that a girl has been undressing him?”

“I don’t think he’d like to know that _anyone_ had undressed him.”

“Then it’s better that you do it!”

“Please, Sakura…”

“Why do you think it’s so awful?”

“Why do _you_ think it’s so awful?”

“Because… Because I’m attracted to him, okay?” Sakura crossed her arms. “It would be… weird.”

Naruto was about to say ‘me too’, but stopped himself just in time.

He realized he’d lost that round.

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll do it.”

Sakura smiled in relief. “Thank you,” she said. “I’ll go and make some more medicine. Get me if you need anything, okay?”

Sakura was about to leave when Naruto asked her to wait.

“What if I do something wrong again?”

“There’s not much more you can do wrong,” Sakura said. “But get me immediately if he gets worse. And remember to hook him back to the IV.”

“Damn,” Naruto muttered. He’d forgotten about the IV.

“First she refuses to leave you,” Naruto muttered after Sakura left. “And now she can’t wait to get out of here. Great.”

He sat down next to Sasuke on the bed. It felt wrong to undress him when he wasn’t awake, but he had to do it. He pulled Sasuke’s shirt over his head, but tried as best he could to avoid looking at his sweaty chest. God, his nipples were hard… Was that natural in his condition? It was definitely distracting…

Naruto dipped the cloth into the water again, and ran it over Sasuke’s chest. His skin was so warm that Naruto could feel the heat through the cloth. He accidentally touched Sasuke’s skin, and it was burning to the touch. Naruto moved upwards and ran the freshly dampened cloth gently over Sasuke’s brow and temples.

“Alright,” he muttered to himself. “Pants next.”

_Great_. Okay, it wasn’t worse than undressing with the guys in the bathhouse. Except that he was much closer to Sasuke than he ever was to anyone at the bathhouse… and that he was undressing someone else instead of himself… Who was he trying to fool? It wasn’t the same at all. It was as far from the same as it was possible to get.

He decided that if he couldn’t see what he was doing, then it would be the same as it never happening. So he pulled the sheet up to Sasuke’s chin and fumbled for the button of his pants. His hand brushed against Sasuke’s skin and he felt a jolt of shock at the abrupt touch. This was already feeling much more intimate than it should. He found the top of his pants, popped open the button, and pulled down the zipper. His hand was moving in very dangerous territory right now. He regretted the decision about the sheet because he had no idea of how close his hands were to Sasuke’s junk.

He grabbed the top of Sasuke pants and pulled them down with his boxers, fast and steady, like pulling off a Band-Aid. Now just the hardest part remained: getting him dressed.

Naruto took the pants from the pile of clothes he’d found for Sasuke. He lifted the sheet, hefted it up to somewhere around Sasuke’s knees, slipped the pants over his feet and pulled them upwards. He hesitated with the pants around Sasuke’s knees. He just couldn’t figure out a modest way of doing this.

Suddenly Sasuke moved.

“N’ruto…” he murmured. “What’re you doing…?”

Naruto froze. “I… er… I was just…”

Sasuke sighed and shifted again. He moved his legs, and the sheet slipped up to his thigh. It nearly gave Naruto a heart failure.

“I’m burning up,” Sasuke murmured.

Naruto swallowed. “I know,” Naruto said. “I tried to cool you off a bit. I just needed to give you a change of clothes… Just… Stop moving, please.”

Sasuke was panting now. He’d stopped moving for the time being, but Naruto feared that was because he’d gone back to oblivion. He inched the pants up Sasuke’s thighs and under the sheet. Somehow he managed to keep the sheet in place until he’d pulled the pants over Sasuke’s ass.

“I’m _so_ sorry, Sasuke,” Naruto muttered under his breath. “I hope you won’t remember this…”

He was glad the pants were loose and easy to close, or else he’d have to get a lot more intimate with Sasuke than what was appropriate.

When the pants finally were in place, the shirt felt like a walk in the park. He drenched the cloth again when he was done, and put it on Sasuke’s forehead. Then he noticed the IV lying on the mattress, and inserted it in the catheter in Sasuke’s arm.

Sakura returned a few minutes later.

“I’ve brought fresh sheets,” she said. “And I’ve made a new medicine that hopefully will lower his fever. Other than that, we’ll just have to try and get some food into him at some point.”

They helped each other change the bed and then Sakura fed Sasuke with the medicine.

All that remained was waiting. The hours ticked by slowly. Naruto tried to distract himself with a game of cards, but the clone he was playing with just kept cheating.

Sakura was sitting next to him, regularly checking Sasuke’s temperature and changing the damp cloth on his forehead. When she wasn’t watching over Sasuke, she was looking through some medical scrolls, muttering by herself.

“How is he?” Naruto asked.

“The fever isn’t receding,” Sakura said. “I didn’t have enough ingredients left so the medicine wasn’t very potent…”

“Can’t you buy some more?”

“Yes, but I’m a bit concerned that he’s still so warm. Do think you could give him a calming bath while I’m out?”

“I… ah, wah- A bath?...”

“It’s the best natural way to bring his fever down.”

“I… uh…”

Sakura watched him, one pink eyebrow arched in expectation.

“Do I have a choice?” Naruto said.

“Not really.”

 

\------

 

The baths were downstairs. Since they needed to take care of Sasuke immediately, they never left Shimogakure, and the facilities in that town were extremely old fashioned.

“I’m surprised their hospital even knew what an IV was,” Sakura had said after she came back with the IV bag.

Naruto had to carry Sasuke down two flights of stairs, and he was quite heavy despite the fact that he hadn’t eaten solid food for two days. The bath consisted of an old fashioned, round tub made out of wood, and a water pump in a corner. There was no warm water, so the water had to be heated in a huge boiler.

Sakura had instructed him concerning the temperature of the water.

“It shouldn’t be cold,” she’d said. “Keep it a bit below body tempered.”

Naruto had very little sensibility around things like that, so he just hoped he was doing it right. He filled the bath till it was half full, and turned to the bench where he had placed Sasuke.

“After the trouble I went through with dressing you, we’re back to scratch,” Naruto muttered.

There was no way of getting out of this… Well, unless he put Sasuke in the bath with his clothes on… But then, what would he wear afterwards?

He pulled the shirt over Sasuke’s head and started opening his pants. He kept his eyes focused on anything except Sasuke while he pulled them down, and hurried to cover him with a towel. Then he placed one arm under Sasuke’s knees, and one around his back, and hoisted him up.

‘Don’t think about the fact that you’re holding a naked Sasuke Uchiha in your arms,’ Naruto told himself. ‘Think about something cold… Like… Ice cubes… Ugly ice cubes… Okay, this is not working…’

He hurried to lower Sasuke into the water. That way at least he wouldn’t be perving on Sasuke while he was touching him all over…

He grabbed a cloth, dipped it in the lukewarm water, and ran it over Sasuke’s burning hot skin… The lighting in the bath was a little too good… He could see every inch of Sasuke’s toned chest a bit too clearly.

He ran the moist cloth over Sasuke’s forehead, letting the water dribble over his face. He tried to keep his eyes from wandering, but they strayed without his consent. The towel had slid off when he lowered Sasuke into the water, and he could see the shape of Sasuke’s cock through the water… Plump cockhead, uncircumcised…

God… Naruto forced himself to look away. This was not right… He wasn’t supposed to see Sasuke this way without his approval. He focused on combing back the moist black bangs from Sasuke’s face and figured he might as well give it a wash. Sasuke probably hadn’t taken a bath in… God knows how long.

He grabbed some soap from a holder next to the tub, and lathered up Sasuke’s hair. He used some time running his fingers through it, telling himself he needed to soap it up properly. Truth was, he enjoyed touching Sasuke like this. It was an innocent thing that he never had the chance to do before, just a friendly favor that they’d normally been too distanced from each other to even consider.

It was sad, Naruto thought, how completely secluded from each other they’d always been… And they were supposed to be friends, to be sharing a bond… The strongest bond in history, apparently, because despite everything they’d been through, it had never been broken. But it was a useless bond if they couldn’t even be together without one or the other being in mortal danger.

After a while, Sasuke seemed to cool down a bit. His forehead wasn’t that warm anymore, and he’d even woken up at one point. Naruto nearly got the shock of his life when he realized Sasuke was awake while he was absently dribbling cooling water over his chest.

“Er… Hi,” Naruto said. “You’re awake.”

He hurried to cease all physical contact.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked.

“… Naruto?”

No anger? That was a relief.

“Yeah?”

Sasuke tried to straighten up, but his strength left him. Naruto caught him and made him lean back against the edge of the tub.

“I feel like shit…” Sasuke muttered.

“Hm,” Naruto said. He tried to forget that his hands had just been all over Sasuke.

Sasuke lifted his hand and sort of reached towards Naruto. Naruto hesitated before reaching out and touching his hand. Sasuke grabbed his fingers.

“Keep doing what you were doing,” he said, and pulled Naruto’s hand into the water. “It was nice…”

Naruto felt his skin tingle with excitement from the tips of his fingers and up to his scalp. He cupped his hand and drizzled the water over Sasuke’s chest. Sasuke tilted his head back, baring his neck. Naruto collected more water and let it run down Sasuke’s neck and down across his chest. Sasuke shuddered when the tips of Naruto’s fingers accidentally brushed his skin.

Naruto felt a bit bolder. He drizzled water over Sasuke’s chest and ‘accidentally’ grazed his nipple. He had _not_ been prepared for the groan that it drew from Sasuke. He realized he was playing a dangerous game.

“I think we’re done here,” he said, and fetched a towel for Sasuke to wear.

He had to hoist Sasuke out of the water bridal style, and put him down on the bench. He placed a towel over his lap and used another towel to dry his hair.

Sasuke leant back against the wall, his cheeks flushed from the fever.

“Thank you,” he said… And then he smirked. “For being so helpful.”

Naruto felt and angry blush color his neck. He barely stopped himself from throwing the towel in Sasuke’s face.

“I’m just doing what I have to in order to keep you alive,” he bit out.

“Does touching me help me stay alive?”

Sasuke was panting now, his teeth clenched from the exertion of staying upright. Naruto remembered that he was supposed to watch over him, not bicker with him, and made Sasuke lie down.

“Don’t exert yourself,” Naruto said. “I might not bother to be so _helpful_ again.”

Sasuke closed his eyes, probably too exhausted to argue more. Naruto picked up the pants and the shirt from the floor.

“Do you think you can manage to get dressed?” he asked.

Sasuke peeked up at him from beneath his eyelashes. He lifted one eyebrow as though saying ‘does it look like I can?’ Naruto cursed under his breath. Doing it while Sasuke was unconscious was bad enough, but doing it while he was awake and might remember it… That was ten times worse.

He pulled the shirt over Sasuke’s head, and Sasuke helped as best he could. Naruto hesitated with the pants.

“Don’t be a wuss,” Sasuke said through clenched teeth. “It isn’t such a fucking big deal.”

“Fine,” Naruto grumbled. He pulled the pants up over Sasuke’s feet. “Just don’t complain about it later.”

He still couldn’t quite make himself remove the towel, so he pulled the pants up underneath the towel. When he looked over at Sasuke’s face, his eyes were closed. Naruto put his hands under the towel. His left palm brushed Sasuke’s pubic hair. He tried to pretend it had never happened and zipped up the pants.

Sasuke turned his face towards the wall and didn’t put in as much as one single little protest when Naruto lifted him up and carried him back to bed.

Sakura arrived with the medicine an hour later.

“They didn’t have everything I needed,” she said as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Naruto stood to give her room. “But I got hold of something that’ll help with the fever.”

She started putting different powdered herbs into a bowl.

“I was stopped by some guards on my way back,” she said. “They warned me that we weren’t welcome here and that we’d be thrown out if we hadn’t left by tomorrow morning.”

“Shit… We can’t leave,” Naruto said. “It’s impossible. Sasuke’s too sick.”

“I know. But they weren’t very friendly. I guess we could refuse, but the personnel of this inn haven’t been too friendly either. I had to pay them double to get the bathroom today. I’m afraid they’d simply boycott us if we refuse to leave.”

“Damn…” Naruto muttered.

Sakura concentrated on mixing the medicine into a soup.

“We’ll see how Sasuke does,” she said. “I guess we could hold the guards off for a while if we need to.”

She gave Sasuke the medicine and turned to Naruto.

“Do you want to sleep?” she asked. “You could lie down here while I watch over him.” She patted the bed next to Sasuke.

Naruto was feeling tired, but he knew that Sakura was too. Still, one of them had to sleep first and Sakura knew better what to do if Sasuke didn’t get better, so he crawled under the sheets and fell asleep in three seconds flat.


	5. Flowers and rainbows

Sasuke woke with a gasp, Naruto’s name on the tip of his tongue. He didn’t remember what he’d dreamt, but it had been awful. He remembered blood, and Naruto lying lifeless in the snow. He tried to sit up, but firm hands pressed him back down.

“Calm down, everything is okay.” It was Sakura’s voice. “You just had a bad dream.”

“Naruto,” Sasuke choked out.

“He’s right here,” Sakura’s voice was strangely quiet. “He’s right next to you.”

Sasuke reached out, and searched till he found a hand to grasp onto. He tried to turn over so he could see him. His whole body ached but he ignored the pain and moved till he was so close to Naruto that he could feel his scent and touch his chest, feeling his heartbeat under his hand.

He was sleeping peacefully, unaware that anything had happened.

Sasuke fell asleep with his hand covering Naruto’s.

 

\-----

 

Sakura understood now. It made sense, really. She dried away a persistent tear and straightened up. She wouldn’t cry, she told herself. She was done crying over Sasuke. Still, the tears kept flowing.

She had to force herself to pick up the cloth from the basin on the floor, and run it across Sasuke’s warm forehead. He was still fevered, which explained his disorientation.

She would much rather have left the room so she didn’t have to acknowledge what her eyes were seeing, but she couldn’t leave Sasuke right now, and it was too early to wake Naruto up. He’d barely slept a few hours. She’d have to sit this one out, all the while wondering what it meant and if it meant what she thought it did, or if it meant anything at all. Did Naruto know? Was it just Sasuke?

Was she the only one being kept in the dark?

Or had she simply refused to see it?

At some point, Sakura woke Naruto up so that she could sleep. Naruto hadn’t even seemed to notice that Sasuke’s hand was covering his. Either he was used to it because it had happened many times before… or he was just completely oblivious… It wouldn’t surprise her if it were the latter. It had, after all, taken him way too many years to realize that Hinata loved him.

Well, Sakura had been ignorant too. She’d been so focused on one thing that she hadn’t noticed anything else. Maybe she’d have seen whom Sasuke actually loved if she’d just used her eyes. But she knew it would have been impossible for her back then. She’d only wanted to see one thing, and that was Sasuke acknowledging her.

Anything else was just a disturbance.

She lay awake for hours before she finally fell asleep.

 

\-----

 

The next day Sasuke was feeling much better. They decided that if his condition didn’t worsen they’d risk leaving the same evening. Since they knew that the whole town was watching them, they decided they’d leave in the cover of darkness to avoid any kind of attention. Naruto had gone out a while ago to do some recon and gather supplies.

Meanwhile, Sasuke was left to watch Sakura pack down everything they had while he himself had to stay put. If anyone else but Sakura had told him to sit down and wait, he’d have ignored it, but she was one of the few people whose decision he trusted. Besides, he still felt weak and he knew that he could compromise their journey if he was reckless.

Now he was sitting on he bed, dressed in his own clothes again, and passing the time by going over his weapons. Sakura was oddly subdued. She refused to look at him. In stead she was solely focused on what she was doing. Right now she was collecting all her medical stuff and putting it neatly into her tiny travel bag.

“What’s wrong?” he asked when the weird silence seemed to stretch into the infinite.

She looked up at him like she’d forgotten he was there.

“Nothing,” she said after a long moment of hesitation, and went back to packing.

It was very obvious that she was lying, and Sasuke didn’t like it.

“Why are you lying?” He said.

“Why are you asking?” Sakura shot back. She sounded testy.

Sasuke was honestly a bit shocked.

“You never ask me about anything,” Sakura said. She was sorting her vials by color. Sasuke wasn’t entirely sure if that was necessary. “So why are you starting now?”

Sasuke didn’t like to be backed up against a wall.

“What is this about?” he said. “Are you still angry about the rejection?”

Sakura dropped what she was holding and glared at him.

“No!” she said. “I’m not mad about that!”

Sasuke just arched one brow.

Sakura turned away, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. Sasuke knew her well enough to pick up on the nervous habit. Naruto rubbed the back of his head when he was nervous, while Sakura brushed her hair behind her ear. He wasn’t even aware he knew those things… He just did.

“Well… Maybe I’m a bit mad about it,” she said. She started picking up the vials that had rolled out of her bag.

“I told you because I don’t want you to keep thinking there could be anything else between us. Because it can’t.”

Sakura drew in a deep breath. Her voice sounded choked when she said, “Then… why didn’t you tell me long before?”

“…That’s not what I focused on back then.” He hesitated. “Besides… I thought I was being clear.”

Sakura turned away, hiding her face behind her hair. She was trying to be subtle about drying her tears, but it was obvious she was crying. Sasuke couldn’t blame her. He would be the first to admit that the way he had treated her was awful, and even a thousand apologies couldn’t make it right. But it didn’t change his feelings.

He wasn’t sure it would make anything better, but he needed to do something so he reached out and touched her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Sakura hurried to dry away her tears.

“Y-you don’t need to apologize,” she said. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t want to live in denial for the rest of my life.”

She moved away from his hand and fixed her hair. Then she cleared her throat and went back to packing. Sasuke watched her for a while. She was still tense and she was still avoiding looking at him or even saying anything. It was very unusual of her.

“There’s something else,” Sasuke said. “You’re still not looking at me.”

“When did you become so interested in my thoughts and feelings?” Sakura asked.

“Or do you just not want me to hide anything from you? In that case, maybe you should start with _not_ hiding anything from _me_?”

Sasuke was, for once, not catching on.

“I don’t…”

“Oh, _really_?” She was starting to get worked up. “Then what is going on between you and Naruto?”

“What do you mean…?”

How could she know about that? Had Naruto told her anything?

“I mean, why are you two hiding things from me? First, Naruto turns out to be gay, and then you… You… I don’t even know what’s going on anymore!”

Sasuke was dumbstruck. “ _Naruto_ is gay?”

“… You… You didn’t know?”

Sasuke shook his head. “No… I had a suspicion, but I didn’t think…”

Naruto was gay? He’d supposed he was bi-curious or something because of what had happened between them three years ago, but… He’d never thought that Naruto was actually full out interested in boys. He’d just assumed that it was a fleeting interest… perhaps something he wanted to try out because it didn’t work out with Hinata.

“I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone,” Sakura said. “I just thought he’d have told you. I thought you two were close.”

“We’re not closer than you and I. He just imposes more than you do.”

He knew as he said it that it was a lie. He felt closer to Naruto than to Sakura… But the only reason why he saw him more often than her was because Naruto was so insisting.

So… Naruto was gay... That was surprising.

“Why did you think that I was hiding something from you?” Sasuke said.

Sakura looked puzzled for a second, before she remembered what they had talked about. She blushed. “Oh… um, that was nothing. I just… ah…”

Her anger had calmed and she suddenly wasn’t as bold anymore.

“What is it?” Sasuke said. He knew there was something Sakura wasn’t telling him, and apparently it was about Naruto. He remembered something from his fever dreams and got a suspicion.

“What is it, Sakura? Tell me.”

“There was just something that happened last night,” Sakura finally said. “It probably didn’t mean anything, but you had a bad dream and kept saying Naruto’s name. Several times. And then you didn’t calm down until you were entirely sure he was there.”

Sasuke just turned away. He couldn’t believe he’d… but there was that dream. He still remembered it. During the years after he defected from Konoha, he often had dreams about Naruto dying. In the beginning, he’d accepted them as something inevitable: a sign that one of them had to die.

But when he still had them after their fight, he started realizing that they meant something else. It was never relief he felt when he dreamt about Naruto dying… It was always despair… endless despair and emptiness. That was what he was used to before, but now some part of him knew it didn’t have to be that way. His life wasn’t necessarily doomed to end in misery just because he’d lived in misery for over half his life.

“I was hoping you’d say it didn’t mean anything,” Sakura said, her voice small.

Sasuke wanted to say it didn’t… But for some reason he couldn’t.

Sakura looked ready to pry, but right then Naruto came bowling in through the window, dragging a cloud of snow in with him.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “I just passed by a food-stall and they had this delicious miso ramen and I was so hungry!”

Sakura and Sasuke just stared at him.

“I brought some for you too!” Naruto said, waving two take-away bags in their faces.

Then he seemed to pick up on the atmosphere in the room. He looked from Sakura to Sasuke, and frowned.

“Did I interrupt something?”

Sakura stood and snapped the bags from Naruto’s hands. “Ramen? Really?”

Naruto shrank back. “Um…”

Sakura sighed. “It’ll have to do. Hopefully, you haven’t bought only instant ramen for rations.”

Naruto rubbed the back of his head and laughed nervously.

There was a very dangerous glint in Sakura’s eyes.

“Naruto!!”


	6. Blood on snow

Sakura had already paid for their stay while Naruto was out, so they could escape out the window without anyone knowing.

“It’s a fucking blizzard out here,” Naruto said. He pulled up the hood of his cape. Sasuke and Sakura followed suit. They traveled along the roofs until they reached the wall on the west side of town.

“They close the gates at night,” Naruto said, “But they have really poor security, so I think it’ll be easy to just scale the walls.”

“You _think_?!” Sakura hissed.

“I know it’ll be easy, Sakura!” Naruto amended. “It’s just up and over. No one keeps watch along the walls, and the only reason they close the gates is so that they can reduce guard duty at night.”

Some of the houses were right next to the wall, so they could just jump from the roof to the wall and over to some trees on the other side. Sasuke already knew he wouldn’t be able to make the jump.

“I’ll carry you.”

Naruto had turned his back to him, looking over his shoulder at Sasuke. Sasuke forced himself to stump down his pride and accept Naruto’s offer. There was no other way to do it and he knew it very well.

He placed his right arm around Naruto’s neck, and when Naruto touches his thighs he jumped up and locked his legs around Naruto’ hips.

“Hold on tight,” Naruto whispered. His fingers were clutching Sasuke’s thighs even though he didn’t need to. Sasuke grasped the front of Naruto’s cloak and pressed close to his back.

They were over the wall in two big jumps. Naruto carried him as easy as though he was a ball of cotton. Sakura was ahead of them, and when she landed on the branch of a huge tree right next to the wall, she just continued on into the forest. Naruto followed her and Sasuke tightened his hold on him so that he didn’t slip off.

He wished they’d stop soon – so that he could stop thinking about how awkward it was to cling to Naruto like this, while some fuzzy memories he’d rather forget kept lurking in the edges of his mind – but he understood Sakura’s decision of getting them as far away from the town as fast as possible. They wouldn’t be moving very fast after he got put on his feet anyway. He was already a bit short-breathed from their walk across the roofs.

Finally, Sakura landed in a clearing, and Sasuke slid off Naruto’s back as soon as they had firm ground under their feet again. The trees around them were huge and they were smattered sparsely around. There was nothing else around but miles and miles of snow. It was like walking through a dream landscape, with the blizzard blurring the border between earth and sky, and the trees looking like giants lurking around them.

“Not the best day for a trip,” Naruto muttered.

“Which way?” Sakura asked.

Naruto went first and Sakura formed the rearguard. They walked for hours through the unending snowfall, but the scenery never seemed to change. Naruto tried to keep Sasuke’s pace, but he kept walking too fast and always had to slow down. Sasuke needed to take it easy, or he’d use up the little reserves he had before they were even halfway.

After a long, long time they finally seemed to reach the end of the forest and started going uphill. There was a plateau before the descent towards the land of hot water, and the higher they traveled, the windier it got. The snowfall was so thick at one point that they could barely see two feet ahead. They managed to find a place to rest between some huge stones, and got in some shuteye before they continued on.

By nightfall they’d managed to reach the hills, and took cover in a cave. They lit a fire and rested, eating some of the food Naruto had packed… which naturally consisted only of instant ramen.

“Thank you for thinking about us,” Sakura said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “I appreciate the sentiment.”

“I was short on time!” Naruto said. “First I got hefted by some guards and then I got distracted by the ramen stall…”

Sakura just glared at him. “I knew I should have done it myself,” she grumbled and went to get water in the tiny stream outside.

 

\------

 

They continued at the break of dawn. Sakura had barely been able to wake Sasuke up. His condition hadn’t worsened, thankfully, but he wasn’t exactly getting better either. He accepted all the medicine Sakura offered him, and forced himself to keep moving. He was really dragging them all down now. They were moving even slower than normal people.

The wind had calmed a bit and it had stopped snowing. It was still overcast but now they could see where they were headed. They were starting to reach the tree line again; there were a shadowy smatter of trees in the distance between two sloping hills.

“Naruto… Why are we traveling through this valley?” Sakura asked.

They were both walking right ahead of Sasuke.

“It’s the shortest way by foot,” Naruto said.

“Well, its also unmapped territory. Not even the locals travel through this valley.”

Naruto shrugged. “It’s this or a very long detour to get us down to the next pass.”

Sakura turned to Sasuke. “Have you traveled through here before?”

Sasuke shook his head. It was proof to his condition that he hadn’t been aware where Naruto was leading them. This pass was, like Sakura said, widely avoided by locals. Sasuke didn’t know exactly why, but he suspected it was some kind of myth that the locals were afraid of.

“We don’t have a choice,” he said. “We’ll have to travel through it.”

He walked past them and continued on through the white landscape. Spindly trees were stretching their thin branches up towards the overcast sky. The trees were few and far between, hardly enough to shield against the wind. They traveled downhill, down into the valley, and the hills started rising up around them. The forest got thicker and the trees started towering above them, shielding them from the wind but restricting their view. Still, forests was what they were used to, where they felt they belonged.

Sasuke was setting the pace now, flanked by Sakura on his right and Naruto on his left. There was an eerie silence in these woods, like there wasn’t the slightest little flicker of life in it. Even the trees looked dead.

Naruto shivered. “Is it colder in here or is it just me?”

“The cold air might be sinking and collecting in the bottom of the valley. It isn’t unusual in as steep valleys like this one,” Sakura said.

She sounded distracted as she spoke, and she was looking around warily.

Suddenly Sasuke stopped and stood entirely still. His companions stopped too, not making a sound, just listening like cautious deer.

There was nothing. Not a sound. Sasuke knew something was horribly wrong, but he couldn’t put a finger on it. If they had another choice, he’d have turned back instantly. But they couldn’t afford to take a detour… or, _he_ couldn’t afford it.

He motioned for them to continue on, and set a slightly faster pace than they’d held before.

The valley was much bigger than they’d first thought. It had gotten more and more narrow the further in they got. The mountains were towering above them and there was no more trees or even a single bush to see, just rocks and snow. When darkness started approaching they still didn’t seem to be any where near the end of the valley. 

“We need to camp here,” Sakura said.

Sasuke grudgingly agreed.

They didn’t light a fire, and they didn’t find a cave, so it was terribly cold. They packed up in all the blankets they had and huddled close together.

“What’s the use of your instant ramen now,” Sakura hissed at Naruto. They were sitting on each side of Sasuke so he couldn’t avoid ending up in their argument.

“I said I was sorry,” Naruto whined.

“No you didn’t, you just came with excuses!”

Sasuke was starting to doze off despite their bickering and the cold, and it was not because he wanted to. He’d preferred to stay alert but his body was simply too exhausted.

 

\------

 

Naruto was keeping guard while the other two slept. Sakura was leaning on Sasuke, who was out cold. Naruto had checked that he was still breathing several times already.

He wondered, not for the first time, when Sakura had gotten so close to Sasuke. It wasn’t so long ago that she didn’t even want to hear his name, and now she seemed utterly content sitting there with her head on his shoulder.

Something had happened between them the evening before they left Shimogakure… Maybe they’d talked. It seemed improbable, but not impossible. It was good, Naruto convinced himself. It was good that they talked. Even though it might mean that Sasuke had changed his mind about her.

It wasn’t like Naruto hadn’t accepted that Sasuke very well could be straight. He’d hoped that the lack of complete and utter demolition of his self when he’d kissed Sasuke was a sign that he at least was curious. But beyond that Sasuke hadn’t shown any interest in him… or in men in general… or in _anyone_.

Sakura was probably the one that came closest. It made sense, Naruto told himself, drowning out the voice that said _No, it doesn’t!_ After all they’d been through, the fact that they still could stand each other had to mean there was something worth taking care of in their relationship. And Sasuke most probably was straight, after all.

He thought about what that woman had said. Maybe she’d gotten his and Sakura’s names wrong… Maybe Sasuke had mentioned them both… Or maybe she’d made it up, just to mess with them some more, like a last kick in the gut before they were to leave.

Naruto shivered. The snow had started falling again and it was piling on top of their blankets. Soon they’d be human snowmen. He was about to wake up Sasuke and Sakura so they could get going when he caught a flicker of a movement in the corner of his eye.

He turned and went completely still. Right across from him, it’s white fur making it nearly invisible against the snow, stood a _huge_ creature. It was sniffing around in the snow, its huge head and long snout making it look a bit like a bear, but the ears were too big and pointy, and the legs were too long and slender. In addition it had two long tails swishing from its rear end.

Its snout was black, Naruto noticed when it raised its head and sniffed around. It hadn’t noticed them yet, or else it wouldn’t have been so calm. Naruto held his breath and reached out towards Sakura. He gave her one sharp jab, the sign they used to wake each other up during danger. Sakura woke up immediately, but didn’t move.

When she noticed the animal, she paled.

The animal was sniffing in their direction. Sakura woke up Sasuke, who was alert with once although his eyes looked slightly glassy and his cheeks were flushed. It was not a second too soon because suddenly the creature was over them and they had to scatter. They got nearly no warning; the creature was over them in less than a second even though it had been twenty feet away. They bolted in different directions, but the creature seemed determined; it turned faster than should have been possible with such a big body (it was probably five feet tall and twice as long from the tip of it’s tails to its nose), and lunged after Naruto. It managed to graze his left ankle with its fangs before Naruto managed to twist out of range. He fell to the ground and landed heavily on his injured foot. The landing made him unbalanced and unprepared for the unnatural speed of which the creature returned.

It barreled into him and hadn’t Naruto reacted as fast as he did, he’d ended up in its mouth. In stead he managed to avoid its teeth and was kicked off into the snow, barely avoiding hitting a boulder headfirst. He heard Sakura shout and looked up to find her trying to avert the animal’s attention.

It snapped after her, but didn’t bother to go after her. Its attention was solely on Naruto. Thankfully, Sakura’s interference had given Naruto enough time to collect himself, and this time he was more prepared when the animal charged at him. He avoided its attack just barely and created a rasengan. He was about to aim it at the side of the beast, right at its heart, when it suddenly lunged out of his reach.

Naruto had no idea how the animal could move in such a way… it was there one second, and the next it had somehow twisted around… His rasengan missed the mark entirely, and instead he found himself faced with a giant muzzle, the jaws opened wide and razor sharp fangs closing in around him.

He didn’t have time to think, he just needed to act… Suddenly there was a shrill, angered roar, and a crash and then the creature flew out of his sight. He staggered back. In front of him, Sakura was standing, her fist still raised after punching the animal into oblivion.

“Thank you,” Naruto said.

“It’s not down yet,” Sakura warned him.

Naruto looked in the direction the giant monster had flown. It was already back on its feet. It staggered a bit and there was a thin line of blood running from the corner of its mouth.

“We need to go about this differently,” Sakura said. “You bait it and I’ll try to lure it into a trap. Keep him out in the open, and don’t go too close to the mountainside.”

Naruto just nodded. There was no time to make a more elaborate plan because the wounded creature had just given a deafening roar and was crouching in preparation for a new attack. Sakura and Naruto scattered and Naruto focused on avoiding its attack rather than trying to take it down.

‘We could have needed Sasuke’s sharingan now,’ he thought as he barely avoided being pierced by a claw. ‘Where the hell is he, anyway?’

Naruto just hoped Sasuke hadn’t passed out and was lying somewhere in the snow, freezing to death.

Naruto suddenly felt Kurama stir.

‘I think she feels my presence,’ he said.

‘What… It’s after you?’

‘I’m afraid so… She seems to feel threatened.’

Naruto narrowly avoided another lunge. This time he stumbled over a rock covered in snow and tumbled down a slope. He ended up close to the steep mountainside… exactly where he wasn’t supposed to be. He jumped back just as a giant paw slammed into the ground right where his head had been, but somehow the creature managed to snag him in the middle of the leap with it’s tale.

He went crashing into the snow, and hit his head on something hard. His ears were ringing and for a second his eyes couldn’t focus. He could vaguely hear Sakura screaming.

And then something hit him, like being kicked by a horse, right in the back. He wheezed for air and heard the creature growl. There was some trashing, wherein he managed to crawl a little away. He struggled to stand and steady his swimming vision.

‘This is not a normal creature,’ Kurama growled.

‘I figured…’

He saw the creature lash out after something pink that darted away, and then he saw a movement, high up to the left, up on the steep hillside: A dark figure, moving towards him.

‘I think it’s about time you step up a gear,’ Kurama said.

Naruto made to jump up and backwards, away from the animal, when he slipped on the treacherous ground. The creature was already over him, and he understood that he couldn’t dodge the incoming blow. He had misjudged the distance it had to him, distracted by his teammates. Its claws were just as long and deadly as its fangs, and when they cut into his flesh it felt like they cut him into pieces.

He tumbled through the air, barely aware he was in motion, and then he hit the cold, fluffy snow and felt it dig into his mouth and nose.

There was an odd silence filling the space around him, like everything had ceased to exist for a moment. All he could see was vast whiteness, and then it slowly tinged red, like a sun setting in the sea. He watched it until all he could see was red, and wondered why he couldn’t move.

‘I think I’m dead,’ he thought, and Kurama didn’t even answer.

 

\------

 

Sakura felt numb. She had been incapable of preventing what was happening. She could only watch as the creature’s giant paw finally hit its target, it’s razor sharp claws cutting through skin and clothes and coloring the snow a terrifying red.

But then her mind caught up to her body, and her heart started pumping hard in growing anger. She wouldn’t let this monster get away with injuring her friend. She drew several kunai and charged at the animal.

It was standing over Naruto, but when Sakura threw a whirlwind of kunai at it, it turned towards her. She was shocked over how intelligent its eyes seemed. They evaluated her and apparently found her insignificant, because it turned back to Naruto and bared its fangs. Sakura was about to scream at it to get its attention again when she saw a movement up on the mountainside. A flash of something dark… and then Sasuke jumped down and landed in the snow between Naruto and the creature.

The monstrous animal didn’t seem to take that well. Its eyes lit up with anger that reminded Sakura of the anger she’d felt come from Naruto when he’d been taken over by the kyuubi in the early days. She ran faster.

“Get away from there!” she yelled at Sasuke.

He shouldn’t be there, he was too sick!

Sasuke didn’t move an inch. He activated his sharingan and held the creature’s gaze. Sakura was thorn between hope and fear. If Sasuke managed to capture it with his sharingan, they might have a chance. But it could deplete Sasuke completely, and if that happened…

She stopped running when she realized that the creature was motionless. This was her chance and she couldn’t waste it. She activated the line of explosive tags that she’d been placing out along the valley. The explosions made several huge rocks loosen from the mountainside, and when they tumbled to the valley floor they tightened the wire strings that were tied to the kunai she’d thrown on the animal.

It howled in pain and tried to stand its ground even though the kunai dug into its flesh.

“Force it backwards,” Sakura yelled to Sasuke.

He walked forward and the creature staggered backwards. Two steps… three… four… It was almost there now… It stopped and let out an angered growl. Sasuke seemed to tremble with the effort of keeping it subdued. He forced it back one more step, and its foot snagged in the wire string that Sakura had placed out along the ground.

That one string set off the entire trap, the strings flying up from the ground to capture the creature. The kunai in its flesh helped keeping the strings tight around it and at last it was so firmly weaved into the strings that it couldn’t move an inch. Its feet were tied together and it lost its balance, falling to the side with a resounding thump.

When Sasuke was certain it was properly tied up, he released the sharingan and fell face first into the snow. Sakura ran over to him and turned him to make sure he was breathing, and checked that his heartbeat was regular. She would have taken better care of him if it hadn’t been for the fact that she still didn’t know how bad Naruto had fared. She ran over to him and fell to her knees next to him. He was entirely still where he was lying in the snow, his arms and legs at odd angles and blood spreading out all around him. Her hands trembled as she collected snow and pressed it to the gashes across his face. 

The claws had hit him right across the side of his face. Everything was colored red. His hair, his skin… it was impossible to see how serious the damage was. She forced herself to keep calm. Okay, first of all, check if he’s still alive. Her fingers were so numb from cold and panic that she struggled for ages with finding his pulse. When she finally did find it, she breathed a sigh of relief. His pulse was weak but steady.

She elevated his head a bit so that the blood wouldn’t flow so easily to his wounds, and started making a compress. She bit her teeth together when she realized the extent of the damage. Only Naruto could hope to survive something like this… Half his head had been hit with the claws, cutting dangerously close to his eyes and straight over his cheek and into his mouth.

When she was done, she hurried to check up on Sasuke. He was cold, and still out of it. She tried to shake him awake but there was no use. This was not good… She needed to light a fire and get them warm… And preferably find a cave or at least something that’d shield them from the wind and snow. She looked around and noticed that some of the boulders that had fell down during the fight had formed a sort-of cave along the mountainside.

She went over to inspect it, and found that, although it was a cramped and damp space, it was at least safe and it kept them shielded from the snow. She struggled and fought and heaved to get the two boys into the cave. They were damned heavy, but due to pure determination and urgency, she managed to get them inside fast.

She had no recollection of time anymore. She just worked fast and steadily: lighting a fire, stitching together Naruto’s wounds and changing his bandages, cleaning off the blood that was everywhere, get them out of the wet cloaks, making sure they were warm, force medicine into Sasuke… All the while listening to that godforsaken howling from the trapped animal. But that was the least of her worries. She was so tired by dawn that she could barely stay upright. But she had to stay awake… she had to watch over them… she had to protect them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's damned difficult to write an action sequence with someone who's (let's face it) invincible. I mean, could Naruto be more superhuman?? So lets suspend our disbelief and go with the notion that Naruto underestimated the power of his enemy (more about that later). Besides, they don't encounter snow often, do they? Must be an awful inconvenience.


	7. In the aftermath

Sakura woke with a start. Damn, she hadn’t meant to fall asleep. She checked up on the boys – they were still passed out – and lit the fire anew. While she was pondering what to do next, she heard whimpering from outside. It wasn’t strange in itself, but then she realized she was hearing more than one animal. She hurried outside.

“Oh my god…”

The beast had pups!

There were three of them, each of them the size of a lion, and they were whining and whimpering, flocking around their mother and nudging her with their snouts. But she was tightly bound and couldn’t move as much as an inch.

When she caught sight of Sakura, she looked as murderous as Sakura had ever seen an animal. The cubs backed away and hid behind their mother. Sakura feared that if they realized she wasn’t a danger and started becoming bolder, she’d have a huge problem.

She wished she had something to distract them with…

Maybe there was some game in the area… Sakura was not a good hunter, but she could set a trap. She closed the entrance to the cave, scaled the steep hillside, and found herself in a completely white landscape. There were no trees or boulders to help her distinguish the ground from the overcast sky. She could easily get lost here. She tied a wire string to a kunai and put it in the ground before she started walking, holding onto the end.

After an hour she was about to give up when she came across new traces from an elk or a deer of some kind. The footprints had to be fresh because the falling snow hadn’t covered them yet. She didn’t know how she’d be able to capture it, but she followed the footprints anyway. They led to a small cluster of trees.

She walked slower, expecting to run into the animal any second now. She scaled a sloping hill and when she was on the top she could see the deer down in the valley below. It was a huge animal, with giant antlers. It was searching though the snow for something to eat.

Her hand tightened around a kunai, but she remained poised. She couldn’t risk scaring it, or grazing it. She had to deliver a deadly hit, but all she had was kunai and shuriken… She was slowly inching closer and closer when something flew past right next to her and hit the deer. It keeled over, instantly dead, an arrow sticking out from its side.

Sakura spun around, searching for the offender. What caught her eye was a giant bird sitting up on a branch a few feet away. Wait… That wasn’t a bird… For a moment her eyes had deceived her, taking in the eagle mask and the feathered cloak and thinking it was an actual eagle. But it wasn’t.

The woman with the blue and yellow eagle mask stood and held out her arms, showing that she meant no harm. She was only holding a bow.

“I suppose we had the same idea,” she said. “Feeding the cubs.”

“You… You followed us?” Sakura felt her anger rise. “What more could you possibly want from us?!”

The woman tucked her bow into a holster on her back.

“I don’t want anything more from you,” she said. “I’ve taken far too much already.”

“Exactly. So you should leave.”

The woman seemed to hesitate for a second before she raised her arms slowly and pulled off her mask. Sakura was shocked. She’d supposed the woman was some kind of ANBU, and ANBU should never reveal their identity. The woman looked down at her from the branch, her eyes a cool grey and her hair a dark brown. A scar ran from the left corner of her top lip, to the edge of her cheekbone, a starch white line against the dark tan of her skin. It dragged the left side of her face up into a perpetual snarl.

Sakura took a step back.

There was something about this woman… something wild and dangerous.

“I…” Sakura stammered. “I won’t let you hurt him again.”

She tried to straighten up again, to cover her insecurity.

The woman showed no reaction to her words. She was watching Sakura intently, but it was more like she was searching than trying to intimidate.

“I won’t,” she said at long last.

She jumped down from the branch and landed without a sound in the knee-deep snow. She walked past Sakura and started cutting down a sinewy, small tree. She looked up when Sakura still hadn’t moved.

“I can’t carry it alone.”

Oh… Sakura hadn’t even thought about how she’d carry the deer. She was glad that the woman wanted to help her, or else she’d be a little stuck. She cut a piece of meat from the thigh of the deer, to keep for dinner, before they tied the deer to the tree with wire strings and carried it back towards the valley. They dumped the deer a little away from the cave. The cubs smelled it with once and moved warily towards it, sniffing around in case of danger.

“They’re very cautious for being so big,” Sakura said. “They can’t possibly have many natural enemies.”

“There used to be a huge male hemicyon around here, but he was killed by people from Shimogakure. He started wandering a bit too close to the town.”

“A… what?” Sakura was confused. It was seldom that she was the one left standing like a question mark. That was usually Naruto’s job.

“Hemicyon. It means dog-bear. My village gave them that name so we had something to call them. They’re not a known species.”

Sakura was more confused than ever.

“You’re from around here?”

The woman pointed across the valley, towards another featureless, white plain. There was nothing else but snow as far as Sakura could see.

“My village is in that direction. I heard her howl all the way from my home.” She turned towards Sakura. “You and your friends are just as strong as they say when you managed to catch her without killing her.”

“Ah… Well… Naruto took a hit, but otherwise we’re fine. I think…”

“He got hit? By her claws?”

Sakura nodded.

“That’s not good…”

Sakura had wondered about why Naruto didn’t seem to heal as fast as he normally would, and the woman’s words made her anxious.

“Can I see him?” the woman asked.

Sakura just nodded numbly.

 

\------

 

Sasuke drew a shuddering breath. Ash, smoke and the smell of wet mold burned down his throat. He coughed and sat up. The space he was confined to was tiny and dark. He could see a stripe of light come in from around a rock, but it barely lit up the cave. It was a terrible cave; too damp and cold.

Sasuke tried to rekindle the fire without using chakra. He’d been lighting fires the traditional way for the last few years just to get used to the experience, and in order to not draw attention to himself if someone were to see him. The firewood was soggy and sparse, so it took him awhile to get the fire going.

Sakura had placed the fire under a hole in the roof, so that the smoke would have somewhere to go, but is still filled the cave. The second the fire was burning steadily, he moved over to Naruto. He was lying close to the fire, just as Sasuke had been when he woke up, and he was breathing steadily, fast asleep.

Sasuke let out the breath he’d been holding since he woke up. Naruto was alive, that was what mattered. Strangely, Sasuke hadn’t dreamt while he slept. Everything had been blank and quiet. He wondered if that was what it felt like to die. He’d feared it meant his nightmares had come true.

He placed a hand over Naruto’s chest, just to feel his heart beating, and felt more and more reassured for each time it thumped steadily against his palm. He noticed that Naruto was unusually warm, and that the skin around the edges of the bandage that covered half his face, was swelled and red.

It was unusual to see him so battered. How long had it been since he was struck? Six hours? Maybe more? Sasuke realized that he didn’t really know how fast Naruto healed any longer. There were many things he didn’t know about Naruto anymore, things that could have changed since they were thirteen.

Many things obviously had changed, and Sasuke had witnessed it during the war, but some things… The small things, he didn’t know anymore. Did Naruto still wriggle around during sleep? Was he still incapable of cooking food? Could he still dig in more than ten bowls of ramen in a sitting?

Sasuke placed a hand over Naruto’s forehead. He was burning up. He wondered where Sakura was. She could tell him if it was normal or not. He heard the sound of growling and whimpering from outside, and suddenly he realized that it wasn’t the same sounds that the huge beast had made. These sounds seemed to come from more than one creature…

He tested his strength and found he could stand, albeit a bit shakily. He managed to squeeze out through the tiny opening into the cave, and blinked against the bright light. He looked around and found the source of the sounds quick enough. Over by the other end of the valley, farthest from the cave, stood a couple of animals that looked much the same as the one still tied on the ground.

Sasuke noted that the animals seemed to be tearing at something, and for a terrifying second he thought that they’d gotten ahold of Sakura. He clutched his katana and was about to dart over there when Sakura’s voice brought him out of his assumptions. He looked up to find she was coming down the hillside. She had someone with her, and the blue and yellow feathers made Sasuke think of Demiyah.

“It’s okay,” Sakura said when she landed in front of him. “We fed the cubs.”

Sasuke looked right past her, to the woman landing behind her.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded to know.

He had never seen her face before, but he recognized her eyes.

“I didn’t mean to impose,” she said. “But I’d like to help.”

Sasuke shook his head. “Why?”

Demiyah nodded towards the bound animal, which had started growling low in her throat.

“I’m from around here and I know her better than you do. I’ll take care of her for you.”

“And she’ll take a look at Naruto,” Sakura said, and pushed aside the stone that was blocking the opening to the cave.

“No,” Sasuke said, and stood in front of the opening. “You’ll take care of the creature, and that’s it. You’ve got nothing to do with us.”

“Don’t worry,” Demiyah said, her scar making her smile seem twisted. “I’m not here to chain anyone up.”

Sasuke stood his ground, holding her gaze, unmoving.

She sighed. “I told you, I know this creature. My village has lived in close proximity to her and her ancestors for hundreds of years. She’s not a normal animal. She’s different. Her chakra is wild and can be harmful. If she draws blood, her victims seldom survive.”

“And what difference could you make?” Sasuke asked.

“A lot,” she said. “I’ve got an antidote. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been standing here today.”

Sasuke’s gaze drifted towards the scar on her face. He hesitated, but finally he stepped aside to let her in.

Demiyah realized almost immediately that Naruto wasn’t a normal person.

“He seems fine, considering the situation.”

“He normally heals fast,” Sakura said. “It’s actually unusual that he hasn’t woken up yet.”

Sakura unwrapped the bindings around Naruto’s head. Sasuke was a little shocked by the extent of his damage. Sakura had stitched him up with black thread, which resulted in an ugly crisscross of stiches that had closed four severe gashes across his head. One had cut across his scalp, right through his sunny mane of hair. The second had hit right over his eye. The third ran over his cheekbone and right through his ear. The last one had cut into his cheek, so that the stitches made it look like some macabre extension of his mouth.

The whole area was swollen and red.

“I can give him the antidote anyway,” Demiyah said. “It might help him heal faster.”

“Okay,” Sakura said. She sounded both uncertain and hopeful.

Demiyah pulled a vial out of her pocket, and mixed a drop from it’s content with water. They made Naruto drink it, and Sakura wrapped him up in fresh gauze.

“Is he the jinchuuriki?” Demiyah asked.

“Yes.”

Demiyah nodded. “Then I understand. The hemicyon most probably derived from a tailed beast. They might have eaten the flesh of a tailed beast, or they’ve simply been exposed to their raw chakra for some time… Either way, they morphed because of some powerful chakra influence.”

“She only went for Naruto,” Sakura said. “I was wondering why, but I’m guessing she must have recognized some danger in him because of the kyuubi.”

“And she was protecting her pups,” Demiyah said. “Nothing is more dangerous than coming between a mother and her pups.”

Sasuke was feeling a little faint, so he sunk down on his sleeping mat, leaning against an outcropping of stones. The fire was already starting to burn out.

“This place is awful,” Demiyah said, looking around at all the cracks in the cave where melting snow was turning into mud and dripping inside. “I know of a cave. It’s not far from here, but it’s high up in the hillside.”

She threw one look at Sasuke and his most probably very pale face, and turned back to Naruto. “I can help carry the jinchuuriki.”

 

\------

 

Sasuke had felt completely helpless when he stood at the foot of the steep hillside, knowing he didn’t have enough strength to climb, or enough chakra to walk. Demiyah was surprisingly strong; she carried Naruto the whole way on her own.

Sakura climbed up before letting down a rope for Sasuke to hold on to.

When they finally were all inside the cave, it was a relief. The cave was spacious and dry, and they were no longer in danger of being attacked by the cubs.

“Thank you!” Sakura said to Demiyah, and Sasuke felt like pointing out that it was her fault they were in this mess in the first place, but he didn’t. To be fair, it wasn’t only her fault. It was actually because of her help that he wasn’t worse off than he already was.

When he got arrested while traveling through Shimogakure, he’d played along at first and let them restrain him. At that point, there had been no chakra absorbent chains and Sasuke had felt like he had a choice. If he’d wanted to, he could have broken out of that measly prison in the blink of an eye. But he didn’t, because he knew that they could use it against him.

He’d sent a message to Konoha when he realized that he might not get out on his own without destroying something, because his arguments fell on deaf ears. When Demiyah came and chained him up, he didn’t fight her because he had no idea what her chains could do. He had never heard of that kind of device before, and he didn’t realize what it was until it was too late.

He could have chosen to hate her. She had turned his life into a living hell after all. The chains didn’t have a limit to what they absorbed. Demiyah told him, after a week, when it seemed likely he’d been left there to rot, that the chains weren’t perfectly developed yet. They’d drain him till there was nothing left if he wore them for too long.

So she defied her orders and started taking them off for small periods of time. She knew he was too weak to do anything, but she still played it safe. They both knew that they couldn’t trust each other.

He realized that he’d been staring at Demiyah, and that she was staring back.

“When I was imprisoned… why did you help me?” he asked.

She seemed a bit surprised. “I think the question should be: why didn’t I help you sooner.”

“You were employed by them,” Sasuke said. “The first priority for a shinobi is always the mission.”

“I can’t stand those sly devils,” she said, and there was coldness in her voice that hadn’t been there just seconds before. “They ruined my village and killed my father, just because they were afraid of what he could do. But then, they kept me so that the secret wouldn’t be lost, and used my knowledge to their own benefits. I don’t owe them anything.”

There was a long silence.

“In that case, why did you even help them in the first place?”

“I live on their mercy. I could run away, but then I would be declared a missing nin. I’m not cut out for that kind of life, and this is my home. I don’t want to leave here. Not yet.”

She took a deep breath and stood, placing her mask back on over her face.

“I’ll come back tomorrow, to see how you’re doing. I’ll release the hemicyon when I know that you are out of her reach. She’s quite vindictive, so I wouldn’t feel safe to release her until you’re far away from this valley, but if she stays bound up much longer she might be permanently injured. It would be best if you could get on the move as fast as possible.”

“We’ll see how he does,” Sakura said and looked at Naruto. “But if your antidote works, he’ll hopefully be better tomorrow.”

Demiyah bade them farewell and disappeared as swiftly and silently as the eagle she depicted.

She left behind her a compact silence. Sakura started making a fire with what little firewood they had, and Sasuke helped her place Naruto next to it so that he’d keep warm. Then he told her to get some rest while he kept watch.

 

\------

 

The day was slowly turning into night, and Naruto still hadn’t woken up. Sakura was tending to the fire to make sure it didn’t burn out. They didn’t have much firewood, and what they had was a bit soggy, so it was crucial that they kept the fire going constantly.

They’d cooked the meat that Sakura had cut from the deer, and had enjoyed the first proper meal for several days. Now Sakura watched as Sasuke took care of Naruto with a worry and a focus that she’d rarely seen from him, and she wondered how it all had become so strange.

“So… How long have you known?” she asked.

Sasuke looked up at her with a small frown. Sakura nodded towards Naruto.

“About him. And… you know.”

Sasuke leaned back against the cave wall.

“A while,” he said.

Sakura held her breath. “How long?”

Sasuke shrugged. He was very intent about not looking at her, she noticed. He wasn’t as unaffected as he pretended to be.

“Since after the war?” Sakura asked.

“… No. Before that.”

Sakura barely concealed a small gasp. “But…” Her mind was reeling. “Then you knew… All those years…”

“I told you,” Sasuke said, looking up at her. “I couldn’t focus on things like that back then. But at some level, I think I knew.”

“So… You knew it even before you left…”

“Maybe.” His tone spoke of slight irritation. But then he continued: “It wasn’t so easy. I didn’t understand what I was feeling. I don’t think I understood until after the war, after Naruto and I fought. After that, it was as though something settled inside me. The three years I was away from Konoha was the time it took me to come to terms with it.”

Sakura waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. “And then?” she prompted.

“And then, what?” Sasuke said, a crinkle of annoyance appearing between his brows.

“Then _why_ haven’t you…? Why are you still…? I mean, you didn’t even know that he’s gay! So you haven’t told him how you feel, apparently. Why?”

“Why should I?” Sasuke said. “It wouldn’t work out.”

Sakura shook her head. “But you aren’t even going to try?”

Now he was really getting annoyed, she could sense it coming of him in thick waves.

“No,” he said.

“No?” Sakura repeated, incredulous. “He’s followed you for three goddamned years, he was the only living soul that didn’t give up on you, not even for a second. Everyone else, myself included, thought you were a lost cause.” She remembered how she’d tried to kill him, and how he’d nearly killed her, and flinched away from the memory. It still hurt. It probably always would.

She looked up and caught his eyes, and was surprised by the sadness she saw there.

“He gave up everything to get you back,” she said. “His dignity. His dream. His life.”

She slumped back against the cave wall. It was incredible that she hadn’t noticed it before. It was incredible that _no one_ had noticed it before.

“And you can’t even tell him you love him.”

She’d said it. And now she wanted to take it back. But she was determined to see this through.

To her surprise, Sasuke didn’t get angry or defensive. She didn’t know what she had expected, but certainly not what happened. As she watched Sasuke, it was like he crumbled. His eyes brimmed over and he slumped forward. For one shocked second, Sakura thought that the strain from the last few days had been too much, and that he simply keeled over.

But then she saw his shoulders shaking and she realized that… Holy shit… She’d made Sasuke cry! She darted over to him and hesitated with her hands stretched out towards him. This would be awkward, and he might push her away, but still… She couldn’t just sit there and watch.

So she put an arm round his shoulder, and pulled him close to her chest. He was shaking in her arms, and making choked noises. She squeezed him a bit firmer, and he leaned into her.

Holy shit… she had Uchiha Sasuke in her arms. This had been her dream since she’d first laid eyes on him: to soothe his worries and make him happy again. Okay, so her dreams had never consisted of him crying like a broken child, but still… His hair was tickling her cheek, and it was astonishingly soft… like the feathers of a duckling.

She stopped herself when she realized she was inhaling his scent. Her heart felt like it was bursting in her chest. Finally, she’d gotten everything she’d ever dreamed of… And to what price: she’d never be able to actually have it.

She pulled slightly away from him, just enough to not start dreaming about burying her nose in his hair, and petted his back.

After a while, he calmed down, but he didn’t move. Perhaps he was mortified. She at least was starting to feel a bit awkward.

There was a groan and some shifting from Naruto, and suddenly both Sakura and Sasuke were sitting bolt upright, desperately avoiding looking at each other. From the corner of her eye, Sakura noticed Sasuke wiping his face with the back if his hand.

“What are you guys doing?” Naruto muttered. He looked weary and a bit dazed.

“We?” Sakura said, unnecessarily loud. “Uh, nothing… We just… Dozed off for a bit.”

Naruto just closed his eyes. “Oh…” he said.

It was the most dejected sound Sakura had ever heard.

 

\------

 

“I think he believes there’s something between us,” Sakura said.

She and Sasuke hadn’t spoken for the last hour. In stead, Sakura had fuzzed around Naruto for a bit, but he’d fallen asleep again. Sasuke had just been sitting there, staring unseeingly into thin air.

“Huh…” Was all he said.

“It’s pretty ironic,” Sakura continued. “It’s as far from the truth as possible.”

“How do you know that?” Sasuke asked a bit sharply.

“What?”

“How do you know he feels that way? He doesn’t have any reason to.”

“Well…” Sakura cleared her throat. “You know right before we left Shimogakure? When Naruto walked in on us, we got all quiet. He asked what was going on, and I remember thinking that he almost looked hurt. I thought he just felt left out, but right now he sounded completely crestfallen.”

“Huh,” Sasuke said again. “Well, he’ll be pleased to know that I’m not gonna stand between you two.”

“I don’t think he’s interested in me,” she said. “If he is, then telling me he’s gay is the worst pick up line ever.”

Sasuke just shrugged.

Sakura sighed.

“I can’t even start to understand what you’re thinking,” she said. “I mean… It seems very simple to me. You like someone, you tell them. You might get rejected…” She shrugged. “But that’s life.”

Sasuke hesitated a while before speaking. “That’s not the problem.”

“Then, what is?”

“… I don’t want to ruin anything.”

“… Like…?”

Sasuke sighed like the fact that she couldn’t read his mind annoyed him.

“I don’t want to ruin what little we’ve got. I don’t know how to be anyone’s friend, let alone… Something more.”

Sakura didn’t know what to say to something like that. She’d never seen the world through his eyes before, but just then she got a small glimpse… and it seemed a desolate place.

“Um… Well… You’ll get nowhere if you don’t take any risks.”

Sasuke suddenly looked completely exhausted. “I know.”


	8. Home

Sasuke woke up to a stream of sunlight grazing his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen the sun. He squinted against the light and scooted a bit backwards. He blinked when he saw Naruto’s face right in front of him. They’d been lying very close. When Sasuke’s eyes got used to the change from light to dark, he realized that Naruto was awake and watching him. He smiled when he noticed that Sasuke was looking at him. His bandages had been removed. The cuts already seemed to have healed a bit, but they still looked ugly.

“You look like shit,” Sasuke said, to hide the discomfort he felt at seeing Naruto injured.

Naruto grinned. “You too,” he said. “Thanks for saving me, by the way.”

Sasuke tried to keep all emotions from his face.

“Let me guess,” Naruto said. “Your body moved on it’s own? What’s the excuse this time?”

Sasuke frowned. Naruto looked so smug that he couldn’t stand it.

“I couldn’t let the animal get a stomach ache,” he said.

Naruto huffed in annoyance. “You…!”

He reached over and grabbed the lapels of Sasuke’s jacket, and shook him. Sasuke couldn’t help it anymore. He was grinning, and Naruto was grinning too. (With the side of his mouth that was capable of it.)

“Just say it,” Naruto said. “I won’t judge you. Just admit you couldn’t stand to let a handsome specimen like myself die.”

Sasuke snorted. “I think I would have done everyone a favor if I let that animal have you.”

Naruto had stopped shaking him and just held him, staring at him with clear, sky-blue eyes. Sasuke raised his hand and traced a finger along the wound that ran along Naruto’s cheekbone. The skin was raised and thick, but very visibly healing. Naruto got a funny look on his face. He let go of Sasuke and laid back on his sleeping mat. His eyes were still trained on Sasuke.

“Sakura told me what you did,” he said. “You could have died.”

Sasuke knew that… But at the time being he didn’t have another choice. If he didn’t save Naruto… Well, there wouldn’t be much point in living after that anyway. But instead of saying that, Sasuke sat up and ran a hand through his tousled hair.

Sakura was sitting on the other side of the fireplace, and she smiled at him when he looked at her.

“Ready for breakfast?” she asked.

“I would like some ramen,” Naruto shot in.

Sakura glowered at him. “That’s all we have, moron,” she said.

Sasuke couldn’t believe they were still arguing about that. He took the bowl that Sakura handed him. Sakura helped Naruto sit up. He seemed a little dizzy, but his appetite hadn’t diminished.

“Can you walk?” Sasuke asked him when they were all done eating.

“I’m feeling better already,” Naruto said. “But… I might need another bowl of ramen just to be sure.”

Sakura rolled her eyes, but she didn’t argue.

After Naruto had finished his third bowl of ramen, Demiyah arrived sudden and without a sound. She almost ended up imbedded with three kunai before they realized it was her.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Naruto asked, incredulous.

“You should be more grateful,” Sakura said. “She gave you an antidote.”

Naruto’s brow furrowed. “You let her inject me with something? What if it had been poison?!”

“Are you ready to leave?” Demiyah asked, ending the discussion.

Sakura looked at Naruto. “Do you feel ready to travel?”

Naruto shot Demiyah another suspicious look before standing a bit shakily and stretching. “I dunno…” he said. “I think I’ll manage.”

“What about your chakra? Do you have enough strength to use it?”

“Yeah,” he said. “And I always have my emergency reserve.”

Sakura looked a bit disgruntled but she nodded. “We’ll be leaving in an hour.”

Demiyah nodded and then she was gone again.

They cleared camp in less than an hour.

“How are you feeling?” Sakura asked Sasuke.

“Good,” he said. “I’ll survive.”

“Still not able to use chakra?”

“No… I don’t think I can overuse it again.”

“There should be only about two days until we’re back inside fire country borders if we keep the same speed as before.”

“And maybe just half a day till we’re out of this snow-hell,” Naruto shot in.

“I’m hoping we’ll be able to reach warmer areas before nightfall,” Sakura said.

“Then we better get moving,” Sasuke said, looking out at where the sun had long since risen over the horizon.

They met Demiyah outside and asked her about the shortest route out of there. She confirmed that the easiest would be to keep to the valley. It would widen out after a few miles, and then they’d be starting the descent down to warmer land. She gave them until nightfall to get as far away as they could. She watched them go until they were out of sight.

“How can you be sure she isn’t plotting to get rid of us?” Naruto asked after a while.

“She did help us a lot,” Sakura said.

“She even helped me while I was imprisoned,” Sasuke explained. “She wouldn’t want us dead after putting so much energy into making sure we’re okay.”

“I suppose so,” Naruto agreed.

Naruto kept up surprisingly well as they walked through at times knee-deep snow. Now that it wasn’t snowing anymore, it made the trek much easier, and after a few hours the valley started widening. Suddenly it opened up towards a steep slope and a wide valley with a river at the bottom. The air shimmered blue in the distance, and there wasn’t a cloud in sigh on the sky.

They climbed the steep slope slowly. By the time they were halfway to the river, the snow had already started melting, and when they reached the tree line – just in time before sunset – the snow was mostly gone and replaced by brown grass and sturdy, leafless trees.

They ate what remained of the deer-meat and huddled together for warmth as they slept in the shadow of an outcropping of stones. Sakura kept watch most of the night, while Naruto – being the one that needed a full night of sleep the most – took the morning watch.

They reached the river before noon and managed to catch a few fish for lunch. It helped immensely to eat a proper meal in a more livable climate. Sasuke could feel his strength starting to come back to him, little by little, and that day they traveled faster than they had been able to so far.

They reached fire country borders by nightfall, and were more at ease when they camped that night than they'd been since they left Shimogakure. They had talked little while they traveled, focusing on moving forward as fast as possible rather than chatting, but now that they were closer to home they started loosening up a bit. Sasuke noticed the look Naruto threw him and Sakura when he came back from the river with water for a late dinner, and found them chatting quietly. They stopped talking when he reached them, more because they’d been talking about something insignificant than because they couldn’t keep talking in Naruto’s presence.

Sasuke caught the look of sorrow that flickered across Naruto’s eyes and the tightening of his jaw. It was gone in the next second, but Sasuke at least knew him enough to know that he was good at putting up a front. Almost as good as Sasuke at times.

Maybe Sakura was right, after all… Maybe Naruto was jealous… But Sasuke still couldn’t confirm which one of them he was jealous of. He might not be interested in girls, like Sakura said, but he definitely had strong feelings for her. He might just be feeling jealousy because that was the custom among the three of them. Maybe he wasn’t ready to let her go yet… At least not to Sasuke.

Still… Maybe Sasuke was being too stubborn… He was aware that he could be extremely single-minded, and maybe his assumptions were wrong. Maybe Naruto was feeling more than a confused and wayward desire. But then he remembered what had happened at the inn in Shimogakure, how Naruto had seemed pained at the mere aspect of seeing Sasuke naked, how he’d averted his eyes and tried his best not to touch Sasuke…

“Earth to Sasuke!”

Sasuke looked up to where Naruto was standing in front of him, looking concerned and grinning all the same.

“I thought something was up when I insulted you and you didn’t even narrow your eyes at me.”

Sasuke was a bit taken aback at suddenly finding himself eye to eye with Naruto when he’d just been thinking about him. And how could he get so carried away in his own thoughts anyway, while they still were on a mission? He must be more tired than he realized.

“What were you thinking about that made you look so lost?” Naruto asked.

“Shut up, Naruto,” Sakura growled. She was heating the water so that they could prepare their (hopefully) last meal of instant ramen.

“I was just curious,” Naruto said with a shrug.

He sat down next to Sasuke, leaning against a log, and stretched out.

“It’s gonna be so good to get back to Konoha.”

Sakura stood and came over to them. “While we’re waiting for the water to boil, I think it’s time I remove those stitches.”

Naruto’s hand darted to the injured side of his face.

“Wha…? Right now?”

Sakura produced a tiny scalpel from her medical pouch and dragged Naruto into the light of the fire.

“Wait, wait,” Naruto said. “Isn’t it dangerous to do it without proper light?”

“I’m a professional,” Sakura said. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course, Sakura, but…”

“Hold still.”

“Ouch!”

“I didn’t even touch you!”

Sasuke noticed that the water was boiling. He picked three bags of instant ramen from Sakura’s bag and put them into the water. Then he sat down a little away from his comrades and took some time to focus on his chakra and test how much he could pull. All the while, Sakura and Naruto continued bickering. He never stopped getting surprised by their stupid shenanigans. And yet, they never failed to make him feel at least a tiny bit at home.


	9. Limbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about the delay! This chapter was really tolling, I think I rewrote it a million times. I hope you'll enjoy: it's a bit short but very important :)

Naruto was worrying his lip between his teeth again. He mentally reprimanded himself. Concentrate on reading… Not on stupid friends (or whatever Sasuke was) who disappeared the second they set foot in the village and didn’t take contact for a week. Naruto hadn’t wanted to be a bother… again… So he had stayed away.

He wanted to see him, but… He had decided to give Sasuke some space. It had seemed like Sasuke had started finding the tone with Sakura, and if they decided to get together, then Naruto shouldn’t impose. And Sasuke probably wasn’t interested in Naruto anyway… Not in the romantic way, at least. Not once while they traveled back to Konoha, or in the week that followed, had he tried to talk to Naruto about it. He hadn’t even attempted one single visit. Naruto hadn’t seen him since they came back, nor had he heard from him.

Naruto told himself he should learn to read the signs, for once.

He only hurt himself by insisting on living in a world of make-believe.

In order to try and get his mind off the painful void that had lodged itself in his chest, Naruto was throwing himself headfirst into all the books and scrolls that Kakashi threw his way. They were mind-numbingly boring and featured political intrigues and boring history about political involvement between the countries. Before, he would have shoved them into a drawer with promises of looking at them later, but now they were helpful in making him forget about… everything.

He looked at the clock and realized he’d been working for three hours. He stretched and put the book he’d been reading away. He’d agreed to meet Sakura for lunch in an hour, so he might as well get going.

He hadn’t seen Sakura either since they came back from Shimo. She had been busy at work, and Naruto hadn’t actually wanted to see her. She just reminded him of Sasuke and made him wonder if they had started dating.

Naruto had considered declining the meeting, but he missed her, and he knew he’d go slowly crazy if he didn’t go out and see other people than Kakashi and those who worked at the Hokage tower.

He made his way to a small restaurant in the center of Konoha, where he found Sakura already sitting by a table. It was Sakura who had insisted they’d go to this place. She thought it was good for him to consume something else than ramen on a daily basis. She didn’t take into consideration that Naruto’s body had learned to run on ramen and ramen only.

They ordered and Naruto listened while Sakura prattled on about work. He didn’t feel in the mood to talk, and Sakura noticed. She tried to steer the conversation onto other things, and inadvertently chose the worst subject possible.

“Have you talked to Sasuke lately?” she asked.

“No,” Naruto said, his gaze leveled at the table.

He twisted a cup of tea around in his hands.

“Maybe you should visit him?”

Naruto heaved a longsuffering sigh. “No.”

Sakura’s brow arched at the negative response. “Why not?”

“He probably doesn’t want me to,” Naruto said with a shrug. “Why don’t _you_ visit him?”

“I don’t think it’s me he wants to see,” she said.

“Huh…” Naruto leaned his chin on his palm, suddenly not hungry anymore. “I thought you two were sorting things out.”

“What?” Sakura froze with a bite of food halfway to her mouth. “Me and Sasuke? We’ve sorted out what needs to be sorted out, and the conclusion stands. We weren’t made for each other.”

“But…” Naruto lifted his head from his hand. “I thought you… I mean… On the trip back from Shimogakure…”

“What about that?”

“I don’t know…” Naruto admitted. “You just seemed to find the tone together.”

“We did.” Sakura said. “The _friendship_ tone.”

She abruptly turned to face Naruto.

“Honestly, Naruto! You knew that Sasuke rejected me, I told you in person. And still, you think he’s just changed his mind after a week stuck together with me?”

“Um… Well…”

“Why don’t you try to use your eyes for once? You usually have a good intuition about people, but apparently not when it comes to yourself.”

“Okay, Sakura… Now you’ve lost me.”

Sakura turned back to her food. She stirred her rice with her chopsticks. “Do I have to spell it out for you?”

“Um… Could you?”

Sakura sighed.

“He loves _you_ , Naruto,” she said. “Sasuke loves you.”

Naruto just stared at her for a long moment.

“Are you… kidding with me?”

“No! Why would I do that?”

“I just thought…” He hesitated. “I mean… He… You…”

He searched for words, but he didn’t even know what to say. He had been so _sure_ … But Sakura’s eyes told him that she wasn’t lying. She looked sad.

“He told me,” she said. “So I know it’s true.”

Naruto dropped his hands into his lap.

“I don’t understand,” he whispered. “He didn’t seem to… Why didn’t he say anything to me? After three years…”

“I have no idea what he’s thinking,” Sakura said. “He says one thing, and then he does something else.” She sighed. “And on top of that, he’s so _stubborn_.”

Naruto didn’t know what to say, or what to think. Sakura was telling _Naruto_ that _Sasuke_ loved him. The world was going crazy.

“Naruto,” Sakura said and leaned forward in her seat. “What did you mean when you said ‘after three years’?”

Naruto frowned. Did he say that? Oh, shit… He did.

“Er…”

“Did something happen the last time Sasuke was in Konoha?”

“Um…”

He wished he could come up with some elaborate lie to deter her, but she seemed to already be catching on.

“Don’t tell me…” she hesitated. “You didn’t do something stupid, did you?”

“Well…”

“Oh god…” Sakura gasped. “That talk we had… It was right after Sasuke came back!”

They stared at each other for a long moment, Naruto with growing dread, and Sakura with the shocked awe of realization.

“Was it…? Was it Sasuke who made you realize…? Was it him you…?”

“Ah…” Naruto rubbed the back of his head. This was really, really weird and a bit uncomfortable. “Yeah,” he said in a small voice.

Sakura went completely silent. Naruto peeked up at her in order to get an idea of how she was reacting. She just looked stunned.

“So… You’re in love with him?” she said at last.

“Um… Yeah…”

He couldn’t even look at her now.

Suddenly Sakura grabbed his shoulder and made him turn towards her.

“So why aren’t you _doing_ something?” She said.

She looked angry… but on his behalf, Naruto realized.

“This is so unlike you,” she continued. “You’re not the kind to give up!”

“I thought he was in love with you,” Naruto said, and pulled out of Sakura’s grip. “I didn’t want to ruin anything.”

“Well, now you know he isn’t, so what’s stopping you?”

Naruto suddenly started realizing the magnitude of what Sakura was telling him. But after all those years of longing, and uncertainty, and fragile hope…

It had all come cashing down and now he didn’t even know what to feel anymore.

“I’ve already tried,” Naruto said, although he knew that the kiss had been an half-assed attempt. He hadn’t even been properly aware of how he felt at the point. He’d just…acted on some basic need.

“You did? When?”

“Three years ago… I kissed him,” Naruto said. “He stormed off, and then he left Konoha not long afterwards. He’s never mentioned it again and he’s never shown any sign that it meant anything to him.”

Sakura shoved him.

“Hey!”

“Don’t be so stubborn,” she said.

“Well, _I’m_ not the one who doesn’t even try. If he really feels that way about me, then why haven’t he at least _tried_?”

“Because he thinks it’s for the best!”

Naruto stared at her, shocked. “Then…” he swallowed. “Then maybe it is.”

“Don’t you start this too,” Sakura huffed. “Don’t you see? He’s already given up. _Everything_. Not just you, but… All of it. His entire life. Can’t you try to imagine, Naruto?”

Naruto frowned. He knew that Sasuke was self-destructive, but it was difficult to be entirely sure where the border between what was normal for him and what was too much went.

Naruto had always been thankful for his life, despite all the hatred he had received as a child, so it was a bit difficult imagining just giving up. He had always had a goal, something that gave him meaning. 

“… He doesn’t have a purpose anymore,” Naruto said.

“I’m afraid of what that’ll do to him.” Sakura reached out and grabbed Naruto’s hand. “There are not many things that give his life meaning anymore… But I think I know of one thing that can.”

She squeezed his hand.

“And what is that?” Naruto asked.

Sakura let go of him and picked up her chopsticks.

“I’m no psychiatrist, but I can make an educated guess.”

And then she resumed eating.

“And…?” Naruto prompted her.

“Why don’t you go and visit him?” was all Sakura said. “I really don’t think he would mind.”

 

\------

 

Sasuke woke with a jolt and sat bolt upright. His heart was still racing, but as he started recognizing the room and realized it had been a dream, the fear slowly dissipated. As the adrenaline left his system, he suddenly felt hollow and weary.

He laid back down, but he couldn’t fall asleep again. The dream was just at the outskirts of his mind, making his stomach coil. He sat up and lit a lamp, and picked a bunch of scrolls from the bookcase.

He had tried to stay away from the alcohol, and so far he was successful, but his sleep was suffering from it. Even waking up with a hangover was better than barely getting a few hours of sleep each night.

In order to stave off the sneaking angst from his nightmares, he buried himself in work. Be it night or day, he pored relentlessly over scrolls and maps and scripts. He’d assembled a good deal of information on his travels, and had taken to study the myths and stories of old in order to get a better understanding of what had happened during the war.

After several hours of work, he finally felt too exhausted to continue, and tried to fall asleep again. This time, his sleep was restless, and he woke a few times with an unnamable fear gnawing at him, but he managed to fall asleep again each time. By morning he might as well not have slept at all, he certainly didn’t feel rested.

He devoted his days to cleaning out the house and fixing leaks and broken windows, and when that was done he went on to the garden and spent day after day in glaring sunlight hunched over prickly bushes and overgrown flowerbeds.

He had started to let his hair grow out in the hopes that it’d cover his left eye, and started wearing inconspicuous clothing. People seemed to either not recognize him, or ignore him, but either was fine with him.

One day, he went to the market and overheard someone talking about the date. The date of the ending of the war was approaching, which also meant that so was Naruto’s birthday. That meant… Sasuke staggered a bit as he realized he’d been in Konoha for over a week, and he still hadn’t started planning when he should leave again.

What was he waiting for?

He ignored the nagging little voice in the back of his head which tried to tell him he was living on a _hope_ , and decided he should start making ready to leave again.

After all, nothing was keeping him in Konoha.

 

 

 


	10. Silver and dark blue

Sakura came by after a week, holding a bento box. For a second, Naruto thought it was for him. But of course it wasn’t.

“Take this to Sasuke,” Sakura said.

“Do it yourself.”

“Please, Naruto. I think it’s best if you do it.”

Naruto leaned against the doorway. He had yet to invite her in. “I’ll visit him, but I’m not bringing him that.”

He pushed the bento box towards Sakura.

“Don’t be like this!” Sakura pushed it back. “It gives you a reason to drop by.”

“It also makes me feel like a besotted schoolgirl.”

“I don’t think he’s well,” Sakura said then. She sounded worried. “I went to see him, but he didn’t open the door and all the windows were dark. The few people who have seen him say he doesn’t go out often. He keeps to himself and he looks… weary.”

Naruto stared into her wide, pleading eyes. He couldn’t deny her anything when she gave him that look.

“Okay, fine.” He reached out and took the bento box. “I’ll go over there, and I’ll feed him this if it kills me.”

Sakura looked like she was close to shedding a tear of gratitude. “Thank you.”

 

\-----

 

Naruto had to try three times before he got the courage to knock on the door to Sasuke’s house. It was a nice house in a quiet neighborhood. The kind of house you’d expect an old couple to live in. Shielded, well-kept, inconspicuous…

Naruto had stood outside that house for a good ten minutes before he finally convinced himself to knock. He felt both excited and nervous. He didn’t know why. It was just… the thought of seeing Sasuke again now that he had no idea where they stood.

Sasuke didn’t answer the door when he knocked. He waited and tried again, several times. No reaction. He should have left then, and tried again later, but… He got a bit worried. What if Sasuke had left? Or what if… what if he’d fallen ill? What if he needed help?

Naruto walked around the house, and found that the backdoor was open, which probably was a bit worrisome. The house was dark and quiet, and entirely empty. There wasn’t one piece of furniture in the kitchen or in the living room. Naruto made his way through the house, checking every room. He supposed it was a major breach of personal privacy, but he needed to know if Sasuke was home, and if he was home, given the fact he still hadn’t intercepted him, he needed to know if he was okay.

He opened doors and looked into empty rooms until he reached the second door to the left in the hallway, and looked into what had to be Sasuke’s bedroom. It was the only place that was furnished, although sparsely. Naruto was surprised to find the room in such disorder. Clothes were littering the floor, and scrolls were strewn around. He could just barely make out a shape on the futon on the floor, because the windows were covered so that the room was thrown into almost complete darkness.

He hurried into the room, swearing as he stepped on something on the floor, and kneeled down next to Sasuke. He shook him gently at first, but firmer as he got no response.

“Sasuke,” he hissed. “ _Sasuke_ , wake up.”

He was deeply relieved when Sasuke groaned in protest. Sasuke was lying on his side, his back to Naruto. Naruto cradled his head.

“Sasuke?”

“… Mh… Naruto…”

“Hey…” Naruto was so relieved to hear his voice.

“I thought…” Sasuke murmured. “I thought it was a dream…”

Naruto had no idea what he was talking about, he was just glad he wasn’t unconscious, or worse.

“Are you okay?” Naruto asked.

Sasuke frowned. “Yeah…” he murmured. “Why are you here?”

“I just… The backdoor was open…”

Naruto suddenly became aware of how his hand was cradling Sasuke’s cheek, and pulled back. 

“Sakura wanted me to check up on you,” he said. “She sent some food… She’s worried about you.”

Sasuke sat up with difficulty. He seemed disoriented. He leaned forward and rubbed his eyes. The thin yukata he was wearing was hanging off one shoulder, and Naruto tried hard not to ogle the smooth, pale skin.

He shifted and was about to stand when his knee bumped into a small, white bottle on the floor. He picked it up without thinking, and read the label.

He stared at the box so long he forgot Sasuke was right there. Suddenly it was slapped out of his hand and rolled into a corner.

Naruto stared at Sasuke.

“Sleeping pills?!”

A cold mask slipped on over Sasuke’s bleary, pale face.

“Sasuke…” Naruto started, but Sasuke was already standing and heading out of the room. Naruto swore silently. He’d barely been there for a minute, and Sasuke was already putting up his walls.

Naruto picked up the bento-box and went to the kitchen. Judging by the sound of running water, Sasuke was in the shower. Naruto went through the cupboards in search for plates and glasses, but here was nothing in the cupboards… Absolutely nothing. Maybe Sakura’s insistence about bringing food weren’t so unnecessary. Sasuke didn’t seem to have used the kitchen at all.

Naruto went to the patio doors that led from the spacious living room to the porch. It was sunny outside and the weather was nice. Naruto sat on the edge of the porch and nibbled on one of the onigiri that Sakura had packed. God… He’d forgotten how good Sakura’s cooking was.

A few minutes later, Sasuke padded on bare feet out onto the porch. Naruto prepared to be told off, but to his surprise Sasuke chose to sit down on the edge of the porch a little away from Naruto. He smelled nice… Not strongly of perfume or soap, just a clean, mild scent that Naruto found he liked very much. He nudged the bento box over to Sasuke, and felt ridiculously proud when Sasuke accepted it.

“The garden looks really nice,” Naruto said after a while. “And the house is, um… spacious.”

“Spacious,” Sasuke repeated. “Is that a nice way of saying it looks desolate?”

“Ah… Well…” Naruto scratched the back of his head. “If you need help furnishing it, I’m sure Sakura would love to help.”

“… I’m sure she would.”

They continued to eat in silence. Naruto had to stop himself from eating too fast in his nervousness. He was expecting Sasuke to tell him to leave any second.

“By the way, you should get you back door fixed. I just walked right in.”

“If someone really wanted to break in, it won’t matter if the back door is open or not.”

“Yeah… You certainly wouldn’t have stopped them. You were dead to the world.”

“…”

Naruto cleared his throat. He’d managed to wolf down the onigiri anyway. “Kinda risky… Don’t you think?” He said, trying to gauge Sasuke’s stoic face.

“I had to.”

“…”

Sasuke was plucking the rice away from the plum filling in his onigiri.

“I need to catch up on sleep before I leave,” he said.

“Seems kinda… chancy to start with sleeping pills. They mess with your senses.”

Sasuke didn’t say anymore, he just frowned down on his onigiri like it had insulted him.

“Although,” Naruto added. “If you feel like you have control…”

Still no reaction from Sasuke. Naruto didn’t know if he was making things better or worse. It was probably better if he dropped the subject.

“Hey…” he said, and pointed at Sasuke’s onigiri. “If you’re not gonna have that…”

Sasuke handed him the half eaten onigiri, and Naruto munched it down in seconds. Then he felt bad because he was eating all of Sasuke’s food. He tried to figure out if all the onigiri had plum filling by smelling them.

“I think this one’s salmon,” he said. “And this is tuna.”

He handed Sasuke one, and he took it.

After they were both done eating (Naruto had wanted Sasuke to have the rest, but he insisted that he couldn’t eat it all) Naruto leaned back on the porch and just soaked up the sunlight.

“I wish I had a porch too,” he murmured. “And a garden.”

“What’s stopping you form getting it?”

“Hm… Nothing, really. Except money.”

Naruto stared at Sasuke’s back, and felt like something was different. Was it his hair? Wasn’t it getting longer? But no, it wasn’t that. And then it struck him. There was no Uchiha fan on Sasuke’s back.

He jolted when Sasuke said his name, and realized he was trying to talk to him.

“Hm?”

Sasuke arched one eyebrow.

“Uh… Sorry,” Naruto said. “I was just wondering why you don’t have the Uchiha fan on your clothes.”

Was it just him, or did Sasuke’s eyelids sort of flutter? Like he had struck a nerve or something?

“I mean…” Naruto continued. “You always used to have one. Before.”

Sasuke leaned forward and picked a cherry tomato from the bento box.

“It didn’t seem necessary anymore,” he said.

Naruto just stared at him. Not necessary? Uchiha 'my-clan-is-everything' Sasuke just didn’t think it was _necessary_?

“Huh… That doesn’t sound like you,” Naruto said.

He could see how Sasuke went rigid. 

“I mean,” Naruto said. “It’s what you identify yourself with. Isn’t it?”

Sasuke took his time before answering. “It’s easier this way.”

Naruto sat up and scooted closer to Sasuke. “Who cares if it’s easier? People are stupid. They hate someone because everyone else does. They don’t think farther than the end of their own noses. You shouldn’t be bothered by them.”

Sasuke looked at him properly for the first time. “I’m not,” he said, and Naruto almost believed him.

They were sitting close, with barely a few inches between them. The questions that he had wanted to ask Sasuke for the last week suddenly jumped to the forefront of his mind. He wanted to hear it from Sasuke… The truth about what they were for each other… What they could be… But he couldn’t quite make himself ask. It would be no going back if he did.

Then Sasuke lowered his eyes and the spell broke. Naruto leaned back and pretended to enjoy the sun again, while in truth his mind was racing.

_Not yet._

_He would ask, but not yet._

 

\-----

 

He dropped by Sasuke’s place the next day too, right after he was done at the Hokage tower. Yesterday he had told himself he would wait with visiting Sasuke again because he didn’t want to seem too pushy. But by the time he was done at work, he’d managed to convince himself that he should drop by just to see if Sasuke was okay… After all, something could have happened, right? It was best if he made sure, just in case.

On the way there, he stopped and bought take-away since he was really hungry, and it would be rude to come by without bringing something for Sasuke too… And it was around dinnertime and Sasuke didn’t seem to have any decent food in his house, so… Well, if he wasn’t hungry, Naruto could just eat it all by himself.

This time when he knocked, Sasuke actually opened. It felt almost surreal… The other times when Naruto had visited Sasuke, he had just invited himself in because he realized that Sasuke wouldn’t, and… well, that was how far their history of visiting each other went. He had never actually been invited in before.

“I brought food,” Naruto said when he was standing in the kitchen and neither of them had spoken yet.

“You don’t need to come by and feed me.”

“I was not… I just happened to be hungry and I wanted to get you something since, you know, I’m a guest and I should bring you something.”

To his relief, Sasuke didn’t argue with that.

They ate on the porch again, in the warm autumn sun, and even though they spoke little, Naruto felt content. Maybe Sasuke wasn’t talking much, but at least he willingly let Naruto in and that had to count for something.

“Aren’t you gonna eat that?” Naruto asked when they were almost done eating and Sasuke still hadn’t touched the narutomaki.

“No.”

“You don’t like the narutomaki? I’m shocked!”

He leaned forward and snapped it, but before he could put it in his mouth, Sasuke snapped it back.

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it,” Sasuke said, and put it back in his Styrofoam box.

Naruto almost felt giddy. It wasn’t like it meant something, but it sure felt like it did.

“So… You’re just hoarding it?” He asked. 

“I wasn’t done eating.”

Naruto knew he might look foolish grinning like he did, but he just couldn’t stop.

\-----

 

The third time Naruto visited, he didn’t even pretend that it wouldn’t happen. He was out of the tiny little make-shift office he had at the Hokage tower not a second after he was done for the day. Kakashi had given him an amused and slightly shocked look when Naruto handed him the pages of finished assignment on Konoha’s involvement in the second shinobi world war, before dashing out the window.

Naruto had been working on the assignment all day in order to give himself something else to think about than waiting for the day to end so he could go see Sasuke. He usually avoided assignments like they were poisonous snakes, much to Kakashi’s chagrin since he needed Naruto to have certain intellectual qualifications before he could let him take over.

He stopped by and bought food again on his way over to Sasuke’s place, but bought a different type of food this time. He wasn’t entirely sure how big a fan Sasuke was of ramen. Sasuke didn’t open the door when Naruto knocked. He waited for a few minutes, but there was no sign of life. Maybe Sasuke was out…?

Naruto checked the back door and found that it still was open. The house was dead quiet and pitch dark. Naruto opened the screen doors out to the porch. The soft breeze did wonders to the stuffy, hot air inside. Naruto inspected the different fruit-trees in the garden, and picked some apples that seemed ripe. He supposed Sasuke wouldn’t mind… After all, he was picking them for his sake too.

He didn’t notice that Sasuke was standing in the doorway until he turned and saw him.

He looked like he’d just gotten out of bed: a bit tousled and with his yukata haphazardly fastened.

“Hi,” Naruto said, and sat down on the edge of the porch, pulling the food from the plastic bag and placing the fruit on it.

Sasuke looked a bit exasperated but not enough to make Naruto feel like he’d crossed a line.

“Hungry?” he asked.

Sasuke sat down next to him and accepted the food. He seemed a bit drowsy and didn’t say a word.

They ate in silence. Surprisingly, it was Sasuke who broke the silence first.

“It’s your birthday today.”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, it is.”

“Then, what are you doing here?”

Naruto shrugged. “I just wanted to drop by. I can’t stay for long, though. I’m meeting Sakura afterwards.”

Sasuke was just picking at his food now. Naruto wanted to move closer and give those tense shoulders a reassuring touch, but he held back in fear of crossing the line.

He put the empty Styrofoam box to the side, and leaned back on the deck. A very gentle, slightly chilly breeze grazed his skin, and it made the heat from the sun a little more bearable. Naruto had always liked to bask in the sunlight. It made him drowsy and mellow.

He faintly registered that Sasuke had lain back on the deck too. His left yukata sleeve was pooled on the floor between them, right next Naruto’s hand. Naruto reached out and ran his fingers over the cool, soft fabric. A gentle shudder ran down his spine. So close, and yet…

He pulled back and placed both his hands behind his head. He thought Sasuke had fallen asleep because for a long while he was lying entirely motionless, but all of a sudden he spoke.

“I’m thinking about leaving soon… Maybe tomorrow.”

Naruto felt his heart jolt and plummet into his stomach.

“Oh…”

He stared up at the clear blue sky and the white cotton candy clouds, and suddenly the beautiful day didn’t appeal to him at all. He took a deep breath.

“Well… I’m probably gonna be Hokage in a year or so, and I’m gonna call you back the second I put that hat on my head.”

Sasuke turned towards him and gave him a raised eyebrow.

“I’m not on duty.”

Naruto sat up and looked down at Sasuke. “Then I’ll change that.”

Sasuke looked unimpressed, but Naruto thought he saw a tiny flicker of hope in his eyes too. Naruto hovered over Sasuke for a second too long. He imagined just… just reaching out and touching Sasuke’s cheek… and tell him that he… he…

Naruto snapped out of it and sat up. He pretended to be stretching while he cleared his mind.

It would be foolish to ask now, right before Sasuke left. He wouldn’t do the same mistake twice.

“I’ll be going now,” he said.

“Wait.”

Naruto watched Sasuke as he stood and went inside. For a second he wondered if Sasuke was just gonna make him sit there and wait for no reason… Because why would Sasuke possibly want him to wait?

When he came back, he asked Naruto to stand and close his eyes, and Naruto became even more suspicious. He did as he was told, although he kept his senses alert in case Sasuke decided to deck him. He almost jolted backwards when he felt Sasuke’s hand around his neck. For a wild second he thought he was gonna kiss him… but then he felt the cool slide of a metal chain against the skin on his neck, and he realized that it was a _necklace_. He didn’t know what to make of it, so he just stood entirely still and felt Sasuke slip the necklace under his shirt (god, he felt Sasuke’s fingers brush his collarbone…) 

He opened his eyes slowly. Sasuke stood right in front of him, looking somber and a bit tired, but nothing out of the ordinary. Not like his fingers had just touched Naruto’s skin, like he hadn’t just given Naruto a _gift_. Naruto would have thought he’d dreamt it, if it hadn’t been for the cool metal he felt against his neck.

“Happy birthday,” Sasuke said. “Now you can leave.”

Naruto hesitated. He wanted to talk about this… this whatever it was, but when he reached up to grab the necklace so that he could look at it, Sasuke stopped his hand.

“Not now.”

Naruto felt puzzled. “Sasuke-”

“Just go, Naruto,” Sasuke said with a tone of impatience. “Sakura is probably waiting.”

Naruto hesitated.

“Is this the last time I see you before you leave?” he asked.

“You’ll see me again in a year,” Sasuke said and pushed Naruto backwards. “Right?”

Naruto nodded. “Yeah,” he said. He grinned. “You can bet on it.”

 

\-----

 

Naruto stopped almost the same second he was far enough from Sasuke’s place to be out of sight, and pulled the necklace out from his shirt. It was a sturdy silver chain with three blue stones incased in it. The one in the middle was a little bigger than the two others, but even that one wasn’t bigger than a small coin.

He stared at it while his mind raced. Sasuke had given him a gift, on his birthday. It seemed surprisingly thoughtful and… intimate. It was Sasuke’s colors: silver and dark blue. Naruto wasn’t sure if Sasuke had been thinking about that… Maybe he just chose it because he liked it himself. Maybe he just wanted to get rid of it…

Naruto wanted to go back and ask about it, but he was already keeping Sakura waiting, and he had a feeling Sasuke would refuse to talk to him. Besides… He wasn’t even sure what he’d say. He clutched the chain in his hand and slipped it inside his shirt again. It might not mean anything… With Sasuke it was hard to tell. He contradicted himself with everything he did, seeming almost affectionate one second, and then completely cold the next.

Well, it obviously meant something… But it might not mean exactly what Naruto was thinking it did. It could just be a symbol of friendship, which honestly was more than Naruto could hope for.

Naruto started moving reluctantly toward the restaurant where he was supposed to meet Sakura. He’d have to let Sasuke have his way this time. If he could wait for three years, then one more year was nothing in comparison. And he’d make sure it was nothing more than a year till next time… He’d work hard, he’d make Kakashi proud, and he’d get the truth out of Sasuke, one way or the other.

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Slumbering

Sakura waited for him outside the barbecue place where they had agreed to meet. He was surprised to find that she looked dressed up.

“You look beautiful,” Naruto said.

To his surprise, Sakura kissed his cheek.

“Happy birthday,” she said, and pressed a small, wrapped box into his hand.

Naruto’s hand clenched around the box. The necklace suddenly felt heavy against his chest. _That necklace… what did it really mean? Sasuke…_

“Thanks,” he said hoarsely.

Sakura gave him a puzzled look. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no…” He tried to smile. “I’m fine. Thank you, Sakura.” He hugged her.

She smiled. “Now, let’s go inside.”

Naruto was honestly surprised when they went inside and suddenly all his friends were there at a huge table, and they jumped at him when he came in and congratulated him with his twenty-fourth birthday. There was even a banner with his name on it and everyone was in a good mood.

He couldn’t believe they’d actually gone out of their way to do this for him.

“Thank you,” he murmured into every hug he got, and every pat on his back and shake of his hand.

Even Ino hugged him and gave him a genuine smile. She had been angry with him for a while after he broke up with Hinata, but either she managed to get out of Hinata what had happened, or she had gotten over it, because she showed no sign of contempt.

Sai slipped him a present that looked a lot like a book, and gave him a very long hug.

And lastly, Hinata approached him shyly and handed him a card.

“I-I don’t know if you want it,” she said, twining her hair around her finger. “B-but I just hoped we still could be f-friends.”

Naruto grinned from ear to ear and gave her a big hug, which made her blush so hard Naruto feared she was about to faint. He hadn’t seen her a lot since she’d quit shinobi duty after marrying and getting pregnant. He had only gotten small snippets of information from Kiba now and then.

Looking at her now, he could barely see that she was pregnant under the flowy blouse that she was wearing.

“Um… Congratulations,” Naruto said. “I mean, about the pregnancy… And getting married.”

Hinata blushed, if possible, even more. “T-thank you.”

“So… Is it a boy or a girl?”

Hinata smiled. “A boy.”

“How far along?”

Hinata cradled her stomach. There was definitely a bump there. “Five months.”

Naruto grinned. “That’s wonderful.”

They sat down by the table, Naruto at the head of it, and the feast could begin. The time flew past as he caught up with how people had been and what was happening in their lives. It had been a long time since they last had been assembled like this, and many of them Naruto hadn’t talked to for years.

Sai and Ino was sitting next to him on his right hand side, and he learned that they were engaged and was planning to throw an engagement party in the near future.

“What about you?” Ino asked. “Have you found someone else?”

For a second, Naruto’s breath froze in his lungs.

_Yeah, what about me…_

He wasn’t even sure if he knew the answer to that.

He shook his head. “Not yet. I’m putting all my energy into work.”

“Aw, you shouldn’t overwork yourself,” Ino said. “I have a few single friends. I could set you up!”

Her eyes were practically shining with the prospect of playing matchmaker.

Naruto didn’t know what to answer. He felt it would be rude to decline, but he really, really didn’t feel like seeing any of Ino’s friends… Whichever gender they might be… He still wasn’t sure whether she had figured out that he was gay yet.

Thankfully, Kiba saved him.

“Hey, why won’t you introduce me to your friends?” he said and pouted.

Ino rolled her eyes. “You’ve met my friends, and you’ve left an everlasting impression to boot.”

“Then why…”

“I did not mean in a good way,” Ino interrupted him.

Naruto realized this was his chance to get off the hook, and hurried to speak to Shino, who was sitting next to him.

After they were done eating, Naruto opened the presents from Sakura and Sai. The one from Sakura was a watch. He thanked her and opened the one from Sai…and stared at it in shock. Kiba leaned over to get a better look, and doubled over with laughter.

“Why…? What…?” Naruto sputtered. Then; “Saaaiii!”

It was a goddamned book about penises!

He chased Sai around the restaurant to the great amusement of all the others, and when he finally got ahold of him, he smacked him soundly with the book. But he did keep it.

 

\------

 

It was much later, when they’d moved to a bar in the center of town, and most of the party was good and drunk, that Naruto ended up next to Sakura and finally managed to ask the question that had been nagging him for most of the evening.

“So… Sasuke… Did he… Was he invited?”

Sakura looked apologetic. “I never got to ask him,” she admitted. “I couldn’t get a hold of him, but I suppose that he wouldn’t have felt comfortable being here anyway.”

Naruto would assume so too. But still, Sasuke should have gotten the choice.

Sakura squeezed his arm.

“Hey,” she said. “You shouldn’t sit here and mope. It’s your birthday! Dance with me!”

Naruto let Sakura pull him to the dance floor, but couldn’t quite get into the mood to dance, so he left the dance floor when Sakura stared dancing with some other guy. He watched all the others having fun, some of them so drunk they could barely stand, but all of them seeming to be having a good time. Even Shikamaru looked content where he stood with Temari and Choji and Ino by the bar.

Naruto observed Kiba flirting and dancing with a girl and then, suddenly, the girl slapped him and stalked away. Naruto chuckled. Kiba had probably told her an inappropriate joke or something. He had a way of inadvertently insulting the ladies.

Suddenly someone flopped down in the seat next to Naruto’s.

Sai placed a glass of beer in front of him.

“I still haven’t forgiven you,” Naruto murmured.

“I thought you would find my gift funny,” he said with his trademark plastered on smile.

Naruto snorted, but he wasn’t really as angry as he was pretending to be.

“Okay, well… Maybe it was a tiny bit funny.”

Sai’s grin widened. “I’m glad.”

Naruto relaxed back into his seat.

“Shouldn’t you be out there, dancing?” he asked.

“I’m not a good dancer,” Sai admitted.

“You? Really?”

“Why does that surprise you?”

Naruto shrugged. “I don’t know. I just thought… I don’t know what I thought.”

Suddenly he grinned and on a whim he stood and dragged Sai to the dance floor. He was more than a little pleased to see Sai blushing.

“I don’t think…” he started, but Naruto cut him off.

“Oh, shush. It’s my birthday, and I want you to dance with me.”

If Sai’s increasing blush puzzled Naruto, he just wrote it off as embarrassment about being forced to dance. He was stiff as a board and barely moved. Naruto tried to instruct him, but that didn’t make anything better.

“I think you need more to drink,” Naruto yelled over the music.

“And I think you need less,” someone said from right behind him.

He turned, startled, as Sakura threw one arm around Naruto’s neck, and the other around Sai, and gave them a firm hug.

“I love you both!” she declared, and then she was off again.

Sai and Naruto exchanged a startled look and then they both laughed.

“I think Sakura’s had a little too much too,” Sai observed.

Naruto seconded that opinion.

 

\------

 

Sakura had been dancing herself into an exhausted and giddy mess, and the guy she’d been dancing with expressed a definite interest in taking this elsewhere, but she was a bit worried about Naruto. While everyone else was either dancing, talking, or sleeping on the floor (i.e. Lee), Naruto was sitting by himself, looking mournfully down at his hands, fiddling with a silver necklace.

She approached him with the intention of asking what was wrong, but when she reached him she couldn’t make herself start questioning him. He looked tired. It was perhaps best that she didn’t push him. It was his birthday, after all.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

He smiled weakly at her. “I’m good,” he said. He reached out and grabbed her arm and pulled her into a hug. “Sakura-chan,” he said, and Sakura suddenly realized he hadn’t called her that for a long while. It filled her with a sudden pang of melancholy, of memories from long past. She blinked away a stray tear and patted Naruto’s head.

“I think it’s about time I got you home,” she said.

Naruto nodded. “Yeah… I’m…” He tried to stand and nearly toppled over. He laughed sheepishly. “I’m a bit unsteady.”

She steadied him and led him towards the exit. They said bye to those who noticed them leaving, and left them to party on into the night.

“What’s the time?” Naruto asked.

“Half past one.”

“Oh… Well, I held out longer than last time.”

“This time you didn’t pass out under the table, at least.”

They both chuckled.

Then Naruto noticed the guy hovering by the exit, and must have recognized him as the guy that Sakura had danced with almost all night, because he said, with a smile, “You’ve got skills. He’s almost as gorgeous as Sasuke.”

He swayed and Sakura fought to steady him.

“Do you feel like you’ve wasted a lot of time, waiting for him? When you could’ve had this all along?” Naruto suddenly asked.

Sakura shrugged. “Maybe,” she said. “And yet, it was worth it.” She smiled when Naruto peered down at her.

“Yeah,” he said, almost to himself.

He tried to stand by himself as they reached the door and the gorgeous guy timidly asked if they needed help.

“No, I’m fine,” Naruto said. He straightened up and actually managed to stand by himself, only swaying slightly. He turned to Sakura. “You two go ahead,” he said. “I’ll manage to get home on my own.”

“But Naruto,” Sakura protested. “You can barely walk…”

Naruto waved her off. “I’ll be all right as soon as I get some fresh air. Look, I’m already feeling better.”

He took one step forward and swayed dangerously, but saved himself by grabbing onto the door. He staggered out into the cool night air and looked triumphantly at her when he managed to stay on his feet.

“See?”

Sakura shook her head. “Naruto, I can’t…”

Naruto turned to the guy that Sakura just barely knew, but that she really wanted to go home with.

“Are you really gonna let her go? Don’t you think she’s beautiful? Are you just gonna let her babysit me?”

The guy looked thorn. He gave Sakura a lingering look.

“Okay, fine,” Sakura said. “But if you fall asleep in a dumpster, don’t blame me!”

Naruto just winked at her. He leapt into the nearest roof and landed a bit unsteadily, but didn’t seem in danger of harming himself. Sakura watched him until he was out of sight. Only later did she wonder why he went in the exact opposite direction of his own apartment.

 

\------

 

Naruto headed straight for Sasuke’s place. The house seemed extra quiet after the noise from the bar, almost eerily so. He found Sasuke in the bedroom, fast asleep. He didn’t react even when Naruto grabbed his shoulder and turned him over onto his back.

Those sleeping meds really knocked him out.

Sasuke looked serene in his sleep. The constant frown he usually wore had finally eased out and left him looking many years younger and much more vulnerable. Naruto traced one finger gently, almost reverently along Sasuke’s brow and brushed away a tuft of dark hair.

He leaned down, hesitated, before placing his head on Sasuke’s chest. He listened to his slow but steady heartbeat, and for the first time in three years he let himself feel the full extent of the longing that he’d tried so hard to suppress. He took deep breaths of air, each one filled with Sasuke’s scent… That crisp, slightly musky scent that he could recognize basically anywhere; that he had filed away in his brain as the scent of _home_ , of _rightness_ , of _belonging_.

He didn’t know how much longer he could keep going like this, always being so close and yet not allowed close enough to touch. His thoughts muddled together in a combination of alcohol-haze and exhaustion, and soon he was asleep too.

 

\------

 

Despite feeling disoriented and slightly dizzy when he woke up, Sasuke immediately sensed that something was off. For a few seconds he fought the last dregs of sleep, trying desperately to get conscious enough to get his bearings. When he finally realized what was off, it was with an accompanying thought of ‘what the fuck?’

He felt a warm presence against his back. He was one hundred percent certain that he had been alone when he fell asleep last night, so how could that be?

When he turned around and found Naruto curled right up against his back, he wasn’t entirely sure how to react or what to feel. It was probably a testimony to how accustomed he’d grown to Naruto’s presence that in the end he wasn’t all that surprised to find him there.

He could feel a slight scent of alcohol come from him, and assumed that he’d probably been celebrating his birthday, and then he’d come to Sasuke’s place, drunk and looking for… what exactly? Sex? Or…? Sasuke wasn’t sure what to think.

He inched away from Naruto, careful not to wake him, and changed into his travel clothes. He had already packed what little he’d be carrying on his travels, and everything else was taken care of. He had planned to leave early in the morning, and although it was five in the morning now, a bit earlier than he had planned, there was no sense in staying longer. He knew that if Naruto woke up, he’d try to make him stay… And it would make everything more difficult.

He hesitated on the threshold to his room. His pack was slung over his shoulder, and he was ready to leave, but… Leaving was made all the more difficult when Naruto was right _there_. One part of him wished Naruto would wake up now, before he left, and… And do what? Beg him to stay? They both knew he couldn’t.

He couldn’t fathom why Naruto made him so… So weak. The desire he felt towards Naruto was one thing. It was a physical thing, something controllable and although not rational, it was explainable. It was instinct, however inconvenient it was. But this other thing… that was what was destroying him. It made him do and feel things that he couldn’t explain rationally. It made him long for something that seemed so distant and unfathomable, and yet so important.

He realized he needed to go with once, or else he’d… He didn’t know what would happen. He just knew that it would be no going back if he gave in to this. And he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, or if it would completely destroy the both of them.

 

\-------

 

When Naruto woke up, it was raining. The clock showed 06.00. Naruto got up immediately when he realized that Sasuke was not there. He already knew he wouldn’t find him in the house, but the checked nevertheless. He sat for a while on the porch, not caring that it was cold. He went back to bed after some time, and just sat on the futon. He didn’t want to leave just yet. 

He noticed that the box with sleeping pills had been left behind, half-full. Sasuke’s yukata was also there, lying neatly folded next to the futon. Naruto picked it up and let the soft fabric slither between his fingers. It was still warm. He hesitated a little before bringing the fabric up to his nose, and inhaled deeply.

It was pathetic, he knew that, but needed to grant himself that much. He fell asleep on Sasuke’s pillow with the yukata clutched in his hands.

 

 

 

 

 


	12. Don't leave

_Ten months later_

 

“Naruto, you need to rest,” Sakura said. “You’re working yourself to death.”

Naruto grunted and sat bolt upright in his seat. “Wha- What?”

He groaned and rubbed his eyes. “Fuck. I fell asleep.”

“Again,” Sakura chastised lightly. She placed a heavenly smelling bento box on his desk. “Take a break and eat this with me,” she said. “You need it after all the hard work you’ve been doing.”

Naruto smiled up at her. “Thank you, Sakura.”

Sakura always made him onigiri with plum filling, because he always ate those up first. She probably thought it was because he liked them, but in truth it was because they reminded him of Sasuke. Now he nibbled at one while Sakura sat down on his desk. She had to make some space because the piles of paper were taking up even more space than during Kakashi’s or even Tsunade’s reign.

Naruto got tired just by looking at them.

“I know it’s a lot of responsibility and all that, but you don’t have to make everything happen right away,” Sakura said. “It’s always hardest in the beginning. Kakashi have said that many times.”

Naruto just grunted a one-syllable answer.

Suddenly, Sakura chuckled.

“What is it?” Naruto asked through a mouthful of rice.

“You just sounded like Sasuke.”

“Oh…”

Just the mention of Sasuke’s name made Naruto even sadder.

Sakura poked his shoulder.

“C’mon, Naruto… It’s only been one week since you sent for him. You have to be patient.”

Naruto sighed. Patient was not what he felt like being right now. He just wanted Sasuke to be back. Now. He knew it was childish, but the wait was excruciating.

“Um, Naruto… Did you two ever…sort things out?”

Naruto looked up at her. “As in…?”

“Did you tell him how you feel?”

“Oh… Well…”

She understood immediately.

“I don’t see why you’re putting yourself through all this,” she said.

Naruto plucked on some pieces of rice that had stuck to his fingers.

“What if he says no? What if he shuts me off? I just can’t decide if it’s worth loosing him…”

“But it’s destroying you… What’s the point of being friends with him if it’s gonna be a constant reminder of something you want but don’t know if you can have?”

“… I was planning to ask him when he gets back.”

“Then you should do that.”

Sakura squeezed his shoulder. When he looked up at her, she smiled at him.

“I’m sure it’ll be all right,” she said. “Just trust me. I might not know Sasuke very well, despite thinking I did, but I know what I saw that time during the rescue-mission, and it definitely meant something.”

Naruto managed a wavering smile.

“Enough about me,” he said. He desperately needed to talk about something else. “How is it going with that guy you were seeing?”

Sakura’s mood instantly darkened. “Oh, please don’t speak about it.”

“Not so great, then.”

“He cheated. _Again_.”

“Told you,” Naruto said.

“I never learn,” she said. “But this time, I broke up with him.”

Naruto grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “…I’m sorry.”

She shook her head.

“I’m not sad, not really,” she said. “My relationship with him was mostly convenient. I felt more embarrassed at having been fooled than I felt hurt. We both knew it was going towards the end, one of us just needed to take the last step and end it.”

She chuckled darkly. “Surprisingly, he didn’t take it well. He tried to convince me we could make it work, but whom is he fooling. He’s probably just afraid to loose the comfort of having a girlfriend to come home to.”

“Tell him to behave, or else he’ll have to answer to the Hokage.”

“Said Hokage have nothing he can do on the matter, since this isn’t a dictatorship,” Sakura said pointedly.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t throw my weight around a bit,” Naruto said with a cheeky grin.

Sakura patted his hand.

“I need to go, but don’t sit up too long. It’s way past office-hours already.”

After Sakura left, Naruto continued working for a while until he got cross-eyed from looking over all the papers. But he didn’t go back home to sleep. Instead he used the quarters behind the office. They were tiny and supposed to accommodate the Hokage during critical times, but Naruto was used to live in a small apartment. He sort of liked those quarters better than the lofty Hokage Residence that he honestly didn’t feel like he needed.

The quarters consisted of a tiny bathroom, a tiny kitchen, and a bedroom that contained little else than a double bed and some built-in closets.

The clock showed 23.14. Everyone else had long since gone home. Shikamaru had stayed a little longer, but he too had left at around six o’clock in the evening.

“Temari is gonna have my hide if I’m not home till dinner,” Shikamaru complained before he left.

Naruto knew that he complained more out of habit than out of any real contempt. He had a glimmer in his eyes when he spoke of Temari that nothing else could bring forth.

“How’s your kid?” he asked.

This time Shikamaru cracked a tiny grin. “He’ll be five months this week,” he said. “Been growing a lot lately. You should visit one day.”

“I will,” Naruto said.

Now Naruto kicked off his shoes and sunk down on the admittedly a little lumpy, but right now heavenly bed. He laid there for a minute, too tired to even start making ready for sleep, and pulled the silver necklace out from inside his jacket. He always kept it close to his skin, hidden under his clothes. He didn’t know exactly why he hid it, but he’d seen Sakura give it a thoughtful look whenever she spotted it, and he had a feeling she wanted to question him about it.

The fewer questions, the better, so Naruto kept it hidden.

He ran his fingers along the links in the chain, and lingered over each of the three stones that were incorporated into the chain. Somehow, touching the necklace always calmed him. It was as though… having a part of Sasuke there was enough to soothe him. He wondered if that was why Sasuke had given him the necklace… But shoved the thought away. Getting his hopes up would only make the downfall harder if they proved to be wrong.

He had sent for Sasuke only a week prior, as soon as he could after he became Hokage, just as he’d promised. He could expect him back anytime soon… hopefully. When he had sent for Sasuke, he had asked him, not ordered him, to come back, informing him that he would make sure his situation would be taken up to discussion. The message had been ridiculously professional, but Shikamaru had kept reminding him that when he couldn’t dispatch a message as the hokage without keeping up some kind of professionalism, even when said message was for a friend.

Naruto sighed and stood to prepare for bed. He took his keys out of his pocket and placed them on the tiny bedside table. He thumbed the one key that didn’t really belong to him, but that he carried on his keychain nevertheless.

The day after Sasuke left, nearly a year ago, Naruto had found the keys to the house in the kitchen. He had been puzzled as to why Sasuke would leave them. Had he just forgotten them? It certainly wasn’t because he wanted to let Naruto leave and lock the house because the back door was still broken so Naruto could easily just have let himself out that way.

Only one viable option was left: Sasuke wanted Naruto to have the key.

If it was to make sure someone looked after the house while he was away, or if he just… didn’t want to carry the keys while traveling, Naruto didn’t know. But it had to mean that Sasuke trusted him a lot. Or, well… Maybe he just made a logical assessment of the situation and came to the conclusion that he probably couldn’t keep Naruto away from his house anyway.

Naruto dropped by now and then to make sure everything was in order, but although he felt more at home at Sasuke’s place than he did anywhere else, he felt like it was a little too much like trespassing when Sasuke wasn’t home. He’d fixed the backdoor, just to make sure no one else walked into the house. Although there was not much of great value there, apart from some of Sasuke’s personal belongings, Naruto just felt better knowing the house was left untouched.

Naruto took off his jacket and shoes, but he was too tired to even bother brushing his teeth, so he just rolled into bed and fell asleep wearing his undershirt and pants.

 

\------

 

Naruto stood by the window in his office, looking out over the city with a frown. He was deep in thought, considering what had been said during the meeting he’d just had with the council. They were stubbornly rejecting change, but he was pretty sure he could make them see sense. He just needed to change the approach…

The door opened and someone entered. Naruto was just about to ask Shikamaru what he found the most reasonable course of action, when a different voice than he had expected spoke.

“Hokage-sama.”

It almost brought shivers down Naruto’s back.

That smooth, dark voice… that impeccably cool and collected tone.

Sasuke.

God, it was so strange being addressed that way by him. He turned and took in the sight of him after such a long time. It was strange how ten months could feel so infinitely long, especially when he had waited far longer before.

Sasuke looked much the same as before, except his hair was longer. His bangs were now covering his left eye. Covering the rinnegan. His cloak was dusty, and he had dark rings under his eyes. He must have come back straight away after he got the message, and the thought made Naruto feel a bit reassured.

“Hi,” Naruto said, his tone softer than he should have allowed, considering his position.

Sasuke inclined his head. Then he threw a sharp look towards Naruto’s hair.

“Ah…” Naruto ran a hand through his unfamiliarly short hair. “Sakura said I looked more professional with shorter hair…”

He had cut it prior to his official acceptance of the hokage title, and it still made him startle a bit when he looked in the mirror. He looked… more grown up, somehow. But he supposed it was fitting for the Hokage.

Sasuke frowned.

“Don’t you like it?” Naruto asked.

“No,” he said. “You look… different.”

Naruto blushed.

“Oh…” he said.

He almost toppled a stack of papers with the back of his hand, and had to hurry to steady it.

“Anyway,” he said. “Um, well, you’re here…”

Okay, that was kinda obvious… He chuckled sheepishly. This was so, so strange. Sasuke was standing right there in front of him, in his office, and Naruto was actually his… his superior. That needed some getting used to. He had just gotten used to the fact that he was supposed to dispatch shinobi that he knew very well on missions and tell them what to do. (No, actually, he hadn’t gotten used to that either yet.)

Sasuke, on the other hand, seemed unfazed by it all. He just stood there, relaxed, waiting patiently for Naruto to take the word.

This, for some reason, made Naruto even more flustered.

“Okay,” he said and sat down by his desk. “I’ve tried to patch through a reconsideration of your sentence.”

“Already? You’ve only been Hokage for a month.”

“It was the first thing I did.”

“Are you aware how that looks? You’re more concerned with a convict than the future of this town?”

“Okay, it was the first thing I did _after_ taking care of all the important stuff.”

“Hm…” Naruto thought he heard Sasuke mutter _important stuff_ rather derisively.

“I’ll have you know I’ve worked my ass off to get everything done so that I could focus on _you_.”

“I’m charmed.”

He sounded anything but.

“Well… Um…” Naruto leafed trough a few forms on his desk. “I haven’t managed to convince the council yet, but I think it’s just a matter of time…”

“Naruto… I don’t think they’ll ever let me become a shinobi again. And I’m not sure I want to either.”

Naruto dropped the forms onto the desk.

“…I know… But I think they’re inclined to agree that you don’t need to be bound to come back every three years. Unless you want to, of course.”

Sasuke looked away for a second.

“Was that everything?” he asked.

“Yeah…”

Sasuke turned to leave, and Naruto racked his brain for something to say, something that could make him stay a little longer.

Sasuke stopped and turned.

“You have my key,” he said, as though he just remembered.

“What? Oh, yeah!”

Naruto stood and walked over to him while trying to get the key off his keychain.

“Just a second…”

He finally freed it and handed it over. Sasuke’s fingers brushed his palm when he took it, and… was it just Naruto’s imagination, or did he linger a second longer than strictly necessary?

Struck by giddy hope, he called out when Sasuke reached the door.

“Are you busy tonight?”

Sasuke looked over his shoulder. “No...”

“I just wondered if I…could come over?”

Sasuke barely inclined his head. Then he left just as swiftly as he had arrived.

 

\------

 

Naruto tried to get off work at the earliest possible moment, but even after Shikamaru left at five pm, he was still accosted by people from different departments about little, insignificant things that surely someone else must be able to take care of.

Naruto resolved to stay behind until he’d solved the matters, and left the second he got the chance. By that time, it was already seven pm. He wondered if Sasuke would be aggravated if he dropped by so late…

He’d just have to take the chance.

When he arrived, the front door was unlocked. The house was shrouded in darkness except from the flickering light of a lantern out on the porch. Sasuke was sitting by the open porch-door, and signaled for Naruto to be silent. Naruto complied but he didn’t understand why until he saw the tiny creature that stood just at the edge of the shadows, sniffing at a plate of fish that had been set out on the porch.

It was a jet-black cat, its large, green eyes watching them both with suspicion. It inched carefully closer to the food, all the while keeping an eye on them. As it came closer, Naruto noticed how skinny it was.

“Is it a stray?”

Sasuke nodded. “She has a litter of kittens tucked away somewhere underneath the porch. I’ve heard them, but I can’t reach them.”

They both watched as the cat finally reached the food and started eating. She started at the tiniest movement, so Naruto made sure not to move a muscle. He kneeled next to Sasuke, and his attention drifted slowly from the cat and over to Sasuke’s presence. They were so close that he felt his body heat against his arm.

Sasuke had showered after they met earlier that day, and the gentle, clean smell was like a caress to Naruto’s nose.

Suddenly, Sasuke turned towards Naruto, careful about not making the movement too abrupt, and asked, “Have you seen my yukata?”

“Er…” Naruto blushed. “No,” he said, avoiding eye contact completely. “Can’t say I have. How come?”

He could practically feel Sasuke’s stare boring into him.

“I placed it next to the futon when I left,” Sasuke said. “It was not there when I came home, and you’re the only other person who’s been inside this house.”

‘You were there that morning,’ was left unsaid.

Naruto was still embarrassed about falling asleep in Sasuke’s bed. With Sasuke in it. He was, if possible, even more embarrassed about taking Sasuke’s yukata with him when he left. He had been a bit out of it that morning, and well…He just hadn’t gotten around to bringing the yukata back. He’d actually forgotten he had it.

“You must have misplaced it,” Naruto said.

He forgot about being careful, and shifted a bit to abruptly, and the cat skittered away.

Sasuke sighed. He stood and closed the porch-door, but left the food outside.

“Do you want something to eat?” he asked.

Naruto was surprised he even bothered to offer. Maybe he felt it was about time he started feeding Naruto, after all the times Naruto had brought something for him.

“Sure,” Naruto said.

They cooked a really easy meal consisting of tofu and vegetables, and some miso-sauce. Sasuke ordered Naruto to cut the vegetables, and by the time he was done, Sasuke had fixed everything else.

Naruto, who basically never made his own food, wolfed down his portion in no time.

“You need to get a table,” he observed.

They had been forced to dine on the floor.

Sasuke hm-ed. 

“So… I’m glad you came back,” Naruto said.

“You told me to come back.”

“No, I asked you. There’s a difference.”

“Well, I’m not opposed to being freed from coming back to Konoha every three years.”

Naruto felt his heart drop.

“But you… You would still come back, right?”

Sasuke just gave him an unfathomable look that Naruto wasn’t sure he liked.

“I mean,” he continued. “This _is_ your home.”

“Is it?”

Sasuke stood before Naruto could answer, and placed their plates on the kitchen counter. Naruto realized he’d been there for over an hour, and he still hadn’t gotten around to talking about what had been on his mind constantly since Sasuke left.

His hand darted to his necklace, and he rolled the chain between his fingers.

Sasuke noticed it, because he froze where he stood.

“Sasuke…” Naruto said, and swallowed. His heart was racing in his chest. He clenched the necklace in his hand. “What does this mean?”

Sasuke hesitated a second before answering.

“It’s a gift.”

“But… _Why_?”

“Because it was your birthday.”

“But… Why did you give me this when you know what I feel for you?”

Sasuke stared at Naruto for a long moment.

“I don’t know what you… _feel_ for me,” he said.

“Really?” Naruto bit out. “You couldn’t guess?”

“Why should I guess?” Sasuke murmured. “Why shouldn’t I except you to tell me, if you _felt_ anything for me?”

“Because I couldn’t! I couldn’t tell you…” Naruto looked away from Sasuke’s face. “I was hoping you’d understand… If you felt the same,” he whispered.

There was silence. Naruto felt like his heartbeat was overpoweringly loud.

“You still haven’t told me,” Sasuke said.

“What the fuck do you want me to do?” Naruto said. “Do I have to beg for your understanding?”

“You just need to tell me what the fuck you’re talking about! I’m not a psychic, I don’t know what’s going on inside your head!”

“I kissed you, for goddamned sake!”

“And what the fuck does that prove?!”

“Oh, I don’t know… Maybe that I don’t feel… friendship-y things about you?!”

“Exactly,” Sasuke snarled. “And what am I supposed to think of that? That I should oblige you because you want me?”

“I… I didn’t mean that…”

“That’s what it felt like you meant,” Sasuke said through clenched teeth. “Like it was something you just decided on in that moment, without thinking about why or how it would seem.”

“It… It was,” Naruto admitted. “I didn’t plan it… I didn’t even know that I wanted it… I just did it.”

“You just _did it_. I’m so fucking glad I took if for what it was, then.”

Naruto shrunk back a bit in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I didn’t mean to… It just… it was an act of impulsiveness. But…” Naruto swallowed. “If I… If I asked properly…”

Sasuke cut him off before he could continue. “It wouldn’t work out,” he said.

Naruto just stared at him. “It… It wouldn’t?”

“Of course it wouldn’t,” Sasuke spat it out with such derision that Naruto almost believed him.

“Why not?!”

Sasuke snorted. “I think it’d be a shorter list if I named the reasons why.”

Naruto glowered at him. “Then do that.”

Sasuke shook his head. “Isn’t it getting a bit late? Shouldn’t you go home soon?”

“ _Why_?” Naruto insisted.

“Why do you want it so much?!”

“Because I love you!”

Naruto regretted saying it the same second it was out of his mouth. He turned away from Sasuke, too afraid to see contempt in his eyes at the admission. He didn’t need that… He already feared his feelings were unwelcome; he didn’t need to get it proved.

Sasuke didn’t say anything. He’d become terrifyingly silent, and Naruto realized he’d done a big mistake. He hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that… They were big word. He’d probably scared Sasuke away for good.

He stood in a rush that left him lightheaded.

“You’re right,” he said in a murmur. “It’s late… I need to go…”

He fumbled at the porch-door… He suddenly couldn’t remember which way it opened. But before he could get it open and escape, Sasuke grabbed his shoulder.

A thousand feelings and thoughts rushed through him in the manner of seconds, the main one being _is he gonna hit me?_

“Naruto…”

He was taken aback by the tone in Sasuke’s voice. It was much gentler than before. He turned around and found that Sasuke didn’t look at him with disapproval at all. In stead he seemed overwhelmed, shocked even.

“If you could stay a little longer,” Sasuke said. “That’d be appreciated.”

Naruto nodded.

“Yeah, okay… I suppose… A little longer.”

He followed Sasuke and sat down on the floor next to him.

They said nothing for a while, both too stunned to speak.

“You don’t need to think about what I said,” Naruto said at last. “I spoke without thinking. It’s nothing…”

He stopped speaking and stared down at his hand where Sasuke touched him.

“Just shut up,” Sasuke said. “And let me decide what to think.”

Naruto nodded. Sasuke withdrew his hand, and for a while longer neither said anything.

“So…” Sasuke finally said. “You feel attracted to me?”

Naruto blushed. He was being extremely blunt all of a sudden. “Yes.”

“And you’re… In love with me?”

Naruto bowed his head. “Yeah,” he muttered.

“When did you find out that?”

“After I kissed you… In the three years while you were away, the feeling just grew…” Naruto shrugged. “I didn’t want it to. I tried to ignore it. But I couldn’t stop it.”

“So… In Shimogakure… You knew?”

Naruto nodded.

“It seemed to me like you couldn’t stand touching me while I was sick,” Sasuke said.

“Oh…” Naruto blushed even more. “So you remember that.”

“Yes.”

“What did you expect?” Naruto asked. “I felt like a creep… seeing you naked while you were unconscious…”

Sasuke seemed to observe Naruto with a new intensity.

“It’s just strange,” he said. “This is something I never dreamed of happening.”

Naruto suddenly felt like Sasuke was talking about something Naruto was not in on. “What do you mean?”

“I thought my feelings were unwanted, both by me and by…you. So I never even thought about accepting them. That’s why it’s strange… almost surreal to hear you say these things.”

“You felt the same?!” Naruto exclaimed. He lurked to his feet. “You felt the same way, and yet you tried to tell me it couldn’t work?! Why?!”

“Because I thought it couldn’t,” Sasuke snapped. “That’s what I’ve told myself for so long. And how _can_ it work? We’re… us. You’re Hokage, and I… I’m the complete opposite. I’m the bad one and you’re the good one. We’re polar opposites!”

Naruto felt choked up. “So it would have been different if I wasn’t Hokage?! If I’d told you one year ago…”

“No, it wouldn’t have been different.”

They were staring each other down, both in stubborn defiance.

“We’re too different,” Sasuke said when Naruto didn’t back down. “And the fucking history we share… It’s impossible to get past that.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we? You like me, if only a little, don’t you?”

Naruto had to admit that he suddenly was more confident on that part now that he knew that Sasuke had feelings for him. He _had_ to like him if he had feelings for him.

“Sit down,” Sasuke bit out, and Naruto did, although at his own leisure.

“I like you,” Sasuke said. “I couldn’t help it either. I didn’t ask to have that kind of bond to you… But it’s there, nevertheless.”

“I don’t get why you’re thinking of what can’t be, in stead of thinking about what can,” Naruto said. “For example, I could be kissing you now, and you could be liking it.”

“That’s ten seconds of our lives,” Sasuke said, less than impressed at Naruto’s shortsightedness.

“Oh, I don’t know about that…” Naruto started saying, but Sasuke cut him off.

“Do you honestly want to be bound to me? I know myself, and I wouldn’t have done that if I were you.”

“I can only see benefits on my part. In stead of obsessing over you at a distance, I’ll get to obsess over you more intimately.”

Sasuke just stared blandly at Naruto.

“I’m serious,” Naruto said. “I know what I’m getting into, and I’m not gonna back out.” He inched a little closer to Sasuke. “Is that what you’re afraid of? That I’ll back out?”

Sasuke balked at the a-word, but he didn’t deny it either.

“You know me,” Naruto said. “I always keep my promise, and I can promise you that I know what I’m doing, and I know what I want. What I _need_.”

“Then I hope you’re not thinking with your dick.”

Naruto snorted. “Of course not! I can’t believe you’d think that about me!”

Sasuke just shook his head. “I don’t even know what to think.”

“Just listen to me, then. I don’t know what’ll work or not, I just know that what I feel is incredibly strong.”

Naruto stared intently at Sasuke, who averted his gaze. Naruto wanted badly to reach out and just… shake some sense into him.

“Sasuke… If you feel the same as I do, then you know as well as I that this is _right_.”

“ _Right_ seldom means _easy_ ,” Sasuke murmured. “Or comfortable.”

“If I wanted comfortable, I’d have sucked it up and stayed with Hinata.”

A ghost of a smile touched Sasuke’s lips, but then it was gone in the next second.

“You should leave,” he said, and suddenly he looked very tired. “I need some time alone.”

Naruto didn’t want to leave him, not right now, but he didn’t know what else he could say. The rest was up to Sasuke.

“Just… Don’t think I don’t know how huge this is,” Naruto said. “At first it scared me, but I’ve been feeling this for four years now, and it’s just as strong, even stronger than it was at first. I know it’s not a fluke.”

Sasuke said no more, and finally Naruto left, leaving his heart in Sasuke’s questionable care.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took twelve chapters, but final-fucking-ly, a confession!!


	13. Loneliness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I'm back! This isn't a long chapter, but it's something... Definitely something :)

When Sasuke woke up the next morning, he thought Naruto’s confession had been a dream. But when he saw the two plates still sitting on the kitchen counter, all determined deception left him.

He didn’t know how to tackle this. Ever since he realized what he felt for Naruto, he’d been fighting those feelings with everything he had. He had never stopped to think of how things could be if he succumbed to them, because hope was a weakness he couldn’t afford himself.

He had lied when he told Sakura he didn’t realize what he felt until after he and Naruto fought. He wasn’t sure what she would have thought if she knew that he had tried to kill Naruto even while knowing he would be killing the last part of life that made sense to him. It had been a sort of self-destruction, because Naruto was as much part of him as everything he knew as himself.

Every time he met Naruto, or talked to him, or even just saw him… He felt that awful, gut-wrenching pain that the knowledge of what he could never have gave him. He would never in a million years have believed that Naruto would be able to love him after everything he’d done to him. Even if he still viewed him as a friend, he could scarcely be called a close friend. He’d always thought that Naruto was too nice to throw him away completely. Too soft-hearted…

When Naruto seemed to be sexually attracted to him… Sasuke hadn’t been able to explain it any other way than by chalking it down to base lust. Because it couldn’t be… They couldn’t both be feeling the same… And even if they did, it would never work out. They would destroy each other; that was certain.

Or, at least it was certain a few years ago.

Now Sasuke didn’t know anymore. Feelings faded over time, even the worst ones. He didn’t feel as fractured as he’d once been. Solitude and freedom had given him time to patch up the worst wounds, and somehow he started feeling calmer, less hateful… Less angry.

And if Naruto… If he really felt what he said he felt about Sasuke… It almost sounded too good to be true, but Naruto wouldn’t lie about such a thing. And he did always keep his promises.

Sasuke realized he’d been standing in the middle of the living room just staring out into thin air. He looked out the porch door, and thought he saw a movement. He opened it and looked around, and there, on the porch, sat the black cat. She was looking at him warily. He found some food for her, and she ate it greedily. He sat as close as she would allow without getting scared and running away, and wondered if this would be his life from now on.

Alone, with only a stray cat as company.

 

\------

The cat finally let him pet it. He called it Pandora. She was entirely black, and had eyes a startling shade of green.

He hadn’t seen Naruto for days. Not for three days and 17 hours, to be exact.

He wasn’t sure what he felt about that.

 

\------

 

“Naruto…”

Naruto jolted up from where his forehead had been resting on the desk.

“Yes… I… I’ll be right on it.”

Shikamaru gave him a concerned look. “Maybe you should take a break?”

“No, I’m fine… I just…” he looked down at the documents he’d been reading through, and realized that he had no idea what they were even about. Damn, he’d have to start all over again.

“You haven’t had a break since you started this morning,” Shikamaru pointed out. “And that was at six am.”

When Naruto thought about it, he realized he was a bit hungry. He rubbed his face with both hands. “You’re right, I should take a break.”

He needed to get out of the office for a while. All he could think about was the fact that Sasuke hadn’t taken contact and it had been almost a week. He was starting to go out of his mind, wondering if this would be the last time he ever saw him. Now he regretted making it so that Sasuke could leave Konoha and never come back, if he wished so. Because if that was what he wanted now, then there was no way in hell Naruto could ever get him back.

He went out to buy something to eat, but didn’t feel like eating at Ichiraku’s, so he stopped on the nearest food stall and bought some onigiri, which he immediately regretted when he was assaulted by memories at their taste.

He had considered to visit Sasuke, but had rejected the idea almost immediately. If Sasuke didn’t want to see him, then nagging on him would only make things worse.

Come to think of it, he’d never gotten around to actually telling Sasuke that he was free from the three-year contract with Konoha. The decision had been made after Naruto unwittingly had blurted out his feelings. 

He threw away the last onigiri and trudged slowly back to the office. The second he sat down, Shikamaru entered the room.

“Sasuke stopped by.”

Naruto stood so abruptly, he toppled a stack of documents so that the papers went flying in every which direction and fell to the floor like oversized snowflakes. Shikamaru looked mildly concerned when Naruto didn’t even as much as look at the mess that would take hours to sort through.

“When?” Naruto said.

“About fifteen minutes ago. He wanted to talk to you…”

Shikamaru didn’t get to finish the sentence, because Naruto had already left.

 

\------

 

Sasuke wasn’t at home, so Naruto checked the training fields. He found Sasuke on one of the more secluded ones. He seemed surprised to see Naruto.

Naruto didn’t speak until he was standing only a few feet away from Sasuke.

“You wanted to talk to me?”

“Yes…” Sasuke looked around. “But not here.”

“Your place?”

Naruto was moving in the direction of Sasuke’s home even before he got the affirming nod. Sasuke unlocked the door and Naruto followed him inside. They didn’t talk; Sasuke didn’t even turn to face Naruto. Instead he opened the porch door to let in some air, and the black cat darted inside. Naruto watched it as it ran past him and down the dark hallway. Then he turned back to Sasuke, who was just standing in the open porch door.

Naruto walked over and stood next to him.

“By the way… The council agreed to repeal your sentence.”

Sasuke looked at him. “Thank you,” he said, and Naruto was so taken aback that he didn’t know what else to say. He just stood there and watched Sasuke go and fetch a pack of cigarettes, sit down on the porch, and light one.

Naruto sat down next to him.

“So…” he said when Sasuke wasn’t forthcoming with beginning the conversation. “Was there anything special you wanted to talk about?”

“I want to try it,” Sasuke said.

“Uh… You… What?” Naruto wasn’t entirely sure he was following. Was Sasuke talking about what Naruto thought he was talking about, or was he just being overly optimistic?

“Don’t make me say it,” Sasuke bit out.

“Okay, okay. Fine.”

Naruto closed his mouth and attempted not to ask more, but he couldn’t help it. He had to know for sure.

“Just so we’re clear, you _are_ talking about… you know… what we talked about last time?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Naruto nodded. “Okay.”

He stared out into the garden, but hardly registered anything of what he saw. ‘Shit… This meant…’

He couldn’t believe that it was true. Was he really… dating Sasuke? Was this actually happening?

He was barely able to contain his excitement when he turned to Sasuke.

“Sasuke… Does this mean I can kiss you?”

Sasuke didn’t exactly answer, but Naruto hadn’t expected him to. Just the fact that he didn’t shove him away when he leaned closer was answer enough. It felt like his first (intentional) kiss all over again. It was uncertain, and a little uncoordinated. Sasuke didn’t kiss back, but at least he was allowing it…

Naruto hesitated for a second before kissing him again, longer this time. It was a little strange to kiss a man… It wasn’t much different from kissing a girl, but… It _was_ different. When he pulled back, he felt a bit smug to see that Sasuke’s eyes were closed.

“I need to go,” Naruto said. He wanted to stay, but he’d already been away from work for too long.

Sasuke just turned back to his cigarette. Naruto realized that he hadn’t been disgusted by the taste of nicotine, like he’d thought he would. To be honest, he hadn’t even thought about it.

Damn… He’d just kissed Sasuke…

He realized he was grinning like an idiot when Sasuke frowned at him.

“Don’t go anywhere,” Naruto said.

Sasuke just glared at him, silently saying ‘where the fuck do you think I’d go?’

 

\------

 

Naruto grinned the whole time at work. Shikamaru probably thought he’d flipped completely. He kept a watchful eye on him, but Naruto couldn’t care less. He left work as early as possible, much earlier than he’d ever done before and raced back to Sasuke’s place.

Sasuke was working on some documents, Naruto had no idea with what. He’d been playing with the thought of somehow make it so that Sasuke could work for Konoha again, so that they could start getting into the loop of what the other one was doing, but that’d have to wait for a while. For now it was a big enough break-through that he’d managed to make the council agree to basically giving up all control that Konoha had on Sasuke.

He wasn’t a Konoha ninja, so he wasn’t alleged to the town, and therefore wasn’t that easy to keep track on. If Naruto played his cards right, he was convinced that he could make the council see the benefit of reinstating Sasuke as a ninja.

Naruto made some noodles and sat with Sasuke while he worked. They barely spoke, but that didn’t put a damper to Naruto’s good mood. The black cat seemed to take a liking to him, or maybe she was just curious about his food. Either way, she willingly sat on his lap and let him pet her.

“What are you working on?” Naruto asked after he’d finished his bowl of noodles.

Sasuke pushed the scroll he’d been working on over to Naruto, who looked through it.

“Is this…?”

“I didn’t get the time to investigate it before you called me back, but yes. It does seem like the smaller countries are mobilizing.”

“I had no idea…”

“I didn’t want to tell you until I had proper evidence.”

Naruto read through the rest of Sasuke’s documents.

“Shit… I need to warn the other Kage. There’s no evidence they’re in on this, right?”

“No.”

Naruto stared at the documents. Sasuke had done a good deal of observations that could not be mistaken: mobilization of armies and weapons, although not in big quantum, and muttering from the people.

The mobilization seemed to be originating from the land of hot water and the surrounding countries. Apparently, there was some general mistrust spreading among the smaller countries after the fourth shinobi world war.

“I thought this would be the end of war,” Naruto muttered to himself.

“That’s naïve of you,” Sasuke said. He was jotting down some notes on a piece of paper.

“I guess so… But as long as the four other shinobi nations are on our side… What can the smaller countries do? I didn’t expect something like this.”

“It’s merely a rebellion.”

“A rebellion that could cost a lot of lives!”

Sasuke brushed away a strand of hair from his cheek, and left a small blot of ink on his skin. “You need to regain their trust. They’re in upheaval after the war, with huge parts of their country ruined. It doesn’t help that they think that the rule of the five great shinobi nations are getting weaker.”

Naruto frowned. “They think I’m weak?”

Sasuke hesitated. “You are softhearted.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m weak.”

“Then this is a good chance to show them that.”

Naruto didn’t like it, but Sasuke had a point. If the smaller countries questioned his and the other Kage’s - all of them young - rule, then they needed to show them otherwise. Just the fact that they hadn’t noticed this unrest was proof that they were too naïve.

Naruto came out of his deep thoughts only to realize that Sasuke hadn’t noticed the ink blot on his cheek. He supposed Sasuke would notice after some time, but then another idea hit him. He leaned forward.

“You’ve got some… ink…” he said, and rubbed at the ink-splotch. Sasuke gave him a weak glare but didn’t protest. The ink wouldn’t come off properly, so Naruto had to give up when Sasuke pulled away and rubbed at the spot in annoyance.

They sat in silence for a moment. Sasuke was staring intently at his notes but obviously he wasn’t reading because his eyes didn’t move over the page.

“What made you change your mind?” Naruto asked in a soft, nearly imperceptible tone.

Sasuke didn’t seem to react, if it weren’t for the way his shoulders tensed a bit, and the small crinkle that appeared between his eyebrows as his frown deepened.

“It seemed unreasonable to refuse something that we both wanted.”

“Hm… So, it wasn’t because you missed me?”

Sasuke looked up with a sharp glare. It turned darker when he saw Naruto’s cheeky grin.

He didn’t answer, though, neither to acknowledge it nor deny it. He rolled out more of the scroll, and put the pen to the paper. He started taking notes again, shutting himself off from the world around him.

Naruto thought with dejection of the tiny little room behind the Hokage office where he’d been sleeping for the last ten months. He really, really didn’t feel like going back to the blank walls and the cramped space and the loneliness, but it might be a bit too soon to ask to spend the night with Sasuke.

It was one thing to kiss Sasuke (which he’d already done a few times anyway…), another entirely to… to sleep with him…

Naruto didn’t realize he was staring at Sasuke with a blush on his cheeks until Sasuke gave him a hard stare and told him to get his mind out of the gutter.

“I wasn’t…!” Naruto protested, but Sasuke just brushed him off.

“How long is it since you got any?”

Naruto blushed again, nearly going beet red. “I… I’m…” Then he managed to dig out some semblance of indignation, and blurted out, “That’s none of your business!”

Sasuke arched one eyebrow, but didn’t ask, and Naruto was left feeling like an idiot.

“Sorry,” he said. “It’s just a touchy subject.”

Sasuke shrugged. “I don’t expect you to tell me the whole sordid story of your sex-life.”

“That’s the problem… There’s nothing to tell.”

Sasuke looked up from what he was doing. “Nothing?” His eyes were crinkling slightly in the beginning of one of his more unusual smiles, and of course it had to be at Naruto’s expense. “Nothing at all?”

“That’s what I said,” Naruto muttered. Suddenly his tiny room at the Hokage tower didn’t seem so unappealing after all.

“Just to be clear,” Sasuke said. “Are we talking nothing for months, or nothing for years?”

Naruto felt a very uncomfortable blush spread all the way to his scalp when he realized that Sasuke wasn’t even close to guessing just what exactly ‘nothing’ meant.

“I… It’s really getting late,” he muttered. “I think I should go, see you later, bye.”

He high-tailed it out of there without daring to look at the expression on Sasuke’s face. When he came back to his room, he slammed the door shut and slumped against it. The fact that Sasuke was, or had been, his rival for so long was making everything so difficult. Come to think of it, they’d never had a habit of confiding in each other. It didn’t come naturally.

Naruto went to bed but sleep eluded him. He kept thinking of how it would be to… to touch Sasuke… To undress him and see him naked… Knowing he was allowed to watch him, take in all of him. It was a strange and, at the same time, incredibly exciting idea.

He suddenly realized that now that they were… dating… Goddammit, it was still strange to think about it… Well, he was allowed to fantasize about Sasuke now. It’d always felt a bit strange thinking about him in that way when they were supposed to be friends and nothing else. But now he didn’t have to worry about that, because it was all out there and… and Sasuke actually liked him back.

Naruto rolled over onto his back. It hadn’t started sinking in yet. He suddenly felt like running over to Sasuke’s place and kiss him just to make sure that it was still true. He thought about the kiss they’d shared the same day and regretted the fact that he couldn’t remember it better. Weren’t first kisses supposed to be special? Well, this had been their third kiss, though… Now that he thought about it, he could remember their first kiss pretty well. Just a pity it had happened at a time when he couldn’t have cared less about kissing Sasuke.

He rolled over onto his side and fell asleep while trying to relive the feeling of kissing Sasuke for the third time.

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Moving closer

For the first time in a long while, Sasuke slept the whole night through. He felt well rested, and was surprised to find that it was morning and not the middle of the night when he woke up. Then he remembered what had happened yesterday, and he felt like smiling. It was strange how something so simple could make him feel so… good.

Just knowing that Naruto was there, that he liked him so much he wanted to… be with him… like this…

It was strange, and difficult to believe. But it was true.

He didn’t like to admit it, even to himself, but that day he waited for Naruto to drop by. He tried to work. He tried to get something done in the garden. Finally he went out to buy some food, even though he hated to go to the market. It always felt like people were staring at him, and the shopkeepers always treated him like dirt. He liked to think that it didn’t affect him, but it was impossible not to be affected when he got treated that way every time he went out.

When the clock finally had passed five pm, Sasuke realized he needed to get a grip. It wasn’t even certain that Naruto would have the time to come by, and anyhow, Sasuke certainly wasn’t gonna sit around moping and pining until he did.

So, at six pm, he went out to one of the training areas that were the farthest from town. He trained with his katana for a while, perfecting his precision. It demanded a lot of focus, and for a few hours he forgot all about time and place.

Until he realized he was not alone at the training field. The presence of another person had snuck up on him so silently that he didn’t register it until the person was far too close. He spun around, and frowned at the tall, blond man that stood no more than fifteen feet away from him.

Naruto grinned.

“I didn’t catch you off guard, did I?” He sounded smug.

“You’ve gotten better,” Sasuke grudgingly admitted. “Stealth never used to be your strength.”

Naruto shrugged. “I had a lot of energy to blow off while I was stuck doing office work for Kakashi.”

Sasuke remembered what Naruto had said right before he left the day before, but although a teasing question was at the tip of his tongue about other reasons why Naruto had a lot of energy to blow off, he refrained from saying anything about it. Naruto had honestly seemed upset about it, and he didn’t feel like bringing it up first thing.

“It’s been a while since we sparred,” Naruto said.

Sasuke sheathed his katana and looked Naruto up and down, giving him a challenging look.

“If you’re up for it, after all this time with your ass planted on a chair.”

Naruto uncrossed his arms. “Are you implying I’m out of shape?”

Sasuke let his gaze slide over Naruto’s torso. He seemed fit, although it was difficult to tell in that baggy jacket.

“Let’s find out,” he said.

For a long moment they just stood motionless, facing each other. Then Naruto launched into motion so fast Sasuke almost got caught off guard. Almost. He deflected Naruto’s kicks, and waited for the opening he knew would come very soon. It didn’t come.

He’d have to use a more offensive technique. They sparred until they both were exhausted, but neither of them managed to one-up the other for long enough to get them on the ground. Finally, Sasuke made a mistake and gave Naruto and opening, and he floored him so hard all the air in his lungs left him.

By then he was too exhausted to bother to fight anymore. Naruto hovered over him and grinned like a fool.

“Gotcha!”

Sasuke made a half assed attempt to kick him, but Naruto just held him tighter. He was basically sitting on top of Sasuke.

“So, what about you apologize for implying I’m out of shape,” Naruto said. Apparently, he was planning to rub this in.

Sasuke gave him a caustic smile. “Fine. I’m sorry. Just get your fat ass off me.”

He expected Naruto to whine at him for the insult, but instead he was staring intently at Sasuke. The look in his eyes… Pupils dilating… Despite himself, Sasuke’s heartbeat picked up a notch.

Naruto leaned closer. “Take that back.”

Sasuke caught himself in staring at Naruto’s lips. “No.”

Naruto leaned even closer. His breath was fanning over Sasuke’s mouth. “Do it.”

“Or else?”

“Or else… I’ll…”

Sasuke never got to hear the rest of that sentence. In one moment, Naruto was hovering over him, and in the next his lips were pressed against Sasuke’s, and suddenly neither of them cared what Naruto had been planning to say.

Naruto’s lips were moist, and he was panting against Sasuke’s mouth from the exertion of the sparring. He had to take breaths between each kiss, but so did Sasuke. He didn’t even notice he’d closed his eyes until he felt Naruto’s hands cradling his face and realized that he hadn’t seen him move.

He felt Naruto’s thumb rub over his cheekbone, and for some reason it left shivers on his skin. Sasuke moved his head in an attempt to get closer to Naruto, but so did Naruto and their noses bumped. They stared at each other when they realized what they were doing.

Making out… In the middle of a training field… Where everyone could see them…

Naruto scooted off Sasuke, and discreetly looked around. Sasuke sat up and dusted off.

“My place?” he asked.

Naruto nodded.

They cooled off a bit on their walk to Sasuke’s house, and fell into a comfortable silence. By the time they were in the privacy of Sasuke’s home, they’d regained the comfortable distance between each other that they’d always had. Sasuke liked that distance… and hated it at the same time. He wanted to be closer, but at the same time he felt unsure about the change.

He opened the doors to the porch, and Pandora darted in. It was an overcast day, but the temperature was good. He got a hard look from Naruto when he grabbed the pack of cigarettes lying on the counter. There were only three cigarettes left. He’d had the pack for a long time. He’d nearly quit smoking. But something about all this… It made him feel on edge.

They sat on the porch, side by side, and suddenly the silence was becoming uncomfortable. Naruto started toying with the silver necklace that he was wearing under his jacket.

Sasuke had been surprised to find that he was wearing it. When he gave it to him, he’d halfway expected him to throw it away. He couldn’t, to this day, explain why he decided to give it to him.

It was just… The necklace had been lying there, in the box where he kept the few belongings that still was left from his demolished former home. It had belonged to his mother, and he hadn’t wanted to have to sell that one too, the last thing he had that had been hers… And then Naruto had come by on his birthday, and he had wanted to give him something.

Naruto stopped toying with the necklace when he realized Sasuke was watching him. He smiled. 

“I never said thank you for this.”

Sasuke shrugged.

“You never answered when I asked you why you gave it to me.”

“I told you-“

“No, I know it was my birthday. But… we’ve never exchanged gifts before. And if we were gonna start… Well, this looks pretty expensive.”

“It was my mothers.”

“It was…? But… Doesn’t it mean a lot to you?”

“Yeah. So?”

Naruto got quiet. Sasuke had finished his cigarette and he really felt like another one, but he quelled the need. He didn’t want to give Naruto the impression he wasn’t in control.

“So?” Naruto sounded choked. “I can’t take that away from you.”

“I was gonna sell it anyway.”

“Why?”

Naruto was sure asking a lot of questions.

“Because I need something to live off.”

Naruto got quiet.

“You didn’t think about that, did you?” Sasuke said. He looked at Naruto, who suddenly seemed a bit pale.

“No,” he admitted. “I didn’t.”

“Don’t look like that,” Sasuke said. He recognized that look. It was guilt. “I could get a job if I needed to, but I haven’t.”

He didn’t mention that no one would have hired him if he did try to find a job. He had no idea how, but every single person in Konoha seemed to know who he was. They’d probably passed around flyers with his picture on it, so that no one happened to be accidentally nice to him.

Although, Naruto didn’t look convinced so maybe he’d figured that out too.

“There’s nothing you can do,” he told Naruto. “And it doesn’t matter. I take small jobs while I travel, so I get by. It’s when I’m here that it’s worst.”

“I’m so stupid,” Naruto said with a groan. He leant forward and hid his face behind his hands. “I just kept thinking about how to get you here, and how to make you stay… Not how you felt about it.”

“You were the one who got me out of the three year contract. I think you’ve done as much as you could.”

Naruto didn’t look soothed. “I was just thinking about myself,” he said. “Because I wanted you here so bad.”

Sasuke looked down at the floor in order to avoid looking into Naruto’s open expression. His fingers were itching to hold a cigarette, just to have something to do.

“Sasuke,” Naruto murmured softly. He touched Sasuke’s upper arm. “I’m really glad you’re here. I’ll do anything I can to help you.”

Sasuke sighed. “There’s no need. I’m fine.”

Naruto squeezed Sasuke’s arm before he let his hand drop. They sat side by side for a while, both deep in thought, until Naruto finally stood and stretched.

“It’s getting late,” he said.

The sun had set and it was starting to get dark.

Sasuke followed him inside.

“There are some things I need to talk with you about,” Naruto said. “About what you’ve gathered on your travels. Can you come by the office tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

Naruto grinned. “Great. See you.”

And then he hesitated for a second before he leaned forward and stole a brief kiss. Sasuke caught himself in staring after him when he left for way longer than he liked to admit.

 

\------

 

The next day, Sasuke dropped by Naruto’s office as promised. They had a meeting with Shikamaru where they started planning the best approach on the issue with the smaller countries. After planning a strategy, Naruto sent messages to the four other Kage.

Sasuke was surprised by how easily Naruto just discussed sensitive information with him, like he was still a Konoha ninja.

He took it up with him when Shikamaru left.

“Naruto, you shouldn’t let me in on all this.”

Naruto looked up at him. “Why not?”

“Because I’m not cleared for this kind of info.”

“But I know you, and I trust you.”

“And you’re naïve. If you think everyone you know is trustworthy enough that you can just give them classified information…”

“No, it’s just you.” Naruto looked up from the messages he’d been dispatching. He gave him a lopsided grin. “I wouldn’t trust anyone else with this. And besides, you didn’t complain when I called you in for this meeting.”

“No, because I thought you just wanted the info I had.” But he didn’t argue more about it after that.

 

\------

 

Naruto brought food that evening. Sasuke had a suspicion he felt like he needed to keep Sasuke alive. But it was nice too, and they didn’t have to cook, so Sasuke didn’t protest.

“I don’t see how you can live here without any furniture,” Naruto said while they ate. They were sitting on the living room floor. “I mean… I guess I’m not the right person to harp on you about it, but even I think it’s nice with a table or something. You know, for convenience.”

“I’ve been planning to get one,” Sasuke said. “It just wasn’t my first priority.”

“Or your second.”

“… Or my third, honestly.”

“I’ll help you find one.”

Sasuke gave Naruto a long stare that he didn’t notice at first because he was too busy wolfing down his food.

“What?” Naruto said when he finally looked up.

“Are you saying we should shop for furniture… together?”

“Not like that!”

“It will look like _that_.”

“Okay, what if I asked Sakura to go with you?”

Sasuke wasn’t sure he liked that prospect either. But, on the other hand, Sakura would do all the work and she’d even enjoy it.

“I can ask her myself,” he said.

They’d returned to eating when a small noise caught Naruto’s attention.

“What was that?” He looked towards the hall.

“Oh, that.” Sasuke realized he’d never told Naruto about the kittens. “Come,” he said, and stood.

He led Naruto down the hall towards one of the closets that were built into the wall. The door was cracked open a bit. He opened it further and kneeled down in front of it. Naruto did the same, and then he gasped in delight when he saw the cat mother with her four kittens. They were big enough to start walking about their den, but they were still afraid of anything that disturbed their peace.

When Naruto reached out to pick up one of the kittens, they all snarled and clumped together against their mother. Naruto pulled back.

“What’s wrong with them?”

Sasuke reached in and grabbed one of them, a black and white one. It snarled and made a very strange sputtering noise.

“They’re afraid. Here.” He shoved it into Naruto’s hands.

Naruto looked a little worried at first.

“It sounds like it’s about to explode,” he said.

It had started meowing too, and the mother darted forward, worried.

Sasuke took another one of the kittens, an entirely black one. This one wasn’t so afraid, but it got a bit restless when he lifted it up too high.

“It seems they’re afraid of height,” he said. He sat the kitten down on his knee, and it immediately tried to find a way down. The mother darted between the two, and tried to get them back inside their safe den.

“Ah, no, I’m being overpowered,” Naruto whined. The kitten had crawled up his arm and clung to his shoulder. Despite Naruto’s efforts to get it down from there, it trudged on, it’s tiny little claws stuck in the fabric of his jacket.

“No, I surrender. You win, kitten.” Naruto bowed down on the floor. “Help me, Sasuke,” he groaned in a dramatic whisper.

Sasuke could barely hold back a chuckle. He pried the kitten off from Naruto’s shoulder, and gave both of the kittens back to their mother.

“Thank you,” Naruto groaned hoarsely and grabbed the front of Sasuke’s shirt. He was lying on his back now. “I’ve just got one more favor to ask before I die.”

“Idiot,” Sasuke murmured while he fought the smile that was threatening to break out on his face.

“Kiss me.”

Sasuke hesitated for a second, but before he got the chance to make a choice, Naruto pulled him down and planted a kiss on his lips. Neither of them pulled away at first. Naruto turned his face so that their noses didn’t bump and deepened the kiss.

Sasuke let out a shaky breath. He leaned closer to Naruto, until their chests met. He murmured softly into Naruto’s mouth at the warm sensation of his body so close to his. Without thinking about it, he’d started taking over the kiss, and Naruto gave out a rough groan underneath him.

“Oh god,” Naruto murmured. His hands were running over Sasuke’s shoulders, his fingers tickling the back of his neck.

Sasuke opened his mouth against Naruto’s lips, and found them pliantly open for him. With a jolt he pulled back and freed himself from Naruto’s grip. They stared at each other.

Naruto looked confused and dazzled. His mouth was partially open still, his pupils blown so wide there was only a small stripe of blue around them.

Sasuke stood and escaped to the living room. Naruto followed a while after. He looked a bit less ruffled, so he’d probably taken a moment to straighten his clothes and pat down his hair.

“Sorry,” Sasuke said softly when Naruto sat down in front of him on the floor.

“Uh… Sasuke…” Naruto looked like he was about to talk about something serious. “Are you… I mean… Just tell me if we’re moving forward too fast.”

Sasuke shook his head. “No... it’s not that.”

Naruto looked up at him, and a bit of the hurt he’d felt at Sasuke’s abrupt withdrawal was very evident in his eyes. “I… I don’t understand…”

“Naruto… It’s not you…” God, he wasn’t gonna get around this without trying to explain to Naruto a bit of what was going on inside him… But he hadn’t tried to explain that even to himself before.

“I… I don’t even know why,” he started to explain. “But I don’t like to loose control.”

Something seemed to light up in Naruto’s eyes, like his worst assumptions had been disproved.

“Don’t worry about that,” he said and gave Sasuke a lopsided grin. “I can handle you.”

Sasuke looked away. “I’m not gonna hurt you,” he bit out. “That’s not it. I just…”

Naruto suddenly seemed to get it. “You can’t stand the vulnerability.”

When Sasuke didn’t answer, didn’t even dare to look up at him, he must have realized that he’d hit jackpot.

“You know… You’ll have to…”

“I know,” Sasuke murmured.

“Listen,” Naruto said. “I guess we need to regain some trust between us. I mean… I’d trust you with my life, but for some reason it’s more difficult to entrust you with my heart.”

Sasuke looked up at him.

“Likewise,” he said.

Naruto thought for a moment. “Okay, I guess what we need to do is to be honest with each other. The one thing we’ve never been very good at is to be honest about our feelings.”

Sasuke knew that Naruto were being nice when he said that. The truth was that Naruto always had been upfront about how he felt…maybe a bit too much at times. It was Sasuke who had trouble with talking about his feelings. He wasn’t a person who liked to talk much anyway, but he knew that he owed it to Naruto. He’d agreed to doing this with him, he’d wanted to do it, even though it had felt as much wrong as right to make that decision. But when he’d made the choice, it had felt like a burden the size of a mountain fell off his shoulders. He’d have to give something unless he wanted this to die away even before they’d gotten started.

“I love you… too,” he said, and silently cursed himself for faltering at the end. Naruto’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. Sasuke plowed on while he still had the courage to. “I’ve known ever since I left Konoha. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. What you were doing, how you were living your life… If you finally got Sakura’s attention after I had left. I tried to stop thinking about you, stop feeling altogether, because my feelings were hindering me…”

“…You managed that, alright.”

Sasuke laughed, a short, humorless laugh. “No, I didn’t. I thought I did, but I didn’t. Some place deep inside, I knew that I just wanted you to save me… Somehow… Because I knew that I couldn’t do it myself.”

Naruto looked like he was on the brink of tears. For once in his life he shut up though, and Sasuke was thankful. He didn’t need Naruto to talk… He could see everything he felt on his face.

“Come here,” he said, and beckoned Naruto over.

Naruto crawled over and into Sasuke’s arms. They kissed, short and sweet, with the added taste of Naruto’s tears.

“I’ll try,” Sasuke murmured into his ear. “I’ll try to be better at talking.”

“And I’ll try to be better at trusting you,” Naruto murmured back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Experience

“So… How’s everything going?” Sakura asked. “With Naruto and all that.”

“Good,” Sasuke said. Then he decided to make an effort, and added, “We’ve… Figured out a few things.”

“Oh,” Sakura's face lit up. “That’s very good. So you’ve… talked? About… things?”

“… Yes.”

Sasuke wasn’t entirely sure he knew what Sakura meant with _things_ , but he could make a guess.

”… And?”

”And what?”

”Well… Are you… you know?”

Sasuke abruptly stopped walking. His eyes narrowed as he looked at her.

“How much do you know?” he asked.

Sakura shrugged. She blushed a little.

“I just talked a bit with Naruto. Made him realize he shouldn’t give up. You know, you almost succeeded in turning him away.”

Sasuke shook his head and started walking again, faster this time. Sakura jogged to catch up with him.

“I couldn’t _not_ tell him what you told me, when I knew you were both feeling the same, and you were just being stubborn!”

“It was my choice whether to tell him or not,” he bit out.

“Well… Sorry… But it turned out well in the end, didn’t it?”

They’d been walking through town to a furniture shop that Sakura knew of. She’d been very excited when Sasuke asked her to come with him, and had immediately had very strong opinions of which shops were best.

Sasuke stopped again, and faced her.

“It wasn’t your choice to make.”

“You two would have gone in circles around each other until it was too late unless someone did anything! How could I stand and watch that without interfering? Do you have any idea how sad Naruto was after we came back from Shimogakure that time? He’d completely given up hope! Even when I told him that I knew that you felt something for him, he could barely believe it!”

Sakura stopped ranting to take a breath, and Sasuke looked around just to make sure no one had taken interest in their conversation. Sakura had gotten pretty loud at the end of her tirade. The people walking past them and standing by the shops hurriedly looked away when he caught them staring, and pretended to go on with their business.

“To the roofs,” Sasuke said, and scaled the wall of the nearest building before Sakura could continue arguing. She followed on his heels.

“I just want the two of you to be happy,” Sakura said quietly when they reached the rooftop.

She walked around Sasuke so she could face him. He was looking out over the town, but he couldn’t really concentrate what was in front of him. He closed his eyes for a second when he felt her eyes intently fixed on him.

“I’m thankful that you did it,” he said.

He’d said it so softly, Sakura leaned a bit closer to make sure she heard right.

She smiled up at him.

“So… He asked you?”

Sasuke nodded.

“And… And you said yes?” Suddenly Sakura sounded incredulous.

Sasuke arched one eyebrow.

“Oh god…” It sounded like she’d gotten the air knocked out of her. “I… I can’t believe… Y-you said yes?”

Sasuke waited a few more seconds before he nodded. Sakura stumbled backwards and sat heavily on a small dividing-wall.

“Oh god… Oh god!” Suddenly she stood again and grabbed Sasuke’s shoulders. “I can’t believe it!” She was grinning like a fool. Sasuke remained calm, although he feared that she’d lost it completely.

Sakura laughed and took a few dancing steps around the roof. Then she leant her hands on her knees and gasped, “This is incredible. God, I never thought it could really happen! I mean, it would have been fantastic but, you know…a little unlikely.”

She straightened up and looked at Sasuke. “I mean, not that you don’t fit together or anything, it’s just…” She shook her head.

Sasuke just stood there, watching her loose it, and wondered if she would notice if he slowly left. But just as he took a step backwards, she grabbed his arm and pulled him with her.

“Come on, we’ve got stuff to do! Oh god…” She laughed again. “This is _incredible_!”

 

\------

 

“Hey, I think you forgot to tell me something.”

Naruto looked up to find a smug expression on Sakura’s face. She was perching on the edge of his desk, her arms crossed.

Naruto gave her a quizzical look. “What?”

“Isn’t it way past dinner-time? Come on: take a break. Let’s go out an eat somewhere.”

Naruto looked at the huge stacks of paper surrounding him, and then back at Sakura.

“I guess I could take a few minutes off…”

“You can take more than that, Naruto. You’re working all the time.”

She dragged him with her to a dining place close to the Hokage tower.

They ordered and while they waited for the food, Sakura turned to Naruto and stared expectantly at him.

“So…” she said when Naruto just stared back, unsure about what she wanted from him.

“I talked with Sasuke today.”

“Oh… Oh!” Naruto’s eyes widened. Had Sasuke told her?

Not that it mattered, but… He just couldn’t imagine the two of them sharing intimate private details… And to Sasuke, sharing relationship status was a matter about intimate private details.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he said. “It happened just a few days ago.”

Sakura’s eyes practically glowed. “So it’s true?”

“Yes.”

Sakura covered her mouth with her hands.

“What is it?”

“I just…” She was grinning. “I don’t know. It’s so strange and so… touching.” She brushed away a tear. “Sorry,” she laughed. “Its tears of happiness.”

Naruto was grinning too now. He reached out and hugged her. He’d had no idea she’d be so happy about this.

“How did it happen?” She asked.

Their waiter served their food, and Naruto waited till he’d left before he answered.

“It wasn’t anything special. We just talked. At first he seemed like he wouldn’t…” He paused. “But after a few days he came to me and said he wanted to try. So now we’re trying.”

Sakura rubbed his back. “You know you can come to me anytime if you need to talk, right?”

Naruto smiled. “Thank you, Sakura.”

 

\------

 

“Sakura is overjoyed,” Naruto said.

“I know.” Sasuke tapped the ashes of his cigarette down on the ground next to the porch. Naruto watched him do it with a dissatisfied frown on his face. Sasuke was extremely overprotective of his garden. He always watched Naruto like a hawk when he moved around it, like he was afraid he was gonna stomp around on his flowers or something. But then he did things like that himself.

“I thought you were trying to quit smoking,” Naruto said.

Sasuke looked up at him from where he was lying stretched out on the porch. Then he blew the smoke into Naruto’s face.

Naruto waved it away.

“Oh, come on,” he whined. “That was immature.”

“You tell Sakura a lot of things,” Sasuke said, as though Naruto hadn’t spoken.

“Not a lot of things. But she’s my closest friend.” Then he added, “Besides you.”

Sasuke’s lips curled into a sarcastic smile. “That’s nice of you to say.”

“I meant it!”

“You don’t need to say nice things just to appease me. I know I haven’t been around enough to be a close friend.”

Naruto wanted to deny it… But then he realized he couldn’t.

“I barely know anything about you anymore,” Sasuke said.

Naruto pressed a hand to Sasuke’s chest. “But that’s about to change now,” he said.

Then he leaned down and kissed Sasuke.

“You need to quit smoking,” he said. Maybe he’d been so pumped full of adrenaline that last time he kissed Sasuke after smoking, because he definitely felt the rank taste of tobacco now. “Or at least eat a mint before I kiss you.”

“Noted,” Sasuke said. And then he took another drag from his cigarette.

Naruto lay down next to him, staring up at the slowly darkening sky and the stars that were starting to become visible.

“Do you think she’s viewing us as her gay friends now?” Sasuke said.

Naruto burst out laughing.

“Oh god, I haven’t thought about it that way before… But when you mention it, she’s been talking a lot about boys with me, and relationships…”

“And I went shopping with her.”

They exchanged a glance of dread.

“We’re so totally becoming her gay friends!” Naruto exclaimed.

Sasuke shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

“But… But I don’t want her to view me as her _girlfriend_!”

“As long as she doesn’t expect me to talk about relationships and pour my heart out to her, I don’t mind. I actually like it when she’s more comfortable with me.”

“Hmf… I think I need to hang out more with the guys.”

Sasuke looked at him. “I’m a guy.”

“The other guys! I meant the other guys, Sasuke. I’ve been cooped up in the Hokage tower with nothing for company except documents and the occasional lunch with Sakura. Next thing you know, I'll turn into one of the girls.” He paused. “Why don’t you come with me? Meeting the guys, I mean.”

Sasuke sat up and flicked away the rest of his cigarette. It had burned down to the filter without him noticing it. It landed close to a bed of flowers and Naruto rolled his eyes at the hypocrisy.

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

Sasuke looked down at him. “I don’t…” He shook his head. “I’m not part of that anymore.”

“Part of what?” Naruto sat up too. “Part of the gang? The community?”

“Yes. That.”

“Well… They’d probably accept you if you gave them a chance.”

“Hm… Maybe.”

He didn’t sound convinced, though.

They stood and went inside.

It was about time Naruto left, but he kept stalling. Sakura had helped Sasuke find a low dining table and some cushions for the living room. She’d also convinced him buy some paint in a lighter color for the room, since, as she’d said, ‘it looks like a dungeon in there’. Since the divider between the kitchen and the living room could function as a counter, or a table, she’d also convinced him to buy some chairs.

Naruto was impressed at her level of persuasion, since he knew very well how pigheaded Sasuke could be.

“Is Sakura coming over tomorrow to help you paint?” he asked.

“Don’t remind me of it. Yes, she is.”

“I’m glad the two of you get along so well.”

Sasuke bent to pick up the cat that’d been rubbing against his leg. She purred as Sasuke rubbed her behind the ears.

“Well, I should go,” Naruto said.

Sasuke let Pandora jump from his arms and onto the counter, and Naruto stepped forward and, a bit hesitantly, put his hands on Sasuke’s hips. He leant in and gave him a soft kiss. Sasuke just closed his eyes and allowed the kiss, but nothing more. Naruto lingered, drawing circles over Sasuke’s left hipbone with his thumb.

Sasuke closed the gap between them after a moment, and returned the soft, innocent kiss.

“See you,” Naruto said with a bright smile before he left.

When he came back home, his blank room felt even more empty than usual. He undressed slowly, and wondered how it would have been to stay behind with Sasuke… Spend the night with him. But with the restraint Sasuke was showing, that prospect seemed to belong to a distant future.

He sat on the edge of the bed, in only his boxers, and twisted the silver necklace between his fingers. He recalled the conversation he’d had with Sakura earlier.

“So how is it between the two of you…? Have you kissed?” Sakura had said.

She was blushing, and Naruto had blushed too.

“Yeah,” he said.

Sakura was silent for a second. “Wow,” she said. “Was it… Nice?”

“Yeah… I guess.”

Sakura had arched both eyebrows. “You _guess_? Either it was, or it wasn’t. Is he good?”

“…I suppose.”

Sakura had looked exasperated.

“The thing is…” Naruto hesitated. “He’s a bit… reluctant.”

“Oh…”

“Is that bad?” Naruto had panicked a bit. He knew that Sasuke really liked him – he’d even said he _loved_ him – but his body seemed to say the complete opposite. It was confusing.

“Well,” Sakura had said. “That’s usually the first clue that something isn’t right. But nothing has been right from the beginning with you two. It’s like you’re doing everything in the opposite way of what’s normal. I mean, most couple’s start out awkward and eager and then the feelings just… diminishes slowly until there’s nothing left… You know, if you can’t somehow magically keep it together.”

She looked remorsefully into thin air for a second before continuing, “But with you two it might be the opposite, right? Everything else about your relationship has been backwards anyway.”

That tirade hadn’t exactly solved any of Naruto’s problems.

“I have a question, Naruto,” Sakura had said. “Are you still a virgin?”

The food Naruto had been about to swallow nearly choked him. When he got his breath back from almost coughing up his lung, Sakura was staring expectantly at him.

“Sakura…”

“Come on, you can tell me. I won’t blabber. I’m not a gossipmonger like Ino.”

Naruto had sighed. “Yes,” he’d murmured under his breath.

Sakura hadn’t looked shocked, or laughed, which was the two options Naruto had expected. She’d just smiled and patted his arm.

“That’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Naruto had rolled his eyes. “You can tell me it isn’t, but it is… It’s a big deal.”

“I didn’t sleep with someone until I was 21, and I regret the way I did it. I was upset after Sasuke rejected me, and I just wanted someone to be close to me… To love me…” She shrugged. “It was not the right way to go about it.”

“It’s different for guys,” Naruto had muttered. “You’re almost expected to have sex before you’re twenty.”

“But… Do you honestly think Sasuke cares?”

Naruto had shrugged. “I don’t know. Out of the guys I know, I suppose he’s the one who cares the least. But I don’t want to appear… inexperienced to him. You know?”

Sakura had sighed. “Naruto… Are you afraid he’ll one-up you in that department? Is this about rivalry?”

Naruto was silenced for a moment. “No,” he said. Then, “Well, I don’t like the thought of being worse at it than him.”

“You seem to already be a better kisser,” Sakura pointed out.

“Hm… I guess so…”

Back in the present, Naruto leant back on the bed, and crawled under the covers. He wondered how experienced Sasuke really was. When they had kissed and Sasuke had pulled away… That kiss had been… Well, it was so hot it had fueled a few of his fantasies lately. If Sasuke wanted to, then apparently he could be quite proficient. So he must have some experience. At least more than Naruto, but to be honest that didn’t exactly count for a lot.

So why was Sasuke holding back? If he’d been with others… Why was it so difficult to be with Naruto?

With those thoughts churning around in his head, Naruto fell into a fitful sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	16. A bad decision

Naruto had been looking forward to this for days now. He’d made sure he had Friday night off, so that he could have a nice evening with his friends. Sasuke still refused to come with, so it would be Naruto, Kiba, Sai, Shikamaru, Chouji, Shino and Lee.

It was the first time in a long while that the guys were hanging out together. Usually, only one or two of them had the time to meet up at the same time. Naruto hadn’t been to these meetings since he’d become Hokage.

When all of them had arrived, Sai announced that he and Ino was planning to get married the coming summer. Everyone congratulated him and Naruto bought them all a round of beer.

Chouji explained how he’d gotten to know one of the kumo-nin better, a red-haired, dark-skinned woman named Karui. Naruto’s jaw nearly dropped.

“She beat me up once,” he admitted. “For protecting Sasuke after Bee disappeared.”

Chouji looked a little proud.

“How is Sasuke, anyway?” Lee shot in.

“Oh… He’s good.”

“He couldn’t come tonight?” Kiba asked.

“No, he… um… He’s busy.”

The other guys exchanged glances, but let the subject drop.

After Kiba had bemoaned the fact that all girls seemed to shun him, and Shikamaru had complained about Temari with a fond look on his face, the question that Naruto always dreaded was directed at him.

“Have you found anyone yet?”

Naruto shrugged. “Been busy.”

“I don’t get it,” Kiba said. “Sakura is single now! You’ve always been wild about her, why don’t you make a pass?”

“He’s probably been friend zoned,” Chouji intoned helpfully.

“I don’t feel that way for her anymore,” Naruto said. He was desperate for this conversation to end. He turned to Shino. “How’s teaching going?”

But before Shino could answer, Kiba shot in, “I don’t get why you broke up with Hinata in the first place.”

“I… It was just… It didn’t work out…”

“But she’s got everything you’d want in a girl. She’s kind, she’s sweet, and she’s beautiful. And her family even liked you. I’d have taken that and been thankful.”

Shikamaru seemed to sense a shift in Naruto, because he tried to intervene.

“He says it didn’t work out. It’s not much more to say about it.”

Then, all of a sudden, Naruto stood and said, “I’m gay.”

Everyone around the table got quiet, all of them staring at him as though he’d just sprouted wings.

“Um… Come again?” Kiba said. His expression of shock would have been hilarious in any other situation.

“I’m gay. That’s why it didn’t work out with Hinata.”

“Well…” Chouji said after another long pause. “I can see how that would be a problem.”

Suddenly Lee shot to his feet, and hugged Naruto fiercely.

“I am so proud of you for telling us! It must have been a burden for you! But I’ll have you know that no matter your sexuality, you’ll still be my friend!”

Naruto gave Lee a grateful smile.

Kiba was gaping. “You’re not kidding?”

Naruto shrugged. Shino, who’d been sitting next to Naruto, stood and patted his shoulder.

“I’m with Lee on this. I don’t care either way.”

Now the others were starting to wake up from their stupor too, and they all chimed in with Lee and Shino.

“I can’t believe you felt like you needed to keep it a secret from us,” Kiba said. “Of course we don’t care.”

“He couldn’t know that,” Lee said. “I’m just glad you decided to tell us!”

“How long have you known this?” Chouji asked between mouthfuls of chips.

Naruto shrugged. “A couple of years.”

“Are you all-gay, or, you know… a bit gay?” Kiba asked with a completely serious expression.

Naruto burst out laughing. “I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean, but I think I’m all-gay.”

“Is that why you’re still a virgin?”

Everyone’s eyes turned to Sai, who’d barely spoken until now, except to tell Naruto that he supported him.

Naruto sputtered. “I’m not… It’s not… How did you…? Why are you even…!?” He took a deep breath. “What the fuck, Sai?!”

“All these years I’ve known you, you’ve never shown any interest for anyone.” He gave one of his emotionless little smiles. “And besides, you’re so squeamish about nakedness it’s very obvious that you have a problem with intimacy.”

“That’s only when I’m seeing someone naked that I _don’t_ want to see naked! Everyone would be squeamish about that!”

The other guys were exchanging glances. Finally, Shikamaru cleared his throat.

“Anyone up for another round? I’m paying.”

The awkward conversation died away. Naruto turned to his new glass of beer and drank deeply. He was still a bit pissed at Sai, but then he reminded himself that the guy had absolutely no social antennas and didn’t know how awkward he was making everything.

But he couldn’t believe that even he was stupid enough to bring up that stupid bathhouse incident that happened many, many years ago.

The conversation strayed onto other topics, like jobs and family, and the good mood picked up again.

By midnight Shikamaru had to leave since he’d promised Temari he wouldn’t be home too late. The others all voted for going to a club. Sai and Chouji made it their goal to find the four others a partner. Naruto refused profusely.

“There’s no need,” he said. “You don’t want to go to a gay bar, do you?”

Kiba seemed extremely unhappy about that prospect, and the others weren’t too eager about it either, so they gave up on that idea.

Naruto was accosted by young girls who recognized him the second he set foot in the club, but he tried to direct them towards Lee or Shino or Kiba.

After a while Naruto pulled back to the sideline, watching Shino talking with a pretty woman by the bar, and Kiba dancing with a busty blonde. Lee was darting around the dance floor like a green ping pong ball, not giving any girls the chance to even try to keep up with him if they so wished. Sai approached him and leant against the wall next to him.

“I’m sorry if I crossed the line earlier.”

Naruto sighed. “It’s fine,” he said. “Just don’t bring up anymore embarrassing episodes like that again. And stop implying I’m a virgin.”

“But I wasn’t implying. I know that it’s true.”

“How can you know that?! I’ve never spoken to you about it!”

“Except when you got drunk for the first time. You got really talkative.”

Naruto paled. Oh god, that time… He had no memory from that night, but he had a lot of funny renditions from his friends. Apparently, he’d made a complete fool out of himself, dancing on the table being one of the less embarrassing things. And now this.

“That has to be at least… four years ago,” Naruto said.

“And since then you’ve been manically focused on work. And I’ve never seen you cast a second glance on anyone, man or woman.”

“You’ve apparently been paying a lot of attention.”

Sai smiled. “What are friends for?”

“Apparently for reminding me how useless I am.”

“I wouldn’t say so. You’ve achieved more than anyone in here.”

“… I guess you’re right…” He’d been so focused on what he didn’t have, and so tired from work, that he’d forgotten to think about what he’d achieved. Had he really gotten so used to the status as Hokage, that he’d forgotten all the hard work he’d done to get there? He’d known what he was getting into when he accepted the position as Kakashi’s apprentice.

“Thank you, Sai,” he said. “I’m just being whiny.”

He rubbed Sai’s shoulder in an affectionate gesture, and got one of the few honest smiles from him.

Suddenly Kiba turned up from nowhere and clapped their shoulders so hard they nearly butted heads.

“Enough flirting. Sai, you’re a soon to be married man!”

“Kiba… How’s it going with the blonde?”

“Good, she’s here, actually.” He put his arm around a girl who stepped up to him just as they’d mentioned her. “I told her I was close friends with the Hokage, but she wanted me to prove it.”

She looked at Naruto with wide eyes. “H-hi, I’m Maiko.” And then she giggled.

“Kiba’s a good guy,” Naruto told her. “You should count yourself lucky.”

Kiba gave Naruto a thumbs-up behind her back when they left.

 

\------

 

By the time Naruto returned home, he could barely stay on his feet. Maybe that’s why he didn’t realize where he was heading before he stood in front of Sasuke’s house. He slipped in through the porch door, which Sasuke barely ever locked.

Sasuke was asleep when Naruto stumbled into his room. He didn’t even stir when Naruto kneeled down next to him and nearly toppled over him. But when Naruto touched his shoulder, he turned at his own will. Apparently, he’d been awake the entire time.

“Sorry,” Naruto whispered loudly. “Did I wake you?”

“What do you think, moron?”

Naruto giggled. “Sorry.” He leant forward with the intention of kissing Sasuke, but in stead their foreheads butted.

Sasuke swore and pushed Naruto away.

Naruto whined in protest. “I just wanted to kiss you.”

“You stink of beer,” Sasuke said. “What are you doing here?”

Naruto pouted. “I just wanted to see you.” Also, he was extremely horny. Thankfully, he had enough restraint to prevent himself from saying that.

Sasuke sighed and sat up. He started pulling the jacket from Naruto’s shoulders.

“Ooh,” Naruto giggled. “Are you trying to get me naked?”

“No, I’m trying to get you into bed.”

“Together with you. You’re so naughty, Sasuke.”

He thought he heard Sasuke muttering something under his breath. It sounded like ‘give me strength’.

Naruto started undoing his pants, but Sasuke stopped him.

“I think those are staying on.”

“But Sasukeee…”

“Just get into bed.”

He scooted over so that Naruto could crawl under the sheets.

“This is so cozy,” Naruto purred.

Sasuke turned his back on him.

Naruto burrowed his nose into Sasuke’s pillow, and felt so mellow and mushy inside he thought he was about to just float away on a cloud of happiness. But sleep didn’t come immediately. He looked at he back of Sasuke’s head, at his broad shoulders.

“Hey, Sasuke?”

“Hm?”

“Have you slept with someone before?”

“…Yes.”

“… Oh…”

Sasuke must have noticed the dejected tone in Naruto’s voice.

“This isn’t the right time to talk about that,” he said.

“How many?”

“Naruto…”

“I just need an estimate.”

“Not that many,” Sasuke said. He turned over onto his back. “Only four.”

Naruto absently wondered why it felt like his stomach dropped right down to his feet. It wasn’t like he’d thought Sasuke would be a virgin too, that’d be too unlikely. Sasuke was extremely handsome. Women had always been swarming like flies around him. He could probably get men just as easily, if that was what he wanted.

But the thing that troubled Naruto the most wasn’t the fact that Sasuke had slept with others… No it was the thought that Sasuke had kissed someone else… Loved someone else when he’d refused to show the same feelings to Naruto, even when he must have realized that they both wanted it.

He suddenly felt tears well up in his eyes, and he turned away, desperate to hide it.

“Naruto…” Sasuke caressed his cheek. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Naruto muttered. He took a deep breath and willed the tears away. “Did you love them?” He’d asked before he knew what he was saying.

Sasuke hesitated for a second. “No,” he said firmly. “No, I didn’t.”

Naruto grabbed Sasuke’s hand and caressed it.

“Who were they?”

Sasuke hesitated again. “I’ll tell you some other time.”

“Have I met them?”

“No.”

Naruto fell asleep sometime after that.

 

\-----

 

Naruto was confused. Why was he lying on a futon? Where was he? This didn’t smell like his bed… It smelled like Sasuke.

He shot up and immediately regretted it when spears of pain pierced through his scull.

“Ow, ow, ow…”

“Here,” Sasuke said from right next to him.

Naruto accepted the pills and the glass of water he was offered, and downed them.

“Ow…” He muttered again. “How did I end up here? I don’t remember…” He squinted up at Sasuke, who was kneeling next to the futon. “We didn’t…? Did we?”

He hoped they hadn’t done anything, because he wanted to remember their first time.

“No, but not thanks to you,” Sasuke said.

“Thank god,” Naruto muttered, and fell back onto the soft pillow again. Then he hurried to add, “I don’t want our first time to be something I don’t remember.”

Sasuke gave him a soft smile.

Naruto fell asleep after that, and when he woke up again he felt marginally better. He went to the living room, where he found Sasuke by the table, watching the kittens trudging along on the floor on their short legs.

Naruto made his way over and sat down on a cushion. It was pouring down outside, and the air felt humid.

“Sakura did a nice job with the painting in here,” Naruto said. The walls were a light, creamy color. He picked up one white kitten that tried to dart past him. It meowed, but they’d stopped hissing at them now.

“We should give them names,” he mused. “What gender are they?”

“I have no idea,” Sasuke said.

“It should be easy to find out.”

Naruto picked up one kitten after the other, and looked under their stomach.

“I think they’re all girls,” he said. “How boring. I’m not good at girls names.”

He tried to think of names while Sasuke went and made them some tea. Naruto wasn’t that fond of the green, seaweed-smelling tea Sasuke made, but somehow he’d gotten used to it.

“How did it go yesterday?” Sasuke asked when he came back to the table.

“Oh, it was really awesome. It’s been a long time since I met the guys last. Well, outside my office at least.” Then he suddenly remembered something. “Ah, and I sort of came out.”

And just like that, he had Sasuke’s full attention on him. “How did they react?”

“They took it really well. All of them accepted it.”

More and more memories of the evening started coming back to him in bits and pieces, and he started feeling a funny sort of dread as a very peculiar memory surfaced. Sasuke, who’d been watching him the entire time, picked up on the change in his expression.

“What?” he probed.

“Ah… Nothing…” Naruto tried to wave it off. Sasuke persisted with that intense look he usually saved for something that demanded close scrutiny. Naruto shook his head. “I think I made a fool of myself.”

“That’s not something new,” Sasuke said and took a sip of his tea.

But he didn’t let it drop. “What did you do?”

Naruto shrugged. He groaned inwardly just thinking about it. “I think Sai and I might have really taken it out on the dance floor.” 

He had not expected Sasuke’s reaction. Suddenly, he had the full force of Sasuke’s entire attention, and not in a good way.  

“Sai?” he repeated coolly. “That guy who was supposed to replace me?”

Naruto was speechless for a moment. “Um… Yeah.”

“Why were you dancing with him?”

“Why…? It was just for fun… Seriously, Sasuke… Are you jealous?”

Sasuke’s eyes practically blazed in anger. “No.”

No, _of course_ he wasn’t. Naruto had to fight not to start grinning.

“Listen, it was just some innocent dry humping.”

Oh god, that expression on Sasuke’s face was priceless. Naruto started chuckling.

“I’m sorry, but the look on your face! Just admit you’re jealous, Sasuke.”

Sasuke frowned.

“Come on, we were just having some innocent fun! He’s straight, he’s even getting married soon!”

That seemed to calm Sasuke a little.

Naruto scooted closer and squeezed Sasuke’s thigh. “I had no idea you got so easily jealous.”

“I’m not-“

“Stop denying it. I could see it in your eyes.”

“Why did you dance with him?”

Naruto shrugged. “I’d have danced with you if you were there.”

“I don’t dance.”

“Then I don’t see what you’re complaining about.”

Sasuke stared at Naruto so intently that Naruto started fearing he’d get a fist planted in his face. But in stead, Sasuke moved forward to capture Naruto’s lips in a bruising kiss. Naruto groaned in pain as their teeth collided, and then he moaned when Sasuke hurried to adjust so that he could deepen the kiss.

Naruto opened his mouth when he felt Sasuke’s tongue touch his lip, and felt shivers run all the way from the top of his head to his toes. He lost his breath for a second, and a long-drawn moan made it’s way up through his chest.

Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s waist and hoisted him closer. There came a low murmur from the depth of his chest, and Naruto groaned. He pressed up closer to Sasuke, almost climbing onto his lap. They nearly lost balance for a second when Sasuke couldn’t support Naruto’s weight on the side where he was missing an arm. Naruto linked his arms around Sasuke’s neck, and slid to the side, making them both fall sideways down on the cushions.

Naruto lost himself in the kiss. He had never felt this way with Hinata… Honestly, their tongue kisses had been slightly awkward. This was entirely different. It was addicting. He wanted to feel Sasuke’s skin under his touch. He ran his hand down along his waist, to the hem of his shirt, and grazed the warm skin there with the tips of his fingers. Sasuke shuddered.

Naruto brought one leg up, searching for purchase around Sasuke’s hip, and simultaneously rubbed his hardening cock against the top of his thigh. He wasn’t checking his sounds anymore. He let every moan and whimper flow out, and felt Sasuke deepen the kiss in reaction.

He unwillingly pushed free from him in order to get a breather, and sucked down air. But as he dove down for another kiss, Sasuke braced his hand against his chest and held him at a distance. He was breathing heavily, and his lips were red and moist. Naruto tried to kiss him one more time, but Sasuke was still holding him at bay. Naruto whined softly in distress.

Sasuke rolled to the side, and sat up. Naruto clambered into a sitting position, and suddenly felt very abashed at his obvious erection.

“I’m… sorry,” Sasuke said.

He’d noticed how Naruto subtly tried to adjust himself.

“Moving too fast?” Naruto asked.

Sasuke nodded.

Naruto sighed. Suddenly he remembered what Sasuke had said the night before.

_Not that many. Only four._

Only four… That wasn’t _only_ in Naruto’s eyes. That was plenty. So why the slow going? Why was it so difficult with Naruto? He wanted to ask, but hesitated. He didn’t want to push Sasuke, in case he’d shut off completely. He let it go. He’d promised he’d trust Sasuke. So he would.

 

\------

 

When Naruto staggered into his office later the same day in order to look over some documents that couldn’t wait for his approval, Shikamaru approached him with a grim look on his face.

“Guess what the headlines of todays newspaper is.”

Naruto looked up at him with a puzzled frown. “I don’t know. Is it something to do with the upcoming Kage meeting?”

“No.” Shikamaru threw the newspaper down on Naruto’s desk.

Naruto picked it up and felt his jaw drop. “Shit…”

‘The Hokage indulging in public debauchery’ the title read, and underneath was a surprisingly clear footage of him and Sai dancing extremely close. At the time, Naruto had thought it was fun and ridiculous, and they’d been moving more like idiots than like some sort of writhing, sexy beings like this picture somehow had managed to portray them.

“Ino is going to kill you,” Shikamaru said. “She’s already been here, asking for you.” Then, in a gentler tone, “You need to be more careful.”

Naruto threw the newspaper away in aversion. His headache was coming back tenfold. He did what he had to do at work that day, even though he felt like crawling into a hole in the ground.

“I just want to disappear,” he murmured to Shikamaru at the end of the day.

“Go home and sleep off the hangover,” Shikamaru advised him. “I’ll try to make sure you won’t need to come in for work tomorrow.”

“I have nowhere to go,” Naruto muttered.

“What about the Hokage residence?”

“It’s… Not home.” He sighed. “I wish I had kept my old apartment.”

“Then… where did you sleep last night?” Shikamaru asked slowly.

“I…” Naruto shook his head. “At a friends place.”

The look on Shikamaru’s face said everything he didn’t voice.

“Not Sai’s place,” Naruto growled. “Jeez, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m throwing myself after any man.”

Shikamaru looked guilty. “I didn’t mean…”

Naruto waved him off. “I think I just need to sleep now,” he said. He stood and went to the quarters behind his office. “Don’t wake me up unless the world is falling apart around us.”  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	17. Revelations

On Monday, Naruto had nearly forgotten about the incident on Friday. Or, he’d willfully suppressed it. He was surprised when Sasuke dropped by his office. Sasuke didn’t say anything, just passed a newspaper over the desk to him.

Naruto picked it up, and then he threw it away when he saw that it was the Saturday paper.

“I thought you didn’t read those gossip papers,” he groused.

“The one time my neighbor dares as much as speak a word to me, is of course the time when the Hokage makes a complete fool of himself.”

Naruto groaned and hid his face in his hands. “I’d almost managed to forget about it.”

“I’ll make sure you remember it,” Sasuke said. “ So you never do it again.”

Naruto glared up at him. “You realize that this is a problem for us too, right?”

“I’m not stupid enough to grind my ass against you in public.”

“You don’t even do it in private,” Naruto grumbled under his breath.

Sasuke gave him a pointed look. “I heard that.”

They both fell silent as someone knocked at the door. A young girl poked her head inside. “Hokage-sama, I just wanted to remind you about your lunch-meeting. It’s in a few minutes.”

“Shit,” Naruto muttered. He’d forgotten about it. “Thank you, Yumi.”

The girl disappeared, and Naruto stood. He stole a kiss from Sasuke on his way past him.

“See you tonight?” he said.

Sasuke nodded. They left the office together. Naruto noted that Yumi almost seemed to faint when they walked past her. She stared at Sasuke with wide, adoring eyes. Naruto noted that next time, he should get a more mature secretary.

 

\------

 

Ino found him the same evening.

“What is this supposed to mean?” she growled, and slapped a newspaper down on Naruto’s desk. Naruto didn’t even need to look at it to know which paper it was.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he said. “It’s not what it looks like-“

“Sai says you’re gay,” she hissed under her breath, taking a stolen look around the office.

He was thankful she showed some concern for his reputation.

“Is it true?”

“Yes,” Naruto answered immediately, and then, before he had the time to say anything else, she slapped him so hard he bit his tongue.

He touched his lip, which was tinted red with blood. “What… the…”

“That’s for making a pass on my man!”

“Ino… I…! Why does it make a difference that I’m gay?!”

“It makes all the difference,” she spat. Then she added for good measure, “Bitch.”

And then she stormed out.

Yumi carefully inched inside the room after a moment.

“Hokage-sama? H-Here’s the reports you requested.”

“Yes… Good… Place them on the pile over there.”

She shuffled inside with an anxious expression. “A-are you all right?” she asked when she noticed the blood on Naruto’s chin.

He rubbed at it and sighed. “I’m fine. Just leave the reports, please.”

She hurried to do as he said and left swiftly.

Naruto sunk down on his chair with a groan.

 

\------

 

Naruto was on his way out of the office with some documents that Yumi needed to send off, when he heard a giggle. “He’s so incredibly handsome!”

A female voice, unfamiliar to Naruto, answered, “And I hear he’s single!”

“He comes by here a lot, even though he’s not employed here.”

“Maybe he’s doing some shady underground business for the Hokage.”

Naruto frowned.

“My mother almost got a seizure when I told her I’d met Uchiha Sasuke. He even spoke to me the last time! She’s so afraid of him, says he’s bad influence…”

Naruto chose that moment to walk into the room. Yumi shut up at once, and the other woman straightened up and excused herself.

“You don't get paid to gossip at work,” Naruto said. He slapped the documents down on her desk. “Do that on your free time. Got it?”

She nodded and looked down at her hands. “Sorry, Hokage-sama. I will, Hokage-sama.”

“And for gods sake, stop calling me Hokage-sama.”

She looked up at him with wide eyes. “What should I call you, then?”

“Just say Naruto. Everyone else around here does.”

She nodded. “Okay, I will… Naruto.”

 

\-----

 

“This has been the shittiest day in the history of shitty days,” Naruto complained.

“Tell me again,” Sasuke said, a hint of amusement in his tone, “What was it Ino called you?”

“Oh, shut up,” Naruto mumbled.

There was a sharp knock on the door. Since they were in Sasuke’s house it was a little unusual. Sasuke went to open, and a moment later he came back together with Sakura.

“Naruto!” she exclaimed. “I’ve tried to reach you the entire weekend! What’s going on?!”

She kneeled down next to Naruto on the living room floor, and hugged him.

“I talked to Sai, and he explained what happened, but then he told me that Ino was furious, and I talked to her, but she just kept cussing out you and Sai. I’ve never seen her so angry my whole life. And the newspaper… Are you all right?”

“No,” Naruto whined. “She slapped me.”

“Oh god…” The corner of Sakura’s lips twitched in budding amusement. “Poor thing,” she said and petted his hair. “I’ll make you something nice to eat.”

She stood and went over to the kitchen where Sasuke was leaning on the counter.

“Do you think I can’t take care of him?” He asked.

Sakura crossed her arms. “Do you want the short answer or the long answer?”

Sasuke arched one sleek, black eyebrow.

“Okay then,” Sakura said. “No, I don’t think so. Now, get out of the way.”

Sasuke did, and Sakura made a very nice meal for the three of them.

“I just got off duty at the hospital, so I haven’t eaten yet,” she said as they got seated for dinner. “I wouldn’t have much to do at home anyway, so this is a nice change of scenery.”

She smiled at the both of them. While they ate, she proceeded to talk about everything and nothing. Naruto shot in a few words now and then, while Sasuke remained mostly silent.

After one particularly boring talk about interior design, Sasuke gave Naruto a pointed look while she wasn’t watching him. Naruto bit his lip. He knew what Sasuke was thinking, and he was right; Sakura was treating them differently than before. He decided to test this theory further.

“Now that you mention it,” he said as a reaction to Sakura talking about decorating the living room. “I saw some really cute lace curtains yesterday. They were pink and had cute little bows.” He turned to Sasuke. “Doesn’t that sound lovely, darling?”

Sasuke did not want to play along. He just gave Naruto a very dark glare.

Sakura gaped at first, before she caught on to what he was doing. “Naruto,” she growled. “You deserved that slap.”

And then she proceeded to dive over the table and try to strangle him and shake him at the same time. Naruto laughed when he could get a breath down, and his flailing legs hit the table and nearly knocked down the remains of their meal.

“Ne, Sakura,” he managed to press out. “You never used to squeeze your boobs in my face before.”

He was wheezing with laughter when Sakura sat up and looked down at him in horror.

“You… You perverted little…”

She cuffed him over the head, but not as hard as she used to.

They both dusted off and sat back down around the table. A bottle of soy sauce had toppled and spilled before Sasuke had managed to straighten it, and Naruto’s chopsticks were strewn on the floor.

“You have to admit you’re treating us a little differently than before,” Naruto said to Sakura.

She frowned. “I’m just talking about things _I_ like. You’re free to talk about whatever you like too.”

“But you expect us to care about interior and stuff like that.”

“Well… If you don’t like it, you could have just told me.”

“It’s not that… It’s just… I don’t want to become your girlfriend. I love to talk to you, but I’m just not that interested in girly stuff. Being gay hasn’t changed that.”  
Sakura got quiet and thoughtful for a moment. She blushed a little.

“I didn’t realize I was doing that,” she said. “I’m just… I’m feeling a lot more comfortable with you two now.”

“And I love that,” Naruto said. He smiled. “I don’t want that to change.”

She smiled too, after a moment. “Just tell me the next time,” she said. “I don’t want to bore you to tears. What do you want to talk about anyway? Blood and gore? Because I’ve got lots of nice stories for you from the hospital.”

Naruto paled a bit. “Ah… No thanks.”

Before that conversation could escalate, Sakura looked down and noticed the white kitten at her foot. It meowed up at her.

“Oh my god!” Sakura squealed. “You didn’t tell me you had cats!”

She picked up the kitten and petted it with reverence.

“It’s the most darling thing I’ve seen.”

“Now that you’re here,” Naruto said, “Maybe you could help us name them? They’re all girls.”

“Oh, really. You can’t even come up with girls names, is that how manly you are?”

Naruto pouted. “I just figured you were better at it.”

Sakura lifted one eyebrow very slowly.

“Keep digging,” Sasuke muttered to Naruto, who gave him a narrowed glare in retaliation.

Sakura rolled her eyes. “Of course I can help you.”

She helped collecting all four kittens. There was the white, fluffy one, and then there was one that was entirely black, and two that were black and white.

“These two are boys,” Sakura said, picking up the black kitten, and one of the black and white kittens.

“But that’s not right,” Naruto said. “I’ve already checked them!”

“It’s not very easy to determine the gender of cats because they look very much alike. But I’ve had a few cats, so I’m pretty sure I know what I’m talking about.”

Naruto was nonplussed. “Are you _completely_ sure?”

“One hundred percent.”

“This one is a girl?” He picked up the white cat. He studied her for a second. She wriggled a bit in his grip, and meowed helplessly. Suddenly he grinned. “I think I know what we can call her. Pearl!”

“That’s a nice name,” Sakura said.

Sasuke wanted to call the black kitten Ninigi, and Sakura named the female black and white kitten Tawny. The last kitten remained nameless until Naruto realized it was the kitten he’d picked up the first time, and which had clung to him so fiercely. So he called it Doom.

 

\-----

 

Naruto stayed a little longer after Sakura left. He absently watched Sasuke as he washed the plates they’d used for dinner in the kitchen sink. Sasuke turned and looked at him, and Naruto realized he’d been very openly staring at his ass. He looked away immediately, feeling like he’d been caught in doing something bad, but then he reminded himself that he was actually allowed to stare at Sasuke now. Right?

He looked up just in time to see the flicker of amusement in Sasuke’s eyes.

Naruto sat up from where he’d been lounging on the pillows with Pearl curled up on his belly. Sasuke sat down next to him.

“Sasuke…” he said hesitantly. “I’ve been thinking about what you said when you told me that you’ve slept with others… I just wondered… Why is it so difficult to as much as kiss me?”

Sasuke sighed. “About that… Those people weren’t… permanent. I didn’t feel anything for them.”

When Naruto just looked confused, Sasuke added, “They were hookers.”

Naruto was speechless. After a long moment, he managed to mutter, “A-all of them?”

“Yes.”

Naruto didn’t even know where to start. “Why?” He guessed that was the most pressing question.

“Why?” Sasuke thought for a moment. “It just turned out that way.”

“But… But you don’t _need_ to do that. You’re gorgeous. People have always wanted you.”

“Not anymore.”

“…Is that the reason why you went to hookers? Because people shun you?”

Sasuke shook his head. “No. It was mainly because… it’s simpler with someone who’s paid to do a job. I didn’t need to pretend, and I didn’t need to do anything I didn’t like. There was no feelings involved, and that’s what I wanted.”

Naruto took a deep breath. This was very unexpected news.

“So… It’s different with me because you… feel something?”

Sasuke nodded.

“Then… It’s a good thing?”

Sasuke shrugged. “I suppose.”

Naruto actually felt a bit relieved. It had bothered him that Sasuke had been with others and still was so reserved with him. But looking at it from this perspective, it almost sounded like a good thing.

“So… Since you didn’t feel anything for them, you weren’t in danger of loosing control and exposing yourself.” Naruto shook his head. “In a weird way, knowing it’s you we’re talking about, it makes sense.”

Naruto realized this might a good time to reveal his secret too.

“I have to tell you something too,” he said. “Um… I’m a virgin.”

Sasuke stared at him for a second, as though he didn’t comprehend what he heard. Then he blinked, and frowned.

“You’re… _what?_ ”

In any other setting, Naruto would have savored the moment when Sasuke became speechless, but now it was just unnerving. He forced out an awkward laugh.

“It isn’t a problem… Right?”

Sasuke shook his head. “No… Just… Run it by me again. You’ve _never_ had sex? Never?”

“…No…”

“Not even close?”

“Well… I almost had sex with Hinata. But then I… Um… I realized I couldn’t…”

“You realized you were gay when you were about to sleep with her?!”

“No… Not exactly. I realized that later. Although… It was a strong indicator.”

Sasuke seemed to start to get over the shock. There was a glint of mirth in his eyes now, exactly what Naruto had feared.

“You have no right to make fun of me!” Naruto hurried to say. “You had to pay people to get laid.”

Sasuke shrugged. “It was a choice.” Then he smirked. “Tell me, how could you not know that you were gay up until that point?”

Naruto groaned. “I don’t know, it just didn’t occur to me.”

“You must have known what you were attracted to.”

Naruto looked away. “I guess,” he said after a long moment.

“So… You suppressed it?”

Naruto absently pulled on a thread in the pillow he was sitting on. “I think so,” he muttered.

He had willfully blocked away the fleeting memories he had of wanting something that was… wrong. He had already been an outcast. He couldn’t afford just another thing that would set him apart from the others.

“I guess I… overcompensated,” he said with a shaky grin. “It worked surprisingly well. I actually convinced myself too.”

Sasuke didn’t say anything. He just reached out and grabbed Naruto’s hand, the one that had been nervously fidgeting, and held it in his own hand.

“I didn’t know I was gay until I started traveling,” Sasuke said. “So I never had that problem. I don’t think I had room for anything like that when I was… younger.”

“But… You said you knew you loved me ever since you left Konoha…”

“Having strong feelings for one guy doesn’t necessarily make me gay. But after the war, after I came back here, I found out pretty quickly that I’m only attracted to men.”

Sasuke rubbed the back of Naruto’s hand with his thumb.

“Why didn’t you sleep with anyone after you found out you were gay?" He asked. "It was another three years before we met again, and we didn’t exactly owe each other anything in that period.”

Naruto shrugged. “I was too confused. I was figuring out what I felt for you, and after that I just wasn’t interest in anyone else.”

Sasuke squeezed his hand and pulled him closer. “So… You’ve been waiting for me this whole time?”

Naruto glanced down at Sasuke’s lips, which were suddenly very close to his own.

“Don’t get cocky,” he muttered.

He melted into the kiss the minute Sasuke closed the gap between them. He loped both arms around Sasuke’s neck, and pulled him close. Sasuke didn’t object. He returned the kiss with as much fervor as Naruto did.

They fell backwards onto the pillows, Naruto on top. He rolled his crotch against Sasuke’s lower belly, and moaned into his mouth. He heard a soft groan from Sasuke, and kissed him harder.

Sasuke nudged him and turned away, but Naruto didn’t stop to question. He continued kissing down Sasuke’s throat, and assumed that Sasuke was okay with it since he wasn’t pushing him away. He knew Sasuke was very okay with it when his hips pushed up against Naruto’s, and his hand traveled down to his ass. He touched him carefully at first, like he was asking for permission. Naruto rolled his hips and made an appreciative noise at the friction on his cock.

Sasuke squeezed his ass and at the same time he rolled his hips. Naruto groaned into the crook of his neck and willingly submitted to the firm, although a little slow rocking. He dragged in the scent of Sasuke’s skin and thought he was gonna go out of his mind. He had no idea something could feel so _good_. He just wanted Sasuke hands, his lips, all over him... On his skin... He felt Sasuke’s fingers knead his ass, brushing the crack, pressing gently against it over the fabric of his pants, and he arched up, rubbing against Sasuke’s stomach, and nearly lost it.

He started kissing every inch of Sasuke’s skin that he could reach, sucking down harshly at the saltiness between his teeth. He felt Sasuke jolt and groan, and his fingers grabbed Naruto’s ass more firmly and ground him down. Naruto flexed his hips, and felt the climax build without the power to stop it. For a second, everything whited out: every sound, every sensation… And then he was left with just the warm wetness in his boxers, and his own harsh panting.

He was still leaning over Sasuke, still had his face buried in Sasuke’s neck. Except, now he suddenly felt a cold feeling of shame settle in his stomach. He shuffled off Sasuke, unable to look him in the eyes, and slowly sat up.

Sasuke shifted and sat up too. He touched Naruto’s back.

“Naruto…?” His voice was a little gruff.

“I…” Naruto murmured. “Um… I didn’t mean for that to happen… I just…”

Sasuke sighed. Then he wrapped his arm around Naruto’s waist, and pulled him close. “It’s okay. We both wanted it.”

Naruto lifted his hands up to his face. His cheeks were burning with shame. “I’m sorry I came so fast,” he said. “I couldn’t control it.”

Sasuke kissed the back of his neck. “My first time was like that too. I wasn’t prepared for the intensity of the sensation.”

Naruto turned around and hugged Sasuke close. “So you… Didn’t think it was lame?”

Sasuke shook his head. “No. I don’t have that high expectations for a session of dry humping anyway.”

Naruto smiled against the skin on Sasuke’s neck, and nuzzled the hickey he’d left there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Summit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the super long delay! I thought vacation was gonna give me plenty of time to write, but no such luck. Anyway, I'm starting with a short chapter just to get something out there, and I've even started on the next chapter so hopefully that'll be up in a timely fashion ^^

Sasuke woke up and had no idea what had woken him. It was close to dawn, and the dim, grey light that filtered into the room through the slip between the curtains felt cold and lifeless. He sat up with slow, sluggish movements. Why was he feeling so out of it? Then he remembered… He was a bit slow in the mornings lately, due to starting with sleeping pills again. The reason why was because, for some reason, not having Naruto around made all his nightmares come back. It was pathetic, really.

Naruto had left for the Kage Summit, and had been gone for three days now. Only three days, but it felt like a lifetime. If he ever let Naruto know how much he really meant to him, he’d never hear the end of it.

Sasuke got dressed and forced down some food… The rice was dry and the vegetables a bit tasteless but he hardly cared. Now that Naruto was out debating with the other Kage about the issues he’d been working with lately, he had to wait until he could work further with it. Which meant, he had nothing to do. He was restless to do something, anything, but he was stuck in Konoha. He couldn’t leave before Naruto came back… He wanted to wait until he knew what Naruto and the other Kage would decide to do.

He was sitting on the porch in deep thought, barely registering the chill in the air even though he was just wearing a thin shirt over his pants, when something small suddenly climbed into his lap. He looked down at the white kitten, the one that had taken a fancy to Naruto. She barely managed to clamber onto his lap on her tiny, wobbly feet, but she was determined to go through with it. He lifted her up and petted her fluffy, white fur, and felt marginally better.

 

\------

 

Sasuke went out to train off some of his restlessness, but the training field he usually chose, the one at the very edge of town and which was rarely in use, was now occupied by some familiar people. Sasuke hesitated at the edge of the forest. He was not afraid to meet the other ninja his age, but he did not enjoy talking to people, especially not people who didn’t want to talk to him either.

He watched them for a moment. It was Shino and Kiba, who were training together. Sasuke hesitated, before turning and walking back to his house.

 

\------

 

Naruto came back four days later. He was exhausted but went to see Sasuke the same second he came home.

“How did it go?” Sasuke asked after he’d let Naruto in and they’d sat down in the living room.

Naruto shrugged. “It went as well as one could expect. At least we agreed in the end. But I don’t want to talk about that now. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow, since I have a favor to ask as well. But right now I just want to think about something else.”

“Okay…” Sasuke was unsure how to proceed. He wasn’t entirely sure what Naruto wanted.

“I don’t have much food in the house,” he started saying, but stopped when Naruto suddenly stood up.

He watched him carefully while he stood there, wondering what was getting into him. It looked like he had something that he wanted to say, but his eyes were brimming with conflicting emotions. He looked brittle for a second.

“I just want to…” he started, then hesitated. “I just wanted to be with you these few days while I’ve been away. I don’t know… I… I’ve missed you. A lot. And I know, it’s probably sappy and everything, but I just wanted you to know. I just…”

He looked away, hesitating…

Sasuke realized he should say something too… He felt like he should tell Naruto that he felt the same way. That he knew what he was talking about all too well. But he just couldn’t form the words. His tongue refused to move. His lips refused to open.

He looked down at his hand on the table, at the tightly clenched fist, and unclenched his fingers slowly and with tremendous effort.

“I’m sorry…” Naruto said. “I shouldn’t have said that. Now I just made everything awkward.”

“No,” Sasuke murmured. “Don’t be sorry for being honest.”

He raised his head and looked at Naruto. He took in the ruffled, shaggy hair, noting that he was letting it grow out, and the dusty clothes that witnessed a travel with few breaks and little comfort.

“I missed you too,” he said, the words barely above a murmur.

Naruto’s seemed to loose some of the tension that had been etched into every line of his body since he set foot in the house. Slowly, his eyes lost a bit of their tiredness and worry, and his gaze warmed up to a shadow of its former glory. Naruto never looked as happy as he used to be when he was younger anymore. Adulthood had taken that away from him. After becoming Hokage, he’d had to grow up fast.

“I’ll be there for you if you need me,” Sasuke said. “If you ask… Anything you need… I’ll do it. For you.”

The corner of Naruto’s mouth quirked up into a shaky half-grin.

“Anything, you say?” he asked, his eyes betraying his light tone. He looked deeply touched.

“Anything,” Sasuke confirmed. He knew it was true. After everything they’d been through… that was the least he owed Naruto.

“Thank you,” Naruto said.

He took a step closer to Sasuke, and sat down right next to him. “I’m beat,” he muttered.

“As I said, I don’t have much to offer you except from ‘the disgusting tea’ that you love so much.”

Naruto chuckled. “I’d be glad to have some of your ‘disgusting tea’ right now.”

Sasuke went and made a pot for the two of them, and they talked until the sun went down and threw the room into darkness. Sasuke lit a few lamps, and they snuggled up close to each other next to the table in the flickering light from a lantern.

They hadn’t kissed when Naruto first arrived, and somehow the opportunity hadn’t risen later. Maybe it was because they needed to get accustomed to each other again after being apart for so long… Get accustomed to the fact that they actually could kiss now. It still felt unfamiliar.

But somehow, they just ended up sitting closer and closer, and then Sasuke’s arm was around Naruto’s waist, and their faces were so close, and then they were kissing, softly, slowly, like they were getting accustomed to it again.

Then they got more into it, and Naruto turned a bit so that the angle didn’t get so cramped, and then there were hands in hair, petting, tugging and caressing. A gentle thumb stroking over a set of scars on a slightly stubbly cheek.

Before they knew it, they were breathing quicker, and their movements were sloppier, more eager. Naruto was nearly climbing onto Sasuke, his hands loosening the sloppily tied robe and sneaking under it, under the loose, white shirt Sasuke was wearing and then his fingertips touched skin. Sasuke clenched Naruto a bit harder, pulled him a bit closer. Goosebumps were spreading over his skin, a thrilling feeling. He could feel a restless need blossom in his stomach, spread out and warm him up from head to toe. He kissed Naruto deeper, but slower.

Naruto sighed, a deep and breathless ‘oh’, and disentangled from the kiss only to kiss Sasuke’s temple and bury his nose in his hair. His palm brushed over Sasuke’s ribs, over to his back, up to his shoulder blades, his touch leaving a trail of flutters wherever they went.

Sasuke turned in order to catch his mouth, but when he tried to kiss him, Naruto moved a tiny little fraction away from him. He was just out of reach. Sasuke could feel his breath fanning out over his lips. He opened his eyes only to find Naruto smiling smugly at him.

Then his expression changed, and he cupped Sasuke’s cheek with one hand.

He looked down at Sasuke’s lips, his eyes darkening, and then he looked up again.

“I want to have sex with you,” he whispered.

Sasuke froze, his breath stopping for a second in his chest. Then he slowly let it out and closed his eyes briefly, just to give himself time to think.

“I know,” he said, finally.

He could sense that Naruto was waiting… Waiting for an answer. A yes or a no. It would be so easy. Just to say, ‘No, not tonight. Not yet.’ Naruto would understand. But… If he kept saying that every time… When would it ever happen? When would he be ready?

“I want it too,” he said. “But…”

He ran his hand down from Naruto’s shoulder, down to his waist. He felt the rough fabric of Naruto’s glaring, orange jacket under his fingers. That color brought forth memories, things that were better left forgotten. Things from a time when a relationship like this… would be unthinkable. Impossible. It was still difficult to shake that feeling.

“Not tonight,” Sasuke said. “But it would be nice… If you stayed.”

Naruto hesitated, but then he nodded. “Okay.”

 

\-----

 

They woke up tangled in each other’s arms and legs, and somehow they had managed to get tangled in the sheet as well. Naruto was a human furnace, and upon wakening Sasuke felt like shedding every piece of demurely kept clothing that he was currently wearing. He tried to fight his way out of the jumble of legs and arms and sheet, and woke Naruto up in the process.

“Shit,” Naruto murmured. He looked disoriented and groggy. “What time is it?”

Sasuke checked. “Ten thirty.”

“Fuck… I was supposed to be in at work half an hour ago. Ah, and I was supposed to ask if you could come by too. I need to talk with you about some things that we talked about at the Kage summit.”

Sasuke was surprised he’d be let in on that. “Isn’t that classified?”

“Not for you,” Naruto said with a grin. “I need a favor from you. But first, I need to hurry up.” He sat up and somehow managed to get them even more entangled in each other.

“Aren’t you warm?” He commented when he realized that Sasuke still was wearing his shirt and pants.

“Yes, thank you for noticing, I am. Now get your leg off of me.”

Naruto chuckled. “I thought this was kinda cozy.”

He shimmied up even closer to Sasuke and nipped his lip.

Sasuke sighed. He graciously indulged in Naruto’s teasing kisses for a minute before he reminded him he needed to hurry, and finally, _finally_ , he was untangled from that sweaty hell.

He waited until Naruto was done in the bathroom before taking a much-needed shower. By the time he was done, Naruto had left, but he left a note telling Sasuke to meet up at his office as soon as he was ready.

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic sexual content

 

“We need to find out what’s going on in the smaller countries, especially Frost, Waterfall, Sound and Hot Water. The best thing would be if we could infiltrate them and get to know what their plan is. We’re not attacking until we know for certain that they’re posing a danger.”

Sasuke felt like an uninvited guest at a private party. He stood at the end of the line of ninja, and a little at the back of the room. All the ninja before him were men and women he didn’t know, chosen for their skills in espionage.

“Report back to me as often as possible,” Naruto said, “And don’t make a move, no matter what, until you get clearance.”

After the other shinobi had left, Sasuke walked up to the desk.

“And what do you need me for?”

“I was hoping that you’d continue what you were doing… And that you’ll report back to me.”

“… And what do I get for the effort?”

Naruto seemed to be at a loss. “I can’t just reinstate you as a ninja out of the blue,” he started saying, but Sasuke stopped him with a mirthful smile.

“I don’t expect you to.”

Naruto frowned. “What do you want then?”

Sasuke just smirked. “I’ll let you know. Why do you want me to do this, when you have a bunch of faithful shinobi at your bidding? They’re much easier to control, and they’re unshakably loyal.”

“Because I trust you,” Naruto said. “The thing is, I need someone who can make a decision on their own, a decision that I can trust.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Sasuke was still surprised that Naruto showed him so much trust. It made him want to disprove him… But he wouldn’t. Not just because he could. That would ruin everything. But still, that rebellious need to prove everyone who hated him right, and Naruto wrong, was rearing it’s ugly head at the most inopportune moments.

Naruto answered with perfect certainty, “Yes.”

And somehow, that stilled some of the anger and hatred that always boiled somewhere beneath the surface of Sasuke’s perfectly cool façade. The trust Naruto showed in him made him want to trust in himself too.

“Then I won’t disappoint you,” he said.

 

\------

 

Naruto visited Sasuke again that night, but this time it was very obvious that he had something on his mind.

“When you leave now, there’s no saying when you’ll be back,” he said.

“It won’t be for long,” Sasuke said. He wasn’t entirely sure why this was suddenly a problem for Naruto. He was the one who sent him away. “I’m not gonna be away for another three years.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Naruto said. “Three weeks would be too long.”

He was noticeably hesitating from saying something more.

“You said…” Naruto began. “Yesterday… You said ‘not tonight’… But… I get that you want to wait, but if _I_ was the one to…” Naruto ran a hand through his hair. “I mean… I’d like to… You don’t need to do much, just…”

Naruto stopped talking. In stead he just watched his fingers absently tap at the table, his cheeks blushing red.

“If I knew where you were going with this, I’d try to help you,” Sasuke said. Then it hit him, and he wondered why it took him so long. “Wait… You want to have sex? Tonight? Before I leave?”

“No,” Naruto said. Then, “Yes, just… I’m not thinking ‘the whole deal’, just… I dunno, I just… I thought that since you’re not so keen on it, but I am… Well…”

“Of course,” Sasuke said. He couldn’t help but feel a little amused at the amount of blushing it took Naruto to ask this. “You shouldn’t have to ask.”

He realized that because of his stand-offish behavior, he’d denied Naruto something that was very essential to him.

“I don’t want to push you,” Naruto murmured.

“Don’t worry about that,” Sasuke said. “I don’t want to deny you this.”

Naruto looked up at him. He was still blushing. “So… We’re doing it? Tonight?”

“Yes,” Sasuke said, feeling a small smile tug at the corner of his lips. “Tonight.”

 

\------

 

He looked up from where he was sitting on his futon. Naruto stood in the doorway to the bedroom, wearing only a tiny towel. He looked a bit self-conscious but Sasuke couldn’t fathom why. He looked stunning with his naturally tan skin and well-built body.

“I take back every teasing thing I’ve ever said about you being out of shape,” Sasuke said.

Naruto rubbed the back of his head, his ears blushing. And then he reached down and let the towel drop, and Sasuke just stared. This… This was desire: twisting and white-hot, like he’d never felt it before. Not for anyone else.

And then Naruto abruptly slipped under the covers.

“Why are you covering yourself?” Sasuke said.

“I don’t wanna be the only one naked in here. Now its your turn.”

Sasuke guessed that was fair, but he wasn’t looking forward to it. He slowly slipped his right arm out of the robe he was wearing, but hesitated with the left one.

“Don’t be shy,” Naruto teased.

Sasuke huffed and slipped the robe entirely off. Naruto took in the sight of him with hungry eyes. He sat up and let the covers drop, and crawled closer to Sasuke. Sasuke watched those clear, blue eyes become darker as the pupil eclipsed them, saw the same desire he himself felt in the depth of them.

He relaxed a little, let his tense muscles rest a bit, forced himself not to give in to the desire to guard himself in such a vulnerable position. Something about being with Naruto was triggering an old, rehearsed impulse that told him to be on guard and ready for an attack.

He focused in stead on what he was seeing. On Naruto’s honey-colored skin, smooth and firm over his straining muscles. Naruto had been a bit scrawny when he was younger, and he always wore loose fitting clothes, so Sasuke had not expected him to become so incredibly well built. It made it obvious how entirely unaware Naruto was of his own looks.

Sasuke let his eyes travel further down, to the slowly forming erection that was poking out from a nest of blond curls, dark and already of a considerable girth. Sasuke wondered how it would feel in his hand, heavy and smooth and warm…

He looked up to find that he had Naruto’s gaze on him. He was smiling smugly.

“Like what you see?”

Sasuke considered telling him no, just to wipe that smirk off his face, but he found his throat was too dry. In stead he found his gaze drifting back down to Naruto’s rapidly growing erection, his desire spiking at the sight.

He leaned a little forward just as Naruto shuffled closer to him.

Naruto’s eyes roved down his body, down to his fully erect dick that curved slightly upwards. He watched Naruto’s face intently, and caught the small changes in his expression. There was obvious desire in his eyes. His jaw slackened slightly and his eyes became hooded.

Sasuke shifted a bit, and Naruto abruptly looked up like he’d been caught staring.

Sasuke leaned forward and caressed his cheek, before pulling him in for a kiss. Naruto melted into it, pliable like butter. He sucked on Sasuke’s bottom lip, and nipped it gently, playfully, before breaking the kiss and absently trailed kisses down Sasuke’s jaw.

Sasuke could tell what he really wanted, mostly because Naruto’s hand was hovering right next to his dick. He touched the base of it gently, almost reverently, his fingertips barely ghosting over the sensitive skin. Sasuke shuddered.

Naruto grabbed him more firmly, his fingers curling around the shaft. He nipped at Sasuke’s neck, which sent a jolt of pleasure down Sasuke’s spine. His cock twitched in Naruto’s hand, and Naruto must have realized why, because his mouth hovered over that spot on Sasuke’s neck, his breath fanning out over the slightly moist skin, and Sasuke shivered in anticipation. Then Naruto planted a kiss on his neck, lingering and wet, before nipping at his skin again, and when Sasuke squirmed slightly underneath him, his cock pulsing in Naruto’s hand, Naruto squeezed it a little, massaged it in his hand.

Sasuke groaned, and then he buried his face in Naruto’s neck, because that sound wasn’t supposed to come out. He’d never been very vocal during sex. He always made an effort to control himself, so that not the tiniest sound could be heard, but with Naruto, that kind of self-control was difficult.

Naruto kissed his neck again, sucked and licked that spot, his hand getting bolder. Sasuke had to stop him. He placed his hand on Naruto’s arm, and squeezed. Naruto looked up at him.

Sasuke shook his head. He took Naruto’s hand and brought it up to his mouth, where he kissed his knuckles.

“You don’t want me to… touch you?” Naruto asked.

“Just let me take care of you this time,” Sasuke said.

“Sasuke…” Naruto protested, “I want to be able to touch you.”

“You can, but I want this to be about you. That’s what you wanted too, right?”

“I didn’t mean…” Naruto shook his head. “I just want what’s best for you.”

“Just let me handle this. That’s what I want.”

Finally, Naruto nodded.

“Now, it’d be nice if you told me what _you_ want,” Sasuke said.

Naruto blushed a bit. He shrugged. “I… I don’t know. Just…”

He looked down between them, down to his neglected hard-on. Sasuke felt a flutter of desire at the thought of touching it. He’d never had this kind of… mushy feeling with the other men he’d been with. Not this… ravenous need to touch every patch of skin he could get his hands on, and map out even the tiniest pleasure spot on his partners body.

He reached down and encircled the heavy shaft with his thumb and forefinger. A shiver went through Naruto, and a soft groan escaped his lips. Sasuke watched his face intently while moving his hand. He tightened the grip, and watched Naruto’s eyes nearly roll back in his scull.

“Oh…” Naruto groaned.

Sasuke felt a shiver run down his spine and pool in the pit of his stomach. He jerked Naruto off faster, and discovered that he groaned deeper and more heartfelt the tighter he gripped him. Even when he squeezed to the point where he himself would have found it painful, Naruto just seemed to like it even better.

“Sas’ke… I’m…” he groaned, and before Sasuke had the time to react, he’d spilled on the sheets between them. Naruto breathed harshly, and started down at the mess he’d made with a frown.

“I…” he started, but Sasuke stopped him with an impatient hand motion.

“Don’t start to apologize,” he said.

Naruto pursed his lips, but said nothing more. Instead he looked down at Sasuke’s cock, which was getting uncomfortably hard.

“Let me help you with that.”

Sasuke realized that it wouldn’t take much for him to roll over the edge at this point. But he didn’t trust himself not to make a complete fool out of himself. He was infinitely much more sensitive than he liked to admit, and combined with what he felt for Naruto, and the extent to which he craved his touch… He would not be able to hold back.

“I’m fi…” he started saying, but was cut short by Naruto’s lips over his. Naruto pulled him into the kiss with a heated need that immediately pacified Sasuke. He squeezed them close together, chest to chest, stomach to stomach.

Sasuke groaned and arched up against him without thinking, lost in the exquisite feeling of Naruto’s hard abs against his sensitive cock. He was trying to collect the last shreds of resistance he owned, and use them to pull away, when Naruto grabbed his ass and pulled him even closer. 

Sasuke’s entire body arched, and he threw his head back with an unchecked moan as he came. It happened so suddenly that he felt a bit befuddled in the wake of it. He found that he was resting his head on Naruto’s shoulder, but couldn’t remember putting it there.

He pulled away from Naruto’s embrace with a shaky arm. Naruto was grinning so widely that Sasuke swore he could see every damn tooth in his mouth.

“Became a little overwhelmed, hm?” He said.

“You’ve got no right to say anything,” Sasuke said, surprised by the hoarseness of his voice.

Naruto bowed his head. “Ah, I guess not.” When he looked up again, he was still grinning. “I suppose this means we’re even, then?”

 

\------

 

That night, Naruto woke at the sound of a strange noise. For a few seconds he tried to make out what it was that had wakened him, knowing he’d heard something but not what. Then it sounded again, and this time it was apparent that it came from Sasuke.

Naruto leant over him, since he was sleeping on his side with his back towards Naruto, and noted that he seemed short breathed. His eyes were darting back and forth under his eyelids, and his fingers were twitching and burying into the sheet, knuckles white.

He realized that Sasuke was curling in on himself, as though he was trying to protect himself from something. For a second, Naruto wondered if Sasuke was actually awake, with the way he curled in on himself like he was in deep pain. Then his breath hitched and he made that sound again, almost like a pained whimper, and Naruto realized he was having a nightmare.

He touched Sasuke’s shoulder, and leaned closer.

“Sasuke?” he whispered. “Sasuke… Wake up.”

He shook Sasuke shoulder gently when he still didn’t wake up. He was surprised to find that Sasuke slept so deeply. It was a bit disconcerting, seeing as trained shinobi always needed to be on-guard, even while sleeping.

He shook him a bit harder, and finally Sasuke snapped out of it with a soft grunt. He looked a bit confused for a second. He stared at Naruto’s hand before looking up at his face and visibly relaxing. He turned back to the pillow and closed his eyes, and Naruto thought that maybe he’d fallen asleep again.

He was just about to retreat back to his own side of the futon, when he saw Sasuke curl in on himself again. He thought he’d gone right back to dreaming, and touched his shoulder again, but when he saw his face he realized that he wasn’t dreaming.

He was crying.

The kind of gut wrenching crying that forces itself out from somewhere deep in your core. The kind that is impossible to stop, or to suppress, although Sasuke seemed to be trying.

Naruto leant over him and hugged him close.

“Sasuke, I’m here,” he whispered. “It’s okay, just let it out. I’m here.”

Sasuke tried to move out of Naruto’s embrace, but Naruto wouldn’t let him. He hugged him closer, and Sasuke just gave in. He let Naruto hold him while he cried out, silently at times, while other times he was unable to control his sobs. 

Naruto held him until he finally fell asleep, and then he kept holding him until he too dozed off.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	20. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of plot all of a sudden... I apologize for any possible mistakes regarding canon. I honestly don't know very much about the smaller countries, but there doesn't seem to be much information about them anyway, so I'm making my own assumptions.

 

 

“I’ll start with land of Hot Water. It wouldn’t be a good idea for me to go to Frost or Sound,” Sasuke said.

Naruto nodded. They were in his office, standing across from each other in front of the desk. Naruto couldn’t help but wish that Sasuke would stay. He was looking remorsefully at the small travel-pack that Sasuke was fastening around his waist, and didn’t hear that Sasuke was talking to him.

”Huh?” he said when he realized he’d been off in his own thoughts.

“Don’t miss me too much,” Sasuke said with a lopsided smile.

Naruto blushed. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t get too cocky. It’s not like I’m gonna sit here with baited breath until you come back.”

“Oh, really?” Sasuke looked amused.

“I’m far too busy for that,” Naruto said, and the sad fact was that it wasn’t far from the truth. “Go now,” he groused.

Sasuke didn’t go with once. He looked at Naruto, a soft smile on his face, and Naruto inwardly cursed him for making this more difficult than it needed to be. Then Sasuke took a few steps closer, and kissed him on the lips. Naruto closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. Then, just as he was about to raise one hand and touch Sasuke’s cheek, the pressure on his lips disappeared as fast as it’d come, and when he opened his eyes, Sasuke was gone.

 

\-----

 

They hadn’t talked about what had happened last night. In the soft lull of the morning, when Sasuke had woken up in Naruto’s arms, there had been a few glorious seconds of satisfaction. No worries, no fears. And then he remembered how he’d cracked that night, and he felt like shaking Naruto’s arm off him, to crawl off to somewhere where no one could see him.

Naruto hadn’t noticed his sudden ice-front, or so he hoped. He’d tried to act like normal, and as the morning progressed and Naruto said nothing about it, the feeling slowly wore away.

Now, as he was on his way away from Konoha, he felt relief at finally being out of that town which only reminded him of the worst time in his life, and which on top of that were inhabited by people who only thought the worst about him, people who hurried to pull their children closer to them when he walked past them on the street, like he they were afraid he’d suddenly lash out and attack them.

It was like the villagers didn’t put anything past him anymore. The only reason they weren’t chasing him with pitchforks was probably because their beloved Nanadaime Hokage showed that he trusted him.

But as he left, he also felt a deep, churning emptiness that seemed to emanate from somewhere inside his chest. He knew what the feeling was now, although he’d been unable to understand it before.

It was heartache.

He was already missing Naruto, and he had barely just left.

Acknowledging the feelings he had for Naruto, and coming as close to him as he had been doing lately, had made cracks appear in his armor of indifference. Now that he felt the jarring pain so fiercely, one part of him wished that he’d never let Naruto get as close as he’d done. If he hadn’t, then that feeling would only have been a dull ache, indiscernible underneath the hollow pain of the loss of his entire family, his entire clan, which still was as present as it had been seventeen years ago, although now it was a bit more dulled, a bit less sharp at the edges.

He’d long since come to terms with the fact that the pain from that loss would never go away. But Naruto had been like a balm to it, and now that he wasn’t around the pain suddenly seemed sharper.

 

\------

 

Sasuke traveled faster towards the land of Hot Water than he needed to. He could have taken more pauses, even taken in at an inn. He could have taken the time to wash off the dirt and grime from the road, but he did neither of those things. Being on the move kept his thoughts silent, and distracted him from the constant pain inside him.

When he reached his destination, it was only the mission that mattered. He went straight to Yugakure. More people meant more gossip, which again meant a bigger chance of finding a source.

He blended in with people at pubs and bars, and soon caught wind of where the more closed off societies hung around. He wound up on a very seedy bar with lots of suspicious eyes directed at him when he entered. People didn’t seem to be used to outsiders in this place.

But after a while, when Sasuke just ordered a beer and went to sit in a corner by himself, people went back to their own business. Sasuke watched them all with keen eyes, taking time and patience to help while he figured out who would be best to approach. Finally, he caught the eye of a young man who seemed slightly nervous.

He held the gaze for a few seconds longer than normal, and then he left the table and went towards the toilets. He waited in the hallway for no longer than a minute, before the young man followed him.

He pushed the man up against the wall the second he closed the door after him, and saw his pupils dilate in response to the proximity. He’d always known he had an effect on women, but he’d learned that he had a strong effect on men too. The right kind of men, of course. This one was obviously attracted to him, and if Sasuke wanted to, he could easily use it.

“I want to ask you something,” Sasuke said.

The man looked a little puzzled.

Sasuke moved his hand from the man’s shoulder, up to his neck, where he let his thumb linger over his larynx like a gentle reminder of who was in control.

The man was starting to realize that this probably wasn’t gonna be a pleasant experience.

He swallowed. “W-what do you want?” His voice was soft, reminding Sasuke of how young he was. Maybe not older than nineteen.

“Just a bit of information.”

The man looked hesitant.

“If you won’t give me the information willingly,” Sasuke said, and let his Sharingan spin to life. “I’ll have to take it from you.”

The man paled. “Y-you’re a ninja!”

Sasuke could sense that he was about to bolt, so he pressed him harder up against the wall, and said calmly, “Which is why you should think twice before you do anything stupid. I guess you’re aware that I could kill you without as much as a flick of my finger.”

“I… I know very little… I’m just a novice!”

“A novice in _what_?”

“I-in… I-it’s an organization… T-they’re making weapons…”

“What kind of weapons?”

“I-I don’t know!”

“Who is your leader?”

The man got, if possible, even paler. He seemed to search for words, but he was struck speechless.

Sasuke squeezed his hand just a little bit tighter around the man’s windpipe.

“I-it’s… Minami Daiki.”

Sasuke stared at him, incredulous. “The Shinobi leader in land of Hot Water?”

The man nodded. “T-that’s all I know,” he whispered. “Please.”

“I think you know a bit more,” Sasuke said very calmly, and very threateningly.

The man winched.

“I think you know who your organization targeting,” Sasuke continued.

“I… Y-yes…”

“Say it. Who are you targeting? Who’s this organization, that you’re knowingly supporting, targeting?”

“T-the five great ninja nations,” the man stammered.

Sasuke smiled coldly. “That wasn’t so difficult, was it?” he said, and let go of the man. He stumbled forward and grabbed the front of Sasuke’s cloak to steady himself. Sasuke didn’t push him off, but the look on his face must have been murderous, because the man paled and hurried to put several feet between. He gave Sasuke a fearful glance, and hesitantly made his way towards the door.

“There’s just one more thing…” Sasuke said, just as the young man was about to put his hand on the door handle. The man froze.

“Look at me,” Sasuke said, very calmly, and very firmly.

The man turned slowly, incapable of refusing, and met the red eye of the sharingan. His eyes glazed over immediately, and he sunk to his knees.

“I’m sorry,” Sasuke murmured, no inflection in his voice, no hint of any remorse at all, “But I can’t have you going around telling people about me. The memories of this little conversation will be gone from your memory by the time you wake up.”

He left the establishment like a shadow, without anyone noticing, and slipped into the dark of the night.

 

\-----

 

Sasuke couldn’t believe that it was the shinobi in the smaller nations that were targeting them. They hadn’t even been part of the war. But after searching around a bit, he realized that Minami Daiki had gone rouge just a few years prior. Word on the street was that he’d allied with a group of other rouge ninja, and that they had been seen often in an area north of Yugakure, close to a small village.

He made contact with the Konoha shinobi that had been dispatched in Yugakure. Naruto had informed them that Sasuke could be trusted with the same information that they gave Naruto. He should be treated like their superior, and if he gave them an order, it should be followed just as surely as if it was from the Hokage himself.

What they told him wasn’t anything he didn’t already know, and they hadn’t gotten any new information about this organization. He told a few of them to keep an eye on the people who’d been close to Minami Daiki, and on the new leader of the shinobi, before he left to investigate the villages north of Yugakure.

He traveled for two days before he found any signs of anything suspicious. He stopped at every small village to hunt for information, and was soon led to a factory close to the Sound border. It lay at the bottom of a steep mountainside in a barren landscape of rocks and gravel.

He waited close to the gates. It was the middle of the night when he reached the place, so he’d have to wait till morning when the workers showed up and then blend in with them.

Four hours later, a long line of tired-looking men approached from a provisory village at the edge of a forest nearby. Sasuke henged into a middle-aged man with ratty clothes, and blended in among the workers as they walked by.

Thankfully for him, the workers on the factories weren’t as paranoid as the members of the organization. They didn’t wonder about their new comrade. Apparently, it wasn’t unusual that new people came in very often. The job was tolling and dangerous, and about once a month someone got hurt or died, at least according to the talkative guy that had volunteered to show Sasuke the ropes.

It didn’t take Sasuke more than a day to gather a lot of interesting information. The slave drivers that kept this place didn’t hold back on their contempt for the five great ninja nations in front of the workers. Some of the workers agreed with what they were told: that the five great ninja nations were led by jinchuuriki and rouge ninja, and therefore were a danger to the other countries.

Others didn’t give a shit as long as they got paid. All of them were poor people who had no other choice but to take these kinds of jobs, no matter how hellish the conditions were. It surprised Sasuke to learn that the economy in the land of Hot Water had dipped dramatically after the war. It had suffered drastical losses after the war, being right in the middle between three great ninja nations and also the location for a lot of the battles during the war.

On top of that, they weren’t even part of the Shinobi union, so they couldn’t expect any support from the bigger countries. After the war, the ninja had stood up for the people and pledged that they’d help the county to its feet again, no matter what. Apparently, there’d been disagreements internally among the ninja about how to go about with this. It was obvious that the ninja in this country had taken it into their own hands to lift their country into the same glory as the five great ninja nations, and some of them thought the way to do that, was to attack the five great nations.

The longer Sasuke stayed in that place, the more a terrifying image was starting to become clear. This organization was led by vengeful rouge ninja who wanted to usurp the leading nations and take control over them and the rest of the countries with them.

It was a seemingly futile plan, seeing as even all the ninja in all the small countries couldn’t amount up to half the ninja in the bigger countries, and on top of that, these people had very few remarkable ninja or ninja with kekke genkai. They could prove a difficult challenge for the allied shinobi forces, and they probably would take a lot of innocent lives, but even they had to see that this was merely a rebellion.

One thing was very clear to Sasuke as he made his way out of the factory at the end of the day together with the workers, and quietly snuck away into the forest where he undid his henge. The shinobi union needed to go in as soon as possible and negotiate a treaty with the smaller countries, before this could turn into a bloodbath.

Sasuke had been unable to derive any information from the manufactured parts that he’d seen in the factory. He’d also been unable to locate the weapons that the organization allegedly was making, but in any case it couldn’t be good. He needed to report back to Konoha as soon as possible.  

 

\-----

 

It wasn’t often that Kakashi dropped by the Hokage office, so when he did, Naruto knew that there was something special going on. And judging by the firm set of Kakashi’s eyebrow, it was not something good.

“I hear you’re giving Sasuke a lot of influence in this mission,” he said, jumping right to the point without any prelude.

Naruto sighed. “Yes. Who told you?”

“That’s irrelevant,” Kakashi said.

Naruto bristled. “I think it’s not. That was confidential information.”

“The _issue_ here,” Kakashi shot in, “Is that you’re giving Sasuke a high-ranked duty, giving away a lot of classified information, although he isn’t even a certified shinobi anymore!”

Naruto bit back the enraged comment he had at the tip of his tongue, and instead he rose from his chair, very calmly, and crossed his arms.

“This is none of your business,” he said.

“Naruto…!” Kakashi looked frustrated, which was an unusual look on him. “You’re the Hokage, for crying out loud! You can’t misuse your powers in order to please certain people just because you want to! I had no idea you could be so self-indulgent!”

“I’m not self-indulgent,” Naruto shouted. “I need Sasuke out there! He’s a great asset to us! And he’s the one who discovered this entire rebellion anyway, so I didn’t leak it to him.”

“But you leaked information from the Kage Summit!”

“No! I never told him what the plan was. I just gave him an order, and he followed it.”

“No matter. You told the shinobi in the field to take orders from him. He is not qualified to take _your_ place on this mission!”

“So that’s where the rat is,” Naruto bit out. “Is it because you don’t trust me? Is that why you keep tabs on me? Is that why you infiltrate my ranks with spies?”

“That’s not why,” Kakashi said, his voice softening a fraction. “And he’s not spying for me. My colleague reacted because he was worried about the direction this situation is taking. Do you have any idea what’ll happen if this gets out? If the council hears about it?”

Finally, some of Naruto’s anger simmered down.

“I… I know it’s not right. But I trust him! I know that it’s illogical, given his past, but although he’s not necessarily loyal to Konoha, he’s loyal to me.”

A pained expression flickered over Kakashi’s visible eye. “Are you willing to bet the lives of everyone on the five great shinobi nations on that?”

“I’m not betting,” Naruto said calmly. “I know what I’m doing. I trust him. Without him, we loose a very vital asset. I trust him to act like I would-“

“You’re overlooking one, tiny thing,” Kakashi cut in. “If he’s only loyal to you, then how do you know he’ll do what’s best for the nation?”

The answer to that was simple, and Naruto knew it without thinking. “Because I am the symbol of the nation.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	21. Princess

 

In the two months that Sasuke was out of town, Naruto had started staying at Sasuke’s place more and more often. It felt more like home than anywhere else in Konoha, and it definitely felt more like home than the tiny quarters behind his office.

One night Naruto was sleeping on the futon in Sasuke’s room, when he was awakened by the smell of fresh rain. He couldn’t remember keeping the window open. It was entirely quiet in the room, except for a soft rustle coming from behind him. He realized that the window wasn’t open. The scent came from behind him. It was Sasuke. He was back.

Sasuke was dripping wet and still wearing his travel cloak when he leant over Naruto, and brushed the hair away from his brow.

Naruto looked up at him, a sleepy smile on his face.

Sasuke returned the smile. Naruto took in the ruffled state he was in; the wet hair plastered to his cheeks and forehead, the cloak hanging heavily from his shoulders, water and mud weighting it down.

Then he took in the look in his eye, and somehow it looked darker than normal. Maybe it was the poor lightning in the room, or maybe it was because his face was half in shadow, but Naruto could swear that the pupils were dilated.

He became acutely aware of his own nakedness under the sheets. He usually slept naked, but he realized now that it had been a bit shortsighted to continue with that after he started sleeping at Sasuke’s place.

“Er… You should probably get out of those clothes,” he said. “You could get sick.”

Sasuke looked down at his dripping cloak as though he hadn’t noticed before. Then he stood and unwrapped it, and hung it on the door to the wardrobe. Naruto watched him as he methodically took off one wet garment after the other, unable to look away, and unable to stop his cock from rising to attention. He sat up in an attempt to hide it, and let the sheets pool in his lap.

“Are you… getting in here?” Naruto asked when Sasuke was standing there in only his briefs. 

“It _is_ my bed.”

Naruto understood that, of course, he just… he hadn’t expected Sasuke to come straight to bed. He wouldn’t get a chance to slip on some clothes without Sasuke noticing. He wasn’t entirely sure if Sasuke was okay with his nakedness or not. But then Sasuke slipped off his briefs too, and solved that problem for him.

He slipped under the sheets and laid down facing Naruto.

Naruto turned awkwardly, trying to hide his erection, and laid down too, facing Sasuke.

“How did the mission go?” He murmured. For some reason, he felt like he should talk in a low voice there in the darkness, like the silence was sacred. “You didn’t run into trouble after the last time you reported back?”

“Nothing worthwhile to dwell on.”

Naruto ran his hand down along Sasuke’s arm, lingering over a fresh cut.

“Just a flesh wound,” Sasuke said. “I came a bit too close to a band of rouge ninja.”

Naruto pulled his hand back, and placed it under his pillow. He shifted a bit in order to alleviate the friction of the sheet against his erection. He had no idea how he was gonna get it down and go to sleep while lying right next to Sasuke.

He’d always had a bit of an enchanted sense of smell, he guessed it was because of Kurama, and the scent of Sasuke fresh sweat, or Sasuke’s scent in general, was proving to be quite the aphrodisiac to him.

He shifted again. He needed to divert his thoughts to something else…

His eyes widened when he felt the sheet shift over his erection, and Sasuke’s hand closing around it. He fondled it tentatively, watching Naruto’s face intently. Naruto clutched the pillow a little tighter, and felt his eyelids flutter. He thrust into Sasuke’s hand, and sighed when he felt the fist tighten around him.

Sasuke found a rhythm with long, tight thrusts that lingered around the head of Naruto’s cock. He read Naruto’s body signals and pants precisely and immediately, and soon he was pressing and squeezing the head with considerable pressure, while Naruto just moaned louder.

He reached out for Sasuke when he felt that he was reaching the peak, and pulled him closer. He dragged his hand up the flexing biceps of Sasuke’s arm, and dug his nails into it as he came. Sasuke kept milking him until he was wrung dry.

“S’ry bout the cut,” Naruto muttered into the pillow. 

Sasuke looked down at his arm, where the cut had started bleeding from Naruto’s clawing.

“It’s fine,” he said. It wasn’t bleeding much, just a small trickle.

Naruto could have fallen asleep right then, but he needed to do something first. He moved a bit closer to Sasuke, and slipped one hand under the sheet. He pressed Sasuke’s erection up against his stomach, and massaged it.

“Wait,” Sasuke hissed, and jerked back. “Not so hard,” he explained when Naruto stared at him in confusion.

“Oh… Oh, right…”

He tried again, a bit more gently, and changed the pressure until he saw Sasuke relax a bit and his eyelids drooped. He smiled affectionately while he watched Sasuke’s face loose some of its edges and get a bit more relaxed. Sasuke was still watching from under his eyelids, his eyes unwaveringly fixed on Naruto’s face.

Naruto jerked him off with tighter and faster movements, and paid rapt attention to Sasuke’s face as he slowly was brought closer to his orgasm. He seemed to fight it at first, his eyes almost closing, his brow creasing, his hand digging into the sheets, but Naruto wouldn’t let him hold back.

He pressed his thumb against the vein right beneath the glans of Sasuke’s cockhead with each upwards stroke, right where he knew that he himself was very sensitive, but with a lot less pressure than he would on himself.

Sasuke’s mouth opened in a silent moan, and he squeezed his eyes shut. He shifted, like he wanted to get out of Naruto’s grip, but at the same time his hips kept rocking into Naruto’s hand.

He groaned and opened his eyes, revealing pupils that were blown wide, darkening his eyes. Naruto felt his own cock try to twitch to life, but ignored it.

He grabbed Sasuke’s hand when it shot out to grab his arm.

“Just let got,” Naruto murmured. His eyes were intently fixed on Sasuke’s. He saw the shadow of a fear in them, a fear that he struggled to keep from the surface.

That fear was holding him back, but Naruto wouldn’t allow that in his company. He kept jerking Sasuke off until he finally gave in. His eyes rolled back and he let out a long-drawn groan that sent a shiver down Naruto’s spine and straight down to his cock, and came into Naruto’s waiting hand.

Naruto tried to milk him like Sasuke had done for him, but Sasuke shuddered and pulled away, laying one hand on Naruto’s to stop him.

“It’s fine,” he murmured.

Naruto had never seen him so sleepy and sated before. He looked like he was just about to curl up and fall asleep right there, with his tousled and moist hair sticking up in ever which way, and his eyes so heavy-lidded they looked like they could close any second.

“You’re gonna have one hell of a bed-head tomorrow,” Naruto pointed out as he curled up next to Sasuke after wiping the cum on his hand off on the edge of the sheet, which he knew he’d regret tomorrow, especially when Sasuke would be skinning him for it.

Sasuke grunted something unintelligible, and shortly after he seemed to have fallen asleep.

Naruto didn’t fall asleep at once, even though he was tired. In stead he watched Sasuke’s face as he slept and enjoyed just being with him without needing to think about anything else. No worries, no duties, no nothing.

Just them.

 

\------

 

Naruto paced back and forth in front of his desk. He had a stormy expression on his face.

“So… There are ninja behind all this.” 

“I’m going to assume that they’re in contact with rouge ninja from the other countries. The information I found in land of Hot Water coincides with the ones I found in Frost. Hopefully, the leaders in these countries are not in on it.”

“I’ve gotten messages from shinobi stationed in other countries, and from the other Kage, that coincides with a good deal of what you’ve found.”

He stopped and turned towards Sasuke.

“I talked to Kakashi the other day.”

Sasuke looked over at him from where he’d been watching a hawk circle outside the window.

“What did he say?”

“He thinks I’m reckless. With you.”

“You are.”

Naruto sighed. “I know. I can’t do that again. So, this time I’m sending you out on a solo mission. But I don’t want you to get involved in anything. You’ll need to keep below the radar.”

“Don’t worry, I’m good at that.”

Naruto gave him a long look. “Yes,” he said, slowly. “Yes, you are.” He paused. “Hey… Do you still keep in contact with Orochimaru.”

Sasuke eyed him warily. “Why do you ask?”

“So you do. I don’t know… You think he could help us?”

Sasuke thought about it for a moment. “No,” he said. “I don’t think it would be wise to drag him into this. He’s most interested in reaping his own benefits.”

Naruto nodded. “Okay. I guess I better keep to the straight and narrow anyway… Or, to the narrow, at least.” He flashed a grin. “It’s too late for the straight.”

He bit his lip while he thought for a moment, and Sasuke watched that lip with maybe a bit too much keenness.

“But… I don’t want you to leave just yet,” Naruto sad. “I’ve got… things I need to get in order.”

Sasuke arched one eyebrow. “And how long will that take?”

Naruto shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe a week.”

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed. “What things do you need to ‘get in order’?”

Naruto flashed him a grin. “That is confidential.”

“I think you’re a little too smug about the fact that you can order me around now.”

“I can’t order you around. You do what you want. Oh, unless you want to do this mission for me… Then you’ll have to bear me ordering you around.”

“I’ll stay. You know I will.”

Naruto smiled. “Good.”

He came forward to kiss Sasuke, but Sasuke put a hand on his chest and pushed him back.

Naruto gave him a hurt look.

“We’re being watched,” Sasuke said very quietly, barely moving his lips.

A look of fiery anger flashed across Naruto’s eyes, but he quelled it quickly. He nodded.

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Not tonight.”

Naruto looked like he wanted to argue, but instead he looked abruptly away.

“And you should start living at the Hokage residence,” Sasuke added. “Someone will realize that you’re not living here anymore, and then questions will arise.”

“I’m not setting my foot in that place,” Naruto murmured. “Did you know that my father never lived there?” He looked up at Sasuke.

Sasuke gave him a soft smile.

Naruto sighed. “Its so cold and bare there.”

“Empty houses often are.”

“And it’s too big. It just… What am I supposed to do with so many rooms? I’m just one person.”

Sasuke discreetly brushed Naruto’s fingers with his hand. “You should stay away from my house, at least tonight.”

“Do you really think they’ll be monitoring me?”

“I don’t know. But someone might see you.”

“I’m too quick for anyone to notice, and it’ll be dark when I come home anyway. No one’s gonna recognize me in the dark.”

“Maybe if you didn’t wear a cape with your title emblazoned on it, they wouldn’t.”

Naruto huffed. “If I’m extra careful, no one will see me.”

“Then be extra careful. And wait till tomorrow.”

Naruto blew a tuft of hair out of his eye. It was getting so long now that it was constantly in the way.

“Okay, I will,” he said.

“You should get your hair cut soon,” Sasuke said. “You’re starting to look like a homeless person.”

Naruto smirked. “Now you sound like Sakura. Hey, did you know that it’s your job to remind me of that kind of thing now? Like mothers and girlfriends do.”

“Girlfriends?”

Naruto shrugged. “You do act like one, the way you care about my appearance.”

“I know I’ll never get the same care from you.”

Naruto huffed.

“You should get your hair cut, Sasuke,” he said. He walked over to his desk, and leant on it, his arms crossed over his chest. “It’s almost shoulder length. You’re like a hobo.” He sighed. “It’s no point. I know you get it cut every frigging month or something, even when you’re living in the wild without a soul to see you for many months at a time. You’re neat like a fucking princess.”

Sasuke walked slowly over to Naruto, and didn’t stop until their faces were only a few inches apart.

“Could a princess throw you down on this desk and fuck you senseless?” He said in a very low, very soft voice.

Naruto gaped. His heart somersaulted before abruptly sending a dizzying amount of blood south. He took a deep breath to steady his pulse, and grinned. He felt giddy.

“No, I guess not. And you’re a bastard for making me wait for a fucking day after saying something like that.”

Sasuke just smirked. “When you lie alone in your bed tonight, thinking of this,” his hand brushed the inside of Naruto’s thigh. “Remember that you started it.”

 

\-------

 

“Hey,” Yumi said to Kaedé, who at the moment were leaning on Yumi’s desk.

“Don’t you think Hokage-sama is looking at Uchiha-san with a very fond look?”

Kaedé looked at her like she’d gone nuts. “You’re just imagining things,” she said. “Why would he look at him fondly?”

“I don’t know… They’re long-time friends, aren’t they?”

Kaedé shrugged. “But _fondly_? Isn’t that pushing it a bit? They’re men… they don’t look at each other fondly.”

After Kaedé left, Yumi continued to keep a sharp eye on her boss and his friend. She glanced up from beneath her lashes while pretending to be busy with some documents, and saw Hokage-sama brush his hand casually against Uchiha-san’s elbow as he saw him out. As Uchiha-san left, Hokage-sama watched after him for a minute, before seemingly waking from a daze and throwing a quick glance over at Yumi, as though he was afraid she’d noticed.

“The reports are almost done,” Yumi said as he looked at her, pretending she’d been waiting to catch his attention.

“Good,” Hokage-sama said. He nodded but frowned. He hesitated for a second before shaking off whatever thought had crossed his mind, and went back into his office.

 

\-----

 

Naruto twisted and turned on the thin, hard mattress in the tiny Hokage quarters, unable to sleep. As he turned over to lie in the middle of the bed, he felt a lump under the sheets. He got so annoyed at last that he ripped off the sheets and discovered a blue cloth that had somehow managed to wedge itself in between the two single mattresses that were placed side by side in the double bed frame.

When he pulled it out, he discovered that it was Sasuke’s yukata. How had it ended up there? He curled up on the bed with the yukata clutched in his hands. It had lost its scent, but still… Knowing it was Sasuke’s somehow calmed him enough to finally fall asleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	22. Lost and found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically purely smut. You're welcome.

 

Naruto was tired after a long day at work. He couldn’t wait to sink down into a heavenly bed after a warm meal. He’d started to sleep better after he started spending the night at Sasuke’s place, and last night he’d barely gotten a minute’s sleep. Once he fell asleep, he twisted and turned and woke up again, searching for a warmth that wasn’t there, before falling back to a fitful sleep again.

He found Sasuke nowhere in the house, so he used the opportunity to sneak the yukata into his closet. He tried to fold it, but had to give up. He placed it under some other clothes, and hoped Sasuke would be happier to have found it than curious about why it was suddenly there.

He forgot about it after that. As he’d hoped, Sasuke had saved him some dinner. The food was good but simple. Sasuke came home a little later. He was sweaty and dusty. Apparently he’d been training.

Naruto waited in the living room while he was in the shower. He petted Pearl, who’d curled up in his lap the second he sat down, and she purred contently.

A little later, Sasuke came into the living room dressed in a shirt and slacks and… Naruto swallowed. He was holding a piece of blue fabric in his hand, and as Naruto watched, he let it unfurl.

Ah… He hadn’t expected him to find the yukata so fast.

He tried to play innocent. “Isn’t that the yukata you were looking for? You finally found it!”

Sasuke’s hand dropped and he just gave Naruto an incredulous look.

“I’ve searched through this entire house looking for this, and I didn’t find it anywhere. And then, all of a sudden, it’s just lying in my wardrobe, badly hidden under some other clothes.”

“Well… Wasn’t that a stroke of luck?” Naruto grinned.

Sasuke’s eyebrow twitched slightly. “…Luck?”

Naruto could feel his forced grin stiffening.

“You know what,” he said and stood. “I suddenly feel like making some tea!”

Sasuke followed after him into the kitchen, silent as a shadow, only a subtle movement in the corner of Naruto’s field of view alerting him to his presence.

“Why is it so difficult for you to admit it?” Sasuke said. “You took it.”

“Nu-uh, did not!”

“…It smells like you.”

“Well…” Naruto searched for arguments. “How can you tell? That’s just creepy.”

‘Says the guy who gets off on sniffing your lovers clothes,’ said a teasing voice in the back of his head. He shook the thought off with a blush.

Sasuke wrapped his arm around him from behind.

“I don’t know what’s more creepy,” he murmured against the back of Naruto’s neck. “Stealing my clothes and doing god knows what with them before we were even dating, or admitting I can recognize your scent in the span of a millisecond.”

Naruto’s breath hitched in his throat.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered.

Sasuke ran the tip of his nose along the exposed part of Naruto’s shoulder, and placed a kiss right next to the neckline of his shirt. His lips lingered over the skin, his breath moistening it, and then he scraped it lightly with his teeth.

Naruto couldn’t stop the head-to-toe shudder.

“Well,” Sasuke said, and let go of Naruto. “If you’re not willing to admit it, then I guess you don’t care if we sleep in separate beds tonight.” His voice dropped. “And I had something really nice in mind for you, too.”

Naruto swallowed. Suddenly, all his thoughts were slammed out of the way in favor for rapidly blossoming desire.

“I… I guess…” he started saying.

He could feel that Sasuke was still standing behind him. He was just far enough away that they didn’t touch.

“You guess…?” Sasuke prompted.

Naruto felt his ears become flaming red. He closed his eyes and suppressed a groan of defeat.

“I took the stupid yukata,” he said. “And I kept it in my room… In my bed. I pressed it to my face and fell asleep to your scent every night until it didn’t smell like you anymore.” He let out a heavy sigh. “Are you happy now?”

Sasuke didn’t move, didn’t speak. Naruto was about to turn around and demand he say something when Sasuke’s hand curled around his hip and stopped him from moving. Naruto waited, expecting him to speak. Maybe laugh at Naruto’s stupidity and dependency.

But instead, what he got was a feather light kiss to the back of his neck. He shuddered slightly at the sudden and gentle touch. Then Sasuke’s hand moved from his hip to his abdomen, and scooted lower. Naruto felt his heart kick into overdrive as he felt that hand near his cock. He moaned softly when Sasuke cupped him and squeezed him gently until he started rising in his hand.

He could feel the puffs of Sasuke’s breath against his neck become more rapid. He arched backwards, rubbing his ass against Sasuke’s crotch. He could feel his erection pressing against him through the cotton of his pants.

Sasuke’s breaths were small puffs now. He started kissing up Naruto’s neck, slow, moist kisses. Naruto felt his knees go a bit weak. He leant on the fridge with one hand, the other reaching behind him to massage Sasuke’s cock.

Sasuke hissed and nipped at the skin beneath Naruto’s ear. Naruto let out a garbled moan. Sasuke hesitated, and then did it again, and Naruto pushed back against him in retaliation. He twisted around so that he could cup Sasuke’s cheek and kiss him on the mouth.

Sasuke pressed into the kiss with an eagerness that bordered on desperate. He pushed Naruto up against the fridge door, and pressed as close to him as he could come. Naruto could feel every part of his body from his thighs to his chest. Sasuke forced Naruto’s legs open with his knee. Naruto was panting. He could barely stand on his feet. He let Sasuke position himself between his legs, and keened when Sasuke pushed up against him, squeezing his erection between their bodies.

Sasuke attacked his neck with his lips again, but this time he sucked harder, and nipped at the reddening flesh with his teeth. Naruto couldn’t keep down a moan. He was painfully hard, and very slowly the nipping and sucking was driving him mad.

Sasuke opened Naruto’s jacket with an impatient tug on the zipper, and toyed with the hem of his t-shirt.  
“This one is very tight on you,” he observed.

Naruto looked down. The fabric was stretched a bit too taut over his chest. He’d had it for a long time and liked it very much, and it still fit. Barely. To his mortification, he saw that his nipples were visible through it when they hardened… like now.

Sasuke watched with a deep, dark, desire that made a shiver run down Naruto’s spine. Sasuke started rolling Naruto’s shirt up, slowly, until his nipples were exposed. Naruto shivered again, this time because of the cold air against his skin.

Sasuke leaned down and placed a kiss on the hollow between his clavicles, before moving downwards… Placing a kiss on his chest, between his pecs, before slowly moving to the side, leaving small, lingering kisses, until his teeth grazed Naruto’s left nipple.

“Fuck…” Naruto gasped.

His knees trembled.

Sasuke hesitated for a second, like he was drawing it out, knowing Naruto was waiting. Then he poked the taut nipple with his tongue, before latching onto it and gently nibbling it.

Naruto was panting like he’d run a mile. His hands were pressed against the fridge behind him, trying desperately to keep him on his feet. He moaned softly when Sasuke moved from one nipple to the other, and then kept moving downwards until he’d kissed his way to the hem of Naruto’s pants.

Naruto’s breath staggered in his throat. Sasuke wasn’t gonna… Was he? He could feel his warm breath fan out over his erection, even through the fabric of his pants. Sasuke paused. Then he looked up at Naruto, and for a second Naruto thought he would come just from that look alone.

His gaze was direct; his eyes were wide and pitch black. He looked like he’d just woken from a good dream and found something even better. Then he seemed to collect himself. He nodded towards the bedroom.

“Should we…?”

Naruto was nodding even before Sasuke had finished the sentence. Oh, yes, yes. He was one hundred percent sure that if he stood there for a second more, his legs would give out. The second they were inside the room, he pulled of his jacket and his t-shirt, and shimmied out of his pants and boxers.  
He turned towards Sasuke, and was caught in an insistent kiss. He was pushed backwards towards the futon, and then Sasuke somehow managed to get them both horizontal without Naruto even noticing how.

Sasuke was still wearing clothes. Naruto started tugging at his shirt while Sasuke plunged his tongue into his mouth, distracting him. Naruto’s fumbling fingers managed to pull Sasuke’s shirt up to his shoulders, and Sasuke broke away quickly to wrench out of it, then plunged back down and reclaimed Naruto’s mouth.

Naruto rolled over Sasuke so that he was on top, and rocked down against Sasuke’s thigh. He shuddered when he felt his cock slide against the rough material of Sasuke’s pants. Sasuke’s hand trailed down Naruto’s back, to his ass, and squeezed. It lingered, squeezed again, more insistently, his fingers brushing the crack of his ass.

Naruto shuddered. He pushed his ass up against Sasuke’s hand, and held his breath when he felt one finger slide in between his ass cheeks and caress his tightly clenched hole.

“Ah… Fuck… God,” Naruto muttered.

He wanted more than this. He sat up and extracted himself from Sasuke. In anticipation of something like this, he’d brought something that he’d bought on a whim some weeks ago.

His hands were shaking as he retrieved it from his belt pouch. He kneeled next to Sasuke, and offered it to him. Sasuke just stared at the bottle of lube in Naruto’s hand.

“You want to…? Now?” He was breathing hard, and his bangs were plastered to his cheek. He looked deliciously rumpled.

“Yeah?” Naruto leant over him.

Sasuke frowned, something shutting down over his eyes.

“And… which one of us…?”

For a second, the only sound in the room was their uneven breathing. Naruto swallowed.

“I…um…”

“Naruto-“

He could see the tension in Sasuke’s expression. He was afraid of the answer.

“No, wait,” Naruto hurried to say. “I want you to do it to me. I want _you_ to… I… I want to be…” He didn’t know how to say it. He just stared down at Sasuke, hoping he’d understand.

Sasuke’s frown smoothed out. Desire was evident in his eyes again. “Are you sure?” He asked.

Naruto nodded. “Yeah, I want this.”

Sasuke relaxed. He opened the tube and squeezed some of the lube into his palm.

“Flip over,” he ordered, suddenly all business.

Naruto rolled over onto his back. He felt a bit nervous. An unbidden image of Sasuke doing this before, to someone else, pushed forward. He forced it away. It was just them now. Everything else was in the past. But he couldn’t help but feel daunted at the sureness with which Sasuke kneeled down between his legs and pushed them wider apart. Naruto resisted a bit.

“Wider,” Sasuke said. His voice was soft. It was a prompting, not an order.

Naruto shoved away the wish to clamp his legs shut, and instead he spread up a bit more.

He closed his eyes when he saw Sasuke move into position. He felt warm, wet fingers on his inner thigh, tracing the sensitive skin gently. He felt the fingers move upwards, towards his balls, and then they encircled the shaft of his dick. He swallowed. Was this a deceptive maneuver? He was suddenly a bit glad that Sasuke had only one hand. No surprises there, anyway.

He started relaxing despite his efforts not to be blindsided. Sasuke jerked him off very slowly, and then… Naruto caught his breath. He felt hot breath on the head of his cock, and then Sasuke’s lips closed around him, giving the head a gentle suck.

Naruto let out the breath he’d been holding in a shivery sigh. Holy. Fuck. He opened his eyes just so that he could bear witness to this. Sasuke wasn’t looking at him. His hair fell down to obscure the view of his face, but Naruto could see his lips stretched around his cock, bobbing slowly up and down, taking in more for each time.

He laid back down again, and just focused on breathing. The suction wasn’t strong, but the feeling… Warm, wet… That tongue lapping at him with each suck… Oh god.

He felt his muscles relax until he was pliable like putty underneath Sasuke, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head as Sasuke’s sucks and lick got firmer.

He got so lost in his pleasure that he barely registered the slick finger that very gently rubbed over his asshole.

He shivered and groaned, rocking up into Sasuke mouth. Sasuke pulled back a bit and just trailed kisses down along the shaft of his cock.

“I’m not gonna cum yet,” Naruto murmured.

He was becoming steadily more aware of the finger rubbing his asshole more and more firmly, but as long as Sasuke didn’t stop blowing him, he honestly didn’t care. He looked down, and this time Sasuke met his gaze. He smirked at him as he parted his lips and slowly took Naruto into his mouth, deeper and deeper, until the cockhead met the back of his throat. He started moving slowly up again, all the while increasing the suction.

“Oh… God…” Naruto muttered.

He threw his head back and closed his eyes. Now… He might be in danger of coming. But Sasuke must have sensed it, because he pulled back and let go of him. And then Naruto realized that Sasuke’s finger had slipped inside of him all the way up to the second knuckle without him noticing.

“Is this fine?” Sasuke asked.

Naruto nodded. It felt surprisingly okay.

Sasuke bent down and started playing with his cock again, kissing and sucking and sometimes even taking in almost his entire length, but every time Naruto felt like he was about to get too close to the edge, Sasuke pulled away for a bit. All the while, his finger rubbed a spot inside Naruto that slowly was making his lower body feel like it was filled with a delicious, coiling heat.

He felt it come over him slowly. His legs fell wider apart on their own volition. He heard his own pants mingled with little, breathy moans. The more his body opened to Sasuke, the more precise and firm his finger got. He felt a bit of a stinging pressure down there. It didn’t derive him from the feeling of building pleasure, but it was a bit distracting.

“I’m trying to fit another finger,” Sasuke said. “Does it hurt?”

Naruto shook his head. “No,” he murmured.

He felt Sasuke’s tongue run up the shaft of his cock, and was distracted for a second while it played around the head.

At times, Sasuke’s fingers pulled out to apply more lube. It stung a bit when he pressed them in again, but every time he lavished Naruto’s cock with attention, and soon the sting was forgotten and the blooming heat was returning.

Naruto’s hands had wound their way into Sasuke’s hair. He tried to push him down when he felt that he was going too lightly on him, but Sasuke always resisted. As punishment for trying to force him, he let his tongue just flick over the head of Naruto’s cock. His lips pressed against it, then pulled back, holding him on the edge.

Naruto didn’t care that his keening whimper sounded pathetic, or that his hips were desperately gyrating in order to feel a little more of that velvet heat. Sasuke was smirking at him, but combined with the sweaty locks of hair sticking to his cheek, and the soft pink sheen over his cheekbones, he looked more delectable than annoying.

Naruto would have said something if it weren’t for those fingers inside him that seemed to massage all thoughts out of his head. He tilted his head back with a groan when Sasuke increased the pressure. He seemed to stroke a point inside of Naruto that reverberated through his entire body. He felt his insides, his entire body, his every muscle, clench as he soared higher and higher and higher. He didn’t care if Sasuke’s lips were on his cock or not anymore. He didn’t possibly think it could get any better, but then Sasuke changed the angle, and the pressure and… It felt slightly painful and desperately gratifying at the same time. He felt his entire body wound up, and was distantly aware that he was making desperate, breathy noises.

His hand was clenched in Sasuke’s hair, tugging at it. He didn’t know what he wanted or what he needed anymore except that he never wanted that pressure to let up. He felt the impending orgasm loom in the distance, so close he could almost taste it, but still too far away.

And then Sasuke’s mouth suddenly closed around his dick, and he felt the release hit him like an explosion. He arched up like a bow, his head pressed back against the pillows. The sounds and sights around him seemed to pulse in and out of focus. He floated on a cloud of nothing for a glorious few seconds, until he slowly came back down. He slumped down on the bed, every muscle in his body aching, his ears ringing, and his breathing ragged.

He felt Sasuke pull out of him as gently as possible, before he rolled to the side and lay down next to Naruto. It took a while before Naruto could catch his breath enough to speak.

“Fuck,” was all he could say. He sounded completely wrung out.

Sasuke chuckled.

He looked unusually relaxed for someone who hadn’t even gotten any action. The soft smile on his lips made Naruto smile too. He rolled over onto his side, and looked down at the bulge in Sasuke’s pants.

For a second he wondered if Sasuke expected him to give him a blowjob too. He wasn’t sure he’d be very good at that, and not nearly as good as Sasuke. He felt a small sting of jealousy when he thought about how Sasuke must have learned to become so good.

Sasuke was watching him closely enough to catch the small change in his expression.

“What?” he asked.

Naruto hesitated before deciding he wanted to know more about Sasuke’s past partners. “I was just wondering about how you became so good at this,” he said.

The soft look in Sasuke’s eyes was snuffed out as fast as it had appeared.

“I think you can guess.”

“But I don’t want to guess,” Naruto said.

“It’s in the past.” Sasuke sat up. “I don’t want to discuss it.”

Naruto sat up too. His arms were still a bit shaky.

“I’m not asking because I want to control you or anything,” he said. “I’m just curious. I want to know who these people you were with are.”

“They are nobodies,” Sasuke snapped. “They’re people I barely knew. They’re not in my life anymore, and that’s all you need to know.”

He stood and left the room. A little after, Naruto heard the shower run in the bathroom.

He believed Sasuke, but… There was something that didn’t quite add up. He might have been with only four people, and they might have been mostly consisting of hookers, but… that didn’t mean he hadn’t visited them more than once.

Naruto’s heart sank a bit when he thought about Sasuke coming back to the same person, again and again, letting them show him affection, letting them learn to know his body, and them letting him learn to know theirs, while Naruto just stupidly sat waiting for a miracle to happen.

He collapsed back on the mattress and pulled the sheets around himself. He wished that he’d been more adventurous too… That he’d tried out things so that he could have a past to shove in Sasuke’s face… Make him burn with jealousy and unanswered questions, just like Naruto was doing now. But he knew that would never have happened. When he’d first realized that it was Sasuke he was attracted to, he could never have been with anyone else. He was stupid that way.

He exhaled a deep breath into the plush, white pillow, and tried to fall asleep. He was still awake when Sasuke came back, but when Sasuke said his name, he pretended to be asleep. Sasuke slipped under the sheets next to him, and turned his back on him. Shortly after, his breathing became even. He’d fallen asleep unusually fast.

Naruto turned around and snuggled up against Sasuke’s back, and soon after he fell asleep too.

 

 

 

 

 


	23. Yin and yang

Naruto grumbled something under his breath when he woke up to find that he’d rolled to the side of the bed, somehow lumping the sheet underneath him, leaving his ass bared to the cold air. He turned around and blinked.

Sasuke was lying next to him, curled up to retain as much warmth as possible. Naruto had dragged the sheet off the both of them. He let his eyes rove slowly over Sasuke’s naked body, and noted the goosebumps on his arms. He rolled over so that he could pull the sheet over the both of them, and chuckled in amazement when Sasuke pushed up against him. He put his arms around him and leant his chin on the top of his head, and fell asleep again.

 

\------

 

When Sasuke woke up, the first thing he did was to kick Naruto. Naruto woke with a soft ‘oof’ as the air left his lungs. When he got enough air into his lungs to speak, he groaned, “What the fuck, Sasuke?!”

“You were all over me.”

Naruto groaned again, and clutched his stomach.

“You didn’t need to rearrange my internal organs.”

There was a long silence, and then Naruto felt a soft kiss on his brow.

“Sorry,” Sasuke said.

He was out of the bed and had disappeared into the bathroom before Naruto had the time to take in over him the fact that Sasuke had apologized to him. He grinned. Suddenly everything was forgiven.

He really had to pee, so he snuck into the bathroom while Sasuke showered. He was brushing his teeth by the time Sasuke got out of the shower. He appreciated the view of Sasuke’s wet, glistening body. Beads of water slowly ran down along his clavicle, over a pec and down along firm abs. But then he covered himself with a towel, and Naruto grudgingly looked away.

 

\------

 

They ate breakfast in silence. Naruto couldn’t help but think of last night every time he looked at Sasuke. His head over his groin, his lips around his cock. He had to check several times that he wasn’t drooling.

Sasuke seemed unaffected… But he always looked unaffected, no matter what he might be thinking or feeling. Maybe he was thinking of the same thing as Naruto was. Or maybe he was thinking about how he wanted to get some real action soon. Naruto squirmed a little at the thought. Sometimes he got a bit worried about his own fixation with Sasuke’s cock and how it would feel inside him. He squirmed again.

Sasuke looked up at him.

“Are you sore?” he asked.

Naruto’s heart jumped into his throat. For a second he had the wild idea that Sasuke had somehow been able to tell what he was thinking. But then he realized that his squirming must have been what clued Sasuke in.

“No,” he hurried to say. “I’m fine. Healing fast.”

Truth was, he was a tiny bit sore. But he wasn’t about to admit to that and give Sasuke the impression that he was off limits.

“You know,” he said. “Since it’s Saturday today, I thought I’d take the weekend off.”

Sasuke nodded. “Good.”

Then he went back to his food. Naruto, who was used to the moods of his taciturn lover, knew that his lack of reaction didn’t necessarily mean that his mind was on an entirely different track than Naruto’s, and that he didn’t automatically imagine all the exciting ways they could spend that time together… But it sure seemed that way.

By noon, Naruto was starting to realize that Sasuke was very bad boyfriend material. He had made no advances and instead he seemed more interested in his books than in Naruto. ‘Sakura should be glad he rejected her,’ he thought. ‘I’m gonna die of old age before anything happens if I leave it up to him.’

He stretched out next to where Sasuke was sitting leant against a pillow, and very casually stretched his whole body with a groan. He didn’t even get a flicker of interest from Sasuke. He was treating him like he treated the cats. Naruto was just an annoyance that he needed to ignore until he felt like indulging.

Naruto huffed.

“You know,” he said, deciding that he needed to go for a more direct approach. “I never got to reciprocate yesterday, and I was thinking…” He picked on the rug with what he hoped was an air of disinterest. “I was thinking that maybe I could try to fit something bigger than your fingers.”

His heart was racing. He glanced up at Sasuke, who by now had lost all interest in his book. He was blinking slowly to hide his suddenly very dark eyes.

“When I said I wanted the weekend off,” Naruto added. “I didn’t intend to spend it being bored.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t be bored if you had the imagination to figure out something to do.”

The jab lost a bit of its bite when Sasuke’s voice dropped an octave.

“Well…” Naruto said. “Maybe I’ll go and do something fun on my own.” He stood and headed for the door. Then he very deliberately stopped and turned slightly. “If you need me, I’ll be in the bedroom…” He dropped off there, and just gave Sasuke a suggestive smirk.

In the bedroom, he opened Sasuke’s closet, and searched through the clothes until he found the blue yukata. He took of all his clothes, and put it on. He tied the sash, and sat down on the futon to wait. Sasuke didn’t disappoint. The door to the bedroom opened and closed softly only a minute later.

Naruto looked up at him with a smirk. Sasuke leaned over him and pushed him down on his back.

“You wanted to fit something bigger?” Sasuke said.

Naruto’s grin widened.

Sasuke leaned down. Their lips found each other and molded together in movements that had become well-known to them now. Sasuke didn’t hold back. He let Naruto coax him into a deep kiss that had them both panting when they broke for air. They nipped at each other’s lips, alternating between deep and light kisses.

Sasuke untied the sash of the yukata, and let it fall open. His eyes roamed down Naruto’s body. Naruto shuddered under the look. Without thinking, he spread his legs, bashfulness long forgotten. Sasuke looked up at him. For a second, Naruto thought he’d kiss him again, but instead he suddenly pulled back and stood. Then he slowly started undressing. Naruto gaped as he watched him pull his shirt over his head, flexing his abs, and then slowly shimmying out of his pants and briefs.

Then he lowered himself over Naruto, balancing himself surprisingly well on one elbow.

Naruto reached down between them and encircled the base of Sasuke’s erection with his fingers. He thought about having it inside him while he slowly jerked him off. They kissed, slowly, deeply, while Naruto’s hands roamed from Sasuke’s cock and up along his body, over his abs, brushing his nipples, reveling in the shiver it elicited from him, and then kneading his shoulders and his back, digging his fingers into the firm muscles and dragging down. Sasuke arched into him with a groan, and nipped at Naruto’s lip in retaliation.

Naruto chuckled. His hands were now on Sasuke’s buttocks, and if he had his way they’d never leave them. He kneaded the firm, full muscles, and nudged Sasuke up against him. He felt Sasuke’s breath fall hard and rapidly into his mouth.

Naruto drew his legs up and pressed Sasuke down against him. Sasuke understood what he wanted. He gave Naruto one last kiss, and then a sharp nip at the side of his throat, before he rolled off him. He found lube and arranged them so that they were on their sides, facing each other. He lubed his fingers, let the lube warm up, and put one leg between Naruto’s so that he could pull one of his legs up to his hip, baring Naruto for him. He started massaging the puckered hole between his ass cheeks with one finger, like before, and it got sucked in almost immediately.

Naruto hooked his leg up higher on Sasuke’s hip, and rocked down against the finger that entered him. He felt it probe around a little, before finding that good spot. He closed his eyes and relaxed as Sasuke massaged him steadily and firmly, getting more and more lube, adding another finger, and then one more.

Naruto opened his eyes a bit. Sasuke looked extremely concentrated, a small frown marring his brow. When he met Naruto’s gaze, he smiled ever so softly.

“Strange?” he asked.

Naruto nodded. “Yeah. Feels like…”

“…I know.”

Naruto had half a mind to ask him if he’d been on the receiving end of this before. Then he decided, why not. So he asked.

Sasuke lowered his eyelids a bit, before answering, “Yes.”

Naruto swallowed. “And more?”

“No. Just this.”

Naruto nodded. He bit his lip and pushed a bit away from Sasuke’s fingers when that third finger just wouldn’t fit into him. Sasuke stopped moving, but didn’t pull out. In stead he switched fingers. Naruto assumed he used his little finger, because suddenly something that was wider than the two, but narrower than the three slipped into him. He took a moment to adjust to it. It was a strange but very nice feeling. The stretch was sweet when it wasn’t too much.

He let his head fall back with a small ‘ah…’

“Now I know why I wanted this,” he murmured.

He felt Sasuke’s lips against his throat, and then his teeth scraping against the skin. Naruto arched up and shuddered. He felt Sasuke change fingers again, and then he slowly tried to fit something wider. The fingers that had been too thick earlier, barely managed to slide in, and Naruto tensed.

In the good way.

The very good way.

Holy crap… So strange and so good… The stretch stung a bit, but it felt good at the same time. Sasuke’s fingers wriggled slowly inside, until they couldn’t get deeper. Naruto enjoyed the incredible stretch, the maddening pleasure, the craving for friction. He moved his hips in order to show Sasuke that he wanted to move. He pulled very slowly out and in again, this time aiming for his prostate.

Naruto felt his breath catch for each firm probe. He curled around Sasuke, and rocked his ass down against that hand, harder and harder. But when Sasuke breathily told him to jerk off, he paused. He didn’t want to, yet again, come without Sasuke. And also… He thought he could fit him now.

He made Sasuke pull out, and leant over him in search of that other thing he’d purchased with the lube. He handed over a condom, and Sasuke took it, hesitantly.

“Come on,” Naruto urged. “I don’t have all day.”

Sasuke rolled the condom onto his cock, to Naruto’s appreciating gaze, and then there was a moment of indecision about how to proceed. Naruto laid down on his side again, but it was sort of a tricky angle, and he didn’t want to ride Sasuke… Not yet, anyway. So they silently agreed that the missionary would be best, no matter how wobbly it made Sasuke. He promised that he’d done it before and knew that he wouldn’t loose balance and collapse onto Naruto.

The moment that Sasuke was over him, and he reached down to grab his latex covered and lubed cock to guide him, the momentum of the situation hit him. He hesitated for a second, the tip of Sasuke’s cock resting between his buttocks. Sasuke noticed his hesitation. He arched his eyebrows in a silent question, ‘Are you sure?’

Naruto nodded. He just had to take in the fact that after this moment, he was no longer a virgin (thank god!), and that their relationship would change, become something more. Of course he was sure.

He held Sasuke steady as he started pushing inside. He was incredibly gentle, and watched Naruto’s face intently for signs of discomfort. Naruto stared up at him with increasingly widening eyes as he felt his muscles give way to Sasuke. Although he needed to inch forward a little at a time, his body accepted him and tried to make way for him. He was starting to feel the pain of the stretch when the head of Sasuke’s cock slipped in, and he felt his muscles close around the top of his shaft.

Sasuke’s eyes nearly fluttered shut. Naruto just lay incredibly still, his heels buried in the mattress, his pelvis held rigidly in place in stead of moving to accommodate Sasuke. He felt a small flicker of panic when he realized that the worst part wasn’t over. If Sasuke pulled out, it would be bad, and if he pushed in more, it would be bad. And the point they were at now wasn’t really that enjoyable either. He couldn’t find the pleasure that he’d felt earlier. He just felt the discomfort.

He felt Sasuke’s fingers card through the hair at the back of his head, and then he leant down and kissed Naruto. He moved his hips very gently in time with the trusts of his tongue, and miraculously, it distracted Naruto a bit.

He felt Sasuke slip in maybe a fraction or so, and then another little fraction, and then his soft, rocking movements became more directly aimed at one spot. Even though Naruto didn’t think he could take more, somehow his body adjusted fast, and at one point the discomfort melted away and the pleasure took over. He was vaguely aware that he was panting and clutching Sasuke’s shoulders. He angled his hips and felt Sasuke slip even deeper in. Each thrust made something inside him seize up and curl and unfold at the same time. His gasps got trapped in his throat. Instead he felt it build up to a point where only small, breathy hiccups could come out.

He groaned something, maybe it was Sasuke’s name, and felt him shift a bit so that he could come a bit closer to him. He kissed Naruto, but they were both so short breathed, they had to break off almost immediately. Sasuke bowed his head and ran his lips along Naruto’s jaw.

Sasuke rolled his hips, and Naruto moaned. He heard a choked-down groan from Sasuke, felt him push in a bit harder, and with less finesse. He seemed to loose a bit of his strict control. Naruto could feel his breath against his throat, falling heavy and rapid, and he could hear the little groans that snuck out despite the fact that he knew Sasuke tried to control it.

And then he came. Naruto knew it because he felt Sasuke jolt, and then he felt him pulse inside him. He let out a long, hushed groan, and his body tensed. His fingers gripped Naruto’s hair tighter, his arm squeezed them closer. He didn’t pull out of Naruto, but rode out his orgasm while inside him.

Naruto’s head lolled back. He let the sensations overcome him. He reached down and, with Sasuke still inside him, jerked himself off until he came too. The orgasm was stronger than usual, he felt it buzz through his lower body parts, felt his legs quiver as his feet strained against the mattress. And then he fell down into a boneless heap, Sasuke still lodged heavily on top of him. He could feel their chests move in sync with fast, puffy breaths. He would have let him stay there if it weren’t for the fact that he was pretty sure he’d die from asphyxiation soon if he didn’t move, and he was starting to feel sore too.

He nudged Sasuke to make him move. He leant on a shaky arm, and tried to slip out of Naruto without hurting him. It wasn’t easy. He was starting to feel the soreness and because of that, his muscles seemed to clamp down tighter.

Finally, Sasuke slid off Naruto and ended up lying prone on his side, Naruto stretched out like a starfish next to him.

Naruto felt so deliciously mellow and light that the feeling of soreness that he felt in every limb, and especially between his buttocks, seemed like a minor issue. And then Sasuke grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckled, before he scooted closer and buried his face against the side of Naruto’s throat, and Naruto felt his heart soar. Sasuke didn’t usually like to cuddle, but now he was doing it and Naruto was afraid that if he as much as moved one muscle he’d break the spell.

He kissed Sasuke’s temple and pulled the sheet over them both. He was still wearing the yukata, but didn’t bother to take it off. And then he drifted off to sleep.

 

\------

 

They slept for a while. Then they took a shower, separately, and ate dinner together in comfortable silence. The four kittens were playing on the floor. They rolled together and kicked each other with their hind legs, and then they suddenly raced around the room with their tails sticking straight up and their backs bowed.

Sasuke leant back on a pillow and went over to reading. Naruto played with the kittens for a while, letting them chase the sash of a bathrobe around the living room. Afterwards, he came over to Sasuke and lay down next to him. He burrowed his head into the pillow and turned over onto his stomach.

Sasuke reached out and placed a hand on the small of his back.

“Sore?”

Naruto nodded. Then he sighed. “But it was worth it.” He yawned. “And I’ll be good to go again in no time.”

A little while later, after Naruto had fell asleep, Pearl came and curled up on the small of his back, and then, a little after, Ninigi curled up next to her. Sasuke smiled when he noticed that together, they looked like a yin and yang symbol.

 

 

 

 

 


	24. Irreplaceable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is looong... At least compared to what I've written lately. Hopefully that'll make up for the delay. 
> 
> A bit of smut made its way into this chapter too. When they finally start, they just won't stop.

 

 

Naruto woke up to something firm poking his ass.

“Hmm…” he sighed. “Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

Sasuke snorted. “It’s definitely not a banana.”

Naruto wriggled closer to him. He felt Sasuke’s breath on his neck, and then his lips closed over his skin. He nipped, and Naruto jolted a bit. It was a good kind of pain. Sasuke rubbed his nose over the spot.

“Are you still sore?” Sasuke asked.

“A bit, yeah.”

Sasuke’s fingers ghosted up and down his spine. “That’s a shame.”

Naruto wriggled his hips again. He felt Sasuke’s erection slide against his buttocks. A hand clamped down on his hip.

“No more of that,” Sasuke said. “Unless you’re doing something about it.”

Naruto turned with a grin. “I was thinking about learning to give head,” he said. “But I don’t suppose you’d want to be the test subject.”

The answer he got was a blaze of lust in dark eyes, and a hand on his head, pushing him down. Naruto chuckled.

“Okay, then. If you insist.”

He captured the head of Sasuke’s cock in his mouth, and sucked carefully. Hm. Definitely a taste that needed some getting used to. He took in more of him. He felt fingers card through his hair. He looked up and caught Sasuke watching him with half-closed eyes. Naruto took in all of him while he watched his face. Sasuke groaned as the head of his cock hit the back of Naruto’s throat. His eyelids fluttered and his fingers pulled at Naruto’s hair.

“Fuck…” he whispered.

Naruto pulled back a little and took him all the way in again. Sasuke strained towards him.

“Damn, Naruto,” Sasuke panted. “Have you heard about a… ah… a gag reflex?”

Naruto smirked up at him, which was a bit difficult with a cock in his mouth.

“You’re just jealous because I’m so good,” Naruto said when he let go of him for a second. He pressed his tongue flat against the shaft of Sasuke’s cock.

Sasuke snorted. “You’re not… ah!”

Naruto felt incredibly smug. He would have said ‘I rest my case’ if, well… if his mouth wasn’t occupied.

 

\------

 

On his way home from work the next day, Naruto’s head was full of images of cuddling up with Sasuke, preferably naked and panting. He’d been suppressing those fantasies all day. It seemed unprofessional to get lost in carnal desire when you were the Hokage. But when he came home, Sasuke wasn’t there.

Naruto ate alone. He reverted back to cup ramen because there were no leftovers, and he couldn’t muster up the energy to do anything that was more advanced than boiling water.

He was just done eating when Sasuke came in through the porch door. He was dressed in training gear, and coated in drying mud.

“What happened?” Naruto asked.

“I sparred with Sai.”

“Sai? …Why?”

Sasuke shrugged. He took off his shoes. “I met him on the training field, and he wanted to spar with me.”

Sasuke walked past him and disappeared down the hallway.

Naruto followed.

“And you accepted?”

“Is that so strange?”

“Well, yes! You’ve been distanced towards everyone since you came back, and especially towards Sai.”

Sasuke had placed his shoes in the hall, and wriggled out of his wet and muddy jacket. It was drizzling lightly outside, and Sasuke was drenched to his skin.

Naruto dropped the discussion when Sasuke went to take a shower. He tapped a finger against his chin while he waited for him to be done. He’d sat down by the living room table, and to his surprise Ninigi came over to him. That cat was as moody and unfathomable as Sasuke was. It didn’t like to be petted most of the time, but today it was in a cuddly mood. It sat on the table in front of Naruto and closed its eyes in appreciation when Naruto rubbed it behind the ears.

Sasuke came out of the bathroom ten minutes later.

“Hey… since you’re on friendly terms with Sai,” Naruto said. “I wondered if you wanted to come to a get-together tonight? It’ll be Sakura and Sai and the others, just meeting to get a beer or two. I can’t stay too long, though, since it's a weekday.”

Sasuke sat down on the opposite side of the table. He pulled Ninigi into his lap. The cat didn’t even try to escape.

“You know…” Naruto added. “The others ask about you. They wonder how you’re doing. And Sakura would love it if you came. And Sai… Well, it’s hard to tell if he genuinely wants something or not, but he’s curious about you.”

Something he’d said must have affected Sasuke. He frowned, before saying, “All right.”

Naruto almost couldn’t believe his own ears. “You… You’re coming?” He grinned. “That’s great! The others will be thrilled.”

The arch of Sasuke’s eyebrows told him that he didn’t believe in that for one second, but Naruto waved his skepticism off.

“Oh, come on! They’re good guys. They’ll accept you back in no time.”

Sasuke rubbed Ninigi’s stomach, and the cat attacked his hand. “If you say so,” he said.

He honestly didn’t sound convinced, but Naruto knew that he was right.

Sasuke would see soon enough.

 

\------

 

Sasuke had been present in the bar for less than five minutes, and the first thing someone said to him, was, “So, I heard about you and Sakura. A shame, she really liked you. And now Ino is off the market too.”

Girls.

Of course they’d have to talk about girls.

It was Kiba who had initiated the conversation. Sasuke had been surprised when the guy made his way over to him almost immediately. They’d never been on speaking terms.

Sasuke had kept to Naruto for the first few minutes, trying to get a sense of the atmosphere in the room.

Everyone had been weirdly excited about seeing him. Maybe it was because they’d already gotten a few beers in the system, unlike Naruto and him, who arrived a little late. That might have something to do with a quickie in the shower that Sasuke suspected had been spurred by nervousness on his part. Not that he’d ever admit that to Naruto.

They’d been seated at a long table next to the bar and he and Naruto had been perched at the end of it. Sasuke had accepted the offer of a beer since he had no plans of going through this sober, and if he started on the sake he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop.

Naruto had moved over to Sakura and her new boyfriend a minute ago, and that was when Kiba suddenly turned up next to Sasuke.

Chouji, who sat on Sasuke’s other side, joined in the conversation.

“Don’t worry, there’s lots of pretty girls around. I met my fiancé in Kumo. She’s got lots of pretty friends, maybe she could set you up?” Then his smile faltered. “Um… Or… Well…”

Sasuke lowered his gaze. He knew who his fiancé was, and he doubted she’d want to help him… even if he'd been interested.

“Um,” Chouji said. “Sorry, I didn't think about…”

“It’s fine,” Sasuke said, and took a big gulp of his beer. He stared longingly at a bottle of sake behind the counter of the bar.

“So, what is it you do nowadays?” Kiba said. He just wouldn’t stop asking questions. Thankfully, Chouji had turned to a different conversation.

“I mean,” Kiba continued. “You have to do something, right? Now that you’re accepted back and everything. Or do you just wander aimlessly around?”

Sasuke just stared at him. It started to become painfully evident why he’d never bothered to speak with this guy before.

Just as he was about to tear into him with a well-aimed acidic comment, Naruto turned up from nowhere and punched Kiba’s shoulder.

“Hey, this isn’t a fucking police interrogation,” he said. And then, to the rest of the table, “Who want’s another round?”

A chorus of voices spoke their agreement.

Naruto grabbed Kiba’s jacket. “Help me carry, will you?”

Kiba followed him with a grumble.

 

\------

 

Naruto had been sitting alone for a moment when Kiba staggered over to him and threw an arm around his neck.

“Sasuke looks good,” he said, apropos of nothing.

“Um… Yeah, I guess,” Naruto said.

“I mean, I thought he’d be a mess, you know? After all he’s done and all that shit, but somehow he just defies all the laws of karma or whatnot, and just looks better than ever.”

He sat down on the chair next to Naruto.

“Hey,” he suddenly said, and poked Naruto. “Have you thought about screwing him?”

Naruto nearly got a heart attack.

“Ehh? Why? Why would you say that?” His voice sounded a bit too shrill.

Kiba shrugged. “I think he’s gay,” he said. “And if he’s down with it, you should hit that. He’s seriously handsome.” He took a big gulp of Naruto’s beer. “From a neutral perspective,” he added. “It’s not like I noticed.”

Naruto frowned. “Uh, okay.”

He hoped Kiba wouldn’t push the subject, because he couldn’t say much on the case without having to lie.

“And also,” Kiba suddenly added. “I think you’re hot for him.”

This time, Naruto felt his face become red as he sputtered.

“W-what makes you think that?!”

Kiba gave him a look that said ‘are you stupid?’ Naruto glared.

“You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to put that equation together,” Kiba said. “You’re obsessed about him, always have been. You’ve never dated anyone else, as far as any of us knows, and Shikamaru says…” Here Kiba paused.

“Shikamaru says what?” Naruto asked very sharply.

“He says he doesn’t know where you’re staying, except that you’re staying with ‘a friend’. And since we all know it’s not any of us you’re staying with, then you either have a new friend we don’t know about, or you’re staying with Sasuke. Which again leads me to thinking that, well…” Kiba shrugged. “That you’ve got a massive boner for him.”

Naruto wanted to punch Kiba, not because he felt justified to, but simply because in that moment he found him incredibly annoying. He bit his teeth together and counted to ten.

“Does anyone else think that about us?” he finally asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve never told anyone what I think. I guess it just seems too farfetched for most people.”

Naruto mulled over that. Now that his anger had abated a little, he caught on to a surprising detail.

“Why would you peg Sasuke as gay?” He asked.

Kiba actually laughed, a loud bark, like a dog. “Are you kidding me? Why wouldn’t I? He’s got all kinds of girls swooning for him, and he doesn’t even give them a second glance.”

“He could be having a girl in every town from here to Suna and you would never know,” Naruto pointed out. Bitterly, he added in his thought that it wasn’t far from the truth.

Kiba snorted. “I doubt it. He's not got that look, you know? You can see if a guy is attracted to a girl by the way he looks at her. And he hasn’t got it. But for boys, on the other hand…”

“Sasuke looks at boys?” Naruto asked. He couldn’t quite keep the jealousy out of his voice.

Kiba shrugged. “He looks at them differently, that’s what I’m saying. Just take that waiter who served us, right? He’s pretty good-looking. Right?”

Naruto looked around and caught sight of the waiter. The man was tall, and had shaggy, blond hair. He guessed he was kinda good looking.

“Not my type, thought,” he said.

“But Sasuke gave him a glance that lingered a little longer than what’s normal. I sat right next to him when he did it, it can’t be denied. I swear, if that waiter had been a girl with the most amazing rack, he wouldn’t even have looked at her.”

Naruto tapped his fingers against the table.

“Let’s say you’re right about that,” he said. “What makes you think we’d make a good match? You know that all we ever do, is fight.”

Kiba smirked. “Maybe that’s a sign. You know, when a boy really likes someone, he usually picks a fight. It could be a sigh of serious sexual frustration.”

Naruto blinked. He thought about their relationship now… They barely sparred anymore. Was it true? Had they taken that activity to the bedroom? He felt himself start to blush. Had all their fights, during all these years, just been sexual frustration?

Come to think of it, it started when they were twelve. The same age as most kids got their sexual awakening.

“Also,” Kiba added. “He looks at you a lot.”

“He does?”

“Yeah. Every time I’ve looked over at him while we spoke, he’s been watching us.”

Naruto looked up, but Sasuke was facing away from him, talking to Sakura.

Kiba patted his back jovially. “You’ll figure it out. Now I need to get another beer.”

Naruto looked down to find his glass of beer empty.

 

\------

 

Sakura smiled with a faraway, drunken look on her face.

“I love you guys so much, you have no idea.”

Naruto snickered. “You’ve told us ten times already.”

Sakura gave him a silly smile.

Sasuke got even quieter when he got drunk. Naruto hadn’t thought it possible. But on the plus side, he also got extremely affectionate. Naruto had lost track of the number of times he had removed Sasuke’s hand from his thigh or his waist. Thankfully, they were sitting against the wall, and Sasuke’s hand was hidden under the table.

Sai came over and greeted Naruto with a cheerful “Dickless!”

Before Naruto could do more than glower at him, he felt Sasuke move closer and place his hand possessively on his thigh. It suddenly occurred to Naruto that Sasuke might be feeling a tiny bit more threatened by Sai than he let on. Naruto had no idea why. Sai had little interest in him, or in guys in general.

Sakura must have noticed the sudden tension in Sasuke too, because she turned towards Sai and said, “Wanna dance?”

Sai looked puzzled. “But I just sat down.”

Sakura stood, swayed a bit, almost fell on her face, and hurried to sit down again. “Okay, then. I guess that was a bad idea. Hey! What about another round of beer! My treat!”

“No thanks,” Naruto said. “I need to get home soon.”

Sai moved his attention to Sasuke. “How are you doing, Sasuke-kun?”

Naruto bit his lip. He had no idea how an interaction between Sasuke and Sai would go. The last time they had a conversation, it didn’t go well.

To his surprise, Sasuke answered Sai politely. Naruto exchanged stunned and hopeful looks with Sakura over the table. For a while, the four of them had a calm, normal conversation. Sasuke’s hand never left Naruto’s thigh, but it felt comforting. No one would notice it anyway, or so he hoped.

Then Ino came over. Her eyes narrowed when they landed on Naruto, who was smiling at Sai just in that moment. He realized that she might still not have forgiven him for that incident many months ago.

She sat down on Sai’s lap and put an arm around his neck.

“What’re you guys talking so excited about?” She said sweetly, looking right at Naruto.

Sakura answered the question but Ino didn’t look very interested in what she was saying. Instead she kept touching Sai and giving Naruto these deliberate looks. Finally, Naruto had enough. It was probably a mixture of too much beer, the late hour, and the annoyance of being accused of something he absolutely was not guilty of, but suddenly he heard himself say, “Don’t worry, Ino. I’m not interested in Sai. And besides, I’m taken.”

Silence fell between them, and he had four pair of eyes intently fixed on him. Sasuke and Sakura looked alarmed, while Ino looked intrigued, and Sai… well, it was difficult to tell how he felt.

“Really?” Ino said. “Who is it?”

“Uh…” Naruto looked pleadingly from Sasuke to Sakura. “I… um… It’s… a secret.”

“You’ve said A, Naruto, now you have to say B!” Ino said.

Sasuke moved a fraction away from Naruto, signaling that he was on his own.

“I can’t!” Naruto blurted out. “He’s… He doesn’t want to be outed.”

He noticed that Sasuke and Sakura wore similar looks of exasperation.

Ino pouted. “Fine. As long as you keep away from Sai.”

“I never dreamed of taking Sai from you,” Naruto said.

Sai actually looked a tiny bit hurt.

“I’m sorry,” Naruto added. “It’s got nothing to do with… I mean, you’re a great guy and all…”

Could this situation get any worse?

He felt Sasuke’s fingers squeeze into his thigh. Oh, yeah… Apparently, it could.

“Goddammit!” Naruto exclaimed and stood. “I’m done.”

“Where are you going?” Sakura yelled after him.

“Home!”

He said bye to the rest of the gang who were sitting by the bar, and escaped out into the chilly November air. He put his arms around himself, and sighed. His breath condensed in front of his face. It was really starting to get cold.

He walked unhurriedly towards Sasuke’s place. After a few minutes, Sasuke fell into step beside him. Naruto looked up at the clear sky, where the stars were shining brightly. The sky was so dark, and the stars so beautiful, like little pinpricks of light. He understood why some people hundreds of years back thought the sky was a dome with holes in it, letting in light from something outside.

They walked in silence. When they were passing the cemetery on the north side of Konoha, Sasuke’s hand slipped down along Naruto’s arm, and nudged his wrist. Naruto, who’d had his hand in his pocket, took it out, and Sasuke grabbed it. His grip was strong and sure, his fingers slipping in between Naruto’s like the gesture was something familiar. Naruto was stunned for a second, before he squeezed Sasuke’s hand back.

They walked close, so that their bodies covered their hands if anyone should happen to see them, but the streets were deserted at this hour.

The silence was comfortable, now. He guessed this meant Sasuke forgave him for almost outing him. He guessed it meant he forgave Sasuke too, for not helping him out. He nudged Sasuke’s shoulder with his chin, and Sasuke looked at him.

“I promise, I never thought about Sai that way. We’re just friends.”

“I know _you_ didn’t,” he said.

What a weird way to say that. It sounded like he implied…

“Do you think that Sai…?”

Sasuke had that look on his face, the one that said ‘What do _you_ think?’ Like he thought Naruto was stupid. And maybe he was a bit stupid, at least some times.

“Shit,” he muttered. “Well… He does talk a lot about my dick. I just didn’t think it was a pick-up line.”

Sasuke’s ‘hn’ was a tad displeased. “Thank god you’re so slow.”

Naruto nudged his shoulder so hard they nearly stumbled.

“How did you know Sai felt that way?” Naruto asked. 

“I notice who looks at you, and how they look at you.”

“But you’ve barely seen the two of us together.”

“It’s something about the way talks about you. I picked it up when I sparred with him, and when you and Sakura talk about him.”

Naruto squeezed Sasuke’s hand and pressed their shoulders together.

“You didn’t need to worry, anyway,” he said. “No one can replace you.”

 

\-----

 

Naruto woke early. The room was filled with cool, gentle dawn light. He stared at the broad pane of Sasuke’s back in front of him, moving slowly in time with his breathing. Now that he could study his body in peace and quiet, he noticed a myriad of white scars crisscrossing over his pale skin.

Most of them were too small to draw any attention, but there was one near his hipbone that was pinker in color, and a bit jagged, and one on at the base of his neck that cut from his shoulder and almost to his hairline. Naruto felt an uncomfortable twist in his stomach at the sight of that scar.

He traced it with the tips of his fingers, and Sasuke shuddered almost imperceptibly. He lowered his hand and just traced Sasuke’s body with his eyes. From his broad shoulders, his skin that was so pale it almost looked white in the early morning light, to his strong back, the dimples at the bottom of his spine, to the curve of his ass that was hidden underneath the sheet, and then up again.

He ran a hand, fingers light as a whisper, over Sasuke’s hip, felt the tight, hard coil of muscle around his hipbone, up to his ribcage where his fingertips ghosted slowly over each dip, up to his bicep, firm and hard, and to the side of his neck, where his skin was extra sensitive. Sasuke sighed and murmured something. He shifted and looked over his shoulder. He blinked when the light hit his face.

Then he groaned and snuggled into the pillow.

“Too early, Nar’to,” he murmured.

Naruto chuckled. He moved a bit closer, put one arm around Sasuke’s waist and burrowed his nose in the back of his neck. Sasuke sighed and slowly, his breathing evened out.

 

\-----

 

Sasuke accompanied Naruto to his office that morning. He was ready to leave, his gear-bag strapped to his belt. Naruto tried not to think of how long they’d be separated this time. It seemed like every goodbye got worse.

After he’d briefed Sasuke, he finally let him go. But as he turned with a bow that was barely more than a nod of his head, Naruto felt his entire chest constrict. He stood.

“Wait.”

Sasuke turned slowly.

Naruto went over to him. He cast a look at the door to the private room behind the office.

“Just one more time,” he said. “Before you leave.”

Sasuke seemed to debate it, but finally his eyelids lowered over his eyes, shadowing his pupil, and he got a soft look on his face. Naruto dragged him into the bedroom. Then he figured he should tell Yumi he’d be gone for a bit, so she didn’t start looking for him. He stuck his head out of the office door, and told her he was going for lunch. Then he hurried back to Sasuke, who’d taken off his cloak and his gear.

Naruto threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him deeply. He didn’t know when he’d be able to do this again. A small, nagging voice in the back of his head kept saying ‘maybe never,’ but he refused to listen to it.

He fumbled with Sasuke’s shirt. Sasuke tore open the zipper of Naruto's jacket so roughly, he was sure he heard it tear. The jacket fell to the floor, and then his t-shirt followed. Before he could get his hands on Sasuke again, he was pushed backwards down on the bed. Sasuke wasted no time getting to work on ridding Naruto of his pants, and soon Naruto was sprawling naked on the bed. He scooted upwards towards the headboard, and casually let his legs fall open. He basked in the desire in Sasuke’s eyes, and watched as Sasuke slowly pulled his shirt up, over his abs, his chest, and then over his head. Naruto started stroking his cock, letting his fingers flicker over his balls. Sasuke kneeled on the bed, grabbed Naruto’s ankle, and pulled him closer, placing one of his feet over his thigh. He rubbed his hand up Naruto’s thigh, up all the way the soft skin behind his balls. The tip of his index finger brushed over the clenched hole between his buttocks.

Naruto turned over onto his stomach to reach the nightstand, and fished out a bottle of lube and a condom. Sasuke started kissing down along his spine.

“Hey,” Naruto chuckled. “Ohh…”

Sasuke had grazed his ass with his teeth.

“We…uh… we don’t really have that much time,” Naruto said.

Sasuke grabbed the lube and slipped one finger, and then two into Naruto. He knew what he was doing. Naruto wondered if he’d just been teasing him the other times, because suddenly he was a whimpering mess in less than a minute. He barely noticed when Sasuke inserted the third finger. He arched up when he felt his fingers slip in to the second knuckle. He wriggled and shoved against Sasuke’s hand, and when that got him nothing, he reached for his own cock. Sasuke stopped him.

He grabbed Naruto’s thigh and dragged him into position in front of him. Naruto was on his stomach so he couldn’t see a thing of what Sasuke was doing. He heard the sound of a zipper opening, and then there was a second of delay where Sasuke put the condom on. Naruto grunted and moved his hips, all to no avail. He heard Sasuke chuckle, and threw him a dirty look over his shoulder.

“Get a fucking move on,” he grumbled.

Sasuke pawed his ass, dragging a teasing finger over his hole.

“So impatient.”

Naruto blushed, mostly in anger. He kicked Sasuke’s thigh.

“I’m not gonna beg,” he hissed.

Sasuke leant over him and nipped at the back of his neck. “I never expected you to.”

Finally, Naruto felt the tip of Sasuke's cock press against his hole. He couldn’t stop the keening moan that broke free. Sasuke pressed in so inhumanly slow, and when Naruto tried to help him along, he held him down.

Naruto growled profanities under his breath.

Sasuke started moving slowly, pushing all the way in and almost all the way out, but somehow always missing the one crucial spot that Naruto _needed_ him to hit.

He squirmed.

“Oh… god… You’re not… hittin’ it… Sas’ke!”

He felt Sasuke’s breath against his neck. “I know,” he murmured.

Naruto groaned. Finally, he stopped struggling, and Sasuke set a faster pace. He barely brushed that spot inside Naruto, giving him a flicker of pleasure, but nothing more. Naruto undulated his body, and whimpered when he felt Sasuke hit _so close_ to where he needed him.

“Sas’ke,” he half growled, half whimpered.

Sasuke adjusted himself a bit, and Naruto groaned in relief when he felt the friction on just the right place. His toes curled and he strained up against Sasuke to catch every little ounce of friction he could get. His breathing was getting labored, his muscles tensed. Ah… But he just couldn’t… It wasn’t enough…

Suddenly, Sasuke slipped out of him and flipped him around. He settled over him, grabbed Naruto’s hand, and led it to his warm, pulsing cock. Naruto, out of breath, body wrung tight as a bowstring, steadied him till he felt the tip squeeze inside. Sasuke hesitated for a bit. He shifted his weight and carded his fingers through Naruto’s sweat-drenched hair. Naruto stared up at him. He felt the pulse that connected them, felt every nerve ending in that sensitive area buzzing, craving more. And then Sasuke slipped in a little more, but not enough. Naruto brought his legs up and squeezed his heels against Sasuke’s ass. He felt him slide further into him, and arched up.

Sasuke pulled out slowly, letting Naruto bemoan the loss and bask in the friction at the same time. And then he suddenly slammed back in, right against his prostate, and Naruto screamed, outright screamed, and Sasuke slapped his hand over his mouth and started thrusting in and out of him with hard and precise movements, just where Naruto needed him. Naruto felt every muscle clench up, felt his body hit that sweet space faster than he’d thought possible, and linger there before he rolled over, shaking, gasping, arms and legs clenching around Sasuke so hard, he was sure he’d be crushing him. 

He realized he’d bit Sasuke’s hand when he felt blood in his mouth. He came down far too fast, just in time to feel Sasuke move inside his over-sensitized body, and clenched at Sasuke’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Sasuke whispered, and then his breath hitched, and Naruto heard the softest of moans against his ear. Sasuke shook and jerked into Naruto once more, and then he stilled. He lay heavily on top of Naruto, but he didn’t even care. He held him closer, and breathed in the scent of fresh sweat from his skin.

It wasn’t until Sasuke caressed his cheek with a finger, dragging a tear with him, that Naruto realized he’d been crying. He wiped a hand over his eyes.

“Shit…” he muttered. “I don’t know why… It didn’t hurt or anything…”

He felt a bit embarrassed.

Sasuke kissed his cheek and nuzzled into the crook of his neck, before gently untangling from him. Then he stood and dressed. Naruto knew he should do it too, but he couldn’t find the strength to just yet.

“Come on,” Sasuke urged him. “Get up.”

He grabbed Naruto’s arm, and dragged him up off the bed. Naruto winced every time he moved in a way that made him feel the soreness inside him. Sasuke went to the bathroom and found a towel that he wetted an edge of. He very gently wiped Naruto down, which made him feel a bit like a child, but it also made him feel warm and squishy inside.

He turned around and put his arms around Sasuke, and leant his head on his shoulder. Sasuke kissed his temple and handed him his t-shirt.

“You need to get back to work,” he reminded him.

“Mmm… I know.” He flinched when he turned and it pulled at his sore muscles. “I think we overdid it a bit. But that’s good,” he added when he saw the remorse on Sasuke’s face. “I want to remember you.”

“You can remember me in other ways,” Sasuke said, and used the silver necklace to pull him closer. Then he smirked. “But now you need to get dressed before someone starts to wonder where you are and finds you like this.”

 

\------

 

Yumi used to tidy up a bit for the Hokage when he was out. He always left such a mess. He really needed a female touch around him… She could only imagine how his home must look. She placed a newly filed folder of documents on his desk, picked up a few cups that had left rings of coffee on the desk, and was just about to leave when she heard voices from the room next door.

She froze because she’d thought there was no one else there. The voices came closer, and she realized it was Uchiha-sans voice. She wondered what he was still doing here. Then she heard him chuckle, a very nice sound that she’d never heard from him before, and then she distinctly heard him say, “Just get your fucking pants on, Naruto.” And then, softer, “Goodbye.”

She jolted when she realized he’d be opening that door and seeing her any second. She darted out the door, but didn’t have time to close it properly in case he heard the click. She had just enough time to get back to her seat before Uchiha-san came out of the office. She threw him a quick look from beneath her lashes, and was startled to find him looking right at her. Usually, he barely offered her a glance, but this time he looked at her properly, and she felt a cold shiver run down her back.

She didn’t know what to say to cover her nervousness. She wanted to pretend nothing had happened, but she was unable to act casual. He held the gaze for a long moment, studying her… almost like he knew that she knew. Then he turned away and walked down the hall. Yumi didn’t dare to let out the breath she’d been holding until he was out of sight.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit obsessed with love triangles... If that wasn't already obvious. But although I'm hinting a lot, there'll be purely SasuNaru in this story, so no worries. 
> 
> There was a tiny little mention about Sakura's boyfriend. I'm sorry that I haven't had the time to introduce him, but our two pov characters have been too busy... ahem... Anyway, he's an OC, so now you know that much, at least :)
> 
> I've been planning to finish this story for a while now. Frankly, I'm starting to get a bit tired of it, and I want to move on to other projects. The plan is to keep it below thirty chapters, so it's most probably coming to an end soon.


	25. ...into the fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so, so, so sorry that this took so long, and even more sorry that this chapter is so rushed… The thing is, I’ve lost interest in this story. It wasn’t supposed to be more than maybe fifteen chapters long, and then it just grew and grew until I realized I didn’t have fun writing it anymore… I’ve been trying to end if for so long, and when I finally reached the point where I really didn’t want to write anymore, I realized I needed to just cut it short. I’d rather have a few rushed last chapters, than no ending at all. So I hope you enjoy this chapter despite the fact that I’m suddenly cramming in a lot of plot *nervous laugh* ^^

 

 

Naruto got a message from Sasuke only minutes after he left. “Your secretary knows about us.” He felt a hard jolt of alarm go through him. Sasuke always knew what he talked about. It seemed Naruto needed to have a chat with Yumi. He called her in immediately.

He was leaning against his desk when she came inside. She stood right inside the door, shifting her weight nervously.

Naruto smiled at her to show she had nothing to worry about.

“I’ve heard that you’re very observant, Yumi,” he said.

She bowed her head, blushing. “I-I’m sorry about… I didn’t meant to…”

Naruto shushed her with a gesture. “It doesn’t matter.” He sighed. “I guess it was inevitable. It wouldn’t matter if the whole town knew if it weren’t for the fact that we’re who we are. If the wrong people found out, that could be used against us. You understand that, right?”

Yumi clenched her hands together, and nodded.

“Yumi.” He took a few steps closer to her.

She hesitantly lifted her head to look up at him.

“I trust you to keep this secret for now. It’s very important that you don’t tell anybody.”

Her eyes were wet from unshed tears. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I’m not gonna tell anyone, not even Kaedé. I promise.”

Naruto looked at her worriedly. “There’s no need to be afraid,” he said. “Why are you crying?”

She looked down. “It’s just… He scares me a bit,” she muttered.

“Who?” And then it dawned on Naruto. “Sasuke?”

She nodded. 

Naruto laughed. She looked startled.

“Sorry,” he said. “It’s just… He’s really not as scary as he looks.”

She didn’t look soothed.

“Listen,” Naruto said, “I know Sasuke better than most. You can trust me on this when I say he isn’t dangerous. He just looks scary because he’s so broody and never smiles.”

After Yumi left, Naruto sent a message* to Sasuke.

‘No worries, I think you took care of it already by just being your usual charming self ;)’

 

\------

 

Sending Sasuke back to do reconnaissance was just the first part of the plan. The second part involved the rest of the Kage.

The leaders of the shinobi in Hot Water, Frost and Sound had agreed to a meeting to figure out how to go about the business of this organization that had turned up out of nowhere. They didn’t seem to know about the organization at all, which was strange because according to Sasuke it had appeared quite strong and widespread. They insisted on having all five Kage present for the meeting, and since they were out of options, they agreed.

Naruto left for the land of Frost with a small but powerful group of shinobi one week after Sasuke left. He would have liked to wait until Sasuke knew more, but the others had been pushing the deal, thinking it would be best to get it over with as soon as possible, and Naruto couldn’t exactly tell them about Sasuke.

 

\------

 

Sasuke was heading away from a small village at the crest of a mountain. If the place could be called a village… It had consisted of maybe twenty rickety houses leaning towards each other on a windblown peak of stone. The place was allegedly the hiding place for some of the members of the still unnamed organization, but no one there had known anything of interest.

Sasuke had gotten a message from Naruto a few days ago saying the he and the other Kage were heading towards a location in Frost near the border to land of Fire to meet with the Daimyo from Frost, Sound and Hot Water.

He’d wish Naruto would wait. There was something strange going on and he had the feeling that the solution was right under his nose… He just couldn’t see it. Why would these ninja turn against the five great shinobi nations when they must know they didn’t have a chance? And what was their incentive, anyway? It didn’t add up. Why would ninja attack other ninja unprovoked?

Sasuke hoped the other Kage spoke the truth and weren’t in on all this. If they were, then Naruto might be in danger.

Another strange thing was that, despite the fact that the organization seemed to be making a lot of weapons, and thus had to leave some really big trails with their factories and mass of workers, he had been unable to unearth even one more factory. All the leads he’d gotten had been false or incorrect. It would almost seem like someone was onto him. But if they were, then that meant they had bigger resources than Sasuke had first thought…

 

\------

 

Naruto was surprised by how smoothly the negotiations went. The leaders of the three smaller countries were cooperative, and nobody had shown hostility towards the visiting shinobi.

So why was Naruto getting this bad feeling? The three daimyo were also present, and the Frost daimyo had a constant self-satisfied smirk on his face. Naruto didn’t trust him, but Sakura warned him about becoming biased. She said she disliked him too, but that was only because of what he’d done to Sasuke.

Naruto supposed that was why he felt so suspicious about him, and tried to let it drop.

 

\------

 

It was after nightfall by the time Sasuke reached the road that winded through the narrow valley towards a small village by the river. He had seen few people out on the roads in the area while he traveled, so when he saw the light from a campfire between the scraggly trees along the road he slowed down and moved closer to investigate. There were about ten men sitting around the campfire. Next to them stood a big wagon that was pulled by two horses. The men didn’t look like ninja, but they didn’t look like peasants either. Sasuke moved up into the trees and moved closer from up high.

He could hear them talking about a batch of weapons that they were supposed to deliver, and instantly his interest was piqued. He moved even closer.

“… will never get there in time,” he heard one man say.

“Don’t worry,” another one said. “Akira-sama’s got those ninja under control.”

They went on to speak about other things, but Sasuke had heard enough. He dropped to a lower hanging branch, making sure the men heard him. They all stood and spun around, staring up at him.

“It’s a ninja,” one of the men said.

Another one stepped forward and spoke to Sasuke. “What do you want?”

“I just want to ask some questions.”

One of the men squinted up at Sasuke. “Hey… I think I know who that is…”

The man that seemed to be the leader gave Sasuke a long, assertive look.

“I’m afraid we don’t have time for questions,” he said.

Then he made a small sign to one of the other men, who loosened a small, round object from his belt, removed something from it and drew his arm back. He intended to throw it, but to what purpose Sasuke didn’t know. He got a really bad feeling, though. He easily deflected the object that flew at his head, but just as he was about to jump into the air and down in the middle of the camp, there was a deafening sound, a wave of searing fire, and then he was capsuled in a pain so overpowering he fell right to the ground.

He landed with a loud thumb on the hard-packed ground, and lost his bearing for a second.

“D’ya have a collar?” he heard someone say through the ringing in his ears.

He didn’t pick up the answer, just heard someone say something about a syringe. He tried to fight the hands that grabbed him, but a jolt of pain raced through his arms and rendered it useless. His eyes still hadn’t recovered from the sudden blast. He couldn’t focus on anything, and then he felt a stab in his neck and everything slowly faded out.

 

\------

 

“What’s wrong?” Sakura said.

Naruto woke from his thoughts. “I haven’t heard from Sasuke in a long while.”

“He probably hasn’t got anything to report.”

“I told him to report every twelve hours even if nothing happened.”

Sakura arched one eyebrow. “Isn’t that a bit…controlling of you?”

Naruto huffed. “I just need to know that he’s alright.”

“Well, just remember that the mission comes before his wellbeing, and he knows that. He won’t stop an important operation just to text you.”

Naruto pouted, but he knew she was right. He had to stop worrying. He had a job to do.

 

\------

 

Waking up felt like being set on fire. He felt pain everywhere. His ears were still ringing from the explosion, and in addition his scull felt like it was about to explode. His sight was blurry and no matter how many times he blinked, he just couldn’t seem to focus. He saw a shifting shadow in front of a flickering light, and through the ringing in his ears he heard voices. They seemed to be close to him. He slowly started taking stock of his surroundings. Cold, moist stone-floor, flickering, warm light that most probably came from a torch, moist and moldy air… He’d spent enough time underground and in prison cells to know that was exactly where he was.

Next, he took stock of his own body. Now that the shock of the pain had receded a bit, he could pinpoint his injuries. A blow to the back of his head, probably from when he fell from the tree, several cuts and gashes in his right arm, his chest, his right side, his right leg… The more conscious he got, the more alarming did the pain that seemed to course up his entire right side seem. He was pretty sure he had debris left in his body from that thing that had exploded.

The dizziness, the blurry sight and the acute nausea that was triggered by even the tiniest movement, along with the feeling of every cell in his body being on fire, was most probably due to poison. Stringing together a proper thought demanded immense focus and stubbornness. They’d used something strong on him, something that would have rendered a different person completely useless.

But Sasuke was starting to regain control over his extremities already, and he was able to focus on what was being said around him. He picked up one word, “...Uchiha…”, then something that sounded like curses. He was being jostled, and then he heard, “…waking up… get the goddamn collar...”

He could feel a soft hum in the air that was bloodcurdlingly familiar. He could feel the pull on his chakra already. He felt cold metal against his neck.

No…

No! He’d thought he’d never experience this again.

He couldn’t let it happen, he was finished if he did. He collected as much of his chakra as he could, and focused on the shadowy blob of vaguely human shape hovering above him.

“Amaterasu.”

 

\------

 

The negotiations were coming to a closure, with the larger countries offering the smaller countries their protection and help, and Naruto was getting anxious about Sasuke’s lack of answer. It had been over twenty hours since he’d heard from him, and Naruto knew that it was a bad sign. He needed to get out of there and find him as soon as possible. He couldn’t wait for the negotiations to be done, but the daimyo were taking their sweet time with the signing.

They were all gathered in a huge meeting room, with the different representatives that had come with the Kage. Naruto sat with Shikamaru and Sakura and Ino and Chouji. He had ANBU stationed around the compound, but they hadn’t reported any suspicious movements.

Suddenly, he felt his message device buzz. He knew he should keep it off during meetings, but he’d been too worried about Sasuke. The message was from him, and what it said made Naruto’s heart freeze in his chest.

‘Got captured. They had an exploding weapon. Never seen the likes of it before. They have chakra-sealing collars. Be careful.’

Naruto sat motionless until Sakura nudged him.

‘Pay attention,’ she mouthed.

Naruto swallowed the big lump in his chest. He suddenly felt very dizzy.

“I think I…” he whispered to Sakura. He shook his head. Damn, his sight was getting blurry. “I need to get out of here… Sakura…”

He tried to grab her arm, but even though she was right next to him, he missed and grabbed air instead. He was seeing double. He felt so dizzy… the whole room was spinning. And then Sakura suddenly sank to the side next to him, her head hitting his shoulder. To his right, he faintly noticed that Shikamaru had collapsed too… And then he lost consciousness.

 

\------

 

Sasuke woke by the foot of a stairwell. He had only a faint recollection of how he got there. He’d somehow managed to fight his way out of the cell and down a dark hallway to this room. He’d set off a row of explosion tags to seal the hallway behind him, and had passed out.

The first thing he noticed was the sweltering heat. It was nearly searing the hairs off his skin. He got into a sitting position, winching at the pain down the entire length of his right side. All around him, there was flickering, searing heat. There was a small window at the top of one of the walls, and the flames were licking in through it. The stone walls were red-hot and almost looked like they flickered. It was like being inside a furnace. He inched slowly up the stairs. The real fire must come from the outside of the building, because it was cooler when he came to the top of the stairs. He could feel the strong, choking scent of smoke, and heard the faint screams and shouts from outside, and the rumbling and crackling of the fire. He was in an old, rickety stone-house that seemed like it’d been abandoned a long time ago. The wooden beams creaked from the heat outside and the roof has started catching fire.

Sasuke made his slow, agonizing way outside, into the chaos of people running back and forth, collecting their belongings, calling for their loved ones. It was a small village, and the fire had already swallowed half of it. The few brave men who’d attempted to put it out had long since dropped their buckets and abandoned the place.

Sasuke had no idea if someone had attacked the village, or if the fire had started by accident. Never the less, he needed to get out of there as fast as possible.

In the forest nearby, the air was cool, although the wind brought with it smoke and ashes. The ground was covered in a thin sheet of snow. He tried texting Naruto, but got no response.

He made his way to a small creek, where he kneeled to drink and wash off some of the blood. As he took stock of his injuries, he started realizing he’d been hit by something of the likes he’d never seen before. It had lodged dozens of little metal-pieces in his flesh, all of them too deep for him to remove on his own. He didn’t have time to remove them anyway. His skin was thorn and bloody from his right thigh and all the way up to his right cheek. His arm was nearly useless. All he could do was to wash and dress the wounds as best he could, and then he needed to get going. He wasn’t that far from Naruto’s location. He could get there in a few days.

Getting back up to his feet was the worst part. His injured limbs had stiffened from sitting in the cold, and the pain was worse for each little movement he made. But as soon as he got going, he could start to get used to the pain. He couldn’t deny that he was walking with and obvious limp, though, and the going was slower than he’d hoped for.

He’d been walking for less than an hour when he realized he was being followed. He tried to locate the person, but their movement was like a whisper in the wind, camouflaged by his own, far too loud steps. But they hadn’t attached him yet, so they obviously didn’t intend to kill him.

He stopped.  
“I know you’re following me,” he said into the silence of the looming, dark trees.

There was a soft movement from somewhere above him. He turned around and looked up towards the trees. In the one next to him, a dark figure was perching.

“Uchiha,” it said.

There was something familiar about that voice.

The person dropped to the ground before him, landing as light as a bird. “I believe you’re in need of my help again.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Regarding the ‘message devices’… I’ve tried my best to keep the technological development ambiguous, which is why I’ve made sure to make it sound like they could have sent a message by hawk, as well as by a technological device so far, but in this chapter I succumbed to the convenience of technology. I imagined they wouldn't have mobile phones yet, though. 
> 
> Also: Politics is not my strong suit... I hope I get things right. Maybe I'm just being overly worried about details... I hope you've enjoyed this chapter nevertheless. Now the real action starts! (Yes, at the very end of the story because what is planning-_-)


	26. Endless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I was finally able to get this chapter out. Phew! It’s been difficult working on it for many reasons, mainly because I’ve been in a bit of a rough patch lately. But now I’m done with this story and can start on some other Naruto related fics, yay! Btw, if you're interested in following me I now have a tumblr at caninekitten.tumblr.com :)

 

 

Naruto woke to someone slapping his cheek. He sat upright with a growl that came out more as a groan when a wave of dizziness hit him.

It took him a second to take stock of his surroundings and realizing that he was tied to a chair. He felt like shit and he couldn’t remember what had happened to him. A man he had never seen before towered over him. He was grey-haired and broad-shouldered, and had a haggard, rough look about him.

He smiled at Naruto, but that only resulted in making him look even less sympathetic.

“Good morning,” he said. Then he threw a look at his wristwatch. “Or, good evening, I suppose.”

“Who are you?” Naruto hissed. “And what the fuck is all this supposed to mean?”

He wriggled his bound arms.

“I’m Akira,” the man said. “And it shouldn’t be very difficult for you to guess what _this_ is supposed to mean.”

Naruto had had enough. He opened up for his chakra and expected to feel it flow through him, but instead he felt a strange, piercing pain… and then nothing happened. He tried again, with the same result. He couldn’t access his own chakra, or Kurama’s.

He suddenly became aware of the cold metal around his neck, and felt the soft hum as it pulled the chakra slowly from him.

“You have a lot of chakra,” the man said. “I guess it’ll take a while before you’re empty.”

Naruto felt a chill draw through him as he realized the severity of the situation he was in. He slowly lifted his eyes to the man before him, who was wearing a wide, self-satisfied grin.

“How does it feel? To finally realize you’re as powerless as any ordinary person? Horrible, isn’t it?”

 

\------

 

Naruto leant against the cold wall of the room he was confined to. The room was tiny and unfurnished, and the window had been shuttered. Naruto just stared unseeingly ahead. He felt the constant pull on his chakra from the collar around his neck. It felt like it was slowly sucking the strength out of his very bones.

He’d never felt this defeated before in his life. Not even in his darkest moments had he felt this lost. He felt a buzz by his belt, and realized that his captors hadn’t taken the message device from him. He managed to reach the thing despite his bound hands, and clicked on the new message from Sasuke.

‘Are you okay?’

Naruto felt relieved at the sight of those three, innocent words. That’s right… Not all was lost.

‘Captured,’ he wrote. ‘Chakra sealed away. All shinobi here have probably been captured or killed.’ And then, with a heavy heart, but knowing that he couldn’t compromise Sasuke’s safety. ‘Will destroy this device so they can’t reach you.’

He waited for a minute with his heart in his throat, hoping to see just one more message from Sasuke. He was just about to crush the device under the heel of his shoe, when it buzzed again.

The short message brought a smile to his face.

‘I’m on my way. Love you.’

 

\------

 

Naruto didn’t know how much time had passed when a couple of guards came to get him again. He’d nodded off a few times, but he always startled awake again at the faintest sound from outside.

He was brought into the same office as before again. This time he made sure to pay more attention to his surroundings. The first time he’d been so overwhelmed by the loss of his chakra that he’d forgotten to pay attention to his surroundings, but now he made sure he to take a look around.

The first thing he noticed was the masks on the back wall. ANBU-masks. Dozens of them. Many were cracked in places. Most of them were white and red, but one stood out. It was blue and yellow, and in the likeness of an eagle. It had a huge crack on the lower right side, right over the cheek.

Naruto swallowed the sickening lump in his throat and squared his shoulders. He was forced to sit on a chair in the middle of the room. The men that had brought him into the room tied him to the chair and stood of to the side. Not long after, the tall, grey-haired man from before came into the room, and stood in front of Naruto.

He was holding a strange device in his right hand. It was made out of metal with a short pipe of sorts in one end and rested neatly in his hand.

“What do you want?” Naruto growled. “Just spill it already.”

“I thought you’d have guessed that by now.” He sighed. “I just want to show you ninja that you’re not the only ones with power in this world. You’ve waged all the wars that have wrecked our lands and ruined our homes and chased us back and forth. We’ve been forced to take sides, or merely just become onlookers, unable to do anything but wish for the best. But we can fight too. And better yet…”

He grinned and came closer, brandishing the metallic, weapon-like object in his hand.

“We can fight you.”

Naruto was stunned. “What… You’re not ninja?”

Akira showed a sliver of emotion for the first time. “No, we’re not,” he hissed.

“Then… the organization… the rouge ninja…”

“I hired rouge ninja for certain tasks. Ninja are useful in their own right, I guess, although not very reliable. And yes, I’m the real leader of the organization you’ve been hunting. I set out fake leaders in different countries, just to throw you off.” He smirked. “It seems it worked.”

“Listen,” Naruto said. “The five great shinobi nations are allied now. We’re fighting for the same cause as you: to stop the wars!”

“And how long do you think that will last?” Akira lifted Naruto’s chin with the tip of the weapon. He studied him with disinterest. “You’re just a brat who haven’t had a real taste of life. Tractates have been made and broken a thousand times up through history. Why do you think this time will be different?”

“So… You’re just gonna try to get rid of all ninjas? Is that it? Do you think that will solve anything?”

“I think you talk a little too much. Never mind what you believe is the best. The five _great_ kage are just a bunch of brats who thinks peace will just come as easy as anything. Just wait… If I’d let you live, I bet it’d take less than a year before you were at each others throats again.”

He gave Naruto a bone-chilling grin.

“As a matter of fact," he continued. "I’ll put your nations to the test already tomorrow. I’ve issued messages to your respective villages, saying that the kage will be executed. Of course, I’ve made sure everyone will think one of the other counties is to blame since no one knows of my involvement. There will be complete chaos.”

“You…!” Naruto growled. “That’ll only throw our lands into war again!”

“Yes. The only difference from before is that this time we’ll be prepared. And we’ll take you down while you’re weak.”

He straightened up and motioned to the guards. “Take him away and bring in the next one.”

 

\------

 

This time Naruto was really out of options. Kill the kage? Could Akira really be serious? He wished he could get to see Sakura and Shikamaru and the others again. He had no idea what had happened to them, or if they were even alive.

He was slowly sinking into a deep slumber caused mostly by exhaustion when he heard voices outside.

“Those dimwits _lost_ the sharingan user?” Naruto heard a man say. He listened more intently when he heard the word ‘sharingan’.

“The base was burnt to the ground,” a different voice said. “He disappeared after that.”

The voices diminished as the men speaking disappeared down the hall.

Sasuke had been caught? But he got away?

Suddenly he wished that Sasuke would run far, far away. If he got caught again he’d be just as done for as the rest of them, and if he came too late then… Naruto wasn’t sure what Sasuke would do if Naruto were killed in such a way, but he feared the consequences.

 

\-----

 

Naruto had slept for what barely felt like an hour when someone shook him awake.

“Get up,” a guard said and dragged him to his feet.

Naruto had huge chakra reserves, but the collar was draining him fast. He hadn’t eaten for… what, days? His body felt numb, and so did his mind.

He was dragged towards a different destination this time. It was a spacious, cold room with tiny windows high up on dark stonewalls. He was forced to kneel on the floor. There was a creak from the door behind him, and then heavy steps. Naruto looked up at the man standing in front of him. Akira was clutching that shiny metal weapon he seemed to like so much and pointed it at Naruto’s head. He seemed to consider for a second and lowered it, pointing it at his heart instead.

Naruto might never have seen that kind of weapon before but that didn’t mean he couldn’t imagine how it worked. He tried to control the terrified pounding of his heart as he realized that he might not get out of this situation alive. For a moment the terror took over him. He’d never felt fear like this before. He’d always been able to find a way out of any predicament he found himself in, but this time he couldn’t see a way out.

He more felt than heard a low growl come from somewhere deep inside him. It wasn’t him, though… It was Kurama. He’d been too drained to even attempt contact with the fox, but now it seemed to unfurl and come more to the front of his consciousness.

‘You can’t give up now,’ Kurama hissed. ‘After all you’ve been through, are you just gonna let a weak nobody get the best of you just because he managed to take your chakra from you? Aren’t you supposed to be the number one most unpredictable ninja?’

Naruto stared up at the man towering above him. Instead of having his eyes fixed on the weapon, he looked Akira in the eyes. They stared at each other for a long moment. The seconds seemed to move past at the pace of syrup. Naruto felt the pounding of his heart escalate. Any second now, he could be dead. He wondered briefly if it would hurt. And then something miniscule changed in Akira’s eyes, and Naruto threw himself to the side just as his finger tightened over the trigger.

The pain was unlike anything he’d felt before. The projectile was faster than a shuriken. He wouldn’t have been able to dodge it even if he’d had his chakra. It felt like it tore up his muscles and tendons where it hit. His shoulder exploded in scorching, piercing pain. It was truly unfortunate to be unable to use chakra. If he’d had Kurama’s healing, the wound would have been nothing to him. But now…

‘Don’t give up, Naruto,’ he heard Kurama snarl. ‘Are you going to let them pull you around? He just hit your shoulder. You’re not down yet. You can still fight them!’

Naruto heard voices through the red fog of pain in his mind. They were dismantled and broken up, like he heard them through a filter. He was distantly aware that he was on the ground now. Someone positioned himself in front of him, and when Naruto looked up he looked straight into the barrel of that blasted weapon.

He would probably have been dead right then and there if the door hadn’t flown up and an out of breath guard tumbled into the room.

“They… They’ve been released! T-the ninja!”

The two guards in the room looked at their leader with alarm.

“Go and get a read on the situation,” Akira ordered.

He sounded calm but his jaw was tightly clenched. The two guards left. In the moment before he had his full attention back on Naruto again, Naruto saw his chance. He knocked the mans feet out under him with one powerful sweep of his bound arms, and when Akira hit the ground he rolled over on top of him and clenched his hands around his neck. The weapon had flown off to the side when the man fell, and all he could do for a second was to flail. He couldn’t get a word out. Naruto’s hands tensed so hard around Akira’s neck that he would have broken his windpipe had he been at normal strength. But he was weak from fatigue and dizzy from pain, and his arms just weren’t strong enough to hold the man down.

When Akira got his bearings, he started fighting back. Naruto held him down as best he could. He tried to get in a swing at him, and managed to land a blow that hit home with a satisfying crunch. But as Naruto shifted to hit him again Akira reached up and dug his fingers into the fresh wound on Naruto’s shoulder.

Naruto yelled in pain and lost focus for a second. He was pushed to the side and landed on his aching shoulder. Before he could get it together again, Akira was over him and holding him down.

“You made me drop the gun, but it doesn’t matter,” Akira hissed. “I’ll tear you apart with my own two hands if that’s what it takes.”

Their roles were reversed now. Akira had his hands around Naruto’s throat, and Naruto was unable to fight him off. He dug his nails into the man’s arm but he didn’t even flinch. He tried to claw at his face, but the man was unaffected. He was squeezing tighter and tighter. Naruto was starting to get lightheaded from lack of oxygen. The reflex to breathe was getting to strong. He was starting to panic. His hands tightened around Akira’s upper arms, drawing blood, but the pressure on his throat didn’t let up. He tried to lash out with his legs, but he couldn’t reach the man above him. His options were running out fast.

Just as his sight started to go blurry, Naruto saw a shadow move at the edge of his vision. He thought it was nothing but his eyes fooling him, but then a shudder went through his assailant. Akira went completely still. His eyes widened, his mouth opened in surprise. His grip on Naruto slackened and then he fell to the side. Naruto fought to catch his breath. He touched the swollen flesh on his throat where Akira’s fingers had left deep gouges. He heard a clatter as if something of metal fell to the floor, and then someone swooped down next to him.

“Naruto?” There was breathlessness to Sasuke’s voice that spoke of fear. “Are you okay?”

Naruto nodded. He grabbed Sasuke’s hand that was touching his cheek and brought his palm to his lips. The scent of Sasuke was comforting, even though it almost was overshadowed by the smell of blood and smoke.

He opened his eyes to look up at Sasuke and gasped.

“What happened to you?”

He sat up in a rush and almost toppled over from a sudden dizziness spell. He grabbed the lapels of Sasuke’s cloak and took a better look at him.

“Shit…”

Sasuke had a huge gash on the right side of his head that had drenched his hair with blood. It seemed to be a few days old and it wasn’t healing nicely. Naruto noticed that Sasuke’s clothes were thorn too and pulled the cloak to the side. He let out a distressed groan. Sasuke’s whole arm was covered in deep gashes and dried blood, and his shirt was thorn and bloodied over his chest and side as well.

“Naruto, don’t worry about me,” Sasuke said. He was looking at Naruto’s right shoulder, where his clothes were slowly turning red from blood. “Dammit, you're bleeding!” He stood and when Naruto reflexively reached out to hold him back, he said, “Stay here. I’ll get help. Just stay here.”

Naruto couldn’t have moved even if he wanted to. It was like the little strength he had left was literally bleeding out of him. His sight got blurry and when he tried to move the room swam. He collapsed on the floor, barely registering that someone rushed to his side. He felt someone tear his shirt open and then he saw a green glow.

The last thing he noted was that the collar around his neck suddenly popped open and clattered to the floor, and then Kurama’s chakra surged forth and enveloped him like a thick, warm duvet.

 

\-------

 

Naruto was a bit disoriented when he first woke up. He had only vague memories from the last few days. It all felt blurry, almost like a dream. He was in a white, quiet room and the scent of antiseptics and soap was tearing in his nostrils. A hospital, then. He moved his right arm and found that it was hooked up to all kinds of tubes. He had a thick bandage around his chest. Now he remembered… that strange weapon… it had nearly killed him.

Then he remembered that Sasuke had been there and how injured he’d been. He sat up and looked around, and then he relaxed when he realized that Sasuke was fast asleep in the bed next to his. He unhooked all the tubes and went to sit on a chair next to Sasuke’s bed. Sasuke’s right cheek was bandaged, as well as his entire right arm and upper body. Naruto caressed Sasuke’s fingers and they twitched slightly. He looked up and found that Sasuke was awake.

“Hi,” Naruto whispered.

Sasuke closed his hand around Naruto’s, his fingers curling stiffly around his. Naruto kissed the back of his hand.

“What happened to you?”

“I ran into some people that were more dangerous than I had anticipated. They threw some kind of explosive tag at me, except that… it was a bit more destructive than that.”

“Why did you still come here when you were so badly hurt? You should have rested.”

“If I’d come a few minutes later, you would have been dead," Sasuke said. A look of hollow fear darkened his eyes. His grip tightened around Naruto’s hand and he pulled him closer. Naruto stood and leant over him so that Sasuke could kiss him with hungry desperation.

“I can’t loose you,” Sasuke whispered against Naruto’s cheek. “Don’t ever send me away again. If you die, I want to die protecting you.”

Naruto pulled away to properly look at Sasuke. “Don’t talk like that. I didn’t die. You saved me.” He squeezed Sasuke’s hand harder when he saw the tears trailing down his cheeks. “I won’t die,” he said. “I promis-“

“Shut it!” Sasuke shoved Naruto as hard as he could in his current predicament, which wasn’t hard at all. “Stop making promises you can’t hold!”

Naruto grabbed Sasuke’s wrist. “I wouldn’t make a promise if I didn’t think I could keep it.”

“Then you might be just a little too confident about your own strength. Didn’t what happened here teach you anything? What if something like this were to happen again?”

Naruto had to smile a bit at the way Sasuke worried over him.

“I did learn something from this,” he said. “Which means I won’t do the same mistake twice!”

“I’m serious,” Sasuke said. “Don’t send me away from you again.”

Naruto nodded. He leant closer and kissed away the tears on Sasuke’s cheeks. “I won’t.”

They stayed close the rest of the night, talking about what had happened. Apparently, Sasuke had run into Demiyah on his way to Frost.

“She’s alive!?” Naruto exclaimed.

“Why wouldn’t she be?”

“It’s just… I saw her mask in the room where I was interrogated.”

Sasuke explained how Demiyah had led him to Frost and then smuggled them into the fortress even though there had been guards everywhere. She knew the area well and had known a lot of secret routes. Then they had searched through the entire place looking for the Kage and their assembly.

“I couldn’t find you, even when we had released everyone else,” Sasuke said. “I started imagining the worst… especially when the other kage said that the man that had captured you planned to kill you all.”

Sasuke’s hand tightened around Naruto, who had laid down next to him on the narrow hospital bed.

“But you found me,” Naruto said when he noticed that hollow dread come over Sasuke again. “And besides, if you hadn’t I’m sure I would have gotten out of there somehow.”

Sasuke just gave a weak snort.

“I wonder what happened to Akira,” Naruto said after moment of silence.

“He’s dead.” Sasuke said, his voice acidic.

Naruto had not been in a state to really remember anything of what happened before Sasuke had arrived and saved him, but he did remember the shocked and pained look on Akira’s face before he fell to the floor, and then the clatter of metal against the floor as thought Sasuke had dropped his sword before he’d kneeled next to Naruto.

“You killed him?”

“And I would do the same if someone ever try to hurt you again.”

The dark, destructive fire burning in the depth of Sasuke’s eyes were something Naruto had hoped he’d never see again… But he was thankful that it was not directed at him this time. He ran his fingers through Sasuke’s hair to soothe him. Sasuke grabbed his hand and kissed his palm almost fiercely, like he needed to remind himself that Naruto was there. Then he pulled Naruto closer and kissed him on the lips.

Naruto stayed next to Sasuke until he fell asleep. Only then did he go back to his own bed.

 

\------

 

Naruto was healed already the next day and went back to negotiate about the treaty with the other kage. Thankfully, all the kage and their companions were alive and well. Only a few anbu guards had been killed.

It was obvious that the Frost daimyo had been in on the whole thing. He had helped set up the trap together with Akira and his men, and had given the control of the fortress and his guards over to Akira. It wasn’t difficult to get it all out of him now that he didn’t have the upper hand anymore.

The kage decided to give their protection to Hot Water and Sound, who seemed unaware of the whole deception, and left Frost to their own device.

After the meeting the kage withdrew to their respective rooms. Naruto had wanted to go back to the hospital to watch over Sasuke, but Shikamaru had convinced him to get some rest. Sakura was keeping Sasuke company for the time being.

When Naruto reached his room Demiyah was waiting outside his door. He ignored Shikamaru’s questioning glance and showed her inside.

“I’m sorry things had to happen this way,” she said the minute they were alone. “I tried to get to you to warn you, but I was badly injured and it took a while for me to recover.”

“They took the idea of the chakra-collar from you, didn’t they?”

“Yes. They wanted me to continue working on it to refine the design and make it possible to control chakra with it. But I refused and so they decided they had no more use of me. They didn’t manage to kill me, though, and I got away with important information. I think you would like to hear what I’ve got to say.”

Naruto motioned for her to sit down, and seated himself opposite of her.

“I’m afraid we are not done with this organization yet. The man you met, Akira, worked on infiltrating the five great shinobi nations. His goal was to ruin the hidden villages: the seat of the ninja. By ruining the military force, the nations would be left vulnerable. I believe the Daimyo in Sound and Hot Water also knew about the organization, but they were terrified of it and that’s why they wanted to sign the treaty as soon as possible.”

“To get our protection.”

“Exactly. I don’t know why Akira decided to attack at the kage summit, or what he thought to benefit from it. It seemed a risky move for someone who has worked in the shadows for so long.”

“He wanted to execute the kage,” Naruto said. “He wanted to make the shinobi nations fight each other and fall into chaos so that he could get a chance to rise to power. And he almost managed it too.”

“I guess he got overconfident,” she said. “But judging from what I’ve managed to gather about the organization, I don’t think we’re done with them. They have infiltrated even the five great shinobi nations. For all I know, there might be another maniac lurking in the shadows waiting to take over after Akira.”

“You seem good at collecting intelligence. Would you consider working with Konoha and the shinobi union?”

The expression that flittered over her face was as close to shock as he’d ever seen on her. “That would be an honor,” she said. “But… I’m not really a shinobi anymore…”

“Don’t worry. I trust you. If you don’t have somewhere else to be, I would be honored if you would work with us.”

She stared at him, speechless.

“Are you serious?”

“Of course I am!”

“Well… I don’t have a home anymore… It was burned to the ground. If you’d really want me among your ranks, I’d be truly grateful.”

“Then it’s settled.”

Naruto grinned. He saw the shadow of a grin on the weathered woman’s face.

“Oh, and there was one more thing.”

Naruto went and fetched a blue mask from his bed. He’d gotten it from the office.

“I think this is yours.”

Demiyah ran her fingers over it with a sorrowful look on her face. Her thumb brushed thoughtfully over the big gash near the chin.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

 

\------

 

Shikamaru stopped dead in the doorway to Sasuke’s hospital room, his fingers clutching the handle. Naruto was sitting next to Sasuke’s hospital bed, his back to the door. His eyes were closed and his lips were touching Sasuke’s forehead. Sasuke opened his eyes, looked up at Naruto and smiled. And then Naruto kissed him on the lips.

Shikamaru backed slowly out of the room, and hurried down the hall in a state of shock.

It had been a bad idea to walk into that hospital room without knocking. Though, now that he’d seen it with his own eyes, he realized he should have known. He should have guessed just from the looks they gave each other and they way they seemed to communicate without speaking that there was more between Naruto and Sasuke than what they showed publicly. But he’d been so certain such a thing would be unrealistic that he hadn’t even stopped to consider.

He leant against the wall and stood there for god knows how long. He’d intended to pry Naruto away from Sasuke’s hospital bed and make him attend to his duties. The negotiations were starting up again, and Naruto needed to be present. But he couldn’t quite make himself go back to that room.

Finally, Naruto came walking down the hall. He grinned when he saw Shikamaru.

“Hey, Shika. I’m sorry I was delayed, I just needed to see how Sasuke was doing.”

Shikamaru stood and pulled Naruto down a deserted hallway.

He pushed him against the wall.

“What are you thinking with?”

“W-what?”

“I saw you kiss him.”

“Oh…” Naruto’s face fell. “I… We…”

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but if the council finds out that you’re partial to him, he’s screwed.”

Naruto frowned. “I…”

“One thing,” Shikamaru shot in before Naruto could speak, “Is protecting a friend. Another thing entirely is protecting someone you _love_. They’ll think Sasuke slept his way to his freedom, or worse, that your judgment is clouded by your feelings for him and that all your promises and your decisions when it comes to him have been biased!”

Naruto was looking a bit pale, but his jaw was stubbornly set.

“Do you understand what I’m trying to say here?” Shikamaru said.

“I’m not stupid,” Naruto muttered. “I _know_ how it looks.”

“Then why didn’t that stop you?”

“Stop me from what? From being together with him? From loving him?”

“From making decisions that includes our whole nation, based on his wellbeing.”

Naruto tensed. His eyes went cold like ice for a second, before he abruptly looked away. Some of the tension went out of him. He took a deep breath.

“I’m not letting Konoha suffer because of my feelings.” He looked up, meeting Shikamaru’s gaze. “I thought you knew me well enough to see that.”

Shikamaru stared at him for a moment, before shaking his head.

“I thought I did,” he said. “But then…” He gestured towards Sasuke’s room. “This.”

“I would have told you about it if we didn’t have to keep it on the down low,” Naruto said.

Shikamaru shrugged again. “Maybe you would,” he said. “Or maybe not. The fact is that you need to think a bit before you act. You’re the Hokage now, not a child.”

Naruto was stunned for a second. He looked a little hurt. “I know that! But it’s not like we’re harming anyone!”

“Please,” Shikamaru cut him off. “Please, just step back and look at this situation. Try to see it from someone else’s viewpoint. _Anyone_ else’s. Very few people trust Sasuke, and with good reason. Although you see something good in him… Not everyone else does.”

At the hurt look Naruto gave him, Shikamaru just shrugged.

“I’m being brutally honest here, but it’s for your own good. If people find out that the reason you trust him so much is because you sleep with him, then how will that look to most people? Even I’m shocked about this, and I like to think I know you pretty well.”

“It’s not because I sleep with him that I trust him,” Naruto bit out. “I trusted him even before I knew what I felt for him. I know him better than anyone else does. I _knew_ him that well even before I decided to start a relationship with him.”

Shikamaru swallowed. He could nearly feel the emotions radiating off Naruto.

“I know that,” he said. “But not everyone does. Not everyone knows the two of you as well as the people closest to you. Not everyone will see it the way we do.”

It finally seemed to sink in for Naruto. His shoulders slumped and he bowed his head. “What am I supposed to do?” he muttered. It came out sounding helpless. “I love him. I can’t leave him. I…” He swallowed. “I just can’t.”

Shikamaru shook his head.

“Then I guess we’ll have to figure something out.”

The look Naruto gave him was teary, a bit pathetic, and filled with gratefulness. He moved a bit closer and Shikamaru allowed him to hug him for a bit. After a few seconds, he gently pushed Naruto away and patted his shoulder.

“We’ll figure something out. But first, let’s go to the meeting.”

 

\------

 

By the time the negotiations had been settled, and they had a new tractate with Hot Water and Sound, Sasuke had recovered enough to handle journey back to Konoha. The relief was great when they finally returned home and could relax knowing they had secured another two countries in their tractate of peace.

“I hope this will be the last of it,” Naruto murmured against Sasuke shoulder after they’d gone to bed that night. “I don’t want to see more war… at least not in my reign.”

Sasuke kissed the top of his head. “I hope so too.”

”Hey,” Naruto whispered. ”Do you think he was right?”

”Who?” Sasuke murmured.

”Akira.”

”Hm… About being better off without shinobi?”

”Yeah… I mean… It’s the shinobi who carries out all wars.”

”Naruto… Don’t think so much. You’ll hurt your brain.”

Naruto elbowed him.

”I’m serious here!”

“You want my opinion? I think he was wrong. It’s the people that lead who are to blame, not the shinobi. We’re just puppets in their game. We carry out orders blindly. We do all the dirty work for greedy, bored people who sit on their asses all day. But you’re about to change that.”

Naruto was surprised to feel Sasuke’s hand slip inside his own.

“We’re closer to peace now than we’ve ever been before. I think that’s the only right way to do it. Slowly, with patience and trust.”

“I’m glad you agree with me,” Naruto said with a grin. He blinked to hide the shininess of his eyes. “Do you really have that much trust in me?”

“Naruto,” Sasuke said and cuddled into the crook of Naruto’s neck. “My trust in you is endless.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The end

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes Long Lost. I hope you’ve enjoyed this last chapter despite the fact that I've rushed it a bit. I apologize for any inconsistencies and hope this chapter gave you a satisfying conclusion to the story. Thank you to all of you who have followed this story along they way! I always enjoy reading your comments, or just knowing you've enjoyed this story! It means a lot to me <3 I’ll continue writing for this pairing so stay tuned ;)


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